
ellievsbear

#extradirty

Janaina Medeiros
Sweet Seals For You, Always

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tannertan36
Cosmic Funnies
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Discoholic 🪩
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Sade Olutola

Origami Around
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
wallacepolsom

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One Nice Bug Per Day

PR's Tumblrdome
we're not kids anymore.

roma★
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@bibliotektheemo
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.
#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus
I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious
A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)
Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.
thinking about this tag on my post again. i'm saying this all the time forever
oh i'm also saying this one all the time forever
sonce the sports are happening big rn where i live i made a handy chart of all the phrases i use to communicate with my loved ones during these trying times. i thought others might find it useful too
ive discovered you can have whole conversations with people using just these phrases and none will be any the wiser that you dont even know what sport it is theyre talking about
i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that “une pipe” is slang for blowjob
"Neep Gren 😊"
@chibeast
Found a Penguin Classics cover generator
not to give green day credit but it is immensely funny how often Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation will be like hi green day play my event. and green day is like ok Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation but you know we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians and we are going to play our song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians .and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like ok green day thats cool. and then green day plays their song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like wtf green day you cant do that you cant play your song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and this has been happening in a cycle for 30 years.
reminds me of the time Rage Against the Machine were vying for Christmas Number 1 (british public was doing a little trolling) so the BBC had to let them come on and play 'Killing In the Name Of' live on the breakfast show, and they asked them not to swear and they swore
me when I tell the guy who sings "fuck you, I won't do what you tell me" not to do that
It is implied through gameplay mechanics that the two kingdoms at war in chess both formally permit regnal polygamy, allowing the King to take at least nine wives of equal status, and that marriage can be bestowed as a military honour, but curiously that honour - in stark contrast to the conventional attitudes of the aristocracy - can only be bestowed upon soldiers of the unlanded class, leaving great questions to be asked of the material interests and stability of these kingdoms' aristocracies
also, their horses lack limbs & their castles are small
yknow the smallness of the castles is FAR from their most interesting distinction from the noticeably immobile ones we are familiar with
you've heard of death of the author, now get ready for death of the audience: where instead of basing your reaction on a thousand uninformed opinions online, you actually read the text and engage with it
girl help there's people on this post who can't actually read my text
did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning
did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it
please support this interracial french gay couple and their 20 kids
“le couple homosexuel interracial français milieu a vingt enfants” en fait c’est une erreur statistique. georgs d'enfants, qui habite dans une cave et adopte dix mille enfants chaque jour, est une donnée aberrante et il faudrait pas l’avoir compté
I don’t even speak French and I know what that paragraph says
IT SNODE.
IT SNODE.
Good combo on dash:
I've made this exact post like 3 different times atp but. It's endlessly funny when people (especially tech company people) treat Asimov's three laws as a legit proposed framework for Artificial Intelligence safety when like. Nearly every single Asimov story they're featured in involves something going wrong as a result of a robot trying to follow three three laws in a situation that makes execution of the laws ambiguous or contradictory. They're not a guideline for legit AI programming they're a plot device designed to cause problems due to interacting in weird ways with complicated hypothetical situations!
we've implemented the safety standards from the award-winning These Are Insufficient Safety Standards series of novels!