Star Wanderer

[yadathings]

[ilya-sweetheart]

Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!

Raiders: 👀

Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!

Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏

Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!

The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡

[yowlthinks]

Years later, Marleau is visiting Ilya and in the evening he witnesses Shane putting on his glasses to read while Ilya and Cliff are playing a video game.

- Ok, yeah, I kinda see what you mean.

- Huh?

- The glasses. He does look good in them.

Ilya kicks him, while Shane is very confused.

[lilysephronia]

Some Raiders shortly after the fanmail video, putting pieces together about Montreal Jane is actually Shane:

But, Hollander doesn't wear glasses?

Glasses?

Yeah, like if we win Jane will send Roz a glasses pic, you know, it makes him crazy

Huh. Is it a euphemism?

A what?

Like, it's actually something dirty but you call it something else to hide it?

Well, euphy-whatsit or not, we have been playing to win so Roz could get a pic of Hollander????

Well if you had to play to win a picture of a hockey player who would you pick? Huh?

Ok that's fair. If Roz is dating another player it's good he picked the hottest one. But if it's actually a glasses pic and not a euphy thing then I think we should all get to see it!

Yeah, maybe don't say that to Roz...

[limpwristedrose]

Someone asking Luca after Shane's first season as AC on the Centaurs: "So, is it difficult with basically three captains, especially if two of them are married that must be hard to get used to.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

and Shane? He will come early to practice for you, he will tell me things wrong with my playing I didn't know EXISTED. Boyle was in a slump Hollander turned up at our house with a fucking smoothie get your ass out of bed we're going to the rink and he will completely pull apart your playing style with such precision that's it's beautiful to watch and I'm not even mad about it. Roz will be giving a fucking captains speech about how we can do better next week and he'll fucking pipe up in the corner going, well we will if Lapointe improves his footwork Coach, we're gonna be staying late on Saturday and Wiebe is like, sounds good Hollander like COACH you can't Agree For Me and he'll just go, Shane Hollander is giving you a private lesson I don't care what you're doing cancel it

[snugglestalk]

this is so special to me. i want more fics with the dad trifecta 🥹

[anya-hollander-rozanova]

Ok but Cliff Marlow somehow managing to get into Ilya's phone after the Tunameltdown in the middle of the Hollandry crashout, and getting Montreal Jane's number.

The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.

So Shane Hollander wakes up one day to a message from an unknown number like "Hello Miss Jane ma'am this is Clifford Marlow I don't know if you have heard of me I am sorry to be a bother I'm just wondering if you could give my good friend Ilya another chance, I promise that whatever he did he won't do again, we will help we will teach him to cook and clean and do laundry and he will cook you the best sandwiches ever if you only give him a chance only if you want of course if it's not too much of a bother Miss Jane please and thank you" and he goes through the seven stages of grief in like 4 seconds before it's even 7am. They manage to add the link to a very big spa gift card that they all chipped in to buy because at that point they're desperate.

[emhatesshakespeare]

#oops wrote a fic in the tags again

[yadathings]

[actuallysara]

shane hollander is a jock, a dude, a 200 pounds man, a captain, he's been giving interviews and speeches before he could even walk, he plays in front of thousands and thousands of people and loud af crowds, he's a performer, he's constantly in front of cameras, he's been under scrutiny his whole life, he's an athlete, he breathes-eats-sleeps-shits sport, he swears, he's masculine, his hockey gear is probably putrid, he's a certified mcgymbro™, he only wears athletic stuff, he models, he does commercials, his main personality trait is hockey, he's kissed and hugged by his sweaty teammates in the locker room, he's ripped, he's an asshole, he's sarcastic, he's a bitch, he uses "fuck" every three words, he hires a stylish and a designer because his taste is bro. and he is all that while being neurodivergent too. and a bottom.

[gaynehollander]

I think a big part of what makes Shane so incredibly compelling as a character is that he doesn’t give into stereotypes that have been perpetuated for so long that many people don’t even recognise them as anything out of the ordinary when they see them. Like, he’s autistic but he is shown to have deep connections to the people closest to him, he’s shown to be a person whose opinion is respected, he’s shown to be a person people are actively drawn to and want to be around, he’s shown to be funny and, yes, a little bitchy. He’s submissive but he’s never weak. He’s a top athlete who’s competative to a fault, never cowers from a challenge, and is a natural leader, and none of those facts are shown to be in conflict with his longing and need to submit. He’s a bottom but he’s overtly masculine, he’s physically large and unafraid to take up space; unafraid to push back. He’s a full fucking person and that is so refreshing to see, especially for those who share some of his traits and have only ever been allowed a representation of themselves that reduces them to that one trait, washing them of anything that adds nuance.

[glumshoe]

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

[glumshoe]

Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

[countesspetofi]

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

[glumshoe]

there are only two genders: frog and pig

[forestdwellingrat]

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

[glumshoe]

oh god

[sailor-lady]

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

[glumshoe]

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

[jenivi]

[aflowerthatbloomsinadversity]

Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

[fremedon]

Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

[capitalism-and-analytics]

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

[la-pou-belle]

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

[kestrelsparverius]

[adrnired]

In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

[autisticexpression]

This is the worst addition to this post

[araku-validrava]

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

[wizardlizardinhislair]

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

[ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru]

[kingscrown666]

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

[the-haiku-bot]

Last time I saw this

post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at

the second Eggman

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[astronomical-bagel]

anyone in this thread smoke weed

[susiron]

In Leo the Lion (2005) a lion and elephant have the most cursed hybrid children and I think yall should see them

(also Matt Mercer voices the villain, Maximus Elefante and I think that’s very important)

[spaceinvaydr]

[headspace-hotel]

I think that what they are talking about is perfectly clear.

