Jennie B❤️

You'll find me somewhere in the middle of nowhere because that is usually where I find myself💕

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16.

“would you ever get a tattoo?” she asked, twinkle of curiosity sparkled in her brown eyes.

“my grandma said its only for things that mean something to you because it will be on your body forever” she continued with a smile.

“no” i sighed “i dont think anything is that important to me”

but 23.

“so why are we covering this name up thats on your chest?” he looked as if he was scared to ask as i sat still in the chair.

“she made herself mean something” i laughed “to more men than just me”

-j.b.

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i get it now.

when they say that if you love someone, you have to let them go.

i got it when we sat in the middle of that parking lot at 2 in the morning, screaming at each other to stop. did you feel it? the way your heart feels as if it is getting to big for your chest? did you feel the way your whole body became heavy? too heavy to breathe anyways. did you feel it? when you felt like you needed to cry but the tears arent able to form no more.

i felt it. and i knew at that moment i had to let you go if i really loved you. bc when you love someone, you want to work to become the best version of yourself to give to them. and how can i become the best version of myself when we are chasing each other at 2 in the morning, begging one another to stop the pain.

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when i say she looks for you in everyone, i mean;

she stopped at a coffee shop just blocks away from the college campus the other day. her eyes glued to a book page until she say your image pass by the dessert case. hazel orbs flicking to the man that resembled the way you looked when you were just woke up. but his hair was too neat and he was wearing denim jeans.

there was a boy about three years her senior walking pass her dorm room. and she rushed out into the hallway cause she swore it was you. but when she caught ahold of his retrieving back, she realized the muscles he lacked. and the golden shining on his head didnt blend in with the white on his neck.

a few months ago she heard your voice whispering behind her in her politics class as the professor discussed propoganda. her head snapped into the direction of a guy who had gained her attention. he was a dark brunette who smiled a bit too small and from her view, she could tell he wasn’t that tall.

this all led up to todays events where she was seated at a park bench. the same book from a couple days ago in her hand, she enjoyed the sun that produced her tan. and she ignored the voice of the approaching man.

his tone cut deep into her core, but she knew it couldnt be him. after all, she spent the last few months staring at strangers that were the same, but different enough. and when her name escaped his lips, she spun around to see that this time it was him.

and this time she walked away as if he was another stranger because he had became one.

[wordsoftheforbidden]

I call you, with the intention of being sent to voicemail, just so I can hear your voice beat against my eardrum.

-Jennie B. // never been sent to voicemail before I met you

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a list of all the loves that i have seen in my 18 years of living:

the kind that engulfs your whole being, that comes in the form of big brown eyes and heavy breathing. it was filled with late nights and silent cries and secret glances and hope. that maybe one day i can get over this feeling. but it has been almost 5 years and this love still drifts in from time to time with the wind and it knocks on my bedroom window and i gladly let it in. because this kind of love is something you dont get over. its the kind that stays with you for decades and lasts through all other lovers. it is the first kind, the one that took my heart and ripped it out of my chest. its the kind that belongs to only one man and you compare all others to him and when you get attached to someone that isnt the right match, you run back to someone who was never yours to begin with.

but then this love didnt knock on bedroom windows, he is the kind of love that knocks on the front door and waits on the porch to meet your mom. he is the kind that calls you late at night and waits until you fall asleep for him to hang up. the kind where you are letting go of the first, that maybe if it had worked out, that maybe if you had just let him in when he wanted to walk in, then you could have not remembered the pain you once felt. that you could have healed cause this is that healing kind of love. the one that eases you, even if it was for just a bit. it still happened. and you dont regret it.

then there is the one that grabs you at night and sneaks you out of the house and you think, i mean you swear he is the one cause he looks at you and he actually sees you and he laughs like he knows you and he smiles like he could read your mind. but you arent sure cause he touches you and there is no spark and his kisses feel wet and his eyes are dark. yet you ignore the signs cause you still hurt from the one before and in the end, it feels like you are dying. like you just cant take no more. like you are on your knees and you are praying and you dont see how you can make it out of this one. and when you do, you still want to die. you still want the pain gone. you still want to feel whole again. but you realized that you only feel whole when you are alone. this love shows you that you need yourself more than you will ever need a man.

