Jen

Lick it up, baby, lick it up

[toastbutteregg]

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that in ancient Athens, only the 300 wealthiest citizens had to pay tax; this was considered a high honor, and taxpayers competed to provide the greatest public good (x)

[would-we-be-friends-if-i]

Bring this back!!

[dancinbutterfly]

CONGRATULATIONS 🍾🎉🎈🎊

YOU HAVE QUALIFIED TO PAY TAXES! WITH THIS ACHIEVEMENT YOU WILL SHOW ATHENS WHAT A SMART SKILLFUL BAD MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH PEOPLE LOVE AND NEED YOU WITH EACH PAYMENT!ONLY BY PAYING TAXES CAN YOU MAINTAIN THIS ELITE STATUS!

WELCOME CITIZEN! YOU MADE IT BIG!

[humansofnewyork]

“My wife passed away last January. We’d been married for 62 years. You caught me at a time when I’ve been thinking a lot about love because I’m reading Shakespeare’s sonnets. The definition of love is elusive, which is why we write about it endlessly. Even Shakespeare couldn’t touch it. All the greatest love stories just seem to be about physical attraction. Romeo and Juliet didn’t know ifthey liked the same books or movies. It was just physical. After 62 years, it becomes something different entirely. My wife used to say: ‘We are one.’ And believe me, she was not the type of person to overstate something. Now that she’s gone, I realize how right she was. So much of our lives were linked. We were very physical and affectionate. But we also shared every ritual of our life. I miss her every time I leave a movie and can’t ask for her opinion. Or every time I go to a restaurant and can’t give her a taste of my chicken. I miss her most at night. We got in bed together at the same time every night.”

[melodramaticsoprano]

So I got called into jury duty…

And I was put in the seat instantly, of course. I said, “your honor, I can’t be a juror on a two week trial, I have opera rehearsal.” And she said, “opera huh, well, sing something for us.”

And I did. In a federal court of law, in front of the judge, 75 jurors, the lawyers and the fucking DEFENDANT, I sang o mio babbino caro.

And the judge excused me.

[turbofetus]

[caitlinguine]

@districtswiftie13

[melodramaticsoprano]

YO I DIDNT EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FEDERAL COURT SO YALL CAN DOUBT ME.

[butterynutjob]

I know a lot of opera singers, and singing a full-on aria in a court room with only a hint of provocation is EXACTLY what they would do.

[hellenhighwater]

I know a lot of judges, and demanding an impromptu opera solo on a whim is also something they would do.

(And also one of the main reasons you can be excused from jury duty is economic hardship–basically, it would cause you unreasonable financial damage. If you’re a professional singer, a two week gap in your rehearsal schedule could do that for sure.)

[jackironsides]

As a muso, I absolutely believe this. I’ve got my accordion out of my carry-on and played a tune when airport security couldn’t recognise its weird mass of levers. Singers and musicians are just Like That.

[taraljc]

Accurate.

[cluegrrl]

My friend got stopped at the Canadian border coming back into the US. Border patrol took one look at his tattoed, ear-gagued, mutton chop wearing, hipster self, and said “I don’t believe you’re an opera singer. Sing something for me.” His wife immediately put down her knitting and plugged her ears, because Matt’s a contrabasso, and he does NOT sing quietly. Every other booth along the border stop had a head poking out of it within twenty seconds. And they let them pass without further contest.

[hoarous]

One time I had a cole slaw craving at like 10pm so i went to KFC and the girl at the counter was like IT’S CHRISTMAS, SING ME A CAROL AND I’LL GIVE YOU YOUR SLAW, and I was like, oh, I uh—but then her coworker was like GDI STOP DOING THIS. YOU DONT HAVE TO SING. SHES BEEN DOING THIS ALL DAY

so of course I busted out the first few bars of Amarilli (which isn’t actually a christmas carol, but it was what i’d been practicing at the time so shhh), and let me tell you, nearly-empty fast food restaurants have GREAT acoustics

[nessataleweaver]

I’m just enjoying all these stories too much not to repost.  Don’t mind me.

I just clap enthusiastically at performers.

[buzzkillbyrne]

anyway here's hozier with a bunch of dogs

[gumbubbles-blog]

[nultemp]

the massive power of trains yet confinement to a single path makes them comparable to angels

[dykecity-blog1]

Billie Lourd as Gigi in Booksmart (2019)

aka the crazy girl representation i´ve been waiting for

[catchymemes]

[kierasknightleys]

“I’ve grown up a lot since before dinner when we last talked.”

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

[somecutething]

[jadensilver]

“This is my child now, Human.” 

[inahiddenplace]

how we act alone when we don’t feel like we have witnesses.. that is the genuine self.. me walking around my room punching the air talking to myself in a bad southern accent, that’s ME baby. you’re never going to know me like i know me. haha.

[janeplease]

*throws rocks at God’s window* hey! Why did u make me

[pidge-gunson-deactivated2018010]

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

[stinkyhat-deactivated20231213]

BBQ

blease be quiet

[willow]

je suis sick of this shit

[bpdroses-deactivated20180617]

moi fucking too

[helila]

énorme mood

[nessa007]

The fact that Andre Braugher has still not won an Emmy and hasn’t even been nominated in recent years for his portrayal of Captain Raymond Holt is an absolute travesty.

[m86-deactivated20171116]

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

As funny as this is, as someone who has met a European badger, all I can say is at least the American one has the decency not to hide the fact that it will tear your kidneys out via your toes if you so much as look at it funny.

[sonnetscrewdriver]

This was my response to THIS VERY TWEET