To Crush Fate With Your Hands
He’s fully lost in thought, Sakura’s actions from this morning thundering around in his head, staring at the back of his princess’s head while she speaks with the merchants seated around the conference table, her voice steady as she navigates discussions of trade routes, market expansion, and the construction of new stalls, all while proposing festivals meant to draw people out of the monotony of their daily lives.
But nothing lingers more in his mind as the slightly frightened but hopeful smile his princess gives him when she glances over her shoulder, her hands clasped tightly together as though she’s holding her anxiousness in place.
His heart pounds, a loud thud he is so sure she can hear, and before he can think better of it, he’s stepping closer, drawn forward by nothing but a small lift of her hand. His twin tantos clink softly at his waist as he leans in beside her, careful not to crowd. Whether it is for his sake or hers, he’s not too sure. Her breath brushes faintly against his hair, and it sends a spark of warmth down his spine. Naruto fixes his attention firmly on the table in front of him, his gaze tracing the pattern of the bark instead of her face, too wound up from Sakura’s comment to risk turning his head.
“You must’ve met the soldier’s new captain before being assigned to me, correct?”
Naruto quietly marvels at how much easier she’s gotten with him these days, how the stiffness that used to hold him back has softened into something warmer, something trusting, and it fills him with a swelling pride to witness her inching closer to that girl in the photograph on her nightstand.
He shakes his head, just slightly before replying, “Not entirely, my lady. I believe I may have seen him once in passing, but I cannot claim to know him. Why do you ask?”
She chews at her lower lip, teeth catching the one part he dreams of-well, that is irrelevant. It’s a nervous habit, one that makes him shift his weight as he takes a half-step back, as if the distance would steady him. At the very least, he can look at her from here.
“I was hoping you had.” she admits softly. “It would’ve given me some idea of his character before meeting him”
The words pull him sharply out of his wandering thoughts about how her hair catches the sunlight, and how her eyes trace his face-
She nods, her gaze dropping briefly before returning to him. “I cannot ignore the barracks. They are my people just as much as anyone here, and I must support them this winter. But from what I’ve read in his file, he is capable of ending my life in the span of a breath, so…” A small, strained laugh escapes her, and she trails off, leaving the thought unfinished as it hangs heavy in the air.
His heartbeat seems to fall into the rhythm of her voice, the cadence of it pulling him along.
Soon, the door opens, and Kakashi sensei enters with an ease, his face uncovered by his mask, but he’s nearly unrecognisable in his transformation jutsu. Naruto stands at attention, schooling his features into neutrality, though the dull thump of his giddiness as seeing his sensei probably has his eyes twinkling, just as it did years ago. The conversation moves smoothly, two of the most competent people he knows flying through numbers and materials and god knows what else, before his sensei pauses at the end.
“Your highness, may I ask something?”
His princess’s face is open and trusting, all traces of the earlier nervousness gone. Her smile is warm and encouraging.
Goosebumps race along his skin as Kakashi sensei’s gaze fully diverts to him.
“Do you know if your personal guard is adequately equipped to ensure your safety, Your Highness?"
Naruto lets a flicker of offence cross his face, slipping back into the persona he has been maintaining, a hint of arrogance, a quiet challenge. Before he can even think to speak, his princess’s expression stills entirely, her warmth vanishing so abruptly that it forces him to look at her twice.
“Captain, I hope you aren’t implying that I am incapable of choosing my own guard.” There is no sharpness in her tone, but there is something unyielding beneath it that makes the statement land with force.
His sensei is putting up quite the act, Naruto thinks, slightly miffed. But even as his sensei apologises, the warmth he feels from her defending him has him fighting back a giddy smile.
“I only intended to request that he join us for training today, Your Highness. I apologize if my words suggested otherwise.”
His princess blinks, the tension in her shoulders easing as Kakashi sensei inclines his head in apology, though Naruto catches the way her fingers remain clasped together, knuckles pale beneath the gold rings adorning her hands. She was still uneasy. The room settles once more, though the shift is fragile, delicate in the way everyone is holding themselves still, not even breathing too hard, afraid to break the tentative cordialness. His princess lowers her gaze for a brief moment, lashes brushing against her cheeks as she thinks.
