Growing up, our parents teach us, ” sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt you.” But the mind games that these ab
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@tipsforthosewithbrainweasels
Growing up, our parents teach us, ” sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt you.” But the mind games that these ab
Wait… Someone finally made something that shows what it’s really like. This is always so hard to explain.
This was made by Kirsten King and Charlotte Gomez!
OMG. This. Changes. Everything.
Reblogging for my followers who might have trouble remembering whether or not they’ve taken their medicine!
OH MY GOD, THIS WILL HELP ME SO MUCH. I GET SO SCARED WHEN I DON’T KNOW IF I JUST TOOK MY MEDS TWICE.
THANK YOU, I’M ABOUT TO CRY.
Let me share with you guys a product that super helps me remember if I took my meds or not (because while the above is great, I still would manage to confuse myself):
They count as soon as you put the top back on. So if I don’t know if I’ve taken my medication for the day, I can check the cap to see how long ago I opened the container! It’s brilliant!
JFC THIS IS A GAME CHANGER.
I KNOW THIS IS MY ART BLOG BUT EVERYONE WHO TAKES MEDS SHOULD SEE THIS.
Don’t forget! ♥️
For all my friends who take meds on the regular or anyone in general. A great post.
if you give me a task with no deadline i will literally never do it but if you give me a deadline i will get it done exactly 1 hour before the deadline even if the deadline is in six years
#this is ADHD#or possibly another executive function disorder but ADHD is the only one I really know about#the reason for this is an ADHD brain does not have an internal feedback system#ADHD brains require external input to make up for missing executive functions#like the ability to process multi-step tasks with delayed consequences#because to an ADHD brain#things don’t exist in the absence of consequences#meaning#people with ADHD are drawn to things like video games because the feedback is external and immediate#every action you take has an immediate effect on the game environment#and you can SEE that your actions are providing xp or moving a task towards completion#but for something like homework#the consequences of that homework being done do not exist until that homework must be turned in#and it’s either done or not done at that point#which is why people with ADHD function best closest to deadlines#the consequences of that work being done must be IMMEDIATE to compel the brain to see it as a task that requires completion#because the further out a task is from the consequences of it being done#the more an ADHD brain is incapable of acknowledging it#TASKS DO NOT EXIST TO YOU UNLESS THERE IS IMMEDIATE EXTERNAL FEEDBACK#THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH ADHD BECAUSE TO OTHER PEOPLE IT DOES LOOK LIKE LAZINESS#BUT A LAZY PERSON JUST WOULDN’T DO THE TASK AT ALL#AND ADHD PERSON STRESSES THEMSELVES HALF TO DEATH TO GET THINGS DONE#BUT ISN’T CAPABLE OF STARTING THEM EARLIER TO PREVENT THE STRESS#BECAUSE THE TASK DOES NOT EXIST UNTIL IT NEEDS TO BE EITHER DONE OR NOT DONE#IT’S KIND OF LIKE SCHRODINGER’S BOX#THE TASK DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DONE OR NOT DONE UNTIL THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR ITS STATE OF COMPLETION#so what LOOKS like laziness to other people#is actually a VERY SERIOUS FAILURE of the brain’s executive function system#which is a VERY serious medical problem#the name ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ really fails to sell how serious the disorder actually is via @thecuckoohaslanded
god dammit my tags got cut off AGAIN I’m hitting the tag limit on like every post lately, I really need to work on that
Anyway I went on to say that there are 5 major executive functions of the human brain. These are the ‘higher functions’ that really distinguish between a human brain and that of any other animal. We have added intelligence on top of that, but these are the functional abilities our brains have that the rest of the animal kingdom does not have on a a structural level. There are 5 of them. ADHD affects all 5. And none of them are actually ‘attention’ (the closest function to anything that can reasonably be called ‘attention’ is what’s called Working Memory, which is your brain’s ability to hold a specific task in mind to come back to it; distractions are inevitable, but a healthy brain will hear a phone ring, look up, and remember to go back to what it was doing before. An ADHD brain will hear the phone riBANG ALL MEMORY OF THE CURRENT TASK IS GONE. ADHD brain looks up, sees the name on the caller id, oh it’s an unknown number, oh it’s probably some political pollster, oh man this year’s election is just awful I can’t believe people are supporting that angry cheeto. Oh cheetos I’m hungry I should go make a snack. What kind of snacks do we have? Did I remember to buy cereal