The Breakfast Wizard

I don't tag anything. Like ever.

[teap0ts-deactivated20140305]

[heritageposts]

date of origin: 2010

[crocs-cringe-archive]

i feel like this tag is an important addition

[vapid-helix-deactivated20210627]

gets abducted by the fae bc they ‘pspspspspspsps’ed at me

[catchymemes]

Jim’s fancy bed making

[tiefling-enjoyer]

jim you absolute fucking madman

[jadeyarts]

i just idly thought about the idea of a computer downloading sexualities so i made a comic. i thought it was funny but it might not be

[stimman4000]

went on the most insane grindr date of my life last night hold on

[stimman4000]

>be me

>guy whose profile says he’s 22 hits me up

>bio says he’s looking for a dude to make out with on a helicopter

>little weird but ok

>like 2 messages into the conversation he brings up the fact that he’s super rich

>must think i was born yesterday

>clearly a human and not a bot tho

>bored so i keep talking to him

>adds me on snap

>decent snap score

>story basically just rich guy flexing

>still probably fake

>asks me to come to his hotel

>really swanky one that i’ve heard of, obv never stayed there

>says he’ll call me an uber

>10% chance he’s legit

>90% chance i’m getting murdered

>win win so i decide to go

>get there, knock on door

>dude in pictures opens it

>absolutely shocked

>immediate lights a joint in the room without opening a window

>”i’ll just pay the cleaning fee it’s whatever”

>starts telling me about different plastic surgery techniques and all the ones he plans on getting

>not insecure, just thinks they rule

>there’s a stack of cash on the desk that’s more money than i’ve seen in one place before

>like 5k just sitting there

>we talk a little, eventually ask him why the fuck hes so rich

>this whole time he’s watching videos of plastic surgery being performed

>tells me he invested some money his parents gave him in hs and got lucky

>no job, owns a nice apt

>pretty much all he does is have sex with guys

>tells me he literally flew here to fuck a dude

>”haha check out how they’re sanding down this bone”

>offers to pay for laser treatment for my scars

>say no because there’s no way i can say yes

>kinda like them anyways

>have sex

>he orders a fuckton of food from an italian place

>”idk why i got all this i’m lactose intolerant”

>tells me at length abt how iceberg lettuce shouldn’t exist

>eats a plate of mozzarella sticks and falls asleep

>like meeting a modern day dorian grey

[valtsv]

gender repeal party

[valtsv]

we all meet up in the woods and release our genders into the wild

[valtsv]

then we hunt them for sport

[theflyingsealion]

Merasmus this…Tom Jones that…I think we as a society don’t talk enough about how tf2 Medic canonically discovered a way to surgically remove souls and then immediately used it to scam Hell into making him immortal

[theflyingsealion]

[fuzzysocksforme]

@purple-compromise

[weirdacearo]

HE DID WHAT

[theflyingsealion]

I CANNOT stress enough that this is all canon

[officialdamonalbarn]

where is that renaissance painting with those two fellers and a giant fucking random skull on the floor that looks like it was accidentally stretched out in photoshop

[officialdamonalbarn]

THANK YOU

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

somebody please explain

[dykemisspiggy]

Someone once told me it’s like that because it was designed to be hung in a stairwell so the skull pops out as you walk past.

[iwilltrytobereasonable]

…I guess it works but you have to be at a pretty sharp angle

[caecilius-est-pater]

There was a whole trend at one point where artists would include something in their paintings (usually a skull, for whatever reason) that’s super distorted in just the right way so that it looks normal if you hold the painting up to a convex/concave mirror. I have absolutely no idea why. But I think that’s what’s going on here.

[crtter]

In case anyone’s curious, here’s what it looks like when you walk past it irl:

It does have a 3D effect to it! It’s pretty neat, guess it would be even more impressive to people from the 14th century.

[midnightvoyager]

honestly, people just looking at the skull are missing the real deal here

You can read any implied text you see in this thing, even the book, that’s how detailed it is. Look at the painting on those letters!

jesus christ you’re just showing off now, Hans!

HANS OH MY GOD

anyway, the skull apparently had some meaning about the transcendence of death, you can only see it clearly when you can’t see the world clearly and vice versa, but man, I’m all about the detail in this guy’s shit

[queen-sammie]

No, I think you’re missing the real deal here

[anais-ninja-bitch]

as an art historian, i think this is the best post on tumblr

[animalcrossingmemes]

[candace-gertrude-flynn-deactiva]

Doofenshmirtz is trans and it’s undeniable at this point.

[aliheyoli-deactivated20220910]

I saw this on Twitter but you didn’t include the best part

[cyborggf-deactivated20201127]

you’re in his dms I’m in his ASS pegging him. We are not the same

[lgbt-tiktoks]

Caption:

[Person 1: WALL-E and EVE are both nonbinary.

Person 2: What are you talking about? Keep your... Liberal politics out of my kid’s movie. WALL-E’s a boy and EVE is a girl.

Person 1: But they’re... they’re robots. They don’t have genitals.

Person 2: Yeah but like WALL-E is square and does construction and EVE is like feminine and sexy looking.

Person 1: So, gender is a matter of presentation and expression, not a matter of biology.

Person 2: No! Gender’s just about your genitals.

Person 1: Then, WALL-E’s nonbinary. He doesn’t have genitals.

Person 2: No, WALL-E’s a boy.

Person 1: Then gender is a matter of expression an-

Person 2: No! Gender is just biological!

Person 1: Then WALL-E doesn’t have a gender

Person 2: No! He’s a boy robot!

Person 1: Look I don’t have anything going on. I can do this all day.]

[mrmeriwether]

I love the generational gap between emoji usage. Anyone over 50 sees 🙃 and thinks "silly time! whee 🙃", whereas the rest of us immediately hear, verbatim, "they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would ne--"

[mangonetics]

Flying the flag upside down is a distress signal

[iwasalwayscobrakai-deactivated2]

phineas and ferb au where they can't build anything and everything looks like this

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

[ethicalmemes]

An alien abduction #EthicalMemes

[self-loving-vampire]

We joke about Pekora being an airhead but she instantly recognized one of the core issues with Bethesda’s worldbuilding: 200 years is a long time and the “scavenging ruins for food and living among rubble piles” part of the nuclear apocalypse should be over by now.

[phoenixx2709]

Ahaha this crossover is so good😂😂😂💫

Credits- omy-chan01

[buscandoqualitycontent]

LMAOO