Thanks for responding!! I'm so sorry you've been struggling with suicidal ideation and everything else you mentioned. You make great points. I don't disagree with you, but I do want to make some counterpoints, and hopefully clarify my own situation and why it makes no sense to me to call my own bipolar a disease. We're having very different experiences under the umbrella of one diagnosis, and that brings up a whole host of issues/questions that I can't hope to delve into here.
Apology in advance that I wrote a book here, but was having trouble making myself clear in fewer words... and if you haven't got time for this you can always not read it :p
Thing is, my bipolar doesn't suck. I'm living the only life I've ever wanted, and the cyclic nature of my relation to the world around me is an intrinsic part of me, without which I would feel impoverished. I don't hate my depression, or try to end it prematurely. For me, it's an opportunity for rest, reflection, and relying more on my five senses during the time when I literally cannot mentally push myself hard.
During my childhood and teen years, I experienced DEEP depressions that went undiagnosed and it was horrible. At those times, I was desperately sick and I wish I'd had access to some form of help. If I'd had the energy to kill myself, I would have. I gained nothing valuable from those dark times, just fear and a stunted social life. Clinically, my current depressions may be a milder form of the same phenomenon (same parts of the brain affected on a brain scan, etc), but one was a debilitating illness and the other is almost a luxury.
I won't go into specifics on why I value my hypomanic states, since a lot of people enjoy theirs (depends completely on what one's symptoms are, naturally), but for me specifically, depression, hypomania, and ânormalâ states all come with their own tool box and having access to all three is enriching and necessary.
The one part of the criteria for bipolar II that I don't wear well is this:
âThe symptoms of depression or the unpredictability caused by frequent alternation between periods of depression and hypomania causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.â
The effect of my mood stabilizer (one of many modern conveniences that improve my quality of life) has been to slow the onset of each episode to the point that I don't shift from one mode to another too rapidly to know what I will have to work with from one day to the next. So this fundamentally negative part of the diagnosis went from true to untrue with one little pill a day. But I still run on a bipolar model, and if I were magically âcuredâ of that, I wouldn't be interested in seeing the rest of my life. I see all kinds of advantages in the way I function, and no more disadvantages than come packaged with any other part of life.
So I can't get with the disease rhetoric anymore. The âhelpâ I've gotten based on that model has fallen flat again and again, culminating in my original post (luckily my psychiatrist is laid back and doesn't attack anything without my permission). I don't want to eradicate my âsymptomsâ. This really is just how I am. If that's inherently bad, then someone tell me who is being harmed and how.
Running VERY long here, but want to throw in a couple other points:
You say in your 8th paragraph âIf it isn't a disease, why get treatment?â I tried to sum up my opinion on that in the 2nd paragraph of my original post, but would welcome further questions/commentary. Basically, every aspect of my wellness as a person requires some kind of upkeep, so I question the idea that this indicates a problem. It honestly feels no different to me that treating my hunger with food, or exhaustion with sleep.
In your 5th and 6th paragraphs, you talk about how language affects public perception, which is important of course, but I also don't want us to place limits on our ability to discuss things based on what the most ignorant and closed-minded person could say. It's a tightrope-walk, and difficult for me to weigh in on because, probably due to the geographical areas and queer subculture I've spent my whole life in, I can't say I've experienced much of any stigma that didn't come directly from medical professionals.
Hope you are doing well, and thanks again for your reply, I really appreciate you taking the time!