at the store the other day? What about dog food? Oh my god I forgot to let the dog back in the house this is why I should have gotten a cat. Oh my friend sent me a great cat video earlier I should watch that. AND GUESS WHAT YOU NEVER GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING BECAUSE THE STRUCTURE IN YOUR BRAIN THAT SUPPORTS RETURNING TO A PARTIALLY COMPETED TASK DOES NOT EXIST THE WAY IT DOES FOR A NORMAL HEALTHY BRAIN. This is why even if you start a task well before a deadline you can’t keep to it until it’s been completed; the consequences of it being done MUST be more compelling than everything else in the immediate environment for the brain to see it. No matter how much time you give yourself to complete the task, if you have ADHD it will take you 100% of that time, every time, which is why having ADHD actually TEACHES YOU to put things off, because it’s the only way to shorten the total time actually spent completing the task – the disorder rewards you for self-destructive behavior because it’s the only way you can get things done at all, and you end up living in a permanent state of extreme stress, hopping from one emergency deadline to the next even though you hate yourself for it every single time). The disorder has been horribly named in a way that trivializes just how serious and life-ruining it actually is.
ADHD is a very, very serious disorder and the pop psych/common understanding of it makes it seem HORRIBLY trivial compared to the real damage it actually does to people’s lives.
…
…
…ohhh…
This is both fascinating and… possibly slightly alarming.
@birbhubby this is really interesting reading.
I’m reblogging this again with a couple of book recs because I’m seeing a lot of people having lightbulb moments on my dash.
You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid? - One of the oldest books on ADHD/ADD in adults and a classic.
Driven to Distraction - Another classic and a great place to start.
Make sure you pick up the latest editions since our understanding of ADHD/ADD has changed a lot since those were first published.
If anyone needs further books recs or help finding specific resources, feel free to IM me or send me an ask. I’m not totally up to date on current stuff, but I’ve had my diagnoses for almost 30 years and totally count as experienced old fart now. XD
it’s just one of those croissant days
we love a recovery
This doesn’t just strike a chord with me, it’s the whole gosh darn song.
I needed this.
Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you!
Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried…
We need more people like this
Goddamn it stop making me feel human
The therapist I wanna be.
Text in the image:
“I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.”
I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.
I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.
But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”
How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders.
And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.” “A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.
With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.
All I’m doing is handing out sticks.
You’re the one saying alive.
I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post.
Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image. It always helps — even on the good days.
Because it wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t shameful to seek help. It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”. I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else. I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself.
this is fuckin incredible.
I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it
Whatever you do, folks, don't believe your brain weasels when they're all squirrely.
this site has one setting
I’m laughing, but there’s a super useful corollary, which my husband calls “the Red Balloon.” He was a defense lawyer and had a fair number of drug addicts come through, and there is a thing where if you’re like, on your first offense, they’ll do a thing where you can go to treatment and if you complete it they’ll take the conviction off your record. And he would tell his clients, “Look, everyone’s going to tell you not to do drugs. They’re going to say it over and over again. And it’s like, if people tell you not to think of a white elephant, you’re going to think of a white elephant. But the trick to not thinking about a white elephant is to think of a red balloon. So you need to find your red balloon. For some people it’s yoga. For others it’s woodworking. For some people it’s scrapbooking or gardening or any of a long list of things to do. They focus on that, it’s a lot easier to succeed in ignoring the white elephant.” So yeah, “watch yourself” is one thing… but the better idea is to watch something else. (Even if it’s fanfic about werewolves fucking.)
