[sweetbabyshane]

Sometimes, when they are out with the team and Shane is in the right mood, he will sip on Ilya's vodka and chase it with his ginger ale. He won't directly ask for his own drink, but Ilya is happy to share, especially when it leads to what Ilya affectionately calls 'brutally honest Shane', who will chirp their friends and call bullshit on anything they say that he disagrees with.

Some of Ilya's favorite appearances of 'brutally honest Shane' are at the Kingfisher with their team, as well as the Admirals.

---

Hunter and Vaughn both rolled their eyes at yet another classic Rozanov chirp. Shane hadn't been listening to that side of the table, as he was enjoying his conversation with Kip about the latest paintings he acquired for a gallery.

"God, Roz, you are a real piece of work. I bet you even chirp the kids at your camps," Carter said, a little too plainly to be a joke. Shane did not like that one bit.

"What? Ilya would never. He is a sweetheart with the kids," Shane countered, turning his attention and leaning into Ilya's side.

Scott huffed a laugh and nodded. "Well, that may be true, but on the ice, he’s a menace. Even you can admit that, Rook."

"Of course he is; it’s a strategy. That is the role he plays. He’s nothing like that off the ice. That's how most of us are, you know that," Shane replied firmly. He knew Ilya enjoyed the chirping when it was fair, but Shane did not like the implication of his husband being bad with children or just genuinely being a 'bad' person.

"You are the same on and off, Hollz," Carter said.

Ilya stopped himself from laughing, but Shane couldn't. He chuckled a bit and then paused before responding. "Oh, wait, you’re serious?"

The entire table went quiet, listening in on the conversation now. Scott was the one to reply. "Uh, yeah, Shane. You are the nicest guy in the league."

"I am definitely not," Shane said, not able to hide his surprise. Ilya had to tuck his face into Shane's shoulder to keep his smile at bay.

"What are you talking about? You are always composed on the ice. You are a good leader, especially for the rookies. All the stripes love you. You don't fight. I mean, you started a whole damn charity. They called you Canada's Golden Boy for a reason, Rook."

Shane rolled his eyes. He appreciated all of Scott's kind words, but sometimes he hated that his reputation always boiled down to that, especially given the pressure of maintaining it.

"I guess that is true. Thank you, but like I said before, that is on the ice. I'm not saying I'm a bad person or anything, but I can be a real bitch. I know that."

Multiple voices called out around the table in contention, shocked by what he just said.

Shane's eyes grew wide, seeing them all react as if this were new information. He thought it was a bit obvious. "What? It’s true!"

Scott set his beer down with a loud clatter on the table. "You aren’t a bitch, Shane. What the hell are you talking about?"

Shane shrugged as he took another bolstering sip of Ilya's vodka, not even bothering to chase this one. "Not all the time, no, but I’m way meaner than Ilya. I just don't chirp you guys to your faces."

Ilya finally joined the conversation with a nod before adding, "Is true. He is like that meme. Looks like cinnamon roll but could kill you. I have been saying Shane Hollander is an asshole for many years, and no one would listen."

Everyone around the table laughed, some sporting expressions of recognition at Ilya's meme comparison. That was until Troy leaned in from his spot across the table.

"Hang on, Hollzy. What do you mean you don't chirp us to our faces?"

Shane leveled Troy with that unimpressed look some of the Centaurs have received after making subpar passing choices or shot attempts at practice.

"Barrett, you really think Ilya comes up with chirps about stats on his own? Or the ones in French? I thought you were smarter than that."

The entire table burst with laughter again, at Troy's expense this time. Kip looked especially pleased with this revelation as he said, "Oh my God, Shane, you really are a bitch. I love this for you."

[lavenderprose]

So Harris decides to do something special for the moms of the team for Mother's Day and lines up a series of posts to go live hourly throughout the day, wherein there is a featured picture of each player's mother wearing that player's jersey and a few extra pictures provided by that player's mom--pictures from Timbits games, family vacations through the years, holidays. A few players' moms actually provide Harris with pictures of themselves in the hospital holding the newborn who would someday become an Ottawa Centaur! Super cute! And if making these posts in alphabetical order by last name means that Harris gets to make sure that his own wonderful mother-in-law goes first, well...you didn't see anything.

It's just a day of cute posts, and Ilya keeps checking to see if Yuna's post has gone live because those baby Shane pictures always hit like crack and Shane so rarely lets his parents pull them out.

Delightfully, Yuna chose one of Ilya's favorites--a VERY nineties newborn photoshoot where Shane already has a shock of black hair sticking up in all directions, and a pinched little expression on his face. He is all cheek and eyebrow, and Yuna is twenty-four and has bangs and denim overalls, and it is so nineties.

