The Doctor

A Time Lord far from his planet, but very close to home

[eli-should-sleep]

Everytime the Doctor says that they're the last of the time lords, it adds one (1) additional regeneration to either the Master or the Rani

[the-definite-article-official]

Look.

[britain-offical]

If you as a business use AI to generate your ads, you immediately lose any credibility and I will not purchase anything from you.

[the-definite-article-official]

Seconded.

Honestly, why can’t they just open up ms paint or something!?

[dell-rattmann-official]

I think my perception filter is failing again...tell me, do I look human to you?

-Steve from @dimensional-cafe

// Um… I don’t know…? I can’t see very well.

[the-definite-article-official]

Perception filter..? I know those are fairly common, but it’s still weird seeing people mention them in the wild like this.

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Please don’t say things that’ll mess with my head. @_@

[aperture-hr-official]

They do, but in a non-harmful way. Perception filters can do three main things,

1. Alter the physical appearance of a thing (good for making yourself look human if you have, say, green skin and spikes all over your face)

2. Make things less noticeable

3. the least common use, making things more noticeable, very good for highlighting things that should be obvious, I’ve been to a few escape rooms that use them for it.

[dimensional-cafe]

What he said! Mine's supposed to be doing the first thing but sometimes it seems to work for some beings and not others.

I still haven't quite figured out why....

[aperture-hr-official]

[ Wha- ]

[ @the-definite-article-official What was your reason for using our account for that reply??? why????? ]

[the-definite-article-official]

It takes longer for anything on my end to register as being posted, wanted to make sure my explanation got seen.

Also, don’t go after me for this, Eli’s the one who gave me the login information.

[dell-rattmann-official]

I think my perception filter is failing again...tell me, do I look human to you?

-Steve from @dimensional-cafe

// Um… I don’t know…? I can’t see very well.

[the-definite-article-official]

Perception filter..? I know those are fairly common, but it’s still weird seeing people mention them in the wild like this.

[lexbians]

gmail = garry's mail

[male09-offical]

Yes. Definitely. Absolutely.

[aperture-hr-official]

[ ..You aren’t from this universe, are you? ]

[male09-offical]

Me? What do you mean? I know Doctor Freeman, I'm literally from city 17!

[aperture-hr-official]

[ Saying something like that, assuming the letter G in something like Gmail would stand for Garry is.. ]

[ Well, it’s a bit odd for someone who hasn’t seen the naming convention anywhere before, and I know for a fact Garry’s Mod, one of the only instances of that convention would be prohibited by the combine. ]

[male09-offical]

Easy. I got sucked into a portal. Got a toolgun and physics gun. Eventually got bored and came back to my own dimension, y'know, half-life, and realized I still had that stuff with me.

[aperture-hr-official]

[ That’s.. roughly what happened to me. Got lost in the backrooms while someone (not naming any names, Grem..) was screwing around. Now I’m stuck here cuz neither of my coworkers’ ships can get into my home universe. ]

[ still got my toolgun but Eli confiscated my physgun thinking it was a stolen aperture prototype.. Haven’t seen the damn thing since. ]

[male09-offical]

Eli couldn't take it from me, but he did try.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Wait, I did? }

{ I only remember confiscating Bosch’s.. you sure I was the one who tried taking yours? ‘cos I have a fairly distinct outfit, and I doubt if the person was wearing anything other than.. this that it was actually me. }

[male09-offical]

It looked like you. It'd be worrying if it wasn't you.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I mean, every Time Lord’s faces have to come from somewhere.. they can’t just make a new one up on the spot.. }

{ It’s likely it was just a doppelgänger, probably male_06 Alessandro.. }

[male09-offical]

Don't worry, you don't have to censor yourself around me.

I'm very aware of the nature of my being.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Oh. }

{ That’s a problem.. }

[male09-offical]

Why? Why is that a problem to you?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ My entire job is making sure people don’t know any meta stuff.. }

{ sorta like a large-scale M.I.B. thing, making sure things end up happening just.. right… }

{ hang on, am I working for @hl1-gman’s employers? }

[hl1-gman]

I Don't Remember Ever Hiring You, But I Have Been To Aperture In The Past

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I wasn’t hired by you.. they approach me directly. They were very professional and to the point about it, but that’s to be expected. }

{ I took the job because the other option was forgetting but about all of the meta knowledge I’d already learned (but knowing that part of my memory was gone,) and I’m an archivist, so losing it would’ve driven me mad. }

