#aroallophobia

[ugly-anarchist]

People on this site cannot or intentionally refuse to distinguish between systemic oppression and lateral mistreatment and it's a massive problem.

Me talking about how other queer people target me for having masculine traits isn't me saying that cisallohet perisex men are oppressed for being men and feminism sucks and lesbians are evil.

Me pointing out how late diagnosed autistic people treat me like an other for getting a diagnosis early isn't me saying late diagnosed people are privileged and have power over me.

Me saying that aroaces have mistreated me and pushed me out of aspec spaces as an alloaro isn't me saying that aroaces are my oppressors and they don't belong in aro spaces.

"Can the people who are in the same community as me but have different experiences please stop treating me like shit" isn't me saying that I'm the most oppressed person on the planet and no one but me suffers. I'm just asking you to stop treating me like shit. That shouldn't be a controversial statement.

Not everything is about privilege and oppression, sometimes people are just dicks and maybe it's you.

[spoon-the-raccoon]

"We need more weird queers!" You can't handle actual queerness. The only queerness you can handle is heteronormative queerness of top and bottom same sex couples, strict binary trans people and Non-binary folks as a third gender. Don't even get me started how you can't handle anything above monogender, monosexual or monogamous. You can't handle arospec and acespec and any mixture of the two, especially aroallos. You can't handle intersex people just existing to be honest. Anything that challenges your shallow worldview of how things work is 'made up' or 'trying to win the oppression Olympics'.

You can't handle real queer people in the real queer world. If you said any of your shitty takes in real queer spaces nobody would trust you.

To you, being queer is just cishet+

[radioactive-yuri]

everybody in fandom could have so much more fun if they started playing around with aromantic identities more. why is it that the only time a character is headcanoned as aromantic, they're headcanoned as aroace. why is it that the only aspec microlabels ever included in headcanons are the asexual ones. there are so many characters that would be infinitely more interesting to interpret as aromantic or aro-spec. ask me about it. ask me about it

[sweetpea67]

Are you taking anyone to prom?

My wedding day was the best day of my life, and I can’t wait for yours.

A loser like that has to be a virgin. No woman would ever fuck him.

That boy over there looks pretty cute, doesn’t he?

Oh, who do you have a crush on?

Nuclear families are the basis of society.

Over twenty and you haven’t had your first kiss?

Romantic love is the strongest bond a person can have.

Men only want one thing. Good luck finding one who can go without it.

Are you straight or gay?

That’s just how women are.

I don’t think you can have sex without falling for the person a little.

Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. Love makes the world go round!

I felt the same way when I was your age.

That sounds lonely.

You just haven’t found the right person yet

[enderhasentered]

In reference to something I've seen quite a bit on posts about AroAllos talking about the stigma we face

I want to clarify that this is a topic with nuance, and obviously AroAces also face stigmatization and marginalization. What this comic is about is people who feel the need to comment about their own struggles on posts not made for them.

While yes, AroAces are underrepresented, this should not be brought up to discredit AroAllos talking about the erasure and stigma we face as a result of being AroAllo and not AroAce.

AroAces get more representation and visibility because AroAllos are viewed negatively just because we don't experience romantic attraction in turn with sexual attraction and this experience is unique to us. Dismissing what we go through only furthers the stigma.

Please remember that different identities have different experiences and someone talking about theirs isn't an invitation to look for who's "more oppressed".

[demiro-halo]

Man I just don't get allorose people sometimes.

Because I'm looking at the reviews of a M/M romance book I read recently and a concerningly high amount of people are taking umbrage with one of the protagonists having sexual relationships before getting with the other protagonist. Because apparently this means that he doesn't truly romantically love the other character and him alone. I thought it was pretty clear that no, he doesn't have romantic feelings for any of the other people he sleeps with, and his most prominent FWB relationship is pretty firmly rooted in platonic and sexual attraction with no expectations of ever becoming romantic—in large part because the FWB is aroallo.

Like I'd get it if he was doing all this whilst dating the other character, without his express consent to an open relationship, but no, at this point in the book he's single and free to hook up with whoever the fuck he likes. I've even seen a couple reviews outright call it cheating! Like what the fuck?????

It feels like so much of this is rooted in amatonormative ideas about how there should only ever be One Person you are romantically and sexually intimate with at a time, that sex without romantic love is inherently impure, shallow, etc. And it's infuriating! Because the FWB pretty much turns to the camera and says "I'm aroallo" and the book does a pretty good job at positively portraying a friendship that also involves mutual sexual attraction, but some people seem to be fit and determined to insist that sex without romance, especially with multiple partners, is A Bad Thing Actually.

[this-is-arophobia]

I'm not too sure if this counts as an appropriate submission (and you're more than welcome to delete it if it doesn't), but I thought this was one of the few places I can talk about this in

Basically, I'm in a Discord server for a game series, and despite the game in question having a lot of explicit content, there's this one guy who decided that his entire personality is the fact that he thinks sex is disgusting. He's not acespec as far as I'm aware, but whenever someone so much as hints at something sexual, he throws a huge fit and cries about how disgusted he is about it. Several people, including the mods, have confronted him about this behaviour, yet his response every single time is just to play the victim and claim his reason is just because he has a "wholesome mindset". The owner of the server is very strict on not banning people unless they break a serious rule, so until this guy just straight-up says "I hate aroallo people", we're all stuck with him

I blocked this guy after his first tantrum, so I kind of didn't care about this. I thought he was aware I don't like him because my few replies to him have been very snappy, so I thought he'd leave me alone... Until he joined my thread