“I see.” she murmurs quietly. “Then I misunderstood your intentions.”
Kakashi sensei merely bows his head once more. “The fault lies with my phrasing.”
Naruto nearly snorts, swallowing it down with a breath, hoping his sensei didn’t notice the break in character. Kakashi sensei could lie through his teeth so smoothly it was frightening. Her attention shifts back toward Naruto then, and the faint uncertainty lingering in her expression twists something low in his chest. Something he doesn’t want to name, doesn’t want to notice how it makes his heart stutter with every flutter of her lashes as she studies him.
Kakashi sensei folds his arms loosely behind his back, expression unreadable beneath the transformation. “It would be wise for him to continue training while stationed here. Mercenaries without upkeep on their abilities tend to struggle finding work once contracts end.”
The words settle heavily in the room.
Naruto watches the way she stills entirely.
“Of course,” she says. “That makes perfect sense.”
Naruto suddenly wants Kakashi sensei out of the room.
“If you would like to go, you may,” she says softly, slightly turning her head to look over her shoulder once more. “I would not keep you from maintaining your skills.”
There is something restrained beneath the words, something careful and distant that had not been there before, and Naruto hates it instantly. Not visibly enough for anyone else to catch, perhaps. Not even for Kakashi sensei, who was focused on selling the act. But Naruto sees it in the slight slowing of her breathing, in the way her fingers loosen from one another before curling back into her palms.
Something sour crawls beneath his ribs. It makes him want to shout he won’t leave, will stay until he is so sure she is safe, but he can’t. The words die in his throat, his breathing normal, and he pushes himself down until a loyal shinobi of Konoha is the one steering the wheel. His princess smiles after a moment, though it is smaller now, dimmed somehow around the edges. It makes him want to turn the wheel of time itself to restore everything to the way it was. To remove the fragile shield that he sees in her eyes as he stares, even though his sensei is watching him keenly.
Instead, he holds still, nodding his assent, and she rises from her chair gracefully, smoothing her hands over the fabric of her sleeves. “If the captain would permit it, I would like to accompany you both to the barracks. I have delayed inspections for far too long.”
Kakashi sensei nods easily. “You would be welcome, Your Highness.”
The walk through the palace is quieter than usual. Naruto remains half a step behind her as always, though the distance feels wrong now, stretched thin with something he cannot name. There isn’t any staring in the reflections of the mirrors decorating the walls, or the in windows that let the sun stream through uninterrupted. No easy conversation, her half turning to smile at something witty he said. Here, she speaks politely with Kakashi sensei as they move through the halls, asking after supply lines and infrastructure with genuine interest, but every so often her gaze flickers toward Naruto before darting away just as quickly.
By the time they reach the barracks, the soldiers are already lined neatly across the training grounds, backs straightening the second they notice her approach, with her waving her hand and thanking them for taking time out of their day to appease her whims. Her words, not his. Naruto can feel their surprise ripple outward. Apparently, whoever had been visiting was not this respectful or courteous.
The inspection begins smoothly enough, Kakashi sensei leading her through armouries and supply rooms while Naruto trails after them, forcing himself not to stare at the way the wind catches the loose strands of her hair, forcing himself to look away when her eyes sparkle at the horses, hands automatically reaching to pat the shining coat of the animal nuzzling into her. He tries not to think about the fact that he notices the shoes she’s wearing are bothering her, or that his body turns towards the palace to grab new ones before he catches himself.
Eventually, Kakashi sensei stops in the center of the sparring grounds and glances toward Naruto.
“Well then,” he says lightly, though Naruto catches the command hidden beneath it. “Let us see whether your reputation is earned.”
Naruto scoffs automatically, slipping into his mercenary persona with ease. “Try not to cry when you lose, Captain.”
He cries internally, knowing that by saying that, he has signed his death penalty, if the narrowing of Kakashi sensei’s eyes don’t indicate that already. A few soldiers laugh nervously.
