#source: himym

[randomfangirl330]

Ya'll see my vision?

[incorrect-thunderbolts]

Bob: I'm perfectly fine!

Ava: Just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.

Bob: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!

[sayangrafayel]

Caleb: You're bad at lying. You're the worst liar I know.

MC: What? That's not true. I can lie!

Caleb: Lie to me right now.

MC: Okay! I have.. a spaceship!

Caleb: What kind of fuel power is your spaceship?

MC: Okay I don't have a spaceship.

Caleb, sighing: No! Stand your ground. If someone questions you, distract them from the original lie with more lies. Here, let me demonstrate. I own a pony. Now ask me a question.

MC, scoffs: Um. Okay. What color is your pony?

Caleb: Well, when I first got Dandelion, she was a deep chestnut brown but sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant which contaminated the drinking water. So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color. And-

Caleb, voice trembling: There's nothing the vet can do to fix her.

MC: My God! I'm.. that's horrible. Is Dandelion gonna be okay?

Caleb: 😏

MC: Oh dang, you are good!

Caleb: Right?

MC, laughing: Dandelion is not even sick, is she?

Caleb:

[superiorsturgeon]

Pyrrha/Nora/Ren: *sitting in a bar in Mantle*

Harriet: All right, Red, now that I’ve taken you under my wing-

Ren: You literally just walked up to our table and sat down.

Harriet: -I will teach you everything you need to know to score any guy, anywhere, at any time!

Pyrrha: Nora, do you know who this woman is?

Nora: She was in the bathroom when I went earlier.

Harriet: *scans the room* First, we need to pick a target! Someone hot enough to be a challenge, but not so hot that he’s unapproachable!

Pyrrha: *spots Jaune who arrived late for JNPR drink night* Um…how about that one…?

Harriet: THAT one…?

Harriet: No, you’re right, shoot for the stars, Red! Now, what play are we going to run?

Pyrrha: I thought I would walk over and say hello…

Harriet: *snorts* Okay! Gotta start somewhere! Now go show us what you’ve got!

Pyrrha: …um…all right…? 😅

Pyrrha: *stands up and walks over to Jaune*

Ren: So…you should probably know that-

Harriet: Yeah, that guy is WAY too hot for her! This is going to be a disaster! 😆

Pyrrha: *walks up to Jaune and kisses him without a word* 😘

Jaune: *kissing his girlfriend back* 🥰

Harriet: *spits out her drink* 😱

Nora: You know, Pyrrha is-

Harriet: She is a GOD!!! I’ve never seen so much natural talent!!! 🤩

———————————————————

Ren: Harriet followed Pyrrha around for three weeks after that trying to learn her secrets for picking up men.

[randomcontent2019]

JJ: [in the shower with Emily]

Penelope, storming in: So I finally talked to Y/N and they said—

Emily, to JJ: Does she know I’m in here?

Penelope: Yes, hi Emily. Anyways—

[dwaynes-dick-sucker]

Paul: as your best friend-

Dwayne: David is my best friend

Paul:

Paul: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND

[swiftiesbuddie]

the 118 + athena & karen in 9x08

[incorrect-bridgerton-family]

Daphne: Colin, I’ve been trying to tell you this for years, but your ‘bacon allergy’ is a lie mother made up so you would eat healthy as a kid.

Colin: No, I’m just allergic to a lot of stuff. Bacon, donuts, candy, not saying ‘thank you’…

Colin: Oh my God, she lied to me!