{ But I realize now that was selfish. Preserving my own knowledge at the cost of countless others’.. }

{ I should’ve quit aeons ago. }

[barney-calhoun-official]

Uh... what did I just walk in on? The hell does "meta" mean, in this context? Are you saying there's a meta to reality?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ In this context meta means knowing about or discussing things that exist outside our shared multi/universe. }

{ Let me ask you this, do you remember escaping Black Mesa after the resonance cascade? }

[barney-calhoun-official]

I, uh.... Huh. That's odd. I.... can't remember that. Although I'm pretty certain it musta happened, since I'm here and all. I think I vaguely remember some kinda big fall down an elevator shaft, or something. Maybe I died there and I'm dreaming all this up! ...Nah, that's not likely. I'm sure it's fine that I can't remember, though.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ The reason you can’t remember it is because it never happened, Mr. Calhoun. The writers just handwaved it away so you’d show up in the sequel. they didn’t think up a story for you escaping, you just did. }

[barney-calhoun-official]

O-oh... Really? I mean, that seems kinda far-fetched... They can change reality to whatever they want? That's, uh... terrifying.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Not really.. They’ve got guidelines and supervision ‘n all other manner of things stopping them from doing anything that wouldn’t fit, namely the threat of being fired from an extremely well-respected software company. }

{ And either way, the threat of them doing anything to change this place is null. Unless they find some revolutionary new tech they can use for the next game in the series they won’t make it, period. }

[barney-calhoun-official]

So, what? We're just.. stuck in some kinda limbo until they make the next one?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ This world still lives and breathes, but it does not change, not until further notice. }

{ I choose to see it as a form of freedom.. after all, we’re not actively being used for any narrative purpose, so until we’re needed again, we can do effectively whatever we want.. }

{ Then again, I’m not necessarily bound by a ruleset myself. I could just migrate to another universe If i wanted.. }

[barney-calhoun-official]

You can go to other universes? How the hell are you doing that?

[the-definite-article-official]

He’s got a TARDIS, like mine but, to put it bluntly, a lot more advanced.

He mostly uses it for tourism, but he’s only human, after all.. kinda.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I forgot to mention this but I do own an H.E.V. suit.. kinda. }

{ It has parts from one, anyway. }

{ It also has parts from, among other things, one of @the-definite-article-official’s spacesuits, one of Tony Stark’s (yeah, him.) suits of armour, and also a few parts from a few Cybermen, courtesy of @cybus-industries-official. }

{ I haven’t come up with a name for it yet, so it’s just been “the exosuit” so far. }

{ Maybe I should work on that.. Definitely gonna be an acronym. }

[male09-offical]

How about T.E.S?

total environmental safety.

Playing off of the H.E.V., y'know.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ That’s a good start, but I feel like “universal” would work better than environmental considering it protects from damn near everything.. }

{ Hang on.. }

(cut to about half an hour later..)

{ Got it. Triple-Armored Universal protection system, or as I’d much prefer to call it, the T.A.U. Exosuit. }

[male09-offical]

Nice, that's a good one. Uh, If ya need help fixing it if it gets broken or anything, I was a mechanic at black mesa and also aperture for a while, so I know a thing or two.

[the-definite-article-official]

@aperture-hr-official YOU DID WHAT WITH MY SPACESUIT???

[bummy-homeboy]

Nobody:

me: Oi Cunt

[the-arcade-doctor]

aussie or brit, call it now

[the-definite-article-official]

Aussie.

[dougielombax]

Yeah let me just fly the Tardis at microscopic size into this random person’s EAR!

[the-definite-article-official]

REALLY don’t do that.

[dr-rylandgrace]

I think we should collectively question why Earth keeps sending teenagers to space 🤔

We really should. It’s getting to be an epidemic at this point.

I’m giving every space station an intervention.

They should listen to me now, right? Since I… did all the astrophage stuff? Probably. Hopefully.

[alonebackwards-andstarred]

Okay in Earth’s defense I wasn’t meant to be there okay-

It was like

Not planned

[dr-rylandgrace]

So— how did you get there, then..?

[the-definite-article-official]

Not my fault this time.

[dalekpropaganda]

Basic question, but do Daleks like apples? I mean the saying is: an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

THE DALEKS WOULD LIKE APPLES MORE IF THAT WORKED. AND BELIEVE ME, WE HAVE TRIED.

[the-definite-article-official]

You just threw them at me. In no world would that have ever worked.