It’s a form of productive dissociation, and is super, super helpful. It’s easy for me to get bogged down in how much pain I’m in… but some of the most painful periods of my life have also been the most productive, writing-wise, because writing is one of my red balloons.
This is why cooking calms me down; bc it requires all of my focus
repeat after me:
even if i don’t like my body today i will take care of it
even if i don’t like myself today i will still be patient and kind with myself
even if i do not love myself i will still take care of and be kind to myself, despite not wanting to
adhd brain hack: the timer is a social construct, the boiling point of water is not
I find timed sprints of activity useful, but shit like Pomodoro or whatever inherently does not work on me, because the petulant five-year-old in my head looks at the little numbers ticking down and goes, “You’re made up. I can ignore you and nothing will happen.”
You know what measure of time is not made up? “I’m gonna do as many of these dishes as I can in the time it takes my pot of water to boil.”
You know what you can’t ignore without consequences? “OK, I’ve got some downtime until the rice is done cooking, then it’s time to spring back into action.”
“I’ll clean as much of my room as I can in the space of this podcast episode.”
“I’m gonna put this album on in the background to make all this work stuff less tedious to slog through, and brute-force attack it until the music stops.”
No, it doesn’t always work, because the petulant five-year-old in my head is incredibly stubborn. But finding a non-arbitrary measure of time does, in fact, increase the likelihood that I can make my dumb brain play ball.
Self-Discipline Isn’t Always the Answer
So I wasn’t really taught to brush my teeth every day as a kid. So I didn’t. I got to be an adult and realized “hmm teeth are expensive I need to start brushing them” and brushing my teeth twice a day has been on my actual to do list every single day of my college career. It’s a habit I needed to build.
Have I successfully done it? Absolutely not. I’m pretty good about doing it at least once a day, but some days it just doesn’t happen. It’s not that I forget usually, I just had some aversion I couldn’t figure out, until last week.
I’m at the grocery store, in the toothpaste aisle with my roommate, and I complain about how much I hate mint. I FUCKING HATE THE TASTE OF MINT. The taste and the smell, any kind of minty thing in any form, I HATE IT. But literally every “adult” toothpaste in the aisle was some type of minty disgusting nonsense. And my roommate was like “you know you could like get kids’ toothpaste? You like bubblegum right?”
And y’all, it was like the clouds parted. I got some strawberry bubblegum kids’ toothpaste. I brushed my teeth with it and it was a whole new experience. I have successfully brushed twice a day every day since, because the mental block I had towards it is gone!
I thought my lack of brushing was just a moral failing on my part; I was too lazy, too undisciplined, to build a good habit. But really? I just hate the taste of mint so much I didn’t want to brush my teeth.
This made me realize that when presented with a change you want to make, a habit you want to build, if you’re encountering resistance in yourself, you should lean into that resistance and really investigate what’s causing it, then work on accommodating that.
Say you hate washing dishes so they pile up and then you’re overwhelmed by how many you have to do. Why do you hate it? Deep down, what about it do you dislike? Is touching wet food super gross for you? Try thick rubber gloves while you’re washing. Does the sound of dishing clanking together grate your nerves? Do them with headphones in and turned up loud. Do you hate the smell? Light some candles, spray some air freshener.
Do these things instead of gritting your teeth and forcing yourself, then ultimately failing and getting discouraged by your “lack of self-discipline”
TL;DR: When a task is consistently hard for you, relying on self-discipline, forcing yourself, and gritting through doesn’t always work. Lean in and listen to your discomfort, and find what makes the task hard, then try to accommodate that. Also, mint toothpaste is gross.
Klonk! [x]
Neither Courage Wolf nor Calming Manatee were doing much to help my anxiety, but I knew they were both on to something.
So, I created Calmage Wolfatee.
This is glorious beyond my capacity to comprehend.
“This Is Why You’re Always So Tired”
Oh. All of this. And then that last bit. Fuck.
this really hit me and I thought it was worth sharing
Def working on this 🙌
What are some tricks for getting executive dysfunction to bugger off long enough to do the thing?
