Take It Moment By Moment

Mid-30s. USA, unfortunately. Genderqueer. Arospec. Struggling with mental illness including dissociation, and trauma. Exploring neurodiversity. Sex positive, non-monogamous, body positive, and hoping things get better.

[dpdrsuggestion]

this has been my normal for a long while now. i wonder every day if something will ever break it to make me feel like i used to. i wonder what it’s like to go through a day feeling what other people can feel, to see through a clear set of eyes, for my senses to be fully in use. i hope one day the fog is lifted

[uncannine]

it irks me when i see discussions about dissociative disorders and they’re only exclusively focused on DID or OSDD.

the only reason folk may very rarely even try to mention or consider DPDR is to use it as another throw-away example. it’s used in arguments as a gotcha and then never mentioned again, never taken into account. i’ve seen individuals explain their experience in a way that fits so perfectly with DPDR and yet it’s so overshadowed by the other more complex dissociative disorders that they may not even take a moment to consider it an option…

non-plural dissociative folk exist, and we deserve a place too

[saddest-cat-hours]

PUT IT BACK

[hochstelust]

Summer body wishlist: - six wings - a million eyes - constantly on fire - ability to scream forever

[unclefather]

how to kiss a boy

grab his waist

slip your hand in his pocket

steal his wallet

dont even kiss him

just run

[seatrench]

This variant of the Goldentail / Bastard Moray is known as the Banana Eel due to its colouration and markings resembling a ripe banana.

(source)

[cetitanhasmoved]

sorry the what? the what moray

[cromerholt]

scientist: let’s call you the… goldentail

banana eel: [bites scientist]

scientist: Okay motherfucker, new idea:

[babybear]

so you’ve probably seen the post going around detailing the horrific human rights abuses in what are, undeniably, concentration camps in the US…. accompanied by the suggestion that the only thing you can do is call your senators.

it’s unfathomable to me that someone would see we have actual nazi death camps in our country, and think the solution is writing to the politicians who allowed it to happen.

i have yet to see a post on any social media that has meaningfully helpful suggestions for how to get involved, so:

this article offers a number of suggestions including getting involved with your local chapter of Sanctuary Not Deportation, which connects faith groups to offer sanctuary to immigrants fleeing ICE. it also has a comprehensive list of immigrant-lead organizations to get involved with or donate to, as well as a link to crowdfund for detainee’s phone bills, which allows them to contact their families, legal counsel, and inform the outside world of the realities they are facing in detention.

here is a link for finding detention centers near you. there are many rallies directly outside of these camps you can participate in, and physically going to them is crucial in liberation efforts.

posting bond for detained immigrants is still one of the best ways to get people out of the death camps, even though ICE is increasingly unwilling to participate. the linked article has a list of both federal and state-by-state bail funds/organizations.

host a refugee if you have the room. Room For Refugees is still trying to build a network in the US. keeping people out of ICE’s grip and preventing detention in the first place is the best thing we can do because these camps are becoming more and more impenetrable.

help the legal organizations helping immigrants near you; if you’re anywhere close to NYC the New Sanctuary Coalition needs volunteers/donations, and if you’re on the border get involved with Texas Civil Rights Project.

on top of free legal aid, the NSC specifically also organizes rapid responses to ICE raids, which is one of the most important things you can do – there are many local networks already in place, but here is how to organize a rapid response network if your city doesn’t have one.

one of the easiest things we can all do is learn the rights of immigrants in this country, and how to react to ICE raids. spread this information to everyone you know and keep the toolkit in easy access on your phone.

the only government policy that can make an immediate and tangible impact is municipal policy; push your local politicians to support or build sanctuary city initiatives – here is a toolkit for local political action.

finally, get involved with local antifa and leftist orgs! follow their social media to get updates on calls to action and protests happening near you. i cannot stress enough how important it is to be aware of efforts in your own city. antifa international’s tumblr is one page you can follow, but please research the orgs specifically in your area that are fighting the rise of fascism. the torch network has a list of chapters in several cities around the US, but again this is just a place to start.

i encourage everyone to find at least ONE thing from this list you can do, beyond donating. i know we are all stressed and have our time/energy zapped by capitalism, but if we do nothing, nothing will change. and please share these links wherever you can – copy and paste this post or at least share the first article i linked.

fascism is here, NOW, and we need to step up, because no one is going to invade us to free the camps this time.