"Yuna sent Harris the Sears photo," Ilya tells Shane, giddy.

"Oh great," Shane groans.

"People are saying you make the same face when you argue with ref."

"I don't argue with the refs," Shane mutters.

"True, you have very smart and sexy Captain husband to do this for you now."

Ilya scrolls through the rest of the pictures--not to be outdone, Yuna has provided more than most. Shane in the Metros onesie that Ilya knows he was brought home from the hospital in. Yuna holding a year-old Shane in her lap, her narrow frame nearly dwarfed by his chubby body. Yuna with little Shane at what is clearly a Centaurs game, circa 1995.

The next one--he sort of wasn't expecting, but he isn't completely surprised either. His own face, smiling politely next to Yuna and David the day he flew out to Ottawa to sign some paperwork for his contract with the Centaurs. It was only the second or third time he'd seen them without Shane, and maybe the first picture they'd taken together as well. He'd been carefully cropped out of previous ones.

"Oh, that's nice," Shane mumbles. He's stopped pretending he's not looking over Ilya's shoulder, watching him scroll.

The next picture is of their wedding day, unsurprisingly--one of several pictures from that day wherein Shane and Yuna had matching misty eyes and Ilya was actually just visibly crying with his face pressed to someone's shoulder.

Lastly, Yuna in her jersey--custom-made, Hollander-Rozanov on the back and 24|81 below. She's smiling over her shoulder at some game or other, proud of it.

Then there is one more picture. Yuna's hand in frame, holding a wallet-size picture of Irina Rozanova as she was thirty-two years ago, young and smiling with a baby Ilya pressed to her cheek.

It's one of only a few pictures that Ilya knows exist of his mother, and he thought the only copy was in a frame in the room he's currently sitting in.

"Why does Yuna have tiny picture of Mama?" Ilya murmurs.

"Oh." Shane rubs the back of his neck. "She, uh, she does this thing--she has pictures of all of us in her purse. It's, like, so that she has us with her. She asked me for Irina's picture a little while ago."

In the picture, Yuna is holding Irina's picture up next to the Jumbotron broadcasting Ilya's grinning face from the season intro video.

"Oh," Ilya murmurs. "That's..."

"If you think it's weird--"

"No," Ilya snaps. "Don't even finish that sentence, Hollander. I love it."

The caption of the post reads:

Yuna Hollander, mother of #24 and mother-in-love to #81! Mama Hollander is a reformed Metros fan and a proud Ottawan who can almost always be seen in the crowd at Canadian Tire Centre cheering on the home team. We love you and your boys, Yuna! Happy Mother's Day!

The Hollander-Rozanovs also treasure the memory of Irina Rozanova, mother to #81. Happy Mother's Day, Irina.

[ilya-sweetheart]

Harris starts a new trend called “Hot Takes with Hollander” and it’s just random candid clips of things Shane Hollander believes wholeheartedly (ft. centaurs)

— —

“man, i can’t wait for thanksgiving! what pie is your favourite, hollzy?”

“fruit should not be hot” (walks off screen)

— —

“hey, has anyone seen my toothbrush? it’s purple” (rookie panicking, looking through his bag)

“why the fuck would you have a purple toothbrush?! that’s just fucked up”

“wh-what..?” (absolute look of confused hurt)

“the only acceptable colours for a toothbrush is blue or green. don’t worry - when we land, i’ll get you a new one” (deadpan as hell)

“…thanks hollzy”

“no problem, rook”

— —

“now who in their right mind would drink fanta lemon when the regular fanta exists? what the fuck ilya?!” (husband hollzy organising the fridge)

“i like it”

“well…okay baby, but keep it away from my ginger ale. they go on separate shelves - here i’ll show you” (video cuts out)

[inejeverdeen]

The Good Place really went off when they had Eleanor talk about her mother changing. Like, they really hit the nail on the head.

like THIS??

This is EXACTLY how it feels to see someone you love, someone who should've treated you so much better than they did, grow and change for the better. Like, part of you knows that they're better now and you shouldn't be mad, but part of you is like, "Then why didn't they do this before? Where was this change when I needed it? Was the reason why they were so awful...me?".

