Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retrieverâs kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, sheâs into the clean-cut earnest look.
At the same time, local prince charming discovers that heâs actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gownâŚ?
Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, theyâre not supposed to actually like each other-!
respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charmingâs knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince. we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt
meanwhile the villain brideâs friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now. itâs like he doesnât even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own
smashcut to
fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: iâm just saying, i took an oath of protection. this feels wrong.
prince charming: itâs not wrong, itâs celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride
knight: itâs attempted murder
prince charming: itâs a loving attempted murder
@chucktaylorupset Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and sheâs not coming out until sheâs written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. Itâs been three days. Sheâs gone through an entire ravenâs worth of quills (unethically sourced). The âtoads who used to be my friendsâ list has gone up by one. But sheâs bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.
Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no oneâs worth this.
Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I canât ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!
Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.
Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) Heâs trying so hard!!!
Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.
Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?
Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.
Prince: âŚ
Prince: âŚdarling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.
Prince: Iâm not all right with human sacrifice. Thatâs one of my boundaries. I donât know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.
Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, donât worry yourself about such things, I would never!
Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.
Prince: You donât say? Fascinating!
@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the princeâs kingdom invites the villainess to a local villageâs blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that itâs not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, itâs a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Letâs see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.
She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathedâs favorites.
One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.
Villain noble: How.
Villainess: True loveâs kiss, bitch.
Villain noble: (seethes)
The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and heâs not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?
First time the Prince finds out Villainess can transform into a gigantic fire-breathing dragon is a very O_OU moment for him.
Villainess: Are you surprised I can? Itâs a common ability.
Prince: I didnât want to assume.
Villainess: âŚ
Prince: (sweats)
Villainess: âŚyouâre picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, arenât you?
Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!
Villainess: (drapes in his lap) Itâs okay, weâd look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.
Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?
Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. Itâs the sort of thing that formâs for, really.
Prince: If youâre comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.
(comfortable cuddling for a moment)
Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.
Villainess: (preening) I really do.
Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my familyâs crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.
Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.
Prince: (hadnât thought of it that way, but is happy that sheâs happy)
Villainess comes in one night thoroughly out of sorts because her stupid cousinâs decided to make a move on her rights to the souls of their ancestors, and the jerkâs competent enough to actually have a potential chance at getting them, too, like heâd even wear the necklace of jewels theyâre trapped in-!!!
The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until sheâs finished, then considers for a few minutes.
âDarling, about that banquet your familyâs having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?â
âYes, heâll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?â
âWould it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more⌠myself than I usually am around your parents?â
ââŚI suppose itâd be all right.â
âWonderful!â (kisses her hand) âPerhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?â
âWell now Iâm just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.â
The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor thatâs glowing slightly. Oh this? Itâs the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? Heâs not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so heâs permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! Thatâs where he earned his sword - itâs actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. Thatâs why heâs called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! Thereâs a lass in one of the kingdomâs villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like itâs going to to be absolutely lovely when itâs done-
And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time heâs there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because heâd hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her familyâs traditions regarding people who cross themâŚ
Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainessâs friends are standing with her off to the side going, âOkay, beginning to see what you see in him now.â Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect whatâs hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.
(Hers might be more diversely applicable, but Villainess isnât the only one bringing something to the table in terms of power. Prince is generally more useful for things like getting birds to sing in chorus or making friends with bunnies, but his family does specialize in slaying evil. She may be skilled at facing enemies of all sorts, but heâs prepared specifically for anyone in her home court who might try to backstab her.)
@ninjakittenarmy Is the gown made of actual spider silk. Because that sounds fitting, especially since spider silk is actually a really good material.
Princess: âYou like it? Itâs made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!â
Prince: Oh uh thatâs really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?
Princess: Yeah! Itâs really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.
The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.
Oh my gods, yes, absolutely!
@imaginapalminthemorning #Addams family origin storyÂ
Congratulations, you are officially the smartest person on the entire thread, holy flip-?!?
Villainess is chilling in Princeâs court one day and a lady of the court storms up to her in tears, make-up running, and is just, âOne of your friends turned my fiance into a newt, a newt, and he fell in the moat before I could catch him and I donât know how to find him, or how to change him back if I do find him, and the library only has information on frog and bear transformations, and no one knows what to to do and youâre the only person who might know what to do, please help me-!â (bursts into inconsolable tears)
This throws Villainess through a loop, people donât tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, âOh? And what price are you willing to pay?â
âAnything.â
âŚooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, donât they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimumâŚ?! But it would make Darling unhappy if sheâs too mean about this, so, âHow about your dignity, then? First off, weâll have to get you out of that dressâŚâ (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)
Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)
Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WEâRE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you donât mind getting all messed up, weâre going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.
Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.
They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and itâs disgustingly wholesome and romantic.
Newt Lordling: (once heâs finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fianceâs hair) Wait, arenât you Neskatinaâs friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really donât send those around here unless we mean it, sheâs been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.
Villainess: âŚnoted.
I thought about them more and⌠thereâs no way Court Lady isnât going to decide to be friends with Villainess after all this, is there? She helped her save her fiance when she thought him lost to her forever and had nowhere else to turn, they did what amounts to a mini quest together, theyâre friends now. Villainess has no idea how to handle it when the next court function comes along and Court Lady scampers over (tear-free this time) and proceeds to spend a decent amount of the evening with her just being⌠so unabashedly friendly. Itâs unnerving.
Prince: Sheâs grateful to you and wants to be friends.
Villainess: (glowering suspiciously) Sounds fake.
Prince: She thinks youâre nice.
Villainess: Disgusting.