[morguepics-deactivated20200912]

No More Deaths is also a good org to donate to. they rescue migrants and leave water in the desert, where thousands have died because of US deterrence strategies that deliberately herd people into the deadliest parts of the desert.

http://forms.nomoredeaths.org/donate-money/

[savagedefectives]

Durga Chew-Bose

[pasdecoeur]

gay people: historically, we’ve always existed.

the cishets: *shit themselves in confusion*

[asmenukearchive-blog]

cool gender-neutral nicknames to call your friends

old sport

[wingsvdesire]

Does anybody, ANYBODY, agree with me that bipolar, specifically bipolar II (since I can’t speak to the experiences of folks with bipolar I), is not a disease or actually a disorder? It’s a common variation in human cognitive function (read: personality), that is adaptive in many ways.Many if not most artistically productive people appear to have bipolar traits, although getting a correct diagnosis is uncommon. The bipolar experience as I know it is a completely valid way of engaging with the world, and I wouldn’t change that aspect of myself if I could. You couldn’t force me to. The set of characteristics known as bipolar II are an integral part of myself, and I am not a disease.

And yes, bipolar requires management, but isn’t that true of being alive? Being a person? It might seem like a contradiction for me to assert that bipolar II is not a disease since I spent years fighting for a correct diagnosis, and finding the correct mood stabilizer has made my life ten times better, but every aspect of living requires some kind of maintenance, and a lot of the basic resources we take for granted were also miracles of science at some point in history. The human race has created all kinds of improvements on the quality of life that evolutionary biology handed us, that’s just what we do. If you need basic preventive dental care rescources (e.g. toothpaste) in order to avoid losing all your teeth at the age when a prehistoric homo sapien would have, does that make having/needing enamel a disease? It requires upkeep, and it’s limitations require modern medical intervention, so I guess so!

MOST of the language used throughout the DSM 5 is archaic, expressing a view of human variation, in it’s variously adaptive and maladaptive forms, through the lens of an archaic, elitist academic/medical establishment languishing a generation behind the mainstream of society. Attempting to draw a definitive line between what conditions are and are not “diseased” is a fool’s errand in any case, considering that all mental illness is derived from normal human traits that have taken on an extreme form. There is bound to be a huge, subjective gray area, however I think it’s patently ridiculous to call bipolar II a disorder or a disease, and I think we should put that perspective behind us just as we laymen have collectively progressed beyond “gender dysphoria” (being genderqueer or trans), leaving the fucking DSM 5 in our dust.

Thoughts?

[tothedogsorwhoever]

I am not going to argue for the DSM, its frankly evil history should be enough for mental health diagnostics to be completely rethought.

But Bipolar II IS a disease simply for the common sense understanding that it is harmful and in some cases fatal. My brain actively tried to kill me (via suicidal thinking) 3 to 4 times a year before being treated. After 4 years of treatment we’ve got that down to 1 or 2.

Bipolar II IS a disorder because not cleaning yourself, ruining your finances and destroying your relationships are not just “different” cognitive functions they are hurtful and unhealthy cognitive functions.

Certainly Bipolar II can be managed, or at least I hope so, I’m not there yet, but there are other manageable illnesses that we have no issue calling illnesses such as auto-immune diseases. Why is it different if my antibodies attack me than if my brain does the same thing?

Why is this important? Because we just started removing the stigma from mental illness in no small part by insisting that they are just illnesses like any other and there is no shame in it. If we start saying Bipolar II isn’t a disease all those “it’s in your head” idiots will say “I told you so.”

Also frankly it really upsets me calling a Bipolar a personality trait. I’ll admit that Bipolar is huge part of anyone who has it (more below). But if this kind of language got out into the public, we’ll hear no end from the “I’m so bipolar” idiots.

Furthermore, not getting out of bed or tangled racing thoughts or feeling that your body is going to disintegrate are not just extreme form of normal traits but are fundamentally negative experiences, they need to be acknowledged as such.