The spar begins with taijutsu. Naruto pulls his strikes carefully, conscious of appearances, though Kakashi sensei still drives him backward across the packed dirt with enough force to leave bruises blooming beneath his sleeves. He winces slightly, covering up the discomfort with a grin, his fangs slipping over his bottom lip. The movements are quick and sharp, the clash of limbs and redirected momentum echoing through the training grounds as dust kicks up around the area as Naruto tries his hardest not to get his ass beaten in front of everyone.
It’s in a turn to dodge a kick that he notices. Naruto catches her staring. Not politely, not distantly, but interested, eyes slightly wide, sparkling as she traces his body. The realization nearly gets him kicked in the ribs, his sensei’s foot grazing his uniform shirt. He recovers at the last second, twisting out of the way before launching forward again, heat crawling up the back of his neck, from the fact that he isn’t being stupidly impressive in front of his princess. The soldiers around them have gone fully silent now, watching the exchange with open fascination as Kakashi sensei finally draws a blade.
Naruto mirrors him with his tantos, pulling his face into something resembling a smirk. Steel sings as he raises his arms up to block the first strike. The unfamiliar weight settles into his palms instantly, grounding him in a way little else can, and soon the world narrows into movement and instinct and the sharp ring of metal colliding against metal. Kakashi sensei presses him hard enough that he is forced to stop holding back, spinning low before driving forward fast enough to send several nearby soldiers stumbling away from the pressure alone.
Naruto knows, fundamentally, that he is better than many of his academy cohort in terms of blades. Sure, he isn’t as fluid with a katana as Sasuke, or as brutal as Sakura with her axe, but he flourishes with short blades. And under the tutelage of Kakashi Hatake, who has had both samurai blood and shinobi training, he became even better.
Never as skilled as his sensei though.
There may be no one, save the Fourth, who could handle a sword the way his sensei does. The blade sings as Kakashi sensei does this clever manoeuvre that has Naruto stumbling on his feet, wrist smarting from where he blocked the flat of the sword. Kakashi Hatake makes the blade his own, makes it an extension of his person, and then proceeds to decimate anyone in his way. When he finally breaks apart from Kakashi sensei, breathing harder than he would like, the first thing he notices is her expression. Again.
His princess is looking at him like she had never truly seen him before.
Awed. He finally places a word to the expression she tries to hide as he approaches the sidelines. Awed.
The thought follows him for the rest of the day like a curse, even after the spar is over, and as he escorts her back to the palace. Even later, when the new uniforms arrive in neatly folded bundles of cream and muted gold, he still cannot shake it, the warmth that followed the realization. The palace staff bustle excitedly through the corridors as garments are distributed, Sakura immediately commandeering the entire process with frightening efficiency while Sasuke vanishes the second measuring tape appears within five feet of him, mumbling out half hearted excuses as his princess laughs and lets him go.
Naruto ends up stationed uselessly near the mirrors as she reluctantly allows Sakura to fuss over her.
“This one,” Sakura says decisively, pushing a lighter outer jacket into her arms. “The embroidery matches the wing you mainly reside in, and it’ll make the attendants look cohesive with the ambiance of the sun-lit corridors. Plus, it is like the color was made for you, Your Highness."
His princess laughs softly beneath her breath before slipping the jacket over her shoulders.
Naruto looks up automatically, his head always tracking her movements.
The fabric shifts just slightly as she adjusts the collar, enough for dark markings to flash briefly along the curve of her right shoulder. Lines, not ink for tattoos, as he’s seen on his travels with Pervy Sage. Not scars, like the ones that marred Sakura’s arm until she healed them.
Seals. Seals he never even sensed. Seals, clearly branded on her body.
His stomach drops to his feet.
The glimpse vanishes almost instantly beneath layers of cream fabric and gold trim, but the image brands itself into his mind all the same, the twisted lines flashing in the corners of his vision.
His princess tilts her head. “Naruto?”
He startles hard enough to nearly embarrass himself, flashing her an inquiring smile that wars with the state of his mind.
“You look pale,” she says quietly.
He forces the grin on his face to be brighter, forces the lines marring his vision to disappear. “Just hungry, probably.”