See, the threads were created so folks in the server can share off-topic art, and I've been using mine to talk about my non-fandom OC's. Two of them have a friends-with-benefits relationship, with one of them specifically being an aro lesbian. The other is alloro, and while she is kind of in love with her, she respects her identity and is perfectly fine with their dynamic. The other is fully aware of this crush and likes to jokingly tease her about it, but once again, the alloro girlie doesn't mind. Since the server is 13+, I don't go into graphic detail about their sexcapades, but I do share some suggestive stuff and tend to focus on platonic things involving them

Enter the infamous "I hate sex" guy

He mostly just seems to lurk in my thread, until I even so much as reference my aro gal... so he can announce his massive hate boner for her. I post a completely SFW picture I commissioned of her? He comments how I wasted my money and should've spent it on a different OC. I post my writing involving her? He complains that it would've been better if I wrote about another OC instead. I bring up her dynamic with the alloro girlie? He whines about how she "deserves better than someone who doesn't love her". I post art of the two of them kissing? He says that the aro girl is "leading her on" and "playing with her heart". I post cropped and heavily censored NSFW with the two of them? He screams about how me and her are "gooners" who "need to be put in horny jail"

I hate confrontation and requested for my friends to just ignore him, since I thought he'd stop once he saw none of us reacting. When he showed no signs of that, though, I did unblock just to DM him and tell him to knock it off... to which he ignored me. I did try to privately sort it out several more times, but once I realised he was just going to keep completely ignoring me, I did snap and decide to publicly call him out in my thread. I wasn't as mean as I probably should've been, but I simply stated that his comments had been making me uncomfortable, and that I'd like him to either silently lurk or unfollow the thread if he wasn't going to change his behaviour. I also brought up how his comments have made me demotivated to share any of my OC's in the server

His response? He says that all of that was just a joke between friends and that I'm being too sensitive. I replied with "We're not friends", and he only responded with "Wow, rude"

At the very least, this was my breaking point to block him again and make a private server for my little guys... and now he cries in the fandom server about how "heartless" I am for "gatekeeping" my OC's from him because he apparently liked everyone else besides my one aroallo character...

this is alloarophobia

this guy... i am at a genuine loss for words. as long as everything (the nsfw im on about here) is put under a filter/warning i dont see what this guys problem is. also u can 'gatekeep' ur ocs from whoever u want. theyre ur ocs after all and therefore u can do whatever u want with them and if he doesnt like that then boo hoo he should make his own ocs.

i think discord needs to implement betting blocking. so if u block a user they cant see and/or interact with things u post in a server. alas this is discord were on about

am also going to tag @this-is-antikink here mainly due to the whole 'sex = bad' idea he has and the gooner comments

[aroallo-corvid]

Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality

[plain text: Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality]

I am aromantic and allosexual. I am also (as of writing this) a minor. TLDR at the end because I rambled on a bit.

There's a view in society that sexuality and sex are topics that are entirely irrelevant to children and should not be discussed around/with children because it is inappropriate/predatory. And to an extent, there is a point to that, and any discussions of sex and sexuality should be age-appropriate (e.g. an eleven year old would not receive the same sex ed as a sixteen year old because there is a vast difference in experience)

However, thinking like this leads to teenagers not being given proper sex education because they are "too young", which is wildly ignorant of the fact that a decent proportion of teenagers older than sixteen are sexually active. I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16, and I know plenty of people who were in relationships aged 14/15 were having sex. (Whether they weer mature enough to is another matter, but it's important to acknowledge that it does happen so there is no point ignoring this).

This rhetoric also leads to the belief that teens (and younger kids) shouldn't be coming out as gay/lesbian/bisexual/asexual/aromantic/etc. because they are too young to be thinking about sexuality and sexual attractiveness, which just.... isn't true. Many young people have crushes, and as the majority of people are allosexual, this does often involve sexual attraction as people mature through puberty.

Within the queer community, people have said that it is perfectly fine and normal and common for teenagers to come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual - Because if a teen can be straight, they can also be queer. These arguments are all set out beautifully and the points well made.

Yet.

Some people exclude aroallo people from that. They say that teens can be asexual, because they can know they aren't experience sexual attraction like their peers, and teens can be aromantic as well as asexual because they can realise they also aren't experiencing romantic attraction. But when a teenager says they are on the aromantic spectrum but still allosexual, often the same people who defend teens' rights to be (for example) bisexual turn around and say "you're too young for that".

Why?

Honestly, it comes down to sex-negative views that sex is inherently impure/disgusting, and of course children are the perfect example of purity and innocence, so they shouldn't be thinking about such "dirty" topics.

Of course a teenager can be asexual, that distances them from icky gross sex & means they would likely to be only engaging in chaste, pure, wonderful romance. Of course a teenager can be aroace, that makes them little cinnamon infantile babies, safe from all sexuality. (/sarcasm) (Also completely ignores the existence of sex-favourable aces and aroaces)

It comes off as very hypocritical though, because a teenager identifying as bisexual but not aromantic (so biromantic, but that distinction isn't typically made) is seen as acceptable, when they are expressing the same sexual desires as a teenager who is bisexual and aromantic. The only difference is that the first teenagers' sexuality is seen to be "balanced out" by the presence of nice wholesome romance.

tldr: if teenagers can identify as bisexual/gay/lesbian/pansexual/etc. whilst being alloromantic, it is hypocritical to say a teenager cannot identify as one of the above sexualities whilst being aromantic, because romance is not inherently more pure than sex and sex is not inherently impure.