lost
choi san x reader x jeong yunho.
words: 2.5k.
genre: angst/fluff.
summary: feelings hurt, especially when your best friends are involved.
warnings? none.
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San loved to watch you dance. As a dancer himself, he understood the thrill of performing on stage, showcasing your talents. And you were so talented at dancing. The fluidity that you had when you danced left San breathless. That was exactly how he felt right in that moment, seeing you twirl in front of him.
He was sitting comfortably on the couch in the dance room, his best friends Wooyoung and Yeosang either side of him. Both of them were also watching you, but neither of them felt as entranced by you as San did. There was just something about you that left him feeling light headed.
You finish the song with a powerful move that leaves you staring at your own reflection in the mirror very intensely. In that moment you looked like a warrior emerging from battle, victorious and powerful. Half a second later you jumped up, bringing your feet together before running over to the couch, looking like an excited puppy.
You bounce from foot to foot in front of the three boys as Mingi pauses the music in the corner of the room. Wooyoung doesnât hesitate in giving feedback, running his hands through his hair as he comments on every single step in your performance. Yeosang interjects with a comment every so often as well, and San could see you taking mental notes on every single word theyâd say.
âI think you looked really cool,â Mingi even chimes in whilst messing around on the stereo system. âLike, Iâve never seen someone end a dance so well before. You put San to shame!â
The compliment makes you blush, and you look so cute in an oversized sweater and shorts with your cheeks turning pink. San just wants to wrap his arms around you, bring you on to his lap and squeeze you against his chest. Instead he just smiles at you, painfully knowing that his dreams wonât become a reality.
âWhat did you think San?â You ask innocently, drawing the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands in the way he loves. Distracted, San has to clear his throat and struggles to form a coherent sentence.
âIncredible, as always,â San smiles at you, making you grin brightly. You spin on the spot, stretching your arms above your head as you mumble to yourself about the improvements. Sanâs heart is lifted as you step lightly, practising some of the steps again.
Wooyoung receives a phone call, and darts out of the training room as you ask Mingi to press play on the song again. You only focus on the parts of the song that you were told you needed to improve - that was no surprise, because you were the biggest perfectionist that San had ever met. It isnât until Wooyoung returns with a cold looking Yunho that San has his attention drawn away from you, and his heart crushed.
Yunho runs straight over to you and wraps you in a hug, making you squeal because of the cold coming from his coat. He kisses your cheek once, twice, and with each kiss San feels like itâs a bullet wound straight to his heart.
It wasnât fair. You were Sanâs friend first and foremost. Youâd been his best friend the whole way through school, joined the same entertainment company as him when you were both young and excited to have the world at your feet. He had been your shoulder to cry on, and you had been the one that had dealt with all the emotion of him debuting with ATEEZ.
He had slowly fallen in love with you over the years, but you had fallen in love with someone else.
That was why you were now glowing as you sat in a corner with Yunho, gazing at him with complete adoration as you listened to whatever he had to say. You hung off of every word that he said, which honestly San found ridiculous. Half the things Yunho said never made much sense, yet you still held them as gospel. Yunho was the same though; he was absolutely whipped for you, and would move mountains if you asked him to.
Only one person knew about Sanâs unrequited love for you, and he was looking at you with pity in his eyes. Mingi had paused the music now and was waving San over, trying not to drag the attention of Wooyoung or Yeosang, both who were chatting over Sanâs head about last nightâs variety show.
âSo Iâve been working on this rap recently, and I was wondering if you could read through it for me?â Mingi asks, and San is grateful for the distraction. Because Yunho was trying to wriggle his hands under your jumper to wind you up as you were complaining about his hands being cold against your warm skin. And San felt sick watching the pair of you.
So he focuses hard on the words in front of Mingi, but they swim in front of his eyes. He rubs them, knowing that he wasnât crying, and they blur back into focus. In the mirror he can see you follow Yunho out of the practice room, and Yeosang makes a whooping sound that makes the pair of you blush hard. San has to swallow the foul taste in his mouth afterwards.
Later that evening, Yunho finally returns to the dorm. He is looking somewhat disheveled, but still has this glow on his face that falling in love does to someone. Yeosang and Seonghwa pause their competitive game of Mario Kart and start teasing the boy, making him blush as he slumps into the sofa beside San. No matter what he does, he just canât seem to escape Yunho these days. It was almost as if the world wanted to rub it in that Yunho had one, and San hadnât.
âFun evening?â Hongjoong asks as he wanders into the main living space, headphones around his neck. He had been burrowed away in his room all evening, working on new music as usual. San had tried joining him to block out the thoughts that were bothering him so bad, but nothing creative was coming from him.
Eventually he could sense Hongjoong growing annoyed of his short temper, and left to read somewhere quiet. Only quiet wasnât a word that the rest of his group were familiar with, and as a result had to read a page three times before processing what the words meant.
âWasnât too bad,â Yunho giggles like a schoolboy, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets and resting his head against the wall. âUp to much?â
âWe can imagine you were,â Wooyoung snickers, making Yunho roll his eyes. Jongho covers his ears, clearly bothered at the thought. San felt the exact same, but wasnât going to draw unnecessary attention to himself. He just keeps his eyes focused on the book in his hands and pray that everyone else left him alone.
But naturally that wish would not be answered.
âSan, everything okay?â Yunho asks innocently, âyouâve been really quiet today. I havenât annoyed you, have I?â Mingi looks up from the game on his phone to raise an eyebrow.
âOf course you havenât,â San says as enthusiastically as he can. âIâm just not feeling one hundred percent. I think y/n might have given me the bug they were suffering from last week.â Yunho seems to believe you because he relaxes again, shutting his eyes as he rests.
