✧varian✧

they/he ★ adult ★ multigender trans man, queer, polyam ★ multiple disabilities, be patient picrew in pfp

[fallenstarcat]

im autistic and have albinism / am albino ❌

assigned AA battery at birth ✔️

[fallenstarcat]

this is even funnier now im diagnosed with asthma

[variansinterests]

I can’t draw but I wanted to make a comic using vampires as a sort of metaphor for disorders induced by trauma so I made one!

I could write a whole essay about how vampires are not inherent evil or whatever lol. If you’re wondering why I chose vampires: someone who was subjected to great violence and was changed because of it. They have the capacity for harm sure, but everyone does. They are vilified for it when other people are no better. Vampires do not have to be violent or kill to eat, and people with trauma induced disorders (I was mostly talking from the perspective of BPD, but others are welcome) are not inherently abusive or violent. We are both subject to stigma that believes we are inherently evil no matter what we do.

[mossworth]

Guys, queers. Specifically my fellow queers.

I work at a library. We do this thing where, every so often, we weed the collection. It hurts to see books go, but it's necessary to make sure there's room in the library for new materials.

I have seen so much support for the library in text, and I've seen folks pass around those beautiful "queer your library" flyers. Keep doing that. That's great. Nothing wrong with that. But you HAVE to turn your words into action. We MUST remember to actually go to our local organizations and libraries and actually, with our own fucking hands, interact with these materials we want to see more of.

My branch is medium-sized for a library, maybe a little small. We don't have as many materials as I'd like, but we have fundamentals. Tell me why, even with all the verbal support I've gotten from my local community for the library as a resource for our LGBT+ community, every single trans biography and a good chunk of our vaguely queer theory books were on the list. This isn't a scheme to take the books off the shelves, it isn't another bigoted American governmental push. The only thing we look at when we weed is how long it's been since the last time the item was checked out.

Three years.

No one in my community interacted in any meaningful way with the few books on trans life and history we physically had on the shelves for three fucking years.

I promise you the materials you want and need are there, but this isn't a horde. This isn't a static safety net. You have to use them. You MUST use them or, in the future, maybe in three years, they *won't* be there anymore.

This isn't a vague post, there's no one person I'm hinting at or calling out. I'm not even talking directly to anyone who's directly in my line of sight. I just want everyone to hear this. Big library, small library, whatever. Doesn't matter. Please, we cannot be losing our shelf visibility like this.

[fallenstarcat]

“you’re so inspirational!” girl i just bought more candles even though i already have so many i can’t store the new ones anywhere but the floor. don’t be inspired by me. calm down

[fallenstarcat]

something i’ve seen literally no one talk about is how texas has determined HRT for people under 18 is illegal and child abuse, and they must be weaned off. this has been my life for about 2 years. i’m an adult now and it’s still having negative impacts on my life, i’m still fighting. please please don’t forget us. we’re fighting and no one can see it.

[fallenstarcat]

from the beginning of the week! in the middle my youngest sibling gave me a cat plush xe won!

[ibtisams-deactivated20241104]

MASTERLIST OF VETTED GOFUNDMES

My lists:

Verified GFM List #1

Verified GFM List #2

Verified GFM List #3

Verified GFM List #4

Verified GFM List #5

Verified GFM List #6

Verified GFM List #7

Verified GFM List #8

Verified GFM List #9

Verified GFM List #10

Verified GFM List #11

Verified GFM List #12

Verified GFM List #13

Verified GFM List #14

Additional resources:

Hussein/Nairuz’s verified gofundme spreadsheet

@gaza-evacuation-funds

@gazavetters/their spreadsheet

[fallenstarcat]

varian using a belt the proper way instead of for the aesthetic ⁉️

[lastoneout]