But most importantly it is so dangerous to ignore how harmful and Bipolar can be. If it isn’t a disease, why get treatment? I didn’t get help for decades because I just thought I was different than a lot of people. I didn’t get help until I understood that something was wrong. Actually not until I started getting physical bodily symptoms, i.e., when I started getting “ill.”

I know now that I have Bipolar Disorder. I’m not ashamed about it. I know that my brain works differently than some people. That’s OK. I know that I’m going need a crutch or two in order to function. So what? I know that Bipolar Disorder will probably affect all aspects of my life so who I am includes Bipolar Disorder. But I also know that though I HAVE a disease I AM not diseased. To sum up, Bipolar Disorder sucks, but I do not.

OP, I think we share a deep desire to remove the stigma from Bipolar Disorder II. But I worry about stopping using a perfectly good words to describe the negative and dangerous aspects of it. It’s so much different than being genderqueer or trans, because fundamentally there is never anything wrong in being what you are, whatever the fucking DSM-5 says. But there are real consequences for those with Bipolar Disorder and we can’t ignore them.

Wow, this went long, but thanks for opening up a discussion about this, OP.

[wingsvdesire]

Thanks for responding!! I'm so sorry you've been struggling with suicidal ideation and everything else you mentioned. You make great points. I don't disagree with you, but I do want to make some counterpoints, and hopefully clarify my own situation and why it makes no sense to me to call my own bipolar a disease. We're having very different experiences under the umbrella of one diagnosis, and that brings up a whole host of issues/questions that I can't hope to delve into here.

Apology in advance that I wrote a book here, but was having trouble making myself clear in fewer words... and if you haven't got time for this you can always not read it :p

Thing is, my bipolar doesn't suck. I'm living the only life I've ever wanted, and the cyclic nature of my relation to the world around me is an intrinsic part of me, without which I would feel impoverished. I don't hate my depression, or try to end it prematurely. For me, it's an opportunity for rest, reflection, and relying more on my five senses during the time when I literally cannot mentally push myself hard.

During my childhood and teen years, I experienced DEEP depressions that went undiagnosed and it was horrible. At those times, I was desperately sick and I wish I'd had access to some form of help. If I'd had the energy to kill myself, I would have. I gained nothing valuable from those dark times, just fear and a stunted social life. Clinically, my current depressions may be a milder form of the same phenomenon (same parts of the brain affected on a brain scan, etc), but one was a debilitating illness and the other is almost a luxury.

I won't go into specifics on why I value my hypomanic states, since a lot of people enjoy theirs (depends completely on what one's symptoms are, naturally), but for me specifically, depression, hypomania, and “normal” states all come with their own tool box and having access to all three is enriching and necessary.

The one part of the criteria for bipolar II that I don't wear well is this:

“The symptoms of depression or the unpredictability caused by frequent alternation between periods of depression and hypomania causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”

The effect of my mood stabilizer (one of many modern conveniences that improve my quality of life) has been to slow the onset of each episode to the point that I don't shift from one mode to another too rapidly to know what I will have to work with from one day to the next. So this fundamentally negative part of the diagnosis went from true to untrue with one little pill a day. But I still run on a bipolar model, and if I were magically “cured” of that, I wouldn't be interested in seeing the rest of my life. I see all kinds of advantages in the way I function, and no more disadvantages than come packaged with any other part of life.

So I can't get with the disease rhetoric anymore. The “help” I've gotten based on that model has fallen flat again and again, culminating in my original post (luckily my psychiatrist is laid back and doesn't attack anything without my permission). I don't want to eradicate my “symptoms”. This really is just how I am. If that's inherently bad, then someone tell me who is being harmed and how.

Running VERY long here, but want to throw in a couple other points:

You say in your 8th paragraph “If it isn't a disease, why get treatment?” I tried to sum up my opinion on that in the 2nd paragraph of my original post, but would welcome further questions/commentary. Basically, every aspect of my wellness as a person requires some kind of upkeep, so I question the idea that this indicates a problem. It honestly feels no different to me that treating my hunger with food, or exhaustion with sleep.