Sakura narrows her eyes at him from across the room, suspicion flickering immediately across her face, but Naruto looks away before she can dig deeper. He doesn’t want her to see, to find what is burrowing into his heart. He isn’t even sure if he wants to know what this ugly feeling is. The rest of the evening passes in a blur. Meetings that take far too long because of ministers Yama has paid off, reports that his princess listens to with rapt attention while he struggles to not fall asleep, dinner where the servants interact with her, glowing in their own uniforms and colors, different from the black and blue of the daimyo. Her voice lingers in his head even when she doesn’t speak, the cadence of his name from her lips playing on repeat, a regular ringing in his ears.
The marks linger in his thoughts through all of it, winding tighter and tighter around his ribs until breathing itself feels difficult. He tells himself to let it go, to just tell Kakashi that she has suspicious seals, even if that means that the mission would show her as a threat. Tells himself that watching her during her nightly solitude would be a betrayal he has no right committing, had no right to place his eyes upon her, to intrude on clearly what is her last safe space in this godforsaken place. Tells himself it is none of his business what happens, tells himself that maybe he doesn’t need to talk about the seals at all, to scrub them from his memory.
But another thought claws louder through the guilt.
What if it’s hurting her? What if it’s dangerous?
The possibility settles cold and heavy inside him. And once it takes root, he cannot ignore it anymore. So as she retires into her room for the rest of the evening to finish some paperwork, he lets the guilt and fear wash over him. Night falls slowly over the palace, pushing itself into the halls, draping over the corridors, pools of amber candlelight and long shadows stretching in leisure on the floor, keeping him company. Naruto stands outside her chamber doors as servants flutter by, then start dwindling one by one, footsteps fading into silence as the hours pass by. The familiar hum of the seals buzz over his skin, sharp and waiting. Watching.
His princess creaks the door open, stepping out with a candle holder. He steps back, bowing his head as he smiles. She bids him goodnight as usual, that same soft smile she always gives him, though it falters briefly at the edges when he meets her eyes.
“Do try to get some rest tonight,” she says quietly. “You looked exhausted all afternoon.”
The guilt nearly chokes him, cackling in his ears as he tries not to let his smile fall.
Naruto bows his head again, unable to hold her concerned gaze for any longer. “I’ll be fine, my lady.”
As usual, she doesn’t comment on the fact that he’s the only one who calls her that, doesn’t comment on how his voice gets lower, and how he stares at her as if he is starved, doesn’t comment on the fact that she always settles a little, always tucks her hair behind her ear.
Her fingers tighten slightly around the candleholder in her hands, warm light flickering across her face as though uncertainty itself had taken shape in gold.
“Very well,” she murmurs. Then she disappears behind her chamber doors.
Naruto goes back to his room and waits. One hour, two. The palace settles into stillness, the distant sounds of servants going to their rooms and guards dissolving into the quiet rhythm of nighttime. However, his thoughts grow louder with every passing second, turning and running around in his head endlessly.
This was wrong, and he knows it.
Every fibre of his being, every instinct in him recoils at the idea of following her and staying at the one place she retreats to for reprieve, when the walls become too tight around her ribs, as she once sang. It was the only thing in this palace that belonged to her.
But those marks were not natural, and he knows that as well.
The longer he thinks about them, the more something deep inside him twists with unease.
So when her chakra finally shifts beyond the doors, moving softly through the room as she prepares to leave, Naruto rises soundlessly from where he had been leaning against the wall in the corridor. The seals get neutralized under his fingers with practiced ease, and he slips inside as he hears his princess land on the ground below her window.
He walks slowly, and by the time he reaches the forest, the moon has already climbed high into the sky, pale liquid silver filtering through tree canopies overhead as he tracks her chakra signature deeper into the trees. His movements are quieter tonight, more careful somehow, as though the forest itself might be witness to the grave crime he is committing.
She reaches the lake quickly.
Naruto settles into the brush several yards back, forcing himself to remain still as she kneels near the water’s edge. For a long moment, she simply sits there, humming under her breath.