*grabbing young queer people by the shoulders* listen to me. radical feminism is inherently transphobic. you cannot rehabilitate it or reclaim it or make it trans inclusive, I don't care what the people on twitter who claim to be authorities on queerness say. the foundation of radical feminism is nothing but bio and gender essentialism and biphobia and aphobia and anti-kink rhetoric and intersexism and yes, misogyny. it does not offer a future, not for bi people, aroace people, sex workers, not for kinksters, or intersex people, cis women, or trans people regardless of gender and you should care about those people. it will never result in queer liberation because it is an ideology of exclusion and hatred. you gain nothing by buying into the idea that half the population is evil by birth or by transition. you gain nothing by acting like women are perpetual victims who can't think for themselves and are tainted by their association with men. being a man or being attracted to them is not a sin. if we truly want to stand a chance of dismantling the patriarchy we actually NEED men on our side especially marginalized men. they are our allies.

the problem with terfs is not just transphobia, it never was, the radical feminism is also so unbelievably harmful. you cannot save it and it will not save you, stop drawing lines between queer people and join hands with them instead. remove people who are actually harmful, not innocent people who happen to have the wrong sexuality or gender or job. we get there together or we don't get there at all. we need each other now more than ever. do not listen to those who seek to divide us even if they are queer. we all deserve so much better than the hell radical feminism pretends is a liberated future.

I do not blame anyone who fell prey to this rhetoric, I know it feels good to have a common enemy and lash out at those you think are siding with them however they do it, but men, especially marginalized men, are not your enemies. and it's never too late to realize that and change for the better.

[fallenstarcat]

ive been out for 5 years and i just wore a proper suit for the first time last month

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent found a haircut that gave me gender euphoria and i liked at once

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent figured out a clothing style that gave me gender euphoria and i liked at once

ive been out for 5 years, legally changed my name and gender for 3, and i still havent settled on a name enough to claim it as mine fully

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent gotten top surgery, which ive wanted for longer than ive wanted T (which ive been on for 3 years)

ive been out for 5 years and i still get misgendered by strangers constantly, dont pass no matter how hard i try

ive been out for 5 years and i still wonder if im "really trans"

ive been out for 5 years and im still near the start of my transition.

[fallenstarcat]

depression is kicking my ass here’s photos from the first time i wore a suit (over a month ago)

[sophie-baybey]

I think the invention of the term "traumadump" has done discussion of mental health a lot of harm. I keep seeing discourse vs whether or not it's okay to talk about heavy topics with your friends, and like... I feel like there is a very big and important difference between my definition of traumadumping (ie. Frequently and habitually diverting your conversations with others towards your own misery, often with the goal of focusing attention and sympathy towards yourself at the expense of those around you, and without recognizable effort to reciprocate your empathy towards those you are speaking to or to ensure their comfort) VS the mere act of having heavier conversations with those around you. I've seen a lot of backlash to the idea of traumadumping as a concept lately (they paywalled human connection etc etc) but I think it's worth recognizing there is absolutely a kind of behavior that can create a negative feedback loop with this stuff. Especially if you navigate a lot of spaces in social media, it's not uncommon to find people dropping really heavy stuff on complete strangers unprompted. Idk, I think there's a degree of nuance to be had that's maybe getting a bit lost due to everyone having different definitions of what it means to "trauma dump."

[cardassiangoodreads]

if you use your trauma to SUCK THE OXYGEN OUT OF THE ROOM particularly to isolate or make demands of others in ways they feel they can't escape that's traumadumping if your mother is sick and you need to talk to someone about it that is being normal and having normal feelings

[fallenstarcat]

i feel like the disabled community hears a lot from abled people about how we must all be so sad and we need a cure, so we reversed that and said no, we actually are all very happy with our disabilities and no one wishes they were abled. when often, most of us lie in the middle, and our opinion changes as we do. so heres your reminder youre allowed to be in the middle. its your body, and your life. you get to dictate how you feel about it

id say this is a common thing in EVERY marginalized community! ive at least noticed it in every community ive been in. it causes the notion there are only two opposing ideas, and forgets the middle room where most people are. life is complex and so are humans, its rarely black-and-white like this

[fallenstarcat]

shout out to every trans person who wants to bind but cannot, whether not as often as you wish or not at all. i myself have gone from binding 5 days a week to once every few months due to asthma and chronic pain. i see you. i feel you. dysphoria is hard, but sometimes physical health needs priority too and thats okay

[our-queer-experience]

Trans man vent rant incoming but its bothering the fuck out of me and I don't have anyone else to say this to.

