“The Toxic Thoughts of an Overachiever” Charlotte/Charlie, Hella Queer, Spoonie. This blog is an odd mashup of fandom, ranting and attempting to learn new skills. If I can only focus on one thing for weeks on a time, it gets its own blog. I also exist at @sonofsallyjackson (PJO) and @captain-danwilds (AFTG). I'm not all that great at responding to things because I often just lack the spoons for it. But I'll try to get back to you. Profile Picture made possible by @misak72 on twitter, Blog Title from Amanda Leduc’s Disfigured, Quote from Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie
Here. Have kudos on that fanfic you wrote in your head while you were in the shower and never typed it out. When I recover from the brilliance of it, I’ll come back to leave a review.
for fic writers — how to write the ivy (and little ivy) leagues
having just finished the game changers series and now having come across multiple HR fics set at ivy leagues I feel I have the obligation to correct / give out information on how to write these places for my own sanity and because Rachel Reid’s portrayals are so abysmally incorrect they haunted me for days (this does not just apply to HR I see these errors all the time and just want some source to be out there)
(my credentials: current english literature and classics student at one of these institutions — will not say which one out of fear of being discovered by my classmates who I know are also on this app)
the ivies are more than just the big three of harvard, princeton, and yale and all the other institutions (I’m looking at you in particular dartmouth) will Never Let You Forget That
there are a Lot of “little ivies” or old, prestigious, hard to get into often private schools across America with similar academic rigor and requirements to the Ivies — some of the most famous at UChicago, NYU, Norte Dame, Northwestern, Johns Hopkins, Vanderbilt, WashU, and Emory
the culture of many little ivies is something called “ivy reject culture” where students only came to the university because it was the best non-ivy one they got into for example washu kids often complain that they didn’t get into brown particularly in literary circles
the dorms are just as shit as all other college dorms don’t let the virtual tours fool you I had no air conditioning for a week once and it took three maintenance requests to finally get someone out to fix it
sports are important But no one and I mean NO ONE is going to these schools just because the got an athletic scholarship mostly because they don’t do athletic scholarships like you Cannot Get One. guys if you want your characters to go to an academically prestigious school AND have a sports scholarship send them to Stanford or to a UC school, particularly UCLA
for your scholarship characters: if you are low income and on scholarship (also called financial aid), you Absolutely are getting paraded around. Galas? You will be there. Luncheons? You will be there. I have had three meetings with donors this week alone. These mostly consist of sitting around eating cheese and telling donors how much you appreciate their work. the emotions of these meetings range from intellectual stimulation to downright humiliation.
adding onto that, you will Not be taught the Rich People rules. A friend of mine once came with me as a plus one to the named scholars dinner and she corrected me halfway through because I had been holding my champagne glass wrong. I still don’t know everything but that’s fine because Rich People think I am Hilarious. they will accept failures of etiquette when they think it’s cute that you don’t know.
More under the cut
if you are from rural America (like me), city kids (especially ones from New England) will think you are a redneck and will ask you weird semi-inane, semi-common sense questions about rural life like have you ever owned a gun or have you ever killed a cow or can you drive a horse an buggy etc that will make you stare into the distance. Unfortunately For Me,,,,the answer to all of those questions is yes and so that causes more questions.
Full rides are hard to come by. You get a full ride by either being incredibly accomplished (most likely earning a named scholarship) OR you are incredibly poor (most schools have promise policies to give out scholarships to low income students)
being jump scared by random famous connections or people will happen. My friend’s sister is on the us women’s national swimming team and has multiple records at her school (also a prestigious university with a good swimming program with other Olympians). You can randomly run into bestselling authors you didn’t know were visiting campus that day. Some crazy name will be the commencement speaker. You will meet People or meet people who know People
being jumped scared by random academic connections. One of my professor’s phd advisor was andre aciman, author of call me by your name. One of my friends’ latin teachers in high school wrote multiple papers that I now use as evidence in my research and I can email him for clarification whenever I want
RESEARCH IS NON NEGOTIABLE YOU WILL BE DOING IT BY THE END OF YOUR FIRST YEAR
most students come premed and switch. premeds you survive the first year purge will make it your problem.