[earhartsease]

it's okay to appreciate their change and still be angry for the impact they had on you before they changed - you're not under an obligation to feel different about the past, even if they've outgrown their old self and are apologetic about it - how you process your anger is your own deal, and their change doesn't invalidate it

[cyan-eyed-princet]

This episode hit very hard for me as someone who's mother has since gotten a lot better (though exactly to what extent those changes are premanent remains to be seen). I found myself continuously questioning why. Realistically the answer is always that that person couldn't change at that point in time, and it was never about you, but that doesn't make your anger and hurt any less important. You don't have to forgive them, regardless of what changes they have made. You are allowed to process these emotions for as long as you need.

[another-anonymous-idiot]

Listen I love adorable baby Luca as much as the next person, but guys you have to remember that boy is Swiss, he's European™. I guarantee you this conversation has happened before:

An Elder Centaur: Hey Luca man you can't drink while we're in America you aren't 21 yet.

Luca: Ah no it's ok, I have actually stopped drinking much recently.

An Elder Centaur: ...What do you mean stopped? When did you even start? We drafted you at 18?

Luca: I mean I started at like, 15, so yeah, thought I'd slow down now that I am a professional player. I'll just have a beer.

An Elder Centaur: Beer is still alcohol?

Luca: Eh, is it really though?

Ilya is the only other person on the Cens who understands, but he's just playing dumb, as if his Russian junior team didn't use to drink vodka in a park on the dead of winter after games.

[hyphenemdash]

The Cens are in the locker room after a pretty light practice, the season not yet in full swing, and the topic turns to married life, as it often does.

Ilya and Shane mostly stay quiet, giving each other pointed looks when Bood and Wyatt swap stories about their fucking awesome wives. That is until…

“Yeah but like, Roz and Hollzy have the most ideal situation.”

There’s a mix of eyebrow raising and general murmurs of agreement, half of the team unsure if this is Holmberg’s way of coming out.

“What do you mean?” Shane asks, ever one to ignore a social rule.

“You spend all day together kicking ass and being the best at hockey, and then you get to go home together and be and love and shit but also still talk hockey.” Holmberg sighs and stares into his locker a little wistfully. “I wish I was gay so I could have a hockey husband.”

The team is quiet for a minute, some of the younger members nodding in sage agreement. Bood even looks like it’s an intriguing idea.

“Why don’t you date a PWHL player?”

Wyatt says it with it much fuss, shoving his pads into his bag unceremoniously. Holms, however, looks like he’s just been struck by lightning.

“Say that again.”

Wyatt turns to the kid, eyebrows raised like he’s confused by the reaction.

“You know that the PWHL exists, right?”

Holmsberg is too thunderstruck to scoff.

“Yeah. The Charge. They’re…oh my god.”

And thus starts the social media scrolling to figure out which Charge players are 1) single, 2) in Holms age range, and 3) into men

[jimmysownworld]

its funny to imagine that ottawa got so used to losing that some of the fans are like “we should celebrate the losses like people do with wins” and its a ridiculous idea but against all odds it catches on and honestly helps the team feel not awful, sometimes after a game the team will go out and walk into a bar the erupts until cheers when they enter and people clapping and Bood will smile and laugh and feel a little lighter knowing that yes their team sucks but at least everyone is having a good time.

and then ilya goes to ottawa and people are like “does this mean we have to stop celebrating losses☹️” and obviously the answer is no. ilya gets to experience the joy of going out after a loss to sports bars crowded with overjoyed fans who tell him “good fucking game” and buy the team a round and its so different from boston ilya gets a bit of whiplash.

when they start winning, the community decides its stupid to break tradition, and equally stupid to not celebrate a win, so after a game, win or lose, the community congratulates them with the same enthusiasm and orders the same drinks for them and something about it lifts a pressure off ilyas chest.

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[livinglavidalesbian]

big fan of the hollanov "adopts" a rookie thing. idk i just feel like if there was a rookie coming to the centaurs from russia, and he has the abusive-family-in-russia problems and the needs-to-be-the-best problems (because of worsening foreign perception of russia) and ilya immediately takes him under his wing and shane takes a while longer because he doesn't really get connected to his teammates like that, but he like overhears a quiet conversation between them in russian that they had in the locker room and it's something about the kid's parents coming to america to watch him play, and shane kinda realizes why ilya cares about this kid so much and he never really says anything to the kid emotionally but he stands near him and takes the blows for being an asshole for him, saying "oh we have practice he can't have dinner with you," and eventually the kid gets checked unfairly and everyone's like oh ilya's gonna WHOOP the other guy and no. shane goes to whoop him while ilya makes sure he's okay. does this make sense

[tinylilemrys]

Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.

Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. 😂 This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."

And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."

And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.

[tinylilemrys]

Shane is not an animal guy at all. Ilya knows this. He's reached an understanding and level of affection with Anya, but beyond that he doesn't seem to have any interest in any other creatures.

