shimshimshirrie

she/they 30 bi/pan. probably emotionally & physically wrapped up in my own head tbh.

[kosmogrl]

i’m like if a girl who hates working took her job too seriously

[xenasaur]

one video game trope I cannot stand is lockpicks being disposable. how bad are you at picking these fucking locks that you're utterly ruining your tools every time

[sandmandaddy69]

[liltoaster]

[cosmikazie]

NEVER KILL YOURSELF

[violetganache42]

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY.

(Sources: Wall Street Journal and Hollywood Reporter)

[penandinkprincess]

it is just endlessly so funny to me that a central issue in the tuna meltdown is that ilya is trying to account for shane's moves in a game of 3d chess and meanwhile shane is just desperately trying to play tic tac toe

ilya is layering his questions in like four layers of misdirect while still trying to get the answers he wants and then shane is just asking "you want me to stay?" "you want to make me food?" "do you have a girlfriend?"

ilya is out here coming up with his riddles three to see if he can cross over the becoming a boyfriend bridge, and he could have ACTUALLY DONE IT if he'd been able to ask "hey, do you want to be exclusive and not just fuck buddies?"

man was out here writing a novel when a one sentence survey question would have actually achieved his goal

[penandinkprincess]

unfortunately this initially ends the same way because shane is immediately so horny about this straightforward approach complete with form that he HAS to fuck ilya about it and the same first name fiasco still occurs

[lesbianagentcooper]

rose landry is so fucking funny, shane cant get it up once and she‘s like well that cant be on me. that man is gay

[cuuno-moved]

its unreal how all of my favorite characters have exactly the same traits and hobbies and diagnoses as me

[technicalzombie]

oh, have you been tricked into loving yourself?

[cuuno-moved]

oh my fucking god is that what just happened

[kaijuerotica]

ilya wandering around sighing occasionally and one of the centaurs asks shane if he's okay and shane's just like "i refused to hold toes with him at breakfast this morning and he still hasn't gotten over it"

[hudkarma]

I am never putting them down I’m locked in for life

[cykelops]

I don’t want to hear any writing advice from Stephen king not because I think there would be no value in it but because whatever works for Stephen king is between him and god and that demon he made a pact with that lets him write 3000 words in one sitting daily.

[orcboxer]

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

[orcboxer]

experiencing microaggressions apparently

[shanehollandered]

shane “hey everyone, shane hollander is an asshole” hollander

[academicblorbo]

Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.

You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?

You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.

You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet

Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT

[military-newsboys]

Random person, gesturing towards Ilya: Excuse me, is this man bothering you? Shane: Yes, but he’s my husband. I signed up for this.

[sofiasketches]

lovers<3

[kaibacorpintern]

Not OTP nor NOTP but a magical third thing: I’m indifferent to your ship but your fanart fucking slaps

[dogspouse]

people love to say "your cat is just being cuddly because it's cold out and he likes the warmth" like that detracts from it somehow. this weird little creature lives in my home and his paws and the tip of his nose are cold and his solution to this is to go to the big weird hairless ape who feeds him, and curl up on its stomach and fall asleep there bc it's nice and warm. that too is love!!!!