[rhibbet]

top tier character trait will always be “I care about you deeply, even though I betrayed you. even though I would do it again” I don’t make the rules

[origamityler-deactivated2016101]

The best reddit thread I’ve ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long

[experimental-sponge]

Best quote from that thread: “To give the gang a slight advantage, We’ll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise.”

[stabbydragon]

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#looked up and thought ‘that can’t be hard’#and then my eyes widened with horror as I realized the sheer number of rectangles everywhere#I’m . I’m horrified

It's a good shape!

[ittybittybumblebee]

bigs my eyes

[ittybittybumblebee]

bigs my eyes at you

[ittybittybumblebee]

bigs my beautious my gorgeous eyeballs

[shark--apologist]

[beardedmrbean]

[seaturtlesayshuh]

Casting spells over long range: I use my amulet

Casting spells with high quality and fidelity: I use my fmulet

[ellienamored]

casting spells: i use my amulet

casting spells that are a lot alike the other spells dignity-wise but CANNOT be combined with them: i use my omtague

[wonder-womans-ex]

casting spells in the present tense: I use my amulet

casting spells in the past tense: i use my wasulet

[problemnyatic]

casting spells: i use my amulet

casting spells on myself: i use my ammelet

[demilypyro]

it's funny how "press F to pay respects" was such a gigantic meme that it seems to have permanently affected the way we talk online. people use it completely genuinely and unironically. had a bad day? F. died in a videogame? F. I see it constantly in Discord, Twitch and ingame chats. like it's actually being used as common shorthand. when it only gained prominence because of how hilariously stupid this screenshot is

[depsidase]

[mreullogy]

[whisperingsoup]

it exists to divide the working class. All labour is skilled labour. Yes including that one. Yes, including that one too.

Do you know what's unskilled labour? Owning capital. There's no labour involved, thus requires no skill. And you can tell because people can be born into owning capital.

[heatherwitch]

Art is by BreadPanes: instagram

[noah-wyles]

she's the best of us

[sadclowncentral]

just showed the gate agent the Wikipedia article for Mussels instead of my boarding pass. don't text

[pissvortex]

Imagine how bad that first post-nut clarity hits for a freshly married mormon

[thealphapigeon]

I follow the "leave nothing but footprints take nothing but photos" rule of state/national parks yeah because conservation. But also because when I was 11 i read a short story about a girl who went to a museum and stole a bandage flake off a mummy on display with the mentality of "im just one person one piece won't be missed" then at night she was visited by the mummy and it plucked a single hair from her head and then the next night a different mummy took another hair and she realized that there were only so many pieces to her before there would be nothing left and that story was forever wedged in my brain. Anyways leave cool rocks where you find them or the mummies will get you

[silviacrossdresser]

Bugs Bunny and Lola Bunny reinterpret this cartoon first published in German magazine Lustige Blätter in 1932:

[innerchildabortionclinic]

also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.

[butterfirefly]

You are not required to convince others of your sincerity btw. If you give someone an apple because you thought they could use it and they take it as you pretending to be nice or having a hidden agenda or some other reason then that is their business not yours. It is not kind to yourself to carry other people's baggage.

[hppjmxrgosg]

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

[hppjmxrgosg]

you shut your mouth.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

A man who abandons enough families by going out for milk eventually finds himself in a state of perpetual milk acquisition, having to regularly unload his hoard onto the doorstops of new women and becoming the milkman.

[despazito]

as a kid i constantly watched roadrunner and coyote cartoons and i’d play roadrunner and coyote with my dad which involved me running loops in my house bc the rooms made a circle while he tied a couch cushion over a beam to fall on me like an ACME anvil

[despazito]

happy fathers day

[whateverhappenedtomarymary]

John and Lucy