Moonlight spills over her shoulders and caresses her as she untangles the ribbons from her hair, strands tumbling freely down her back while her notebook lays abandoned beside her. The night air shifts softly around him, as if trying to make him leave, but it carries the faint scent of rain and wildflowers as she stares out across the water in silence.
Then, slowly, she stands.
Naruto immediately looks away.
Heat crawls viciously up his neck, making him want to slap himself in disgust, the sounds of fabric rustling quietly against skin somewhere beyond the brush and trees, and he squeezes his eyes shut hard enough to ache.
God, this was such a mistake.
Water splashes softly moments later, and she starts to sing softly. The sound tears straight through him, through skin and muscle and bone and straight through his soul.
Her voice curls through the forest like grief given form, raw and trembling beneath the weight of something so profoundly lonely that Naruto feels it settle beside his own in his chest, beside the heartbeat that has been alone for so long. He listens despite himself, jaw tightening as the notes rise and fall over the water, fragile and strong and devastating all at once.
And through it all, he waits, because now that he knows the marking exists, he cannot unknow it. The opportunity comes sooner than he expects.
A shift of water, and a sharp exhale, and he glances up before he can stop himself.
Moonlight is still draped across her shoulders, still spills down her back as she turns partially through the water, thin fabric clinging translucent against damp skin, and for one horrible moment, where he fights to not look down, his brain forgets how to function entirely.
The seal stretches across her right shoulder blade and down in dark, intricate lines, branching outward, forming a perfect rectangle. It sings here, and he can feel the stark buzz of this seal against his own chakra, but he can’t help but think of the lines as fractured roots beneath her skin.
And Naruto stops breathing. Not because the seal is there, but because he knows it. He can’t put a name to it, can’t figure out its functionality, can’t even understand the base of the design, but something about the shape of it digs violently into his memory. It’s familiar in a way that makes his stomach twist hard enough to hurt, his pulse roaring in his ears as he tries desperately to memorize the pattern, eyes tracing the central matrix and placement of the hundreds of supplements, the branching formulas that surround it all.
There’s storage clearly, with some suppressors but only for certain signatures, and containment.
Not containment, but protection. The realization slams into him so suddenly he nearly falls backwards. His princess shifts again in the water and Naruto tears his gaze away instantly, horror and guilt crashing over him anew. He retreats before he intrudes any longer, feeling nauseous as he slips through the trees in frantic silence as her voice continues echoing behind him.
He doesn’t return to his room. Instead, he tracks down the only other alert chakra signature in the palace. Kakashi sensei is seated alone in front of his quarters, papers spread loosely across a crate beneath dim candlelight, the unused servant corridor hauntingly quiet. His head lifts immediately at Naruto’s approach, his eyes full with that amusement as he watches his student.
If only Naruto didn’t know what he did.
“Missed your sensei this much?” he says, laughter dancing on the edges of his voice.
Naruto opens his mouth, then hesitates. Kakashi sensei looks at him closer. Something cold settles in between his ribs. “I found something.”
Kakashi sensei stills. Naruto explains quickly, voice low but hurried as he recounts the seal in detail, drawing out what he can remember in the dust coating the walls. His sensei stands behind, watching, hands in his pockets, but Naruto can feel him straightening from his slouch the more he continues.
“It is on the back, on the right shoulder blade, about 6 inches in length. I saw it during the uniform fitting.”
He is so sure that he can get court martialed for lying to his superior’s face, but his princess’s laugh and voice are still ringing in his ears, and he can’t forget how she looks at him when he’d tuck her hair behind her ear. So he lies to protect her. He talks, while trying desperately to ignore the guilt threatening to claw its way up his throat. The more he speaks, the quieter Kakashi sensei becomes, and the more he fears for her.
By the end, the corridor has gone completely silent. Naruto frowns slowly. “Kakashi sensei?”
He turns fully to his sensei, eyes widening at the change. Kakashi sensei is staring at the floor now, utterly motionless beneath the candlelight, and something about the stillness sends unease crawling sharply down Naruto’s spine. The warmth that usually lingers around his sensei has vanished in its entirety, stripped away so abruptly it feels wrong. When he finally speaks, his voice is flat, and Naruto finally realizes this is the same commander who was standing in the room with him on the first day for the mission briefing,
“Naruto. Are you absolutely certain this is what you saw?”