She still goes when Court Lady invites her on a trip to the meadows with some of the other ladies to pick greens, all of them surprised by the discovery that going out to gather flowers and useful herbs and such is something ladies from both courts do from time to time (though for very different reasons). Itâs common sense to wear an older outfit thatâs all right to get a bit grass- or mud-stained (ladies from the Princeâs court call them their âdaisy dresses,â Villainess and her friends call them âgathering gownsâ), and Villainess is kind of shocked that the pretty nobles from her beloathedâs court do this sort of thing.
The ladies all titter, then itâs story time, because you can bet most of them have a heroic/clever/wise relative somewhere in the family tree who was born a peasant and married or gained nobility for some feat or other, and itâs fun to have someone new in the group who hasnât heard all the stories before. Villainess is surprised again, because she does actually know some of these stories, but from the relatives of the villain involved (usually told in a âyouâll never guess what so-and-soâs idiot relative got thwarted overâ sort of tone). Going on outings like this helps you stay connected to your roots!
Also, Court Lady turns out to be the daughter of the royal apothecary and has a deep knowledge of the properties of various mushrooms. She even knows about poisons because theyâre used in medicine sometimes. Villainess might be starting to like her as a person.
Another lady finds a patch of old teasels and braids them into a crown for Villainess, because âTheyâre all dark and spiky, and about the same colour as your daisy dr- ah, your gathering gown! We tend to make each other flower crowns when we go out, but I thought you might like these better.â
Villainess: âŚwonât they get deceptively yet horribly tangled in my hair, making the crown stay on well but an absolute nightmare to take off?
Lady: (terrified that sheâs judged wrong) YesâŚ?
Villainess: (trying so hard not to be horribly touched, sheâs just allergic to all these non-lethal flowers, thatâs why sheâs suddenly feeling sniffly) Thatâs really thoughtful of you.
To get a touch spicy - both are shocked to discover that their fiance is under the belief that the alignment theyâre not a part of invented bondage.
Prince: It had to have been a villain that invented it, your sideâs the one that gets all clever with ropes and knots and everything!
Villainess: No no no, it must have been your side, because safe words and after care!
They are both very perplexed, but also in absolute agreement that they will not be asking their parents about this.
(Because why go with the trope âgood folks are vanilla in bed and evil folks are spicyâ when you could go with âactually oneâs moral alignment has no effect on what theyâre into in bed and actually itâs a pretty even division of spiciness levels all aroundâ and have both groups get tripped up by the discovery?)
@moviegirlsincedisneyâ Â #amazing #I need comics and books and a tv show #also I imagine after neskatina has sent a bouquet of daffodils with a black ribbon binding them together #she receives a letter threatening her for turning the lordling into a newt from the sister #Itâs filled with scathing comments the likes of which neskatina has never heard from the lips of the Good Folk #at the end of the letter written in tiny print is a post script saying âdid I do it right? youâre cuteâ #Neskatina is disturbed when instead of ruining the effect of the whole letter she is instead only further endeared
^Yes, all of this, good, canon!!!
This has gotten infinitely better since the last time I saw it.
Itâs the fantasy equivalent of Ensign Stabby.
You just- just came for me like that, right from the hip, didnât even blink, Iâm never going to recover and Iâm so flattered, thank-you!
[Image ID:] A short comic of someone with pointy ears wearing a hat reading something from their laptop, which results in them pulling their hat over their head and screaming. [End ID]
Thereâs that semi-common trope in a lot of stuff where the Kingâs advisor turns out to be super evil, right? I imagine that could play back into this, where the Princeâs fatherâs advisor is like. Visibly evil and malicious and conniving, complete with backhanded comments and an unsettling name. And Villainess finally meets him and realizes this immediately. She personally finds him to be one of the most tolerable people in the castle, but she is a bit concerned that the Prince doesnât know and that this man could cause some out of place stress to her Beloathed. Eventually she decides to tell him, and so later that night she asks about it.
Villainess: Beloathed, what do you think of your fatherâs advisor?
Prince: Him? Oh, heâs been with the family since my father was a boy. He practically raised Father when my grandfather fell ill. We are lucky to have him with us.
Villainess: âŚare you aware that heâs evil?
Prince: Hm? Oh, yes.
Villainess, now a bit confused: And you havenât removed him from the job? I would have assumed that your people would not tolerate this kind of darkness, especially so close to power.
Prince, shrugging: Itâs kind of a tradition, to be honest. The Kingâs advisors have all been evil for⌠well, centuries now. Itâs something that mostly goes unspoken. The position tends to corrupt people. Eventually he will reveal a daring plot, and I will defeat him to protect the light and discover something new about the side of good.
Villainess: Hmm. I suppose that makes sense.
And later on the Villainess begins to foil the advisorâs plans, mostly because all of them are mediocre and her beloathed deserves a much more challenging trial than that. The Prince is touched that the Villainess is putting this much attention into such a small, unspoken tradition. The advisor is very confused and upset because âwhat do you mean that was a bad plan, I even included poison!â
you KICK cathulhu? you kick her eĚľl̡dĚśr̸iĚľt̡c̸hĚľ Ě´fĚ´oĚľr̸m̸ like ye olde foote ball? oh! oh! dungeon for prince! dungeon for prince for a̸Í̧̪ ĚśĚĮ́Ít̸ÍÍÍhĚľÍĚÍ o̡̿ÍÍuĚ´ĚĚÍsĚśÍ ĚĚŁĚaĚľÍĚÍnĚ´ĚĚĚ°ĚdĚ´ÍĚ ĚˇÍĚĚyĚ´ÍÍÍeĚľÍĚĚaĚśÍĚłÍrĚľÍĚÍsĚľĚÍÍ!
