Birdie

the nest of an introverted writing nerd.  bi, she/her, 40s, in fandom for *muttermumble* years.

[memewhore]

[decellie03]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

[dripped-in-my-pearls]

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

[nongunktional]

it's really embarrassing how much self control i have to exert when you put me in front of a tray of convenient and tender meat like if you put meatballs in front if me the fuckers are gone in milliseconds. same true of roadted brussels sprouts or basically anything that's a nice little dense and textured morsel. i am the hors that d'ouvres

[nongunktional]

do not stand at my plate and snack. that shit's all mine. please give it back. i am the dozen hors that d'ouvre. i am the meatball's gentle curve. i am the cracker's butter crunch. i am a thousand grapes for lunch.

[shyflops]

(disapprovingly) this is not what André "Ice Cold" 3000 meant when he asked yall to be on your baddest behaviour

[allthelonelyspaces]

Shane going through The Long Game and thinking everything is fine because to him, he and Ilya are on the same page and the audacity for people to be like Shane is so thoughtless, he treats Ilya like shit, etc, when Shane cannot read that man’s mind and Ilya is NOT communicating.

And Shane is so heartless that he noticed Ilya doesn’t seem well and he gently suggests therapy and Ilya still doesn’t talk to him about it.

And Shane is just so terrible that he constantly tells Ilya how much he loves him.

And Shane is so terrible for not wanting to come out and when it happens all of his worst fears absolutely come true and it’s basically ignored.

Yeah, he’s the worst. Totally.

[kaaartz]

ilya inspired by leyendecker… happy 2026 everyone!!!

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[fantasmalresplendent]

I can't be the first to make this connection

[fantasmalresplendent]

y'all slept on the first chart but I will make the world see my vision

[spaceshiporion]

...Can I add this

[vaporwavesimulator]

hey followers. have you ever wanted to know how it feels to be inside a bag of cornflakes

[officialtokyosan]

ye

[vaporwavesimulator]

enter the cornflakes domain

[runby2]

I fucking hate this website because not only did I click this goddamn link expecting it to be a joke of some sort, but it wasn’t a joke and I sat here spinning the screen around enjoying myself in a stupid bag of cornflakes like the dumbass monkey I am on Tumblr.com, enthralled by being in a bag of corn flakes in

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

[queeranarchism]

Feminist criticism of men's behavior comes from the idea that gender is a social construct, that men are not inherently evil and their behavior can change. If men couldn't change, the criticism would be pointless.

It is not necessary for every feminist statement to include a 'not all men do this' disclaimer. The criticism itself already expresses the possibility that men could choose not to behave in this way.

Unless someone states that men's behavior can't change or that there is inherent evil in being a man, accusing a feminist of 'manhating' because she criticizes men is usually nothing but an attempt to distract from the content of the criticism itself.

We should recognize such an obvious attempt at derailment for what it is and move on.

[escapepodding]

A list of some the thinly veiled fictional adaptations of the Hollanov romance Ilya and Shane will live to experience. They never share the actual relationship timeline or many/if any pre-outing details but that doesn't stop these from existing:

It's the same but the fictional Hollanov are playing a different sport. They consider these lazy.

It's the same but they're lesbians. Starred Rose Landry as Lilya which definitely made them both feel a certain way. Honestly their favourite though.

The straight version. Why are they rivals? Why are they straight? Who thought to make a straight romance forbidden in hockey???? They're least favourite.

The one where they are magical fairies and their magical kingdoms are at war. Not convinced fairy isn't being used as a slur but points for originality, they grudgingly enjoyed.

The one that cared way more about the actual hockey than the romance, which they respect. Unfortunately the people they could get to do the hockey scenes aren't generational talents and so they disliked because it made them look worse at hockey than they were, which is a hate crime in itself.

So. Many. Porn. Parodies. Accuracy varies wildly because they refuse to talk about their sex life, they've shared enough, fuck off. Almost weirder when they get it right, though.

The incredibly chaste one where they hold hands and tearfully speak poetry to each other and their first kiss is their wedding day. They prefer the porn and would rather be called slurs to their face.

The one where they are UN Ambassadors for their respective countries. How often do UN Ambassadors actually meet? Do they have rankings? The missile plotline was wild. Shane did think the seriousness of the stakes appropriate, the Stanley Cup is that serious, actually.

The one that barely changed their names, and Pozenov has a really, really bad Russian accent and he is from an unspecified Eastern European country. They had to turn off, Ilya was infuriated. Shane is once again asking their lawyers if they are sure they cannot sue.

The one where they remove the romance entirely and it becomes rivals to friends who put aside their differences to save The Centaurs. Why? The closest Dane and Nikita get to each other is manfully clasping hands over the Gregory Cup. Obviously awful but does inspire Ilya and Shane to exclusively refer to each other as Bro for a whole week. Yuna can't bear it and does finally break and sue that one.