I am so very very tired of being told to protect cis women. Don't make them uncomfortable in the bathroom or the locker room thats a "safe space," don't talk about how reproductive rights being stripped affects us too because "its a women's movement, don't derail," don't talk about how we are also victims of violence from cis men because "You're men, that doesn't happen to you, don't forget your privilege."

I'm so tired of it. Because you know what, I have been protecting cis women my entire life. I was that friend! I was the friend who stood up to cis men that made them uncomfortable, I'm the one they went to when they didn't feel safe, I was the one who slapped and punched and screamed at and reported every single fucking creep that made cis women uncomfortable and afraid. I was that person. And whether it was my masculine energy and look, or the fact that I'm ugly or the fact that I'm on the heavier side, you can blame it on whatever you want, but I was the person that cis women friends, classmates, and coworkers came to when they were uncomfortable. I was the person protecting them! Me!

But now that I'm a man? Now that I'm no longer a masculine women? Now that I've stepped over the smallest fucking line by daring to call myself a different word (I don't pass, before you get your panties in a bunch. Not you op, people in general) now suddenly I'm so scary?

When is it my fucking turn to be protected? Okay? When is it my turn? Because this has bothered me since I was a girl! Since I was that butch that everyone flocked to to stand up to cis men. When do I get to be protected? Because it is fucking radio silence from cis women. Now that I'm not a girl, what I don't matter anymore? Now that I'm the one who needs protecting LIKE IVE ALWAYS NEEDED no one is going to stand up for me? None of them.

When is it my turn to be afraid? When is it my turn to be comforted? When is it my turn to be protected? Why do they never, ever care?

I love my queer siblings, my trans siblings, and they've been nothing but wonderful, but it is still something I see even within the queer community, people that have done no or minimal work deconstructing gender, they are so quick to turn coat on trans men for the crime of being men. I'm so tired of being a man only when I've done something wrong, to have them call me a man as an insult. To project all their anger at cis men at me, who, surprise surprise is also treated like shit by cis het men. I'm a gay trans man. My passing goal is to be called a faggot instead of a tranny, so fuck, even passing isn't going to get me into their good graces.

Im just so tired. Cis women. Cis HET women especially, God, fucking do better.

(And yes I'm making generalizations based on my own experience, fucking sue me, I'm upset)

it reallly does seem like the terf and general rad fem movement is more concerned with feeling comfortable within the bounds of gender as they know it than our safety. it always seems to come second- a weird mix of “we’re not harming you, we’re defending ourselves” and “well, you deserve it for being a gender traitor”.

[fallenstarcat]

sometimes i feel like people forget autism is a disability. and that’s not a bad thing! i’m all for disability acceptance, im proud of my disabilities. but i feel like we forget autism can hurt.

it hurts that i have to put more time and energy into socializing than others.

it hurts when i need to move so bad, usually cause im overwhelmed by either my surroundings or emotions, that i thrash and hurt myself.

it hurts that i cant be in places that are too loud or too bright, which on bad days can be as simple as a small, quiet noise or dim lights.

it hurts that i struggle to tell when im hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. so i can’t properly take care of myself. it doesn’t help my insomnia and i get very nauseas and get UTIs.

i 100% believe in autism acceptance. i don’t want a cure. but i also want us the acknowledge that it can hurt. it doesn’t mean my entire life will hurt, but some parts will. and i want a community where we can see both sides, see the hurt, and celebrate it anyway.

[fallenstarcat]

went to one of the malls few days ago cause they had a cool thing to look at :D don’t be fooled by expression i had fun