Ā Ā Ā Ā The media was full of the most braindead idiots Katsuki had ever happened upon the displeasure of knowingāand that was saying something. He worked with Dunce-Face.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The headlined article stared back at him from his laptop, his own scowling face glaring back at him. āRed Riot and Dynamight: Secret Marriages?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Marriages. As in multiple. To separate people. A recent photoshoot for a popularity spread had the pair and the rest of the agency holding their fists out to the camera, giving off a full view of the wedding rings on the heroesā left hands. Of course, the media had noticedāand then nose-dived away from the truth.
Ā Ā Ā Ā He tabbed over to the next article, a spread of the many times one of the pair had jumped into the otherās arms after a particularly grueling mission, titled āA Partnership for the Ages.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Partnership. As in teamwork. Their fucking jobs.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The next article. A full wide-shot, five years prior, of him and Riot during the annual Hero Parade. Eijiro, dressed in full battle regalia, kneeled on one of the passing floats. Publicly fucking proposing. 'True Bromance: The Things Your Best Friend Should Do For You.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Katsuki actually screamed out his fury, throwing his laptopāhis very expensive, agency-paid laptopāacross the room. It didnāt shatterāit was too good for thatāonly switching to display the most infuriating headline yet.
Ā Ā Ā Ā 'The DynaRiot Affair: What Their Wivesā Must Think.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Eijiro ducked his head into the room, tilted in confusion at the discarded laptop and his husband angrily blasting bubbles into buckets of steaming water in their home gym. āUhā¦ Howās physical therapy going?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Katsuki let forth a Howitzer into the water, alternating with his hands to get the best impact. āI. FUCKING. HATE. THE MEDIA!ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Poor oblivious Eijiro only blinked, sidling into the room to lean against the door frame. āSoundsā¦ fun? What did they do this time?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Katsuki kicked at the bucket, pissed when it didnāt budge the way he wanted it to, and plopped back onto a lifting bench. He breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath. āWeāre gay, right?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ei paused, caught off-guard, because how does one prepare for a question like that? āLast time I checked, yes.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āRight,ā Katsuki gasped out. āSo thisāā he gestured between them. āNot platonic?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Eijiro furrowed his eyebrows in obvious concern, holding up his left hand to display the marriage band there as though Katsuki had forgotten.
Ā Ā Ā Ā āExactly. You proposed in front of all of fucking Tokyo. So why the fuck,ā Katsuki demanded, ādoes the whole fucking media think weāre cheating on our wives?!ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Eijiro choked on his own spit, holding back a coughing fit. āTheyāWHAT?!ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Katsuki threw his hands in the air. āNo, sorry, thatās wrong. Half of them think that. The other half is insisting weāre buds, the best of friends, totally fucking platonic, no matter how many times they catch us fucking frenching in an alleyway!ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āBut we donātā¦ have wives?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āYou better not have a fucking wife,ā Katsuki scoffed irritably, arms crossing sourly over himself. āIād fucking kill her.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Eijiro luckily seemed to be able to take the news in better stride, moving to sit beside his husband on the bench. āMaybe we could set her up with your wife. Then they both could be happy, and we all could be platonically gay together.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āThatās not funny.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āEh,ā Ei shrugged. āBet we could get Ochaco and Mina to do it.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āOh my fucking God, you actually want to fuck with them.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āWell, if theyāre going to be wrong,ā he reasoned, āwe may as well give them an actual reason to be wrong. If they havenāt figured out that Denki, Tetsu and Hitoshi are in a three-way homosexual relationship, I donāt think theyāll notice if we pull a few strings.ā
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