The Centaurs have a movie and book club exclusively reserved for these which is how Ilya and Shane know. They have never knowingly consumed fictional Hollanov content, though occaisionally get jump scared by the realisation that is what they are accidentally watching.

The Centaurs give them a report and rating for each, and this team tradition continues for decades, well after Ilya and Shane retire. Yes, they even write up and review the porn.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

"I'm only criticizing the people who are lazy on purpose" is just not the reassurance people think it is when nearly every disabled person has been accused of not really being disabled and just being lazy on purpose

[memyselfandi13531]

post tlg some random asshole defenseman makes a shitty comment about shane taking it up the ass and shane looks at him, then at the scoreboard that shows the centaurs winning 6-1, then back down at him like "i dunno man i think one of us is getting fucked in the ass right now and it isn't me." and then that guy tries to fight him

[majestictortoise]

outsiders and boring normal people and fandom newbies always think that buckwild kinky porn fanfiction is the strangest fandom hobby but they are wrong.

the strangest fandom hobby is plotty fanfiction, the kind that requires research, because engaging in this hobby makes no goddamned sense.

it doesn’t even give anybody masturbation material, which is at least a logical and admirable goal that contributes to the betterment of society, or at least society’s solitary orgasms.

in other news i hope the cia spyware monitoring my internet usage understands that i’m googling information about smuggling drugs in thailand because i want the details to be right in a single paragraph in a 10,000 word story about a gay mafia guys.

[majestictortoise]

this post has been making the rounds again and i just want to state for the record that it is a fucking delight to read in the tags all the random things people research for their fanfic and art. fandom, i love you. i love you with your flood maps and medical procedures and tentacle biology and historical fashion and traditional handcrafts and conlangs and urban geography and literally everything else. i am completely sincere about this. the enthusiasm with which people embrace detailed, deep, and often obscure research, just because they want to get it right, because they want to create something rich and interesting, it makes me feel better about the world. i adore it.

[homunculus-argument]

If Ratatouille mechanics were real, there would be a whole market of businesses offering the services of operating rats to people who want them, and it'd be like how bees produce honey. People in the rat business would be so exhausted of having to explain over and over again that no, the rats aren't being exploited. If the rats didn't like how they're being treated, they would simply not return. There's no goddamn way to force a rat to be so passionate about playing the saxophone that they'll figure out how to puppeteer a human to do it for them. All that the business does is finding a way to put that specific rat in the hair of someone who's about to go on stage.

[terrie01]

The rats 100% think the businesses are being run for their benefit and worry about the humans being exploited.

[homunculus-argument]

A rat manager who is a rat and deals on their end of the deal is exhausted of having to explain over and over again that look, an average fully grown adult human being is like 200 times your weight, their hands are very fast and they can throw things better than you want to imagine. If one of them things didn't want you in their hair, you're not going to stay there for long. You'd be yote out the window in two seconds flat.

[penandinkprincess]

Re: pets and the hollanders, Yuna gives me major bird owner vibes, just a massive bird that loves sitting on her shoulder and swearing at bad hockey calls with her. They live so long that it could've even have been her parents (sitting on her fathrr's shoulder, swearing at hockey together), just imagine Yuna's entire life being narrated by a multilingual bird, no wonder she's so good at negotiation, lol. (A bird that will probably be inherited again one day, sorry Ilya, that bird will live forever).

her name is miko.

yuna's dad bought her for her mom after they moved to canada because she got lonely at home after they first arrived because they were so far from family, and it is an extremely husband move to be like, "sad? i know what will fix this. giant loud bird. PERFECT."

yuna's mom did indeed love miko, and yuna bonded with miko after her mom's death because it felt like she had someone to grieve with who missed her like she did (i the writer just teared up thinking about that oh my god). when yuna moved out, miko went with her because miko got along with yuna's dad but in the spirit of "we share a house, so i'll tolerate you" lmao. yuna knew that david was the one for her when she brought him back to her place for the first time and he immediately greeted miko like a person.

shane experiences sibling-like tension with miko lmao.

in a lot of ways, miko is like his older sister (sits with them at family meals, HAS come on vacation with them before, has to be greeted in the morning or his mom gets mad at him and also miko yells) except she is FUCKING LOUD. she tragically knows his name because yuna taught it to her after bringing shane home and introducing them (how could you condemn him like this, mom? she knows like twenty words and one of them HAD to be his name??? what the FUCK??), so the SECOND miko sees him or hears him or just thinks he's in the general vicinity, you are hearing "SHANE! SHANE! SHANE!" loud enough that the fucking NEIGHBORS know when there has been a Shane Spotting.