Here are some ideas I’ve either found work for me or I’ve been told work for other people. Hopefully you’ll find some of them effective or, if not, maybe they’ll inspire you to come up with some brand new strategies of your own.
Declare your intent aloud. Announce to yourself (and other people, if they’re around) that you’re going to do the thing you need to do. Eg: “I will clean the sink.” “I am going to have a shower.”
Talk yourself through the task. Narrating the steps of my current task as I do them helps me to concentrate and follow through. Eg: “I am gathering the empty cups from the table and putting them in the sink.” Sometimes I can then even start narrating things I am not doing and I’ll automatically follow through because it’s become a habit in the moment. If a task involves reading, try reading it aloud.
Steal the energy from elsewhere. Engage with something that makes you feel good first, then ride that high to do the thing that doesn’t. If the task involves doing something physical, put on some energetic music that makes you want to dance and then channel that dance energy into task energy.
Hype yourself up. Channel your inner feel-good sports movie coach and start telling yourself how awesome you are, how you’re gonna kick this task’s butt and this task doesn’t stand a chance. Repeat random over-the-top motivational phrases until the motivation has no choice but to appear, like summoning an eldritch being by annoying them until they acknowledge you.
Break the task into steps. Very often I’ll have trouble tackling tasks, even simple ones, just because I don’t know where to start and the whole thing feels bigger than it is. In this case I find it helps to determine the steps that a task involves and do them one at a time, treating each one as its own job. Eg: Instead of “I will write an essay” try “I will write an introductory paragraph” or even just “I will write an introductory sentence”.
Write the steps down. Goodness knows I can’t follow verbal instructions for the life of me unless they’re given one step at a time. Rather than trying to keep the steps straight in your head, write them down and keep referring back to that list when you get sidetracked, lost, or stuck.
Do the task out of order. If the task allows it, try doing whatever part is most appealing first to ease yourself into the workflow.
Make the workload smaller. If jobs like doing dishes or laundry seem like too much work, consider if you can get rid of some of the clothes or dishes to cut down on how much work there is in the first place. If you’ve committed to too large a project, see if you can simplify it or distribute the work involved among a group.
Narrow your focus. Rather than tackling an entire task at once, try breaking it into easier-to-manage chunks. If you need to do laundry or dishes, specify that you’re only going to wash shirts or plates. If reading an entire book is intimidating, assign yourself a certain number of pages at a time. If reading an entire page of text is intimidating, try covering the page with a loose piece of paper and slowly revealing lines as you read.
Do it in five minute increments. Set a timer for five minutes and do the task for the duration. If you feel like you could do a little more, keep at it. If you’re still struggling, give yourself a break (you can also time your break if you find that helps) and try again later.
Use a buddy. See if there’s someone who’s willing to have a call going or who will come sit by you or even just check in every once in a while to keep you accountable. ADHDers are notorious for lacking internal motivation, so employing someone else to externalize it can make a big difference.
Be kind to yourself. Sometimes, no matter what you do, your brain just doesn’t want to cooperate. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, remember that it’s not your fault. Take a step back, have a snack or drink of water, give yourself some time to decompress, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Taking care of yourself will help you to actually be in good enough condition to do the job.
I’ve also talked more in-depth about how I personally tackle doing tasks despite executive dysfunction here, and I have an ADHD Writing Advice post here that has some tips that may be applicable to tasks other than writing.
To others who struggle with executive dysfunction, what are some strategies you’ve discovered work for you?
I use the foot in the door method. I dont want to shower, so I’ll just get in and rinse off. Well, I’m in here now so I might as well take a real shower.
Or I’m microwaving something for 2 minutes. Let’s play a game and see how many dishes I can wash while I wait. Well the timer went off but I’m already doing it so I’ll just finish the rest now.
If I can just start. Even with the intent of not finishing, I’ll still usually finish it anyways and feel accomplished and use that energy to do something else too