STUDY ABROAD IS NOT REQUIRED BUT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
student body is often pretty international or at the very least diverse in American hometowns. in my six person suite alone we have me (rural midamerica), Chicago, Taiwan, Great Lakes region, Miami, and St Louis)
despite this diversity, there will be a large portion of the student population that are bay area cali premeds, prelaw, or compsci. you cannot escape them. in my experience bay area premed students are the least understanding of financial hardship and often cannot stop talking about being both Premed and from the Bay Area.
being bilingual is expectation, not exception. most students have fluency in at least two languages if not more
most students will humble brag — outward insane arrogance is pretty uncommon
your friends spring break trips will be Insanely Expensive. Most people go to resorts in Mexico or the Bahamas or go somewhere in Europe, though I know a few people who went to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and the Maldives
Questbridge is an external full ride program for low income students. The process is long and hard and complicated but my roommate is Questbridge and just know QB students are to be feared. They are the most accomplished people you will ever meet.
sometimes in the middle of a party, someone will whip out their calc three homework and then everything stops as everyone locks in to help them finish it (unfortunately you are all intoxicated and only make this worse) (this has happened at three different parties I have been to)
speaking of parties they absolutely happen even if they are centered in greek life and often there are party cycles or weekends that are dominated by that most obviously Halloween but some also have crazy mardi parties and Valentine’s Day gets wild as well.
CAMPUS CONCERTS — they are real, fun, and always a big name. Oftentimes the school hosts a fall concert and a spring one. A lot of people go, at least to the spring concert.
classes are both as hard and not as hard as you will expect. there’s way more work and higher standards but I’ve never taken a class that’s impossible to pass or required me to destroy my health to do so
grade inflation and deflation is real. ivies inflate little ivies deflate I don’t know why don’t ask
the automatic assumption is that student have money and are at least middle class so many clubs, events, etc, will be free on paper but expensive in actuality because they will require specific dress attire, equipment, transportation fees, etc that anyone low income cannot afford. I have run into this a lot and been unable to actually be a member of a few different clubs because I couldn’t afford external fees.
there are so many other things but these are the main things that I see people get wrong !!
It you want accurate portrayals of Ivy Leagues, academia, or anything like that, some authors who you can trust because they have written about it correctly and attended one of these places are:
Figured I’d add onto this list since I attended one of these referenced schools, my sister attended another and I also have additional thoughts.
Stanford is not an Ivy. Please google which schools are in the Ivy League. While the term is often used interchangeably with a prestigious academically rigorous institution, it actually refers to an athletic conference.
Sports teams may compete with other schools (like the Beanpot hockey tournament) but often the big end of season meet/tournament features the other Ivy League team. (Although the best of the best may go on to NCAA events).
Like the Bay Area students mentioned above, there are also a high number of students from specific east coast prep schools and NYC public schools. There are also a number of people who will casually mention they met classmates at Boys/Girls State or Jewish Summer camps.
Exhaustion and a difficult workload are glorified.
Not everything you read/see in the media about the Ivies are true. Because the Ivies are so prestigious, their reputation isn’t harmed when a piece of media decides to set their story there even when the portrayal is negative. (Ex: Callahan in Legally Blonde). This is also why some characters that do not have the grades to attend an Ivy, somehow end up there. In reality, every person there is extremely intelligent, hard working or wealthy, often all three.
There are both Ivy League specific and school specific memes.
Many students/alumni will say “I went to school in Boston/New Haven” as opposed to saying the actual school name. (See above comment about humble bragging.)
Grad students are an integral part of the school experience. They are teaching classes, leading writing seminars, and acting as teaching assistants or leads in research labs under the Principal Investigator (PI).
Major companies will recruit on campus. Consulting and Investment Banking most commonly do this.
Calc 1 is unofficially considered a remedial math class.
Please double check if a school has a specific major and if it does how it compares to the other programs of that type. (While all Ivies have engineering, Cornell and Princeton have the strongest programs. However, MIT, CalTech and Stanford are often considered better schools for engineering.)
If you’re setting is Cornell, please understand that the hotel school is world renowned and therefore the food is too. The ice cream literally can’t be sold off campus because it has enough fat to technically require the butter label. The honey roasted peanut butter is also incredible.
There is always a special lecture/event happening somewhere on campus.
Side note: I disagree that most students arrive pre-med. I think this may be a school specific point. There is definitely a weed out system that exists with Pre-Med, however that same system exists with Computer Science and Economics. (By weed out, I mean the beginning level courses will have an aggressive curve and be super difficult to encourage students to choose other majors. This is because the upper level courses have much smaller class sizes.)
Anyway this disability pride month I would like to shoutout disabled folks whose creativity has suffered because of their condition. I’m talking people with hand tremors and pain that stop them from drawing, knitting, and playing instruments. People whose thinking has become so disorganized that nothing they write makes sense to other people. People with chronic pain who can no longer dance. People so over medicated in a fruitless attempt to maintain stability that the wells of their imagination have run dry.
