The Ninja's Lair @aggiemae - Tumblr Blog

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thesinlesssinner

Literally me (stolen from my friend’s FB)

elbiotipo

we don't hate J.J. Abrams enough

elbiotipo

Branson Reese, whoever you are, I keep your words in my heart all the time.

kaijuerotica

"branson reese, whoever you are" put some respect on the smooth sharks one fear man's name

littlebosslady7

Marisha with a Murray cosplayer at ECCC via her instastory.

queerofthedagger

the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.

queerofthedagger

me, strongly dissociating, staring into space:

cunt-ass part of my brain swigging whiskey from across the room: yeah yeah you're not real we get it. that's not gonna get the dishes done and the trash taken out tho is it 🤨

orahnay

Sandra Cisneros wrote a poem about that

fliesinthescreen

jesus christ superstar bravely asks the question: what if you and your homoerotic best friend in occupied judea built a radical leftist political movement together based on principles you hold dear but as the movement grows more followers join who seem less committed to its message and more interested in your homoerotic bestie as a charismatic leader, and then they even start saying some crazy shit about him being the son of god, and you try to ask him about it because surely he doesn't think that's true and he's weirdly noncommittal like "oh, yknow, if that's what they think who am i to tell them no, it brings more people to the movement anyways," and you're like i guess... but then this son of god stuff gets really serious and people are calling him a king too, and you're like this is gonna end badly if the romans catch wind of it, so you try to tell him to drop the son of god stuff but at this point he's so intensely beloved you can't even have a private conversation with him, and you start to think is he just drunk on his own power, because now he's barely staying on message and even actively contradicting your founding principles--not only that but he starts getting weirdly morbid, talking about his death coming soon and limited time on earth, etc. he seems unwell and frankly irresponsible, randomly lashing out in anger and filled with bitterness towards the followers he's cultivated, and towards you, too, and meanwhile your volatile homoerotic bestie is being hounded by tens of thousands of maniac zealots urging him towards open war with rome, and you're really the only one capable of stopping it, all you have to do is turn him in to the pharisees, but every time you think about it it makes you sweat because you could swear he already knows you're going to do it, he almost seems to want you to do it yet he hates you for it too, but someone needs to keep him from bringing the full might of rome down on the jews (again), so what if he hates you, is he even the person you thought he was anymore, regardless he could never love you the way you love him, and you need to do this, you have to do this, it's the only way. Would that be fucked up or what?

deactivating-s00n-deactivated20

WHO UP REMEMBERING THEY REBELS ON THIS FINE DAY? 💥💥💥💥

snekky-arts

A Free Lothal

~~~

hiiii did i ever mention i LOVE star wars rebels?

ghostcashewart

oh elli we're really in it now

commissions || ko-fi

stricatul

no one talks about how draining it is when your mood is constantly switching between "its okay, i don't care. l'll be okay" and "I don't know how much more I can take"

justsomeguycore

knock knock

dismembered-jackalope

who's there

justsomeguycore

deez

dismembered-jackalope

sigh

deez who ?

justsomeguycore

deez are the voyages of the starship enterprise

skarabrae-stone

magiclilybean

I think this might be the most beautiful meme I've ever seen. I just spent five minutes extolling all its virtues to my husband:

It doesn't even mention Julius Caesar or the Ides of March.

It's from a very different segment of the play

It's not even the famous part of that segment that everyone knows by heart

The "I'm just sayin'" attitude of all the Seinfeldians in the screenshot (although if memory serves, what they're actually saying is, "not that there's anything wrong with that")

It just comes at the whole situation in such an oblique fashion

I don't think I've ever seen an Ides of March meme do anything like this before

I love it and I love you for bringing it to me.

thebibliosphere

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

hadanelith

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

thebibliosphere

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

thebibliosphere