and thats scary cause you experienced all of this before you find him. before you find the love that engulfs you and overwhelms you and it doesnt hurt. this one doesnt hurt. it just wraps you up in a warm embrace and you cant stop smiling and laughing and being. and you feel it even when he isnt around and you feel it the most when he is close and you feel it to the point that you know, with no doubt he is the one. that you know that if this one ends badly, then there is no hope. and thats sad cause you met him in a time of crisis and you met him when you were still with the first and you met him, you met him and you let him go.

which leaves you with this ache. this aching kind of love. this love that really isnt love but you pray every night that one day it can be. and this love pulls up every day after practice with a dazzling smile and he says hi to you when you dont want him to and he waits by the door so you can go in first and he walks you back to your dorms and he wants, he wants everything you want. but he isnt willing to give anything that can be seen as more. no. he stops with the kisses one day and he stops with the long replies back and soon his four word sentences stare back at you maliciously. and you dont know what went wrong. you dont know what you did or said and it leaves you wondering if perhaps, perhaps it was all in your head. and you move on. you move on from this one, hoping one day it will catch back up. and it never has.

[wordsoftheforbidden]

i really enjoy doing this. but am i good at it ?

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i am so jealous of the way you can walk these streets and not care that i am falling apart in the quietness of my empty car with my best friend in the passenger's seat telling me you arent worth it but my heart screaming "yes he is"

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i loved you

- a three word story that left me on my bed, in my dark room, crying my eyes out because i dont know how to end this book when you arent even going to be a concluding character

[wordsoftheforbidden]

"crazy, huh," she laughed a bit, her voice breaking because the tears were daring to pour. her heart felt heavy inside of her chest and her stomach was hurting.

"crazy at how i still love you so much," she said, "after 5 years of watching you be with her. it is crazy how you mean so much to me, after 5 years of being nothing to you."

-Jennie B. // i fucking miss him right now it hurts

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its my birthday and he texted me at 12:06 am to tell me he loves me. to tell me that he wishes nothing but prosperity and love in this next year. he wishes me well, a life of kindness and all that crap you are supposed to say to someone on their birthday.

and i told him thank you. when i really wanted to tell him that i loved him too. but that leads to complicated. and we cant afford that right now.

there is a time and place for that kind of complicated. it isnt now. it isnt here.

oh how i wished it was though.

[wordsoftheforbidden]

"i have never lost," she told him, "until i loved you."

"and there is a sickening beauty in that," she continues, "to lose what you love because it can never love you."

- Jennie B. // the shirts he left still have his smell

[wordsoftheforbidden]

“crazy. how you were my sun.

and here i am, having been without my light for almost a year.

guess what ? i am doing just fine.”

-Jennie B // something i never thought i’d be able to say, but here i am

[wordsoftheforbidden]

"crazy. how you were my sun.

and here i am, having been without my light for almost a year.

guess what ? i am doing just fine."

-Jennie B // something i never thought i'd be able to say, but here i am

[tcteachme]

i met him at the wrong time…

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Lol girl your teacher isn't in love with you wtf lol? ??

awww you're cute anon lol

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i have seen it in your eyes - love, i mean. and i have heard it in your voice when you'd call my name. and i remember very vividly that one night your picture popped up onto my screen and the time was nearing two in the morning but i answered, even though i had school early that day.

and i can smell it, in the air as you talked through the speaker. i can feel it, like it wrapped around me the way your arms once did. it felt nice. it felt warm.

but there was hesitance, in your voice. like you wanted to say it, but you didnt know if it was okay. like you wanted to tell me, but you knew it wasnt right.

and i am so glad you didnt. cause you would have forced me to say it too. and you knew, you knew that was something i was never going to be able to do.

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What are some of your tc’s favorite bands/musical artists?

he has this tendency to keep recent on what is going on in the music world. it doesnt seem like he has favorites but i think its just because he is probably embarrassed to say that he loves taylor swift. i mean he loves all of country. but there is something about that skinny blonde that kinda makes me jealous of the way he sings along to her voice in the car.