[hiveswap]

Amogus

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[tiktoksgay]

[stahsm]

Overlock Stitch by @clothes_reetzy

[thatisuseful]

Damn, that's useful

[fluidstatick]

Finally a hand sewing tutorial on a hemline that isn't just the ladder stitch! the ladder stitch disappears when you tighten it, but it's not meant for hemlines because it breaks really easily! The overlock stitch is more stable, so it holds much longer, and it won't pucker or warp the fabric!

[amos-burton]

lil hollanov time travel AU idea (TLG-canon divergent, very temporary MCD) :

What if the Centaurs plane really crashes and there are no survivors? And Shane learns about it while he’s with some of the Metros ? He hears the rest of the guys horrified reactions, but no one looks at him, goes to comfort him. And why would they ? No one around knows his heart just died in that crash. No one knows. No one understands why he falls on his knees and screams. What if he was just a little bit braver ? What if he told some friends ? What if he listened to Ilya’s suggestions about switching teams ? What if … He collapses on the floor and passes out.

Shane regains consciousness in a hotel room, hears someone groans next to him. He’d recognize that voice, always, everywhere. Ilya seems to be waking up too, rubbing his eyes the way he does after a bad dream or when he has a headache. Shane doesn’t even realize he moved until he’s hugging Ilya so tightly his arms hurt. He can’t help the sobs he’s letting out.

Ilya seems disoriented at first, then he’s hugging Shane with similar strength. He whispers endless pet names in Shane’s ear, a mix of English and Russian.

After minutes, or maybe hours, they slightly loosen their embrace. They can feel the ache in their arms from holding on so tight, it’s not a dream, it’s real they’re both here, alive. The room feels strangely familiar, like déjà vu. They look younger too, Shane’s hair is shorter, Ilya’s loon tattoo is gone.

Slowly they realize where, and when, they are. The evening after the CCM shoot, their first time together. Shane got his wish, what if… What if they went back to the start ? What if they got the chance to do it all over again ?

[felixafterall]

Head canon of the day:

Shane heard they don’t know about us by one direction less than a week after it was released and resonated with it so badly he could not just ignore it. Because Shane has only ever had two obsessions, hockey and Ilya Rozanov and the way he feels about Ilya ties into what he feels when he listens to the song.

So. He does a deep dive into it and somehow becomes the world’s biggest Directioner. He listens to all their music, watch all the interviews and even manages to snag tickets to one of their concerts.

He lives of off Larry fan fiction and once found a fic where they were hockey players and it was a little too close to his own life and relationship with Ilya that he had to check the authors other works.

That’s how he stumbled upon Hollanov fics for the first time.

[rosettaling]

This..

I want hollanov meeting larry fucs so bad.

[felixafterall]

Yk.. I think you’d really like a draft of mine..

[rosettaling]

I am intrigued 👀👀👀

[wtf-is-hockey]

Genuinely laughing now at the thought Ilya Rozanov who owns an entire collection of sports cars and multiple speeding tickets thumbs-downing other drivers and rage-baiting in traffic getting like senselessly turned on by Shane driving and parallel parking and backing in with incredible precision and effortlessness without even seeming aware any of it is impressive. Ilya does not think Shane’s car is sexy but that is beside the point when he drives like that. Shane thinks he’s the one that drives because Ilya is a menace on the road but this is the real reason Ilya Rozanov is a passenger princess.

[themoonandmyman]

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

[littleewhitelotus]

i just HAD to draw this

[jimmysownworld]

sorry im on a bottom ilya kick i just think he would be a bit curious and feel safe with shane to experiment with it and shane is awful at sex with women because its Sex With Women but sex with men hes GREAT at no matter what position he just prefers bottoming but sometimes when he wants ilya to shut the fuck up because hes pissed him off and ilya is leaning into it enough to be clear that yes actually he would like to be shoved into a wall and taken apart so shane knows clearly what he wants and can decide if hes up for it. i also think theres some dog brained neuron firing up in shanes head that constantly wants to be good for ilya so if that means topping it literally will not change the fact that he is being good for ilya and doing what ilya wants.

do not be mistaken, ilya also has this neuron, it is firing ALL of the time, he often recognizes new and interesting ways hes accidentally pavloved himself with things that have to do with shane like the worlds worst game of guess who with his cock because recognizing hes pavloved himself again is immediately following by intense arousal, which means he pavloves himself to get hard over pavloving himself

[chandra-telescope]

hope is a skill

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

hope is a weapon you are trained to wield

[chandra-telescope]

favourite additions

[chandra-telescope]

[tenaciouswritingdragon]

You cannot hide this in the tags, bestie. This is too lovely to keep a secret.

[wonderwyrm]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[rosettaling]

Hope is all of this and more

A skill, a bill and sometime a chore

[star-tism]

So whenever I see a Larry edit where they use the "Canada's Shane Hollander and Russia's Ilya Rozanov" from Heated Rivalry, people always put Harry for Shane and Louis for Ilya, but people...

Like cmon... Look at them

[rosettaling]

I agree the womaniser and family friendly guy tags are right there .