#suspected adhd

[sneakysnek1123]

You know what

Having undiagnosed ADHD fucking sucks

Because given the genetic component, the symptom lists, the friends and family with ADHD, I have it.

But I don't have it.

So I'm struggling constantly - I can't think, I can't move, I can't do what I need to do just to live my fucking life - for no reason.

And I can't say I have ADHD because I don't! So I can't use any resources, I can't ask the school for help, I can't tell my mum "I'm going to spend all my money on this and I need you to stop me" because she'll tell me to do it myself.

And I try, I really try, to get control of this Schrödinger's disorder before it kills me. But what happens when I sit scrolling on Pinterest for hours at a time as my life is rotting around me? What happens when I start fifty projects at once and want to smash my head into a wall when I can't finish them? What happens when my mum tells me to stop clicking my fingers because I don't have to because there's nothing wrong with me until I feel my intestines boil until I feel my mind melt out my body until I hurt myself just to get this feeling to fucking stop?

What happens when I forget to feed my pets and myself?

All my fish have died. I kept them alive for a year or so, but eventually I'd forget to turn their lights on or forget to clean their tank or forget to feed them or forget to get them a bigger tank as they grow. I don't know if it's my fault. Can you blame an eleven year old for something like that? Or is it the fault of the parents for letting him have them in the first place?

This nameless thing in my mind is tearing me apart. I might have it, I might not, and if I don't have it then surely I'm just a bad person. Just lazy, just stupid, just forgetful and useless and weak and will never amount to anything in the first place so what's the point in trying?

If there's no explanation for everything wrong with me then it's just who I am, and I don't like who I am very much.

[altarofdeceit]

❝ He speaks from above … ❞

🪽 𓂃 Sun ADHD ˖

A term for those who suspect having adhd due to relating to symptoms or some other reason(s).

Ⅰ ˖ Kinda self indulgent, made it so i could add it to my prns.cc and so I could have my cosmic disorder flags more completed with it.

ⅠⅠ ˖ @radiomogai , @goatgai , @io-archival , @evangeliki

[Pt. he speaks from above. sun adhd. A term for those who suspect having adhd due to relating to symptoms or some other reason(s). Kinda self indulgent, made it so i could add it to my prns.cc and so I could have my cosmic disorder flags more completed with it. radiomogai(link). goatgai(link). io-archival(link). evangeliki(link). End pt.]

[raineymoods]

How it feels to have the exact disabilities that make me seem like a dumbass but dont get me sympathy:

[unfortunatelysleepy]

me: i want to draw. i want to write. i want to bring forth art to the world!!!!!!!!!

executive dysfunction: no

me:

[angloirishnolanist]

[alilblog]

me reading a story and my brain skipping several lines ahead: no no i want to read this in a normal way not skipping every other sentence

brain: nope skip that, skip this, dododo-

me: *sighs* would you like it if someone read our writing and chose to skip over half of it?

brain: skippity skip skip

me: why are you like this

brain: skippity skip skip

me: *sigh*

[prayingmaggots]

ive come to realize something ive struggled with majority of my life is an ACTUAL THING!! THERES A NAME FOR IT!! IM NOT ALONE!!

[rainyfestivalsweets]

10/15/24

I am still here. Been a tough week. Weight unknown. Rough period, been sick for a long time, hurt rib, tough to sleep. Never feel rested.

Work is weird. They just let go someone who had 24 years of experience in a really hard to learn computer system. She was the one who did almost all of our extremely high dollar claims. The knowledge we lost due to the lack of documentation for this stupid system is unknown. I surmise she was let go (from the context) because she was working off the clock.

Did they stop to think or ask why she felt like she had to work off the clock? Did they stop to think how our team would be affected?

Idk, but they canned her anyway.

Anyone could be next.

I am heartbroken for her, and scared myself because I am generally a loud mouth fuck up. I have no where near the level of knowledge that she had.

If they weren't paying for school I would try to shamble somewhere else that has a better culture.

Or better yet, just care for mom until she passes. Play games. Read. Quality time and not worry about the future.

I hate that I struggle with basic tech stuff. I am having problems getting into one of the classroom systems for school. They keep sending authentication to my work email, which i cannot be on if I am not working and I cannot be working on school when I am working. Catch 22.

Add new terror to my dieting experience.

Overeating, although a conditioned response, is still my go to. I weighed over 300 pounds, it was my go to for a very long time. I am trying to overcome that BS but it is a struggle.

But... for today, I am going to do what I can. Stand at my desk. Hopefully get some good steps in and go to jiu jitsu class.

I had a delightful salad for lunch and just whipped up an apple cider yogurt dip thing that I am planning to use with apple cinnamon rice cake bites. Just plain nf Greek yogurt & sf apple cider mix.

Last night's dinner was chicken & asparagus risotto, which had rice in it. Idk that i knew that when I bought it but I ate it.

I worked out to beat off the stress from the school problem. (And to try to stay "in habit" because I have a hard time with habits. Prolly she to undiagnosed ADHD. )