HAND CRANKED AND TWISTED
Hand cranked and twisted.....
ojovivo

Love Begins

#extradirty

Product Placement
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Kaledo Art

shark vs the universe
One Nice Bug Per Day
trying on a metaphor

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Xuebing Du
KIROKAZE
taylor price

Janaina Medeiros
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
wallacepolsom

blake kathryn

No title available
NASA

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@ruinerofcheese
HAND CRANKED AND TWISTED
Hand cranked and twisted.....
Ilya finds an odd picture of Shane in a photo album at one point. He's maybe three, he's sitting on the massive purple sofa that Ilya has discovered the Hollanders owned when Shane was born. He's frowning, red-cheeked and he's got a strange plastic case on his thumb.
"Yuna," he says, shifting his elbows on the table to point at it. "What is this on his hand? Was broken?"
Shane's head snaps up from across the table, where he's pretending that Photo Album Time is very boring to him and not worth paying attention to. He hasn't scrolled on the article he's pretending to read for over five minutes.
"I never broke a bone as a kid," he says, brows furrowed. "Not until U13, when that fucking kid from Guelph--"
Yuna and Shane both inhale quickly through their noses in what Ilya has learned to recognize as a moderative measure, lest they start yelling about something that everyone else on Earth has forgotten about.
"No," Yuna says, once her face looks a little less intense. "No, it wasn't broken. It was this...contraption that the dentist gave us to correct his thumb-sucking. He was so mad about it, we only put it on him a few times."
"Oh, Jesus," Shane mutters, eyes going back to his phone.
"Aw," Ilya says. "Poor baby Shane." He taps his finger against one little red cheek and laughs. "You really do look so mad, sweetheart. How did you make him stop?"
"Hmm...you know, I don't remember," Yuna sighs, tilting her head. "I guess he just stopped by himself eventually. Do you remember, Shane?"
"No," Shane says, shortly.
"Of course, that didn't get rid of the oral fixation," Yuna sighs, adjusting her reading glasses as she flips the page. "The things you used to chew on, Shane. Pens and straws and--"
"Mom," Shane snaps, while Ilya vibrates beside him. "Can we not?"
"I was afraid to give him popsicles because I thought he would gnaw on the sticks until he got a splinter in his stomach."
"Mom!"
"Well, honey, it's true! And you did outgrow it eventually, so it's not as if you have to be embarrassed."
"Oh, you did?" Ilya says, shoulders shaking. "You outgrew the, uh, oral fixation?"
"Stop," Shane hisses.
"Mm. Excuse me." Ilya stands from the table and sweeps out onto the back porch, though the sliding door does nothing to prevent the sound of his guffaws from floating back into the kitchen.
"You know," Yuna says, "I'm just going to assume that this is some kind of language barrier thing--"
"Please stop."
irina and ilyusha 🤍
This one Montreal player holding Shane’s arm and looking at Scott like, “What did you even say to him to get him like this? I didn’t know he even had a button for this, but you sure mashed it. Jeez. Thanks. Now I have to go readjust my whole outlook on life, because of you. Because I really needed more work on my plate. And now my captain is homicidal. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:
Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.
Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"
Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."
They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Guys this isnt even funny. Please stop.
Daniel Sloss SAID IT THANK YOU DANIEL SLOSS
Reblogging again now that Russell Brand's ugly mug is back in the news to remind everyone that in the 2023 Times expose on his abusive behaviour, Daniel Sloss was the only male comedian willing to be named and quoted like "yeah that dude's a scumbag and women have been warning each other about him for years."
# (ALMOST) EVERY TIME SHANE MADE ILYA ROZANOV SMILE
CONNOR STORRIE & HUDSON WILLIAMS as ILYA ROZANOV & SHANE HOLLANDER HEATED RIVALRY (2025—)
zane boodram and shane were in the same timbits hockey program, and their families are friendly. zane’s mom and yuna took a photo of them together once, and once with the whole timbits team.
fast forward to shane and ilya going to bood’s house for bbq, and those two obviously forgot they ever played with the other. so when cassie boodram was chatting to the wags about how cute bood was as a kid, ilya got to see the timbits team pic. and his eyes lit up as he ran out to shane (who was having a very casual conversation with harris) and bood, yelling “WERE YOU TWO ON THE SAME TIMBITS TEAM!??!?!!” shoving the photo to their faces. he also whipped out his phone to text yuna because shane in timbits uniform???? too cute!!!!
and that’s how they got sent a photo with bood all happy and smiley hugging shane and shane staring behind the camera at yuna with the tiniest politest smile. and ilya’s heart explodes.
later, harris made shane and bood take a photo (in centaurs uniform) together and posted a tiktok/twitter post with the caption “And when I'm back in Ottawa, I feel it” (end of beginning as bgm ofc) and it blew THE FUCK up. i’m talking shane hollander/zane boodram tag got 100 fics in a day.
please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy
Like to charge, reblog to cast.
This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.
#ilya baby get behind me
HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD
(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)
Boston Raiders watching the Tampa All-Star game highlights after Ilya kisses Shane all giddy, thinking, who the fuck is that guy? Because that jolly guy on the screen? Expression so different he doesn't even resemble their captain? He'd been a complete psycho lunatic the past couple months. Unbearable. And now he's giggling at Shane Hollander???
no bc I'm imagining the raiders "no cap" group chat (only recently made in the no good times) going crazy during the game like:
holy shit cap doesn't look like he wants to off himself!! are we finally free???
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
dude are WE the problem?
don't say that 🥲
but man hollander and cap are on 🔥🔥🔥🔥
can't believe they got cap playing wing! should've been hollander 😤
damn clean goal 🔥
wtf
did he just
ok guess happy roz is officially back
LETS GOOOO
dude I can't believe hollander got a kiss!! when's the last time any of us got one 😭
yeah like that should be reserved for raiders only
lol we need to get a welcome home cheater banner for the locker room 😂
didn't think he was that close with hollander?
lol maybe he's just trying to piss him off
nah that's genuinely happy roz
yeah and hollander doesn't look mad
whatever i for one am grateful THANK YOU JANE HOLLANDER FOR SAVING US FROM DEMON ROZ 🙏🙏🙏
*shane
wait
Oh
Shit
Fuck
...no way
anyways that's how the raiders figure it out™
What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?
When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.