it’s hard to see abuser as a monster once you knew them for a long time, maybe even all of your life, because it’s all there in your mind, you know them as a person who laughs and talks and fights so stubbornly for what they want, you’ve seen them act like a child, you’ve seen them laugh and cheer when they get what they want, you’ve seen them act all high and mighty when they talk in front of others, you’ve come to understood that they just sometimes want things so badly it’s no better than to give it to them, you’ve come to appreciate it’s useless to expect them to control themselves, or for them to stop when they think they’re right, you learned all it takes to take care of them almost as if you’ve been taking care of a child, you’ve gotten used to that terrifying anxiety and walking on eggshells when it feels like they might hurt you, you’ve gotten used to their derogatory “jokes” and you learned that you should always assume they meant the best no matter what kind of pain they cause to you. They’ve been humanized, even endeared in your eyes, you’ve spent so much energy and time learning how to live with them, it would feel like a huge loss to have all that energy wasted, to have all of your affection abandoned.
It takes so many steps backwards to see this individual as abusive, often you can’t even do it while you’re too close to them because guilt and memories and mind blocks they already put in your mind will stop you. Abusers do so many things just to be humanized, to be viewed as nice and good and faultless. They learn all their life how to lure out empathy, how to make you feel sorry, make you feel guilty, make you feel like you’re demonizing them if you even say out loud what they did to you.
Only if you can push away everything they do to appear lovable and caring, and focus on the amount of damage they caused to you, the amount of pain and hardship and trauma you’re going thru because of them, you can get a glimpse of what they truly are. While you’re around them, it’s often impossible to even estimate the trauma you’re suffering, or connect it to them, as they will often imply or outright claim the pain you go thru is due to you yourself, or outer factors. Only once you can see the damage, and connect it with it’s cause, you realize they didn’t care they put you thru all that. They would be happy doing it to you all their life if it pleased them. They don’t care you’re a human being, they don’t even see you as one. They would convince both you and themselves that you deserved all that. That you exist to be hurt by them.
Only monsters do this to other human beings. And them acting like humans makes it all the more terrifying. Because you can’t tell the difference, until it’s too late. This is why it’s okay to demonize anyone who hurts you. Don’t let anyone present themselves as human to you, while they don’t care if they’re causing you pain.
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