The Centaurs, whenever someone from the press asks one of them to describe Ilya Rozanov.
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@regulustig
The Centaurs, whenever someone from the press asks one of them to describe Ilya Rozanov.
I'm thinking about that first night at the cottage, after the fire and the loons and "she was so funny and beautiful" and how they'd finally put the fire out and go back inside, both of them a bit quiet and feeling bruised and clingy, Ilya following Shane around while he does his nightly tasks around the cottage. Gradually they'd shift out of that quiet space into another round of sex, a bit slower and quieter maybe than they've been all day, and after, when Shane ducks into the bathroom to clean up and brush his teeth, Ilya sees to the bed. They've already changed the sheets twice today but luckily they can get away with not changing them again now, Ilya thinks, so he just straightens everything out and sorts out untucked corners and the like, hands moving on autopilot while his mind grapples with everything that's happened today. He doesn't quite notice, therefore, that he's just doing everything he'd normally do after he and Shane have fucked and Shane has left to go back to his team or his apartment or whatever.
And then, suddenly, Shane's voice behind him: "Um, Ilya? What are you doing?" and Ilya realises he's swapping their pillows, like he always does when he's sleeping in a bed that Shane has vacated. Reaching for the pillow that Shane was using, however briefly, bringing it briefly up to his face for a quick sniff of the residual smell of Shane's hair, that distinctive coconutty citrussy shampoo, before dropping it onto his preferred side of the bed so he can tuck his face into it and hold on to the little leftover pieces of Shane for a bit longer.
He twists around to face Shane, bashful and a bit shamefaced, and finds a look of complete and utter understanding. Like maybe Shane, too, is used to scavenging, to rooting for the crumbs of Ilya he's allowed to hold on to.
But tonight they don't need to. For the next two glorious weeks, they don't need to. They can gorge themselves on each other, feast off each other's bodies like kings, find out just how far the limits of their hunger go.
The sting of relief, of gratitude, is almost too much to bear. Too much to bear alone, so Ilya opens his arms, reaches, asks, like he never would have dared to before, and Shane makes a strangled sound and barrels into him, bearing down with all his body weight to press Ilya into warm wrinkled sheets that still smell like them both.
so we kid about Shane and baby's first chirp, but Shane IS a good chirper! He IS.
"So what, just a bunch of Finnish guys talking about the cousins they're in love with?" - Sideswipe at Finland for no reason! Presenting this grade a chirp to his crush like a penguin with a pebble! 1221/10 blowjob worthy chirp
"You'll look great in silver, Vaughny, don't even stress." The bro-yness! The swagger! 12/10 - excellent chirp!
"Jeez, Hayden, you wanna get me pregnant too? I don't think I'm ready. I think I've still got some good hockey left in me." The chirp that launched 1000 mpreg fics. 81/10
The point here is that Shane is:
☝🏽funny
and
✌🏽bitchy
and I think it's important that we remember that!
Let us not forget:
(Buffalo is terrible) "Yeah, and their team sucks too." - 67/10, inspired a very bad dtr/frottage/first name drops/tuna meltdown.
EXACTLY
Shane is a bitchy jock and i LOVE him for it.
Like, sure, Ilya is going to bounce on the balls of his feet and tell Scott that the sound coming from his knees keeps making Ilya think the ice is cracking
But Shane???
Shane is going to lean in and say "my dad uses H-45 Just For Men and the shade looks really natural. I can get you the link if you want."
Ilya says the shit that makes Scott want to punch him in the face.
Shane says the shit that makes Scott wake up at 3:16 am, shaking Kip awake "baby, kip, wake up, kip - are my grays really noticable? no, Kip, this can't wait. Turn on the light, Kip are my gr-"
Ilya is so funny to me cause like. Shane is very much living in a book romance fantasy of hot man pushing you to explore desires. Ilya has much less of a tropey thing going on tho. Shane is getting a gruff prince charming of sorts and Ilya is like "fuck he's so autistic and weird I have to fuck him. His anxious and calculating demeanor is getting me rock hard right now"
Boring facts (in my head) about parent David Hollander:
New people at work when introduced to him go "oh, like Shane Hollander" and he BEAMS at that and says "Yep!"
Has a picture of Shane on his desk and the same new people think its a joke until an old timer who probably met Shane at a bring your kid to work day clued them in
Would not let Yuna touch the college fund they set up for Shane until he was out of his rookie contract. What if Shane changed his mind about hockey? What if he got injured and needed a good education? Only conceeded when his son was a multi-millionaire
Only time he has ever gone to HR was when someone stole the baby Shane picture off his desk after he got famous. That's his baby!!! Give it back!!! There were so many memos and all staff emails that it did get returned one night, but a picture of it circulated online so now David only has PR photos at work
His lawyer is an old college friend who he catches up with at least once a year and who reviews the Hollander's will and life insurance policy each year with specific instructions to look after Shane. This annual tradition continues to this day. The lawyer buddy is going to be there for that grown celebrity professional sportsman no matter what
Was so excited when Shane started The Cottage project, and helped him with everything, including liaising with the builders etc. Was delighted to have the first a joint project with his son since school (he helped with art/science/show and tell)
Is really bad with technology but the nice young people at the office help (is not fully cognizant of the fact half the office is in love with him but does correctly suspect the other half want to marry his son)
Always knew he wanted to be a dad, and was devastated when it seemed like that wasn't going to happen, but didn't want to put that on Yuna who was already struggling with it
Sent congratulation cards and presents to all his buddies when they had kids anf was genuinely happy for then but it also killed him a bit. Unfortunately the conversation around men struggling because they wanted kids was not happening in the 80s/early 90s so he kept quiet (and passed that trait on to Shane)
Thought Shane was perfect from the moment he was born, and still thinks that. Can't concieve of why Shane thought he could let them down, he's literally always been Yuna and David's perfect baby
Gets out the good vodka again when he tells Ilya this one day and Ilya starts crying
I think Shane feels superior to other people because he doesn't use poppers the same way some people feel superior about giving birth unmedicated
when shane discovers poppers he’s like some people Don’t have a relaxed asshole like me? can’t imagine not naturally wanting to make space for a big old cock…… couldn’t be me 😌
In very long term relationships that involve sex, you start to develop a sort of short hand for sex. Communicating desire etc. Once they’re married and living together so the expectation is no longer in viewing range, time to fuck, Ilya and Shane have dozens of little tells and overtures.