Naruto nods immediately, the urgency to know his princess’s safety spurring him on. “Yeah, I memorized as much as I could.”
Then, finally, Kakashi sensei exhales slowly through his nose and plants himself squarely in Naruto’s field of vision, every trace of casual ease disappearing beneath something colder, something even sharper.
“The mission parameters have changed. This is now a S-class investigation.” his eyes never even budge from the seal.
Naruto feels as though the ground has been ripped out from underneath him.
“What does the seal mean?”
Kakashi sensei’s gaze snaps towards him, unrelenting and hard enough to pin him in place. “You are not to investigate further on your own.” The words land like a command, and he straightens automatically.
“You will continue behaving normally around her,” he interrupts, “No questions or changes in routine. If she is suspicious of you, this becomes infinitely more dangerous.”
The word echoes in his mind. Dangerous. Not problematic, or complicated, but dangerous.
Naruto suddenly feels horribly awake.
His sensei turns away briefly, one hand pressing against his face as though he is forcing himself to think. When he looks back, his face is shuttered, all emotions and reactions blocked.
“I’ll need regular updates from you directly,” he states. “Request additional combat training with me. It will justify the contact without raising suspicion.”
Naruto can just nod numbly in response. But even Kakashi sensei speaks strategy, speaks about contacting the Hokage and getting clearance, another thought keeps clawing through his mind.
Or rather, his princess’s face, her smile, how her eyes crinkle when he says something particularly clever. Then how she’d looked today. Hesitant, asking for his wellbeing even though it was clear he would be gone soon, eyes glimmering in the candlelight.
And now, Kakashi sensei looked like someone had unearthed a ghost. When he’s dismissed, Naruto picks his way through the forest, his head pounding with the onslaught of the evening and night. He stumbles into his room, head spinning, and face plants onto the bed.
The palace rises around him in fragments of sound and movement long before dawn fully breaks, servants shuffling through corridors while cooks begin preparing breakfast below. He stands outside her chamber doors with exhaustion clawing at his bones, every thought from the night before lodged painfully beneath his ribs, but he hides it as the maids come to chat him up, buries it deep inside as he winks at the maid who hands him a sandwich, doesn’t let it show how much he struggles to swallow. And when he is waiting for her, alone in the hall now, the thoughts get louder.
The seal. Kakashi sensei’s face, His princess staring up at him. His orders.
He hears movement from within the room and straightens automatically just before the doors open. His princess steps into the corridor dressed simply this morning, pale fabric falling softly around her frame while sleep still lingers faintly in her eyes. The sight of her twists something ugly inside his chest now, because all he can think about are black markings disappearing beneath silk. And the fact that he had looked. Her expression brightens the second she sees him.
“Good morning,” she says softly.
Naruto forces himself to smile, bowing his head slightly as his head spins.
The nickname slips out before he can stop it.
Her eyes widened slightly. Then her smile turns impossibly warmer. Guilt nearly guts him. Breakfast passes quietly. She speaks more than usual, filling the silence with small observations about weather patterns and merchant complaints and Sakura’s ongoing war against poorly stitched sleeves, but Naruto finds himself struggling to respond naturally. Every time she looks at him, all he can hear is Kakashi sensei’s voice.
No changes in routine. No suspicion.
But he has never been good at hiding from people who matter to him. Can never fully scrub his heart off his sleeve entirely.
By midday, she is watching him carefully.
The realization settles over him during one of her smaller meetings, where he stands near the wall half listening to negotiations while trying not to think about seals and protection matrices that felt familiar against his memory.
“Thank you for attending.”
The room empties quickly beneath her quiet dismissal, servants bowing as they disappear into the halls until only the two of them remain. Silence settles between them. His princess sets down her pen slowly before lifting her gaze toward him.
Naruto immediately shakes his head. “No, I’m fine.”
The look she gives him makes heat crawl up his neck.
“You have barely looked at me all day,” she says softly. “You’ve answered questions three seconds after I asked them, which means you were not listening, and you nearly walked into a servant carrying boiling tea earlier.”