In your 5th and 6th paragraphs, you talk about how language affects public perception, which is important of course, but I also don't want us to place limits on our ability to discuss things based on what the most ignorant and closed-minded person could say. It's a tightrope-walk, and difficult for me to weigh in on because, probably due to the geographical areas and queer subculture I've spent my whole life in, I can't say I've experienced much of any stigma that didn't come directly from medical professionals.

Hope you are doing well, and thanks again for your reply, I really appreciate you taking the time!

[traumasurvivors]

Just an important message for my fellow trauma survivors:

What happened to you wasn’t fair. Don’t downplay it, or tell yourself that other people have it worse. The bottom line is that it should NEVER have happened. What you feel about it is real and valid. It might not be okay right now, but one day it will be. Thank you for surviving. I’m so glad you’re here. 

[audhdummy]

if you know what i mean when i say there are “angry walking sounds” in the house, would you smash that reblog button, please?

[sweaterfemme-deactivated2025081]

you know im not trying to call anyone out or w/e but this is the type of dialogue around mental illness on this site that i think is really unhelpful. the original post has over 100k notes. why do so many people experience life as something so soul crushing that they spend every second of their day wanting to sleep and then lie awake at night trying to prevent tomorrow? not to get marxist on main but i would suggest that the op points to the misery that work under capitalism creates for a lot of people and to just be like “all of these people have an individual pathology and its not ‘normal’” i feel really undermines our ability to talk about *why* so many people are depressed

[sweaterfemme-deactivated2025081]

🤔

[skyeisconfused-deactivated20241]

Someone finally said it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[ryuko-archive]

still don’t really understand how some people have trouble just being nice

[the-fault-in-our-balls]

Oh my gosh you’re such a good person. Hey everybody come look at how much of a good person this is.

[ryuko-archive]

i literally cannot comprehend how you got offended by this but thanks for proving my point anyway

[athenaltena]

I think the fact that when I was being bullied as a kid the advice I got amounted to “just ignore it” and “don’t let them know it bothers you” contributed a lot to my tendency to avoid my problems and just make them worse and how I have trouble expressing negative emotions.

It’s also just shitty advice in general that puts the responsibility on the victim and does nothing to solve the problem.

[wingsvdesire]

Preach

[wingsvdesire]

Does anybody, ANYBODY, agree with me that bipolar, specifically bipolar II (since I can’t speak to the experiences of folks with bipolar I), is not a disease or actually a disorder? It’s a common variation in human cognitive function (read: personality), that is adaptive in many ways.Many if not most artistically productive people appear to have bipolar traits, although getting a correct diagnosis is uncommon. The bipolar experience as I know it is a completely valid way of engaging with the world, and I wouldn’t change that aspect of myself if I could. You couldn’t force me to. The set of characteristics known as bipolar II are an integral part of myself, and I am not a disease.

And yes, bipolar requires management, but isn’t that true of being alive? Being a person? It might seem like a contradiction for me to assert that bipolar II is not a disease since I spent years fighting for a correct diagnosis, and finding the correct mood stabilizer has made my life ten times better, but every aspect of living requires some kind of maintenance, and a lot of the basic resources we take for granted were also miracles of science at some point in history. The human race has created all kinds of improvements on the quality of life that evolutionary biology handed us, that’s just what we do. If you need basic preventive dental care rescources (e.g. toothpaste) in order to avoid losing all your teeth at the age when a prehistoric homo sapien would have, does that make having/needing enamel a disease? It requires upkeep, and it’s limitations require modern medical intervention, so I guess so!

MOST of the language used throughout the DSM 5 is archaic, expressing a view of human variation, in it’s variously adaptive and maladaptive forms, through the lens of an archaic, elitist academic/medical establishment languishing a generation behind the mainstream of society. Attempting to draw a definitive line between what conditions are and are not “diseased” is a fool’s errand in any case, considering that all mental illness is derived from normal human traits that have taken on an extreme form. There is bound to be a huge, subjective gray area, however I think it’s patently ridiculous to call bipolar II a disorder or a disease, and I think we should put that perspective behind us just as we laymen have collectively progressed beyond “gender dysphoria” (being genderqueer or trans), leaving the fucking DSM 5 in our dust.

Thoughts?