[jellyfishjury]

wwcjd what would captain jack do?

[the-definite-article-official]

Do you really want to know that?

[the-definite-article-official]

There are a truly alarming amount of people in the multiverse who have the same face as me.

Even worse, most of them seem to be on a scale from morally gray to morally reprehensible.

Then again, infinite universes means infinite people who happen to be good, too.

[attemptedartist]

it's pride month and they killed doctor who

[the-definite-article-official]

Why is everyone saying this?? I’m not dead!

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Hang on, you’re Cave Prime, right? The money funnel leads from the moneyverse to the Prime universe. Unless you’re from here you’re not actually getting any of the money. }

{ Just gotta make sure you’re not trying to leech off our money funnel. I know you’re not above it, seeing as the PeTI exists.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Of course i'm Prime Cave! I'm the best Cave there is!

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

Hiya, Sorry to sorta shove myself in the conversation, but this reeallyy breaks up the spacetime laws..! I may have to arrest you if you do this again.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Funny, I could’ve sworn the Time Lords were the ultimate authority when it comes to the legality of time travel.. }

{ Before they went extinct, that is. }

{ Either way, apart from my involvement this has nothing to do with time travel, and even then it’s only tangential. Cave is from a parallel universe, not a separate timeline. And believe me, I know a lot about those. }

{ In any case we both have things about the multiverse to upkeep, you have maintaining chronological consistency and I have.. }

{ Well, I’m not really at liberty to say what I do in terms of upkeep. It drives most people mad finding out, after all.. }

[thefactsphereofficial]

FACT: The time lords are forbidden from using their time abilities, unless it is in a dire situation.

[the-definite-article-official]

You’re right about us having restrictions on interfering with other species’ affairs, but We don’t have “time abilities.” The closest thing to that we have is being able to sense if something’s off with time, I.E. anachronisms, but we as a species rely almost entirely on TARDISes for space-time travel.

Now that I think about it, you seem to exclusively say things that aren’t true.. maybe you should consider a name change.

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

I have heard a lot about you lot! Maybe some of you should work for the TBD at some point. You'd be very useful there.

[the-definite-article-official]

We have our own agency for dealing with chonological interference, that being the Celestial Intervention Agency. Nasty bunch they are, typical power hungry and corrupt “law enforcement.” You see it everywhere..

Either way I have no interest in joining. I utterly hate being strict.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Hang on, you’re Cave Prime, right? The money funnel leads from the moneyverse to the Prime universe. Unless you’re from here you’re not actually getting any of the money. }

{ Just gotta make sure you’re not trying to leech off our money funnel. I know you’re not above it, seeing as the PeTI exists.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Of course i'm Prime Cave! I'm the best Cave there is!

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

Hiya, Sorry to sorta shove myself in the conversation, but this reeallyy breaks up the spacetime laws..! I may have to arrest you if you do this again.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Funny, I could’ve sworn the Time Lords were the ultimate authority when it comes to the legality of time travel.. }

{ Before they went extinct, that is. }

{ Either way, apart from my involvement this has nothing to do with time travel, and even then it’s only tangential. Cave is from a parallel universe, not a separate timeline. And believe me, I know a lot about those. }

{ In any case we both have things about the multiverse to upkeep, you have maintaining chronological consistency and I have.. }

{ Well, I’m not really at liberty to say what I do in terms of upkeep. It drives most people mad finding out, after all.. }

[thefactsphereofficial]

FACT: The time lords are forbidden from using their time abilities, unless it is in a dire situation.

[the-definite-article-official]

You’re right about us having restrictions on interfering with other species’ affairs, but We don’t have “time abilities.” The closest thing to that we have is being able to sense if something’s off with time, I.E. anachronisms, but we as a species rely almost entirely on TARDISes for space-time travel.

Now that I think about it, you seem to exclusively say things that aren’t true.. maybe you should consider a name change.

[haroldsaxonthoschei]

9 out of 10 doctors recommend this product - oh wait no. What’s that? Ah. Change that to 9 out of 9 doctors. The tenth one was The Doctor who only recommends having an arch nemesis to battle across the universe as a solution to your problems so. We shouldn’t have counted them in the survey.

[the-definite-article-official]

Do shut up.

[death-by-sc0tland]

here’s my pitch for next doctor who. budget of 5 cents and a dream. a female doctor with female companions and a female master. they will all get horrendously gay for each other. we will make 5 billion dollars. bbc please hire me.