whofilets

[polyhexian]

It looks like he's trolling, but I texted him because he called first and was so piss drunk he had no idea what I was saying. Godspeed dude I hope you find Jordan

[polyhexian]

I must point out, I am an American living in Australia

[polyhexian]

I gave him another call and said listen to me. Do I really sound like Jordan. And he says yes. Yes you are absolutely Jordan. And I'm like okay. I am still not Jordan. Would Jordan pull a prank like this? I do not know Jordan. I'm sorry man. You should call max

[polyhexian]

Okay this time his dad was on the phone and was like Jordan man come on and I'm like no. Seriously. I am not Jordan. I cannot reiterate enough how not Jordan I am. And I say again, I'm American. You can hear that I am American. Is Jordan American? To my surprise, yes, Jordan is American. I'm like oh. Okay maybe I do sound like Jordan. I'm still not Jordan. Would Jordan pull a prank like this? And he says yeah absolutely. And I'm like. Oh. Okay. Well. Jordan kinda sticks to the bit huh. I'm still not Jordan. And he says are you a girl or a guy? Cuz Jordan is a girl. And I say sure, I'm a guy. And he says ah, shit. Sorry we were looking for someone else. Have a good one.

I was starting to think I might actually be Jordan for a minute there

[andhumanslovedstories]

Have you ever seen your own butthole

Yes

No

“I don’t have a butthole” or other exception

Voting ended onFeb 14

[andhumanslovedstories]

the votes to reblog ratio is the wildest I’ve ever seen, this poll is being treated like a private voting booth, which is a shame because I am politely requesting additional information. I simply don’t believe that 3.6% of the people this poll has reached don’t have buttholes. if a representative from that voting bloc would care to weigh in. What exception are you claiming. In the interest of transparency, I’ll share my vote: obviously I’ve seen my butthole. It’s my butthole. How dare it think it can hide from me.

[andhumanslovedstories]

Now that all the polls have closed and “other” is reporting in with 3.8% of the vote, I am left to interpret the statistics. And I want to be clear, I know a percentage of people don’t have buttholes. That’s why the option is there. Here is where my question arises:

After some preliminary research (here’s one of the sources), the percentage of people living with an ostomy of any kind ( in America which is what I’ve seen the more data for) is 0.12%. According to this 2023 research article, 60% of ostomies are temporary which to me implies the rectum remains intact because it’s a secret tool that will come in handy later. As for congenital lack of butthole, according to John Hopkins, one out of 5000 babies are born with a blocked or absent opening to the anus. This is treated by the creation of an ostomy and, if possible, surgical reconstruction of the anus. These surgeries typically occur before someone is old enough to vote in a tumblr poll.

I’m saying 3.8% of respondents seems statistically implausible. I see a few options:

Tumblr has a vibrant and populous colorectal surgery population

People w/o buttholes are disproportionately likely to vote in a post about their presence or absence

People spitting in the face of democracy in order to vote funny

People being very liberal w what constitutes an exception to this yes/no

I am not accounting for some obvious major exception that of course explains everything.

I’m really hoping for 1 and 2. I think it’d be nice if they all found each other on here. If the main reason is 5 I am begging people to tell me what that exception is

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

"people don't change overnight" ok but have you considered all the character development they went through while they were in the time loop. What about that

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

are people talking about the labor conditions at Taylor Farms yet? like the fact they use enslaved prisoners in their facilities?

are we drawing the connection between worker safety and consumer safety & public health yet?

are people demanding to see the conditions in this place that keeps making us sick? why are the enslaved workers not having the time to use the bathroom or to rest when ill? very few people would shit in front of their coworkers given any choice at all.

[the-grollican]

​you guys remember how the point of upton sinclair’s the jungle was that labor conditions in the meat packing industry, and the lives of the working poor at large were horrific and the only solution was socialism. and then the only takeaway people had was that the consequences of these inhuman conditions were that meat products were tainted. so instead of addressing the underlying labor rights issue the fda was founded and now we’re here.

[bellanesthesia]

[beemovieerotica]

please vote for tylenol to have her face on a beer can $1 for 1 vote and the donation goes to the baltimore animal rescue and care shelter

[reversalsun]

TYLENOL HAS MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN LETS FUCKING GO

[beemovieerotica]

VOTE NOW SO WE CAN SEE TYLENOL'S FACE ON BEER CANS IN THE DITCHES BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!

