I’m just some wzrd

Parchment wizard of @wizardraziw’s school | she/they | proud professional bootlicker

[escuerzoresucitado]

[cryptidfuckery]

Hey so like omen wise how are we doing. Are we doing okay

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

Could mean good things!

[lets-nuke-it-from-orbit]

Hey @evilwizard. So, you up to anything new lately?

[evilwizard]

haha it’s funny you ask

[rainbow-femme]

Hi yes hello it’s me the local wizard, and I- Ok well “evil” feels like a strong word but yes, that’s me. Anyway, I need your help. I know I stole away the kingdoms 12 princesses, that’s my bad. Listen, I didn’t think this through. It didn’t occur to me that having a dozen angry young women from early teen to early 20s and giving them giant powerful wings would be a bad idea.

I know I’m the one who cast the curse but it can still only be broken with true love. I’m begging you, somebody, please come and fall in love with these girls and make them leave, I can’t take it anymore, it sucks so bad. I can’t keep getting viciously bullied by one of the largest living species of waterfowl anymore. I’ve tried running away but they can fly so they just find me. I’m getting nothing done.

I’ll pay you, I’ll grant you wishes, I don’t care, please just come and fall in love with the mean angry women who live in my yard and hate me so bad

[simply-a-dream]

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

[creative-anchorage]

[suriandtaal]

[rainbow-femme]

Hi yes hello it’s me the local wizard, and I- Ok well “evil” feels like a strong word but yes, that’s me. Anyway, I need your help. I know I stole away the kingdoms 12 princesses, that’s my bad. Listen, I didn’t think this through. It didn’t occur to me that having a dozen angry young women from early teen to early 20s and giving them giant powerful wings would be a bad idea.

I know I’m the one who cast the curse but it can still only be broken with true love. I’m begging you, somebody, please come and fall in love with these girls and make them leave, I can’t take it anymore, it sucks so bad. I can’t keep getting viciously bullied by one of the largest living species of waterfowl anymore. I’ve tried running away but they can fly so they just find me. I’m getting nothing done.

I’ll pay you, I’ll grant you wishes, I don’t care, please just come and fall in love with the mean angry women who live in my yard and hate me so bad

[wizard-email]

wrong sideblog incident, 12 dead 27 injured

[navigaero]

when will staff add a teleport to mutual feature

[egberts]

hey guys is there a nice wizard on tumblr or is it only the evil one

[evilwizard]

it’s just me

[pansyfemme]

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

[bagofcoldnoodles]

Is it licking boots?

[pansyfemme]

because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.

[arabelle-wzrd]

continuing to 1 up myself

[lumelton]

thin-blood rights, by the way

[arabelle-wzrd]

literally a harbinger of Gehenna but okay

[soundcarvings]

I think we should all fuck off. I think we should all go to the library and just fuck off.

[official-library-posts]

official library post

[veryberryskye]

im bored of playing Obey The Cursed Amulet can we play toys or something now

[drcuriouslxix]

Hi princess. I have a new toy they just invented from the Evil Kingdom

[veryberryskye]

is it another amulet

[drcuriouslxix]

I dont have any new toys from the Evil Kingdom ):

[arabelle-wzrd]

you know, if you stopped being such a bootlickers you’d probably be an incredible wizard and a great asset to the fight against the council. just food for thought

oh shut the fuck up

this ask is honestly not even worth my time because obviously you can’t be an “incredible wizard” outside of council rule

like definitionally incoherent

anyways, come off anon coward

[evil-homosexual-wizard]

trying to come up with spells that would help me leave this goddamned grocery store; if anyone has any suggestions let me know.

[audhdspacewizard]

Humans are apes! Casting summon ketamine ape has a chance of summoning Elon Musk, and nobody wants that. Consider casting summon ketamine gorilla/chimpanzee/bonobo/orangutan to avoid undesirable outcomes.

[virtualgirladvance]

[idontevenhaveone]

... the worst bit is I know several people this could be, especially given the 'in Australia' clarification

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

If you know them then there's a chance I might know some of them and that thought will keep me up at night.

[antikate]

This wasn’t the guy who we all know who used to spray his jeans with Mortein and then light himself on fire, was it?

[harlemshakemp3]

He used to sit at the back of the bus, cup his hand, spray deodorant into it, then open it and light it on fire with a lighter in one fell swoop to try and impress girls.

He had to stop because the bus company begged our school to tell him to stop bc of legal liability. His hands never actually got damaged after doing it for about a year.

[harlemshakemp3]

I reached out to my old friend in question here, because I've been thinking about him all day.

I do not know what "the amulet" is. I have no idea what "the amulet" is referring to.

[harlemshakemp3]

I instantly remembered when he said that.

While we were all at the local park doing legal things that teenagers would do back in the late 2000s, my friend here found a rock at our old smoke spot that was unusually smooth and flat. He liked it so much that he took it to the woodwork classrooms at school, drilled a hole in it, and hung it on a necklace.

When we asked why he weanwearing this dinky-ass pebble on his neck, he claimed it prevented him from ever getting food-related illnesses: wouldn't get food poisoning, couldn't over-eat, was able to ingest anything (prior to him finding The Amulet, a few of us used to play a game called "Devil's Piss" where we would take turns shoving random food bits into a bottle of coke, and the first person to take a sip would get two dollars from the other players).

When we all asked him for the proof that this rock is magical—because nobody believed him, obviously—he said to meet him behind the History block at lunch, where he said he would drink two litres (or half a gallon) of milk in one go and not puke.

We met him there, and about ten of us all watched him down a whole bottle of strawberry milk in two or three breaths.

He didn't puke.

He jumped up and down and punched his stomach to prove it.

He still didn't puke.

I'm so glad I'm alive.