older than I used to be

I work in an office, I drink beer, I have a kid.

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

College AU Russian studies major Shane Hollander forgets to tell the fuckbuddy he met through his speaking tutor Svetlana Vetrova that he is fluent in Russian and that he understands phrases like "you're so fucking perfect" and "you have ruined me" and "you look like a sexy librarian you perfect slut"

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

Ilya, whiny voice: come back to bed hollander i want to fuck you

Shane: can't i really need to finish this essay

Ilya: whats it on maybe i can help you

Shane, sweating staring at 2k words on modern russian pop culture: haha probably not no it's boring

[gimmiekiss1221]

op don't let these die in the tags

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

Ok right back at ya

Reading that made me realise i think the moment Ilya said я тебя люблю (i love you) is the moment that shane finally responds я тоже (me too)

Which means ilya has to confront two things at the same time which is "omg he loves me back" and also "WTF WHY DOES HE SPEAK RUSSIAN AND WHY IS HIS PRONUNCIATION LOW KEY GOOD"

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[tpwrtrmnky]

A lot of the time when I point out that some right-wing policy is proven to not achieve the thing it purports to have as a goal, people rightly point out that the real goal is the negative outcomes that do happen.

Which is correct!

But this is often framed as me approaching the right wing naively by the respondent.

That's not the case at all. I know they're evil. The goal is to demonstrate that they're lying by exposing the way the rhetoric fails to line up with reality.

This has to be ongoing work because someone new has their political awakening every day. Every day, someone needs to learn that the right wing position is wrong on all levels, not just the obvious ones.

[realflaminglily]

there will be people out there who still think the war on drugs (as the absolute first thing that comes to mind) is a legitimate social cause against an antisocial blight on society. if you come out the gate with (the very true statement) that it's actually been a deliberate campaign to target minorities and other undesirable groups to the ruling class, you're going to sound like a clueless conspiracy nut

whereas if you come with a very defensible, statistically supported point of "it doesn't work and has never worked" you can open the door to the follow up question of "why did the government do it in the first place, and (in many cases) why are they still doing it?"

[tpwrtrmnky]

This, exactly.

The play is to:

Demonstrate that the policy doesn't work

Demonstrate that the people enforcing the policy have everything they need to know it doesn't work

Provide the context of what the policy achieves in the absence of its "intended" outcome.

Remind people that the purpose of a system is what it does.

Then, instead of being a non-sequitur claim you're just pulling out of thin air, the conclusion is the most reasonable way to assemble the provided puzzle pieces.

[coyotette]

[returnofarmsnotsigns]

Rookie numbers

[pacificnorthwesterngothic]

There’s one dude in Tillamook who’s throwing this off because he’s the Cheeses Georg of America adn [sic] should not be counted

[stinkybrowndogs]

Setter Devouring his Bone

[givemegifs]

[amnesiaguy]

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

[amnesiaguy]

weird as hell, thank you for asking

[kushblazer666]

[flyora]

The Long Game version here!!!

[flyora]

No additional comments here just my little (little-ahhah-funny) obsession with Hollanov and "Wolfbird" by @opal-apparition (ao3)

[selfmaderibcageman]

my uh, close internet friend broke up with his girlfriend over financial things but the more he describes it the more i think its insane he ever stayed. She wanted to be engaged before they even moved in with each other, no prenup, she's 60k in debt, he has like 100k in assets, she's a Divorce Laywer. Can you imagine getting rushed into marriage by a divorce lawyer. lmao.

[bish0ps]

[stjohnstarling]

I'm in your house picking your shy, uptight man like a lock.

[stjohnstarling]

Like this, btw. ⬆️

[stjohnstarling]

@anarchafemme Congrats on being the funniest person on this post.

[maykitz]

can anyone tell me the watch order for every movie ever so i can understand all references and homages

[caucasianbuttslut]

@dionrevel PLEASE share the link.

[dionrevel]

Lol sure!!

For movies, here is the beginner's list:

Modern Civilization Essentials

Beginner's guide for getting in the loop.

And the more advanced list:

Full In the Loop

Advanced guide to getting in the loop. Supplementary to "Civilization Essentials." If a movie is on this list, then it has one of these: -Po

Not all these movies are necessarily good, but the ones that gave me small pop culture epiphanies. It made me realize that 30%-40% of the jokes from modern sitcoms are references/parodies- and these movies are their source material.

^^ This is also true for socializing. So many people I thought were naturally funny were just doing movie bits.

[I actually do have a job, I am just a big fan of lists and graphs and flow charts etc.]

[targetedknowledge]

[raven-matrices]

Absolute gold in the replies

[plaguedocboi]

I feel like starfish are one of those animals that are treated as very “normal” by people but absolutely shouldn’t be. Like they’re a wheel of repeating heads connected by a central stomach. They walk around using thousands of tiny sticky hydraulically powered tentacles. They have an eye on the end of each arm. Instead of having a mouth they just have an opening where their entire stomach can be pushed out to engulf prey. And they’re just allowed to exist like this. It’s not illegal or anything.

[penny-anna]

Further questions from the finance team

[penny-anna]

Sees a hot giraffe

Bowtie zooms up neck with slide whistle noise

[hylianane]

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

[maseratus]

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

[mousidy]

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

[mousidy]

[bisthefairy]

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

[maightymai]

[cipheramnesia]

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people