Except, sometimes, between all the hockey videos Shane gets on the rare occasions Ilya sees him scrolling through Instagram, he'll get a video of otters. And to Ilya's surprise, Shane almost always sits through the whole thing.

This seems so out of left-field that Ilya ends up texting Yuna about it. He'd ask Shane about it, but he's scared that he'll get embarrassed and stop watching them when Ilya's around. Yuna immediately texts back like, "Oh yeah, Shane loves otters. Always has. He hasn't told you about Wa?"

And Ilya's heart immediately beats faster in that way it does when he learns something new and unexpected about his husband.

"No he has not. What is a 'Wa'?"

He gets sent a photo a few minutes later of what was probably once a very cute otter plushie, but is now squashed beyond all recognition and missing an eye and an ear.

"Sorry, it was hidden in the back of his closet so I had to dig it out. This is Wa. Or Otter-Wa. David called him that as a joke and it stuck. We got it because Shane was upset we couldn't take the otters home with us, and it became his favorite toy. He wouldn't go anywhere without it."

Ilya is, of course, delighted to learn this and immediately begins plotting.

A few months later, on Shane's birthday, Ilya leads him blindfolded to the surprise he's organised for him.

"I hear water. Baby, you didn't just drag me to a pool after hours, did you? Because I've talked to the contractors and we can install a pool if that's what you want."

And Ilya laughs as he undoes the blindfold, revealing the otter enclosure.

"After all these years I hope that my surprises are a little bit better than that."

And Ilya watches as Shane's eyes fill with tears as he realises where he is.

"Otters?" he asks, looking at Ilya in wonder. "But how did you... I've never told you about the otters."

"You didn't need to," he says with a shrug. "I pay attention to my beautiful husband when he does things. I thought you might like to actually meet some."

"Ready for introductions?" asks one of the zookeepers, and Ilya nods, following them over to the pool.

"But how... Ilya this must have cost a fortune."

And Ilya laughs again at that, pressing a kiss to Shane's cheek.

"Lucky you married someone rich and famous then."

[hollanovbiter]

although yuna and david love both of their sons equally, they’re also entirely aware that shane has had them for 25+ years. Ilya’s never had unconditional love like this.

so yuna and david show up to every Centaurs game wearing Rozanov jerseys instead of hollander. they had to buy so many new ones and ended up donating a bunch of shane’s they never wore anymore.

david always calls and asks Ilya what he’d like for family dinner, but never asks shane. shane will pull out frozen meal prep without complaint if he doesn’t like ilya’s choice, while ilya marvels at whatever david cooks up for him. “what is this you say? marriage chicken” ilya asks. “Marry Me Chicken,” david answers. “this is gravy, yes?” Ilya says, shoving half a chicken breast into his mouth

at christmas they have to get new stockings made, because the hollander’s traditional stockings are too old to buy a matching one for Ilya. Ilya cries fat tears when he opens them on christmas eve. Shane pouts because he’s going to miss his Santa stocking from childhood, and Yuna smacks him upside the head until he shuts up. They also have a stocking made for Anya <3

when both ilya and shane come down with a nasty flu at the same time (one in montreal one in ottawa), yuna and david camp out with ilya to help him through his convalescence instead of shane. because they know ilya is a big baby when he’s sick while shane will refuse any help and would prefer to be left alone

when ilya goes through a particularly bad depressive episode, yuna and david call up Galina and ask for advice on how to care for him, and pull out every trick in the book. ilya is too raw and embarrassed to thank them but cries into shane’s chest every night because he feels so loved but also so guilty

shane knows exactly what his parents are doing for Ilya, but sometimes teasingly complains that ilya gets special treatment. he still lets Ilya make ‘favourite son’ jokes constantly without a peep, because really, he is the favourite.

[hundredthousands-art]

baby Shane

[lesbianrozanov]

toddler shane refusing to talk after his hockey team lose a game. yuna & david are trying to be encouraging like “bud!! you played so good!!” and shane is ignoring them while climbing into his car seat where he’s going to angrily drink his juice box and then chew on the straw.

[rabbittush]

He’s had a rough day…

[catchymemes]

[gaynehollander]

One time when the Cens are on a string of away games Ilya looks out the plane window and, out of nowhere asks, “what do you think clouds taste like?” Shane had been deep in strategy mode so he hmms a little before answering, “I mean they’re just water, except it’s like condensed and they would be way too cold to consume.” Ilya nods sagely before saying, “so, like slushy.”

[myshanela]

leaked footage from ‘my dinner with hayden’