Important information for writers who aren’t British but like to try to sound British in their British-y fanfiction
“Cuppa?” - you’re either bored or you’re offering it to someone providing a service in your home. Like a plumber, electrician or builder.
“Paned?” (Pron: pan-edd) - you’re in Wales, the question is rhetorical. You don’t have a choice, you’re having tea.
“Brew?” Or “Fancy a brew?” - Northern and you’re either a friend, familiar or been in the house long enough to warrant one.
You will also be judged for the amount of milk you have (clue: more is worse, because you’re weak, like your tea), and how much sugar you have (none is best, one is suspect, two is fine especially if a service man, above that will inspire disgust and horror).
To say nothing about your preferred choice of biscuit. And yes there is a hierarchy. And it changes based on geography and class.
I’d like to make an addition: if I yell out ‘anyone want some tea?’, that’s me saying ‘I’m making myself some tea, if anyone else wants some speak now or forever hold your peace’
If you say you don’t like tea, people will lose respect for you, and rightfully so, the weirdos
“#I ask if they have herbal and enjoy the offence on their faces”
Buddy whenever someone tentatively asks if we have herbal tea I am DELIGHTED. i dive into the very back of the cupboard where the secret forbidden herbals are stashed behind the Proper British Tea and it feels like me and the guest get to be conspirators in a very devious British Tea scandal. (and the fact that almost everyone I know who has herbal tea keeps it at the back of a cupboard, like it’s something to be kept hidden, is honestly hilarious)
I am driving to your house for tea THIS INSTANT <3
I'm allergic to tea. I live in the southern US so people have about the same horrified reaction. "How do you survive?!" "Ummm... by not drinking tea?"