[reversalsun]

If you all will allow me a moment to analyze the competition as it exists, there's something interesting going on with the numbers.

As we all know, thanks to the support of the good people of Tumblr, Tylenol has experienced a meteoric rise to second place. Even though her competition is stiff, I believe in Tylenol's ability to go the distance.

But let's take a look at the competition:

Elmer seems to be a lovely boy. I have no qualms with Elmer, and think he would look fantastic on a beer can. But what about Elmer's campaigns? Who is the power behind the throne here, and how have they managed to find such breakout success on this competition?

A handful of wealthy donors are trying to buy this competition.

At the end of the day, all donations are good donations here. This is a charity event so every penny earned is going to help animals in need. But it's not lost on me that Elmer's current ranking is thanks entirely to a few individuals with the financial means to put their thumbs on the scale.

Tylenol's donors, comparatively, are small and numerous, mostly $1-10 donations from many passionate believers in what she stands for (autism and pain relief I think).

Overall, the donations tell a very different story than what the base ranking shows you. Elmer is held aloft by just 24 donors and bolstered by a few wealthy patrons, whereas Tylenol has won the hearts of literally hundreds of people. Even the current third place, Abby, owes her ranking to numerous small contributions rather than one or two large ones.

Tylenol is the people's princess.

[beemovieerotica]

Tylenol is the people's princess

[flexapro]

Good news!

[garbage-empress]

Tylenol is real! I love you Tylenol!

[sreegs]

A vote for Tylenol is a vote for the people

[notsofrangible]

the world has been horrifying recently but i have personally witnessed something that brought me joy

Every year, California’s largest sheep and fiber festival, Lambtown, takes place in Dixon, CA. On the second day of Lambtown, teams of eight compete in a “sheep to shawl” competition, where the teams must start the day with un-spun wool and end the day with a 72” woven shawl. Teams may “warp” a loom ahead of time (where you thread the loom with its foundation of parallel threads), but on the day of competition they must spin their wool into yarn and weave it into a complete shawl.

This year competition was stiff, and very very close, and the winning team finished their shawl with two and a half minutes to spare.

I frequently hear about “needing to keep “politics” out of fiber arts, but art is inherently political.

These were beautiful, masterfully spun, woven, and finished shawls and that in itself is worthy of note.

But watching this team of eight would fight for hours, and pour their love for their community into their art was deeply moving and I am still reveling in the opportunity to have seen this win.

There are few things to rejoice in today, but they do exist. The horrors may persist, but so do we.

[estro-boi]

[mens-rights-activia]

[kaelio]

[adamsmasher]

This is the image I'm using to comment on every video like this from now on

[depsidase]

[i-just-like-commenting]

Text: decoupling pregnancy from femininity means accurate and more inclusive language and treatment, but it also allows cis women to refuse motherhood without refusing womanhood, which is great for feminism and terrifying for misogyny.

–THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. As a sterile cis woman who doesn’t want to have children anyway I feel this is every ounce of my being. “Define woman” types tend to do so in a way that excludes me too, so I got to stand with my trans sisters.

[chirpasaurus]

Your periodic reminder that “divine feminine” this “magic womb” that is just patriarchy in gauze and glitter. REJECT THE BOX even when it has a makeover.

[dancinbutterfly]

As a trans man who wants to have babies? THIS

[storybookprincess]

one of the best ways i’ve found to combat that inherent depressive pessimism without veering into toxic positivity territory is simply the phrase “i’m open to the possibility”

this particularly works with anything negative i’ve forecasted. “i woke up feeling like shit today, so my day is gonna suck” isn’t a particularly helpful thought, but “it’s a great day to be alive!!!!!” feels hollow and insincere when i have a pounding headache & am running on three hours of sleep

instead i’ll tell myself, “i really don’t feel good right now, but i’m open to the possibility that coffee and breakfast might perk me up a bit.” or “i’m in a lot of pain today, but i’m open to the possibility that my workday might still have fun parts despite that”

sometimes, when your impulse is to slam the door on anything good, but you’re not exactly up to going out & hunting it down yourself, leaving the door open just a crack makes all the difference

[yujateaandpi]

This helped me today hope it helps someone else too

[depsidase]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

I think I love her.

[lunius-art]

H2O just add water but it's 40 year old office worker Dave

[hanpancakes]

I just want Dave to feel appreciated…. 🥺

[cheetochild989]

I LOVE DAVE HE'S THE BEST

favorite weird uncle figure

[animentality]

[opossum-mypossum]