you're telling me dorcas "went on a murder rampage and decimated a good chunk of the enemy army before having to be killed by the evil dark lord himself because her lover was killed" meadowes and barty "spent fourteen years plotting to impersonate, torture and lock up his lover's killer" crouch jr weren't best friends?
Barty Crouch jr who spends hours trying to pick the perfect outfit or doing his makeup because if he isn't cool then what is he.
Sure he's smart. But Regulus is smarter.
Yeah hes funny. But Dorcas is the one who makes everyone laugh.
You could say he's popular, I mean everyone knows him. But he's not Pandora. Who everyone adores.
And maybe someone might think he's attractive, but not compared to Evan who looks like a Greek God.
So yes. He spends hours obsessing over his looks. Does this show enough skin? Will he be the best dressed there?
Because maybe, just maybe if he can put on the right clothes, the right face. Someone will actually want to see the rest of him even though its not the best.
Barty: Like... how did the people just collectively decide that white is the better race? Honestly, bronze skin looks so much more badass.
Evan: This. it's thoughts like this that started racism, Barty.
Barty: No but like, what if there was a time when the native americans and the colonizers were fighting, and the natives decided it was a good idea to attack them whilst they slept in the dark?
Dorcas: That... is oddly specific.
Evan:.. no, keep going.
Barty: Right, so they awaited the colonizers in their own bedrooms.
Regulus, disgruntled: Crouch, I will embody the natives waiting in the bedroom if you don't shut the fuck up right now.
Pandora, amused: What bedroom? it was like the 1400s, the best you would find is a ground hole.
Evan, nodding: or a nest.
Dorcas, giggling: or a cave.
Regulus: I hate you all.
Barty, tsking: Silence! anyways, the colonizers went in to sleep and felt the presence of somebody there, but they couldn't see the natives in the dark! kind of like you, Cas-
Dorcas: (throws pillow)
Evan: OI! WHAT DID I DO?!
Dorcas, grimacing: SORRY! i meant to get Barty!
Pandora: That's what you get for sleeping with him, Ev.
Evan: We're literally dating??
Barty: WE ARE?!
Regulus: Thin fucking ice, Crouch.
Barty, clears throat: W-we are! Yes, yes... i knew that.
Barty: Moving on! So, obviously, the superstitious colonisers thought it was a ghost or something and freaked the fuck out as they began threatening the intruders.
Evan, snickering: That's how slurs came to be?
Regulus, scoffs: Come on out you breaky nugget-men!! We do not fear you!!
Dorcas, laughing: Nugget men??
Regulus: Nugget turned nigga, dialect and language changes you know.
Evan, positively wheezing: Nugget men! Ha!
Pandora: Thou shan't pass, you lousy wanking nugget-thangs!! You will not pass go!! And you, with utmost certainty, shan't collect 200 pounds!!
Dorcas, guffawing: wHAT?!
Evan: The origin story of Monopoly, made by the monopolizers.
Barty: Then somebody got tired of all the racism and made chicken nuggets to lessen the impact of the slur nugget.
Pandora: Nugget- slur or cultural delicacy?
Dorcas: Nugget- racism catalyst or bliss for your tongue?
Barty: Oh, I know quite a few methods of bliss for your-
Evan: (Wacks Barty over the head)
Regulus: Shut up or I'll drown myself in the lake.
Everyone: (dead silence)
Regulus, grimacing: fuck, too soon?
Dorcas: yeah.
Pandora: yes.
Evan: Never again, Black.
Barty:.. I don't know it was kinda funny?-
Dorcas, Pandora, Evan: (in unison) Not a word, Crouch.
