fuck it gay little monkey

parker - he/him - 20

[todaysbird]

Today’s bird is: This black vulture trying to hang out with my neighbor’s ducks

(Video comes from my neighbor, it hung out with them for several minutes.)

[skeuo]

[woolandflax]

Ha I wonder how many strokes the most complex Chinese character has like maybe eightee-

[woolandflax]

Has a Chinese son, names him bèng-dá, and he hates me

[woolandflax]

My beloved son 䨻龘 just trying to write his name in kindergarten

[inthefallofasparrow]

[charlesoberonn]

Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

[charlesoberonn]

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

[gropeable-boychest]

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

[charlesoberonn]

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

[charlesoberonn]

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

[billspreston-esq]

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

[billspreston-esq]

[deathliker]

i have some too

[dingdongyouarewrong]

post tommy-needy-drinky tweets

[dingdongyouarewrong]

this is tommy needy drinky:

and this is a tommy needy drinky tweet:

i need to find other tweets with this same exact energy. i don't know why they just fuel me on a sick level somehow

[the-uncanny-dag]

Here's one, I think

[the-uncanny-dag]

Another one

[shiftythrifting]

Found this at a garage sale recently. There's a sticker on the bottom of the handle that says "galactic space pistol."

A couple interesting notes:

It apparently came from RadioShack originally

It is VERY old

It takes a 9-volt

It is loud enough to start the zombie apocalypse.

Here's a video of this ear-deletion machine in action:

!! VOLUME WARNING !!

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Galactic Noise Pistol; deals 2d4 Sonic damage to targets up to a hundred feet away.

[great-and-small]

Just found out my facebook birding group is public because my cousin (a lawyer who is not into birds) casually said to me “saw you couldn’t identify a willet the other day… pretty embarrassing”

[paper-mario-wiki]

new FreakTV bumper

[paper-mario-wiki]

ok uh

this video used to be a john wick video. you can check the tags and replies and see. and i didn't change it.

but now its a video about pulling some kind of lizard out of a car. why? why did tumblr decide after months of the video being up to randomly change it???

AND WHY IS THIS THE ONLY VIDEO IVE POSTED THAT WAS CHANGED????

screenshot just in case it goes away so nobody thinks im insane:

[paper-mario-wiki]

????????????

[ubercharge]

op is posting from tamriel. or perhaps the lands between

[excitementshewrote]

[solisaureus]

came home drunk last night and got way too excited to see my cat

[mpekamitzii]

Quick artistic rendition

[incaseyouart]

The way I saw the cut scene after unlocking the water temple :3 I just imagine Sidon going back to Yona all like “Babe I think I just accidentally proposed to Link and he didn’t seem mad about it???”

insta | tik tok | twitter | store

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[anidealshape]

the r/curatedtumblr -> tumblr migration is so funny to me. it's like going to the zoo and enjoying it so much you climb into the enclosure to live with the monkeys

[gremlin-pattie]

this reply evokes such an incredible image in the mind’s eye

[grox]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[deathwarlock]

wet slapping thang