The Subplot Sideshow

three wips, soon to be four three cats, soon to be four

[subplotsideshow]

"Sometimes, when you're working on your story, and a new idea pops into your head, it's your subconscious trying to better your current work, not start a brand new one. It may not arrive in the perfect shape to fit into your current story, but if you do some sculpting and some moulding, that idea might be the missing ingredient." I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. Stagehands run out from the wings to wrestle me off the stage. No one in the crowd speaks up because they're too scared to, their notes apps filled with story ideas. But I'm right, and they know it.

[subplotsideshow]

I hate being asked what my favourite film is because most people, when asked this question, will give the title of the film that changed their lives or made them feel a barrage of emotions or made them philosophise about life or whatever. But, that's not what was asked...

Favourite means something you don't tire of. Favourite means something you pick over everything else. Favourite means something you go back to time and time again.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to say my favourite film is Rush Hour (1998) while everyone else is listing the titles of black-and-white foreign films?

Unless you can quote that artsy film no one's heard of from start to finish, that's not your favourite film.

[subplotsideshow]

I think my biggest problem with Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender (Emphasis on biggest. The show has a lot of other, smaller problems) is that it is very clear that the actors who play Zuko and Aang are the only ones with any martial arts training.

Like, all the fights between Aang and Zuko are genuinely really good because you can very clearly see they are martial artists doing martial arts. But, as soon as another character enters the fray, it devolves into a sloppy mess of weak, slow, and awkward movements, magnified by the fact that actual martial artists are beside them. This problem is glaringly obvious with Katara and Azula in this second season, especially since they're both supposedly masters.

And I just can't wrap my head around it. This is an adaptation of the one fantasy world where the magic is, essentially, martial arts. Doesn't it stand to reason that the actors you cast should have some martial arts experience?

[subplotsideshow]

Are we not friends? Do you, random stranger on the Internet, not care for me? For my well-being? Well, you mustn't because, if you had, you would've told me that the main love interest from The Other Bennet Sister is also Irish Orpheus from Hadestown! Do you know how quickly I would have discarded my adult responsibilities to watch the damn show if I'd known this? The answer, if you're curious, is immediately. But no, I've been putting off watching this show. And it's all your fault!

[subplotsideshow]

Baby Appa from Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender looks like the sidekick from one of those direct-to-video Barbie films from the 2000s. Baby Appa and Bibble belong in the same universe.

[subplotsideshow]

And Momo looks like a gremlin.

[subplotsideshow]

And while I'm on the topic of Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender, the show reminds me of those Japanese live-action anime adaptations, and not in a good way.

[subplotsideshow]

Baby Appa from Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender looks like the sidekick from one of those direct-to-video Barbie films from the 2000s. Baby Appa and Bibble belong in the same universe.

[subplotsideshow]

Billionaires will "charitably" throw their dinner scraps to the starving masses, and you brainwashed bootlickers will praise them for it. Give them a fucking medal for it. Organise a parade in the streets for it. Campaign for them to get sainthood or knighthood for it.

Stop cheering for fucking scraps! You're not a dog!

[subplotsideshow]

With the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce Madison Square Garden wedding extravaganza and all the discussions and debates that it's spawned, I'd like to take a minute to remind everyone that — whether it's some misogynistic old white guy or a Girlboss™ pop diva — there is no ethical way to become and then be a billionaire.

Has every person that worked on Taylor Swift's tours — and I'm not only talking about those she, herself, employed but also every security guard and food vendor at the stadiums, every intern in the marketing and design agencies, every usher at every movie theatre that showed the tour movie afterwards and every driver that drove the trucks of props and parts of the stage or even the musicians' tour buses — been paid a fair and livable wage? Was her merch and albums made sustainably and in ethical factories with good labour practices? Has none of the money she's ever made, either for herself or for third parties, gone towards funding a genocide, war, or whatever else? No? Then Taylor Swift's wealth was built on the exploitation and dehumanisation of others, just as any other billionaire's.

[subplotsideshow]

Gerrit van Honthorst (1592 - 1656) · Self Portrait · Musée des Beaux-Arts de Rouen

"The hour to wake is upon us! Pray, hark! Dost thou hear mine voice? Arise, Chrissy! Chrissy, arise! Nay, I find no pleasure in this, Chrissy. Arise!"

[subplotsideshow]

I thought Clavicular was one of the vampires from Interview with the Vampire or something, not some guy on the Internet who promotes bashing your face with a hammer!

[subplotsideshow]

Job market so bad, even the British prime ministers are not safe from layoffs.

[subplotsideshow]

AI — even generative AI — isn't the enemy; what billionaires are trying to do with it and the scale at which they're trying to do it is.

[insert-witty-user-name-here]

[subplotsideshow]

God, I love a passively suicidal character! They're just like me! Twinsies!

[subplotsideshow]

A lot of people will probably disagree with me but Bleach's Ryoka Invasion and, because of the obvious similarities, Invasion of Hueco Mundo are basically just tournament arcs without the tournament; they serve the exact same narrative purpose as your usual tournament arc.

We're being introduced to a bunch of new characters and their abilities. We're seeing these characters forge friendships and become enemies. We're watching the main characters be pushed to their absolute limits so they can gain some power-up in the heat of the moment. We get a bunch of worldbuilding and lore. There's a lot of monologuing about needing to win. And so on and so on and so on...

Sir, that's just a tournament arc in a trench coat!

[subplotsideshow]

You can't write a story about war and death and destruction if you're unwilling to kill every character at any minor incident.