Naruto winces. Half of it is because of the guilt, and half of it comes from what he will do next when she asks, because he knows her so well, he knows she will ask. And he will take advantage of that.
Her expression softens instantly. “Did something happen?”
The concern in her voice makes the guilt unbearable. Because something had happened. He had violated the one sanctuary she had left. And now he was lying to her face. Naruto looks away sharply, jaw tightening hard enough to ache, trying to swallow down the bile crawling up his throat. He can’t look at her as he says this, can’t look at the one thing he’s ever wanted more-
“I was thinking,” he says slowly, forcing the words out past the weight in his throat, “that maybe I should continue training with the captain.”
The shift in her expression is immediate, nothing dramatic or loud, just quiet hurt, like a candle dimming. It reminds him of their midnight conversations outside her door, and reminds him that he is shattering any chance he ever had with his own two hands. But for her safety, for him to protect her, he’ll suffer. He will punish himself over and over, but if it keeps her safe, then, what else is there to say?
“Oh,” she breathes, voice tight.
The single syllable lands harder than any punch ever has. Naruto’s chest twists violently.
“I just mean,” he starts quickly, stumbling over himself, “for work. After this mission ends and everything.”
There it is again. That awful tiny flinch at the words. After this mission ends. His princess lowers her gaze to the papers spread across the desk, fingers curling slightly against the wood as though steadying herself, as though preparing to say words she doesn’t want to.
“Of course,” she murmurs. “You should think about your future.”
Naruto hates himself. The distance between them suddenly feels unbearable. Before he can think better of it, he crosses the room in three quick strides and crouches in front of her chair, hands settling gently against her own. She startles softly. He knows his duty, but he won’t let it hurt her. He is one to pay.
He shows up for her as he actively hurts her. Naruto tilts his head upward until she has no choice but to look at him fully. The least he can do for her is look her in the eyes as he wounds her. Her eyes are already shining. The sight nearly destroys him.
“If there was a way for me to stay,” he says quietly, the words leaving him before he can stop them, “I would.”
Her breath catches, eyes fluttering as she stares. Naruto’s grip tightens slightly against her hands, careful and warm and desperate in a way he does not fully understand. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. But he knows he means it.
She stares at him like he has just cracked something open inside her chest. Then she laughs softly through the beginnings of tears, shaking her head once.
“You would hate it here eventually,” she whispers.
Naruto frowns immediately. “No I wouldn’t.”
The conviction in his own voice startles him. Her gaze searches his face for something long and silent, and whatever she finds there makes her expression crumble at the edges.
“But I cannot afford you,” she admits softly, voice trembling faintly. “Not if I want enough put away for winter provisions.”
The honesty of it hurts more than if she had lied. Naruto feels his heart crack quietly down the middle. Because she sounds devastated by it too. And he knows her well enough that he knows she’ll let him go. It’s one of the reasons why he said what he did. Let her believe in the unfortunate situation, and he doesn’t need to tell her why she shouldn’t even have him here in the first place. His thumbs brush instinctively against her hands, softer than what he could’ve ever imagined, callouses on her fingers from when she works, grounding himself in the warmth of her beneath his palms.
“Then I’ll just have to get cheaper,” he says weakly, trying for humor.
A watery laugh escapes her despite herself. There she is. His princess. The girl from the photograph. Her eyes crinkle at the edges as she interlaces her fingers with his, and his heart nearly explodes. His gaze drinks her in, trying to commit her to memory before everything changes. He glances down to her lips. Naruto smiles helplessly at the sight of her before forcing himself to pull away, because staying close any longer feels dangerous in an entirely different way now.
“I should go,” he murmurs.
She nods once, though her eyes follow him as he rises. By the time Naruto reaches the doorway, the heaviness in his chest feels almost suffocating. Because now he has lied to her again.
And somehow, the second one hurts far more than the first.
Yeah so I'm so sorry I died. This beast of a ch is about ten words short of 6k. I lowkey died. Unedited. I'll get to it later. All chapters are under the tag To Crush Fate With Your Hands.