Ilya’s obviously a nuzzler, coming in behind Shane to kiss his neck, run his hands over his stomach and chest, but that’s not always a prelude. There are subtle differences between a touching base and sex. Usually the cant of his hips or if one kiss becomes two or three. If Ilya touches Shanes’ jaw then it’s a definite ‘yes? now?’ question. If Ilya pauses in the middle of the room and gives Shane the slow up and down and Shane gives him any attention at all then it’s over. Shane better put down whatever he was doing.
Shane’s overtures would take him a little time to perfect. Not the obvious ones, they definitely still have ‘we have both arrived in the house, time to slam someone against a wall’ moments. But the small ones, the tiny silent inquiries that speckle through the louder things. If he runs his fingers over Ilya’s forearm while they’re watching tv, just light enough to almost tickle. Or lingering a little in a doorway after announcing he’s going to shower. Maybe he deliberately takes off a layer during colder months. Drags his hoodie up the right away so it flashes Ilya’s his stomach for a second.
They have moves they share too. The coded language of a long-term couple. If we’re already holding hands in public, but I press my thumb into the center of your palm that means ‘as soon as we have privacy'. If we make the right kind of eye contact and I run my tongue over my teeth than that’s a question asked and answered. If we’re both awake too early and you kiss my shoulder and slot your knee behind mine and I roll my hips back, then its a go.
There are deescalations too. Times when the question is asked and the answer is not now. A kiss on the jaw gets a kiss on the cheek in return ‘I see you, I love you, I’m in the middle of meal prepping give me an hour’ or a long look gets a head tilt instead of a leap off the couch ‘I see you, I love you, but I’m having a shitty moment and I’m not in the right head space’. In bed instead of rocking back into it, rolling over to exchange a kiss that doesn’t deepen because they both have to be out of bed and getting ready too soon.
They’re already so good at communicating with their bodies, it’s easy to imagine the language they’ll develop over the years.
I do love how despite Ilya being the one in active mental health treatment and having Romance Protagonist levels of insane trauma background Shane is 1000000% the crazier one between them. Like Ilya’s done shockingly well considering and sure he’s got some abandonment issues and some insecurities but he’s basically very functional and aware of his triggers. Shane I think would actually do a murder suicide in the right circumstances. Not shitpost Shane like canon Shane
Ilya sticking his tounge in Shane's mouth is one of my favorite genres.
shane is the driver in the relationship trust. ilya grouses about it but that man LOVES being a passenger princess and shane LOVES not fearing for his life in the car
A reason I like asshole/scary Shane is I like imagining that Ilya has no fucking clue what anyone means by that. Because Ilya's one of the only people on the planet who isn't intimidated by Shane's looks and hockey skill, since he also has both. And he's not put off by Shane's insane commuication style because he's also terminally avoidant, and also an asshole, and Slavic. And he doesn't see the full brunt of Shane's dismissiveness because Ilya Rozanov exists in the warmth of Shane's gaze
Idk there's just something so funny to me about everyone else being like, "Yeah man....that guy is scary as fuck. I once watched him watch tape for 15 minutes straight without blinking. I played on the Mets for three years and he only ever called me by my number" while Ilya is twirling his hair and doodling "Mr. Hollander ✨❤️" in his notebooks in gel pen and imagining Shane as a particularly strange and cute little animal that he can poke to see how it reacts
i know a post retirement queer sports podcast with ilya and troy would pop the fuck off. they call it ‘locker room talk’ and every single player is getting called a fag. nobody is safe. let ilya and troy say fag #freethem. shane is the guy behind the camera on the laptop googling every single question they ask, and the only special guests they have are bood and hazy on rotation. they arrange for scott hunter to show up for one week and he fears that it will undo every shred of progress he’s helped make.
it actually destroys my soul that this isn’t real
POV you’re at the 2017 MLH All-Star game in Tampa and Hollander just scored
ilya grabbing shane's jaw [for @madevampselle]
shane hollander WILL be pregnant in season 2 trust me
ilya rozanov funny moments pt. 1
it kills me how fucking gentle ilya is with his father when he can't remember things. like, that man treated ilya like dogshit, he was cruel and abusive and made ilya and his mother miserable for years. Yet when his father is sick, ilya is kind. he is gentle to the man who never was with him.