#state 27

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

GA: You know something I never understood? What is it with white people and sitting on their front porch during a thunderstorm?

VA: ah, its calming?

GA: a thunderstorm?

MI: must be a southern thing idk

AR: its soothing

KY: it let's me not think for a while

MD: it gives me an excuse to not... do anything. To just kind of be.

FL: it silences the maelstrom of emotions and feelings in my head.

GA: FL, you're not white?

FL: did you just 'you dont even go here' to me about how I feel about rain??

KY: let's be honest, with all the stupid stuff FL does he is at least a quarter white.

GA: or his dumbassery is just learned. He was raised by Spain, let's not forget

FL: you know I'm right here

GA: are you listening to me, the rain, or the maelstrom of emotions in your head?

FL: I hate everyone here.

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

FL: hey, have you seen my bird eater?

VA: your... your what?

FL: ... my bird eater? Brisbane gave me one a while back and I've been letting it roam around periodically in a hamster ball and- why are you looking at me like that?

VA: why would you have a bird eating spider?

FL: I mean, he was a gift? Like, I couldnt turn down a gift and Bach is pretty cool and -

VA: you named a spider, one of the deadliest spiders in the world, after an austrian composer.

FL: hey, the other one was named Wolfgang

VA:

VA: what other one??

FL: you always seemed so surprised, but let me remind you that I am home to some of the deadliest spiders and snakes in the world. I've got widows, recluses, and wolf spiders.

VA: then adopt a wolf spider??

FL: they'd get out of the hamster ball

VA: you are never allowed to visit me. Ever.

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

MA: ...

DE: ....

MA: HOW THE F ARE YOU TALLER THAN ME

DE: look, Mass, I understand why you're upset, but-

MA: DONT YOU DARE TAKE THAT 'OLDER SIBLING' VOICE ON ME YOU ASS JUST BECAUSE YOURE TECHNICALLY 'the first to enter the union bleh' DONT MEAN SHIT I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SHOOT

DE: okay, look-

MA: I COULD KICK YOUR ASS AT ANY AND EVERY SPORT

DE: okay, that's not technically true, but-

MA: I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO RIDE

DE: alright, look-

MA: IM OLDER THAN YOU

DE: okay, maybe-

FL: lmao looks like someone has a short temper. And a short, well, everything else

MA: ILL KICK YOUR ASS LIKE WE DID TO THE BRITS IN '75

FL: wasnt bunker hill an American loss?

MA: I'm sorry what battles did you fight in in the revolution?

FL: I-

MA: that's right, Limey, you've got nothing to add

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

FL: Hey, MO, feelin a lil.... Gassy?

MO: oh my god, will you please shut up about that??

KS: what's going on with FL? They seem really excited for some reason.

LA: local FL man finally did something right.

KS: what?

LA: FL's boss is looking to replace the statue of confederate general Smith with one of Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune. FL's pretty excited. That'd make her the first African-American to have a state commission statue.

KS: that's... Really cool. And its FL's boss?

LA: yeah, we were all surprised too

FL: Excuse me?

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

*before becoming a state*

FL: you states are so strange.

GA: Pffft. You’re calling us weird? You, my Spanish friend, are a few quarters short of a buck.

FL: I don’t speak American and I don’t care to learn. 

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

FL: Ya’ll know what’s wild? In all those alien movies, when an alien comes to earth, they land their funky little spaceship in the middle of a crowded town and are all like, ‘people of earth!’ and blah blah blah.

LA: ....

LA: okay, and what’s your point?

FL: Well, the people of one town aren’t ‘the people of earth’ like, okay, maybe if they landed in NY or some shit and were like, ‘people of earth!’ because NY is big and all that jazz--don’t you dare tell that arrogant yankee that I said that--what if they land on a place with, like, 10 people? That’s not ‘people of earth’ that’s a van load of college students.

LA: ... and? 

FL: How are you gonna trust a van load of college students that sometimes can’t even feed themselves with the fate of the earth. Like, man, we need some kind of welcome center for aliens, like what if they land in the middle of Lake Buena Vista city, there’s 10 whole people there that’s not enough to make a decision that represents all of mankind, like what? Unless those 10 people are local FL man/woman and then that’ll scare the alien away but-

LA: why does it seem like you’ve put a lot of thought into this?

FL: What else am I supposed to think about when I’m in a meeting with my bosses? 

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

NM: So, like, Canadians. Are they even real or are they just a figment of our collective imaginations. 

MI: *Vivid flashback to when ON literally screamed at them after some of their civilians drunkenly entered the country via Lake Michigan* Umm, yeah Canadians are real.

FL: *Vivid flashback of angry Canadians on the interstate during the hot Summer months in Florida* Nah, man, I’m pretty sure that Canadians aren’t real

Al: *Vivid flashbacks of his Capital being set on fire by Canadian troops* I’m, like, 90% sure that they’re real. 

BONUS:

WA: *Vivid flashback of BC* I have the sudden urge to fight someone. Or Kiss someone. I’ll figure out which when I get there.

BONUS BONUS

AK: ....

YT: ....

AK: You blink first

YT: No, you blink first

AK: You blink-don’t you dare step one foot in my terri--HEY!

YT: Oh, I’m sorry, you mean like this- *brushes toe over the boundary line*

AK: YOU WANNA FIGHT ME??

YT: YEAH!

AK: YOU WANNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED???

YT: YEAH!!

AK: ....

AK: Are you okay? Do you want some chocolate or something?

YT: *voice breaking* please

[iliveinaconstantstateoffire]

VA: I feel like my perfect complexion makes up for my complete lack of patience.

GA: Lack of patience? VA, you literally stood there for hours and calmly explained everything when I got my first laptop. You coached me through my first laptop.

FL: I feel like it should be duly noted that GA is literally the exception to every arbitrary rule that VA has.

VA: That's not-

AL: 'no cups on my wood table unless you have a coaster! Except you, GA, dear, feel free to place your glass anywhere.'

VA: Thats-

SC: 'no yelling in my house- wait GA, Honey, what was that you needed? Please, yell louder when you need something.'

VA: wait, thats-

NC: 'if yall need to call me, I have a strict schedule and will not answer if you call past midnight- 'cept you GA, please call me whenever you need to.'

VA: I mean, we're dating. I feel like there should be differences.

Al: yesterday at a meeting you literally said, 'shut up. Everyone in this room is a blazing moron. Except you, GA, I'm so glad for your contributions.'

VA: how was that a problem???

NY: GA wasnt even there.

VA: ....

VA: you know what? Shut up. From now on, everyone is either GA or not-GA.