(also VERY salty from being told that miko's japanese is better than his. how is he losing to a BIRD.) (what do you MEAN her pronounciation is better.) (she has a BEAK.) (blue and gold macaws aren't even the clearest talkers when it comes to parrots, what do you MEAN miko is beating him?) (she only knows a few words and she's WINNING??) (just because she calls you yuna-chan doesn't mean she should get to WIN, mom.)

does miko understand hockey? doubtful. does she understand when yuna is mad and decide it's Time To Screm? YEP. not helped by yuna and david both egging her on with, "you tell 'em, miko!" (poor bb autistic shane with this LOUD ASS BIRD intruding on his sacred hockey time).

shane also denies it but he nurses a grudge to this fucking day about the time he was 15 and got miko out because she wouldn't stop Shane Screeching until he did but then stopped watching her for like. FIVE minutes getting ready to leave for a game.

ONLY TO COME OUT. TO THIS FUCKING BIRD. HAVING SYSTEMATICALLY UNWRAPPED ALL THE TAPE FROM AROUND HIS HOCKEY STICK.

SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE.

HE KNOWS IT.

SHE DID IT TO FUCK WITH HIM.

(not helping this is that miko has yuna's mom's laugh, which is nice because it means yuna still gets to hear it, but having to leave like RIGHT NOW only to have this bird fuck you over and then laugh in your face??? it is the closest shane has ever come to throwing hands with miko.)

he is just FURTHER pissed when miko takes a liking to ilya. he had to grow up with this annoying bird and now she's trying to STEAL HIS BOYFRIEND??? ridiculous.

they're birdsitting for david and yuna when they're on a cruise one summer, and miko rarely leaves ilya's shoulder the whole time. while ilya is shirtless!! he can SEE her claws digging in? but miko gets cuddles and to offer her opinions on what ilya is doing but shane can't snuggle against his shoulder on the couch because miko will start preening his hair, which is Annoying? ridiculous.

he wakes up one morning to find them showering together.

shane is LIVID.

[penandinkprincess]

*teenaged shane home alone voice while this loud ass bird is squawking* "shut the fuck UP, miko"

*miko, immediately playing word association* "UP MIKO! STEP UP MIKO! STEP UP MIKO! UP! STEP UP MIKO!"

"NO"

*now mad she's been baited and switched for what appeared to be an offer of out of cage time* "STEP UP MIKO!"

"NO. FUCK OFF."

"SHANE. SHANE. SHANE. SHANE. SHANE. SHA-"

an hour later yuna and david get home to a visibly furious shane sulking on the couch and throwing miko's ball for her so she can chase it because he lost a battle of wills to a bird.

(again)

[penandinkprincess]

ilya and shane housesitting for yuna and david one weekend (because it's just easier for miko to stay where she is) and getting a little hot and heavy in the guest room and thus missing the tap tap tap tap tap of little birdy feet on the hardwood until ilya groans out "shane" and immediately sets off a "SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE" that makes them slam their heads together startling at their sudden chaperone making herself known

leave room for jesus miko

[penandinkprincess]

it's a family joke to refer to miko as shane's sister, which is all well and good until a camera catches ilya teasing shane after a game about, "we HAVE to go over tonight, shane. we promised your sister. she misses you."

and ooooh? shane hollander has a SECRET sister??? he has NEVER mentioned a sister before! he has, in fact, previously said he is an only child! scandal! intrigue! juicy details! hot goss-

and shane has to make a fucking instagram post going, "here she is. my sister who is not my sister. she is my mom's bird."

and now even his social media isn't safe from miko. >:(

[penandinkprincess]

young shane who HATED squishy grapes on his snack plate 🤝 miko who would happily take ALL offered fruit

this does unfortunately mean miko still assumes any fruit or vegetable shane has is obviously Miko Food as well, which means yuna HAS walked into the kitchen to see her son and her bird arguing about miko shoving her face in shane's blender cup of fruit in the 30 seconds his back was turned while getting the protein powder out of the cabinet

[penandinkprincess]

miko is also a bottlecap FIEND

so WHAT if she has a room full of toys??? you have a bottlecap and she WANTS IT

which no one warns ilya about because they're used to just having canned drinks in the house (SPECIFICALLY for this reason lmao), which means ilya comes over one day with a bottled coke he got at a gas station on the way, and the SECOND he walks through the door, miko is just

and ilya innocently picks miko up when she climbs down off of her perch to tip tap on over to him only to get fucking MUGGED by this parrot who is trying to rob him in a flurry of wing flaps and squawking when he doesn't submit to her will because he doesn't know what the FUCK is happening and he's just trying to keep his drink from getting knocked over.

and ilya in the aftermath is just hair askew, slightly sticky because he did end up splashing himself with coke, looking like he just went through WAR while miko hops away with her prize SO clearly pleased with herself

and shane is just mildly, "...so she likes bottlecaps"

ilya shakes his hair out on him

[shanehollandered]

ilya rozanov week & day two -> favourite look