I see you and I love you. You are more than your creative output. You are not a shell of what you used to be. You are a whole, complete person, regardless of what your creativity has been, is now, or will be in the future.
hashtag mylesbians hashtag myhollanova and everyone say thank you to real hockey lesbians marie-philip poulin and laura stacey for the pose reference 🫡 butch shane you are my love my life the air I breathe etc etc etc
"ummm actually that wouldn't happen because-" playing!!! i am playing!!! come play with me!!! i even set up the sandbox with extra shovels!!! don't smack the barbie out of my hands!!
we are doing improv!! pick up a blorbo and yes and with me!!
Summary: There are questions you simply don't ask Ilya Rozanov on live television. Featuring: the Ottawa Centaurs group chat in full meltdown, the internet losing its collective mind, and Ilya Rozanov making a choice he does not regret.
Read on AO3
Inspired by this post by @darlingofdots — the premise was too perfect, and like Ilya, I simply could not leave it alone. I, too, have no regrets.
💡 Tip: turn on Show Creator's Style for styled text messages, group chat, tweets, and other formatting perks.
ok. census time! because i feel like i have no idea what nhl/pwhl teams actually have a community with a presence on here. teams will be alphabetical by proper name across 4 polls. pleaseeeee don't vote in multiple polls!! i'm specifically trying to measure what people consider their "main" community on here (not necessarily the team you root for irl). you can pick one; i believe in you!! (click "show results" if you're curious about other polls)
no nuance. what side of hockey tumblr are you (mostly) on? (1/4)
I understand why universities want all students regardless of age to take certain training modules. However it’s funny to continually hear the “don’t drink underage” spiel when I’m nearly 30.
okay i think i'm obligated to say that although i am a mental health professional very obviously nothing i post on my heated rivalry tumblr is professional advice nobody sue me or anything. i should also probably caveat that i am coming from a very specific perspective: i'm a relational psychoanalyst; i have adjunctive training in several behavioral modalities but i believe very, very strongly in relational psychodynamic work as being THE thing. for patients with complex relational trauma (aka mr. ilya rozanov), i don't believe anything else can create lasting change. i also don't believe in the medical model of mental health. these are things about which reasonable people can, of course, disagree, so i'll try to separate out things i think she does WRONG vs things i think are missed opportunities to do well/what i would do differently
THINGS THAT ARE WRONG
the biggest and worst: patient presents for therapy for first time despite significant treatment barriers. patient discloses that he believes he is depressed. patient has a first-degree relative who died by suicide. your next question, your very next question, is "are you thinking of killing yourself". you don't beat around the bush, you don't imply it, you don't wait until the patient volunteers. you must ask directly and you must do so before the patient leaves your office, because there is a huge and immediate risk that this appointment is someone's last cry for help before an attempt, and the odds of a depressed patient with a trauma history related to the suicide of a parent attempting suicide is fucking staggering. it is in my opinion malpractice not to even screen for suicidal intent at this first appointment ANYWAY, i do this for all patients and to not do it for someone with ilya's history is outrageously dangerous. life-threateningly incompetent care.
lack of treatment planning: doesn't take a history or anything at the first appointment. jumps directly into talking about a horrific trauma (finding his mother's dead body). sometimes people do come in to a first session in an escalated state and have to begin directly with discussing whatever is happening at that moment, and then you meet them where they're at, but ilya arrives in a calm if slightly nervous state. she should have started by laying out what therapy would look like and beginning to build rapport, not immediately being like "so how about your mom's corpse".
the way she makes the diagnosis of depression is bizarre. “I think you are depressed”. she doesn't clarify whether or not she's actually diagnosing him with depression under the medical model, explain what that means, or ask what it means to him to hear that. it's also MONTHS in, after he came in suspecting depression, that she makes this diagnosis (in the US it has to be in the first session generally for insurance purposes, different, also bad). no actual screening for symptoms, no psychoeducation about what it means to have depression, no sense of prognosis which clearly upsets the patient. it is so important to contextualize a diagnosis, both what the particular diagnosis is and what the act of diagnosing means.
no differential diagnosis. she knows that ilya has experienced at least one criterion A trauma for PTSD (his mother's death) but does nothing to screen for symptoms. she doesn't ask how old his sexual partners he had when he was fourteen were to screen for sexual abuse. she doesn't rule out bipolar which is a must when diagnosing depression. she doesn't ask any questions about substance use or screen for potential neurodivergence or any of a million other things. she doesn't refer to medical for potential physiological contributors for a guy whose career is "getting hit really hard in the head".
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
origamiaround