âYeah, they are feeling much better now,â he replies, this dreamy tone in his voice that makes San feel sick.
âIâm sure they are after this evening,â Wooyoung remarks, making all the boys laugh again. San forces himself to laugh along to the crude jokes, but all he wanted to do was cover his head with a pillow and scream.
You were asleep in Yunhoâs bed when San returns to his room later that evening. The worst thing about his roommate dating his best friend is that he was sometimes subject to hearing the two of you talking late at night, or worse. For the most part though Yunho gives him a heads up on when youâll be staying over, or they will sleep at yours instead.
Yunho was still in the shower after practice, and you were exhausted from your own training all day. It was why you were passed out on the sheets like a hibernating bear, shivering slightly from the cold. San lets out a defeated groan before walking over to you, and covering you with Yunhoâs blanket.
âYunho?â You whisper quietly, reaching for Sanâs arms as he tries to step away. âI thought you said youâd be showering?â
âHe is. Itâs me, idiot,â San says, feeling a pain in his chest as you open one eye to inspect. The sleepy look on your face transforms into a smile as you recognise your childhood best friend, completely oblivious of his painful feelings for you.
âOh, hi idiot,â you pipe back, making him roll his eyes. San stands up and tries to leave you to sleep some more, sensing the exhaustion in your body. But you grip his wrist and pulled him back down. âNo, donât leave. Yunho takes so long in the shower, and youâve woken me up now. The least you can do is keep me company.â
âI was just trying to be a gentleman, Y/N! Stop being so hostile,â San chuckles, but takes a seat on the cold floor beside you anyway. You choose to ignore his words, and continue rattling on in a tired state.
âWe donât spend as much time together anymore, San,â you sigh, rolling on to your side and facing him. He was so close to your face, your lips, that his heart beat speed up and his cheeks would flush a lovely blossom pink. You donât notice, or at least donât point it out to him. âI miss you.â
âI miss you too,â San sighs, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he stares at you. What he would give to have you looking so loved up and warm on his bed, underneath his blanket, instead of Yunhoâs. His voice could be faintly heard down the corridor, and in the silence that follows, you smile at it.
âThen why donât we hang out as much?â You ask innocently, and itâs then that San truly realises that you have no idea what you are doing to him. That you donât understand the pain that hits him whenever you begin to glow when Yunho is mentioned. That you wouldnât know how much it affected him when you would sit next to Yunho instead of him now.
âBusy,â San mutters, dropping his head to his arms and staring at the door. Yunho had stopped singing now; he would be climbing out of the shower and getting ready to join you again. Time was running thin, and San was losing his opportunity to be entirely honest with you.
âBut the other boys are never as busy as you are. Iâm starting to think you are avoiding me, San,â you complain, sitting up and letting the blanket slip off of your shoulders. The adorable pout on your face makes Sanâs palms sweat; he was so hopeless when it came to you, it hurt.
âIâm not avoiding you, Y/N,â San sighs tiredly, running a hand through his hair. You watch his every move, searching for an answer as to why your best friend was growing so distant. He wanted to scream at you sometimes; why couldnât you realise that you were slowly killing him like this.
âThen why-â
âI donât know,â he says with a huff, âMaybe itâs because I donât feel youâve got any time for me anymore. You spend all your time with Yunho now, or with the other boys. You havenât got any time for just me.â
Once the words are out there, San regrets them immediately. That was far from how he wanted to tell you how he felt, and as you sat on Yunhoâs bed with your features looking crushed, he wanted to slap himself. Eat his words. Learn magic just so he could make you forget them.
âYouâre jealous,â you say, not sounding remotely bitter or angry at him. Just sad and disappointed. San had no problem handling you when you were angry - you had spent most of your teenage years wanting to start a fight with him, after all - but this would break him. âWhy didnât you say anything sooner, San?â
âI couldnât,â San chokes out, his throat closing in on him. âYou were too happy. You hadnât noticed. I-â
Yunho bursts into the room, his hair damp and messy and searching for you eagerly. He sees you sat up, raises an eyebrow at San who is sat beside you on the floor, before joining you on his bed.
âEverything okay San?â Yunho asks curiously, evidently noticing the change in atmosphere in the room. San nods, lifting himself from the floor gracefully and dragging himself to his drawers. He picks out some clothes to change to before darting down the hall to the shower. âY/N?â
âSan just said something that confused me, but itâs all okay,â you smile, moving over to make room for him. âFeeling better now?â
Yunho snuggles into your side happily, tracing your body with his fingers and teasing you into that sleepy state you were in fifteen minutes ago. But although you feel sleepy and loved by the boy, what San had said is still bothering you. You couldnât believe that you had let yourself ignore how he was feeling for so long, and want to apologise to him immediately. You wanted your dorky best friend back.
Yunho falls asleep instantly, hands wrapped tightly around your waist whilst he snoozes, hot breath fanning your shoulders. The door opens quietly, letting in a beam of light and the shouts of Yeosang losing at Mario. A figure slips inside the room, and you can tell by the silhouette that it is San.
âHey, San?â Your whisper makes him shoot into the air, clutching his chest as he stares at your lying figure. He traces Yunhoâs body beside you, sighs, and climbs into his own bed across the room.
âGoodness, Y/N, donât make me jump like that,â he whispers back, curling up alone in his sheets immediately. âWhy are you still awake?â
âIâm sorry,â you say, âI really am. Iâll try and be better from now on.â
Your words cut San down, because he knew that you were going to take the whole blame for yourself. It wasnât your fault he had a massive crush on you, and it wasnât your fault for being happy in a new and healthy relationship. But before San could convince you otherwise, you had rolled over and faced Yunho again, attempting to fall asleep.
And just like he did everytime, San had lost you again.









