I'm a paradox

I'm a 21 year old girl who loves to read. Fandoms: Avatar the Last Airbender, Korra, The Lunar Chronicles, Marvel, Percy Jackson and many others...

[sketchdeath]

peak art is when u were like six and u scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass” 

[sketchdeath]

every1 look i made stain glass

[killtheteendream]

[chaotic-carnifex]

Anyway if you’re from the US and you ever wanted to know what tumblr feels like from a non-USAmerican perspective (please note that the rest of the world is not a monolith either and none of these apply without exception):

Everybody’s talking about brands and stores you’ve never seen in real life. You generally assume they exist, but they might as well be one giant prank the rest of the internet is in on.

You find a post that just sounds wrong. It makes no sense. It’s like OP lives in a weird alternate reality. 9/10 times, it’s just some USAmerican Thing.

You’re still not entirely sure how much an inch is. Or a foot. Or even how many of the former there are in the latter. You maybe know your height in feet and inches.

You have no idea how much a pound is. You’d also like to know how the fuck pound shortens to lbs.

What the fuck is “military time”

Somebody talks about some legal process or something similar. They don’t mention which country’s legal system this pertains to. You know anyway.

People talk about politics. None of it pertains to you. Many posts contain guilt tripping. “How can you not care about this?? Why won’t you reblog this?? People need to know this about x candidate for y position!” You’re busy trying to stay on top of the political landscape in your own country.

You pick up some random slang from the internet. Monkey see monkey do. You’re called racist. You didn’t know it was AAVE. You learnt it from black letters on white background, not from the mouths of people whose faces you could see. How would you have known? You try to unlearn it.

People tell you that you must publicly denounce Chick-fil-A or you’re homophobic. You don’t even know what a Chick-fil-A is.

People say you don’t know LGBTQ+ history. What they mean is you don’t know USAmerican LGBTQ+ history. Nobody cares about your country’s history.

You’re “called out” on using an “offensive” term. It’s (a direct translation of) a completely harmless word where you live.

People expect you to have an idea of how far apart 2 USAmerican states are. You barely know geography past your country’s immediate neighbors.

You randomly switch between British and American spellings. Nothing’s real and there are no rules.

People talk about multiple hour car rides and you get twitchy just thinking about it. You suddenly understand why USAmerican cars are so big.

Somebody talks about school shooting drills. You only ever had fire alarm drills.

You see a cool statistic. The study’s only about the US. It’s unfortunately of no use to you.

People misuse/misspell words and names from your native language. It’s tiring.

(You feel sorry for the French. Nobody should be allowed to mangle the word déjà vu like that.)

You’re still not over the fact that USAmerican school children are supposed to say that pledge thing every morning. You’re never getting over that.

You still don’t know why the men are fresh or what the fuck a sophomore is.

Who the fuck pays up first and then fills up gas??? That’s made up, right??

Everybody has a weird obsession with some comfort food you’d never even heard of before you signed up here.

Fellow non-USAmericans, please add anything else you can think of.

[990000]

simongerman600

[brunhiddensmusings]

i was going to say ‘i have no idea what to do with this information’ but then i realized its a handy guide to generate fake words that sound english

[nativenews]

[usamilovelove-deactivated202005]

wtf

[usamilovelove-deactivated202005]

this post is just calling anti feminists racist

[geekandmisandry]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[voidambassador]

Would you look at that, the shoe fits

[drhds]

Which one of you Gays photoshopped the glass slipper into a Louboutin 

[batfangzz]

omfg first off WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK and second @drhds it’s LOUIS VUITTON NOT LOUBOUTIN 

[oppa-homeless-style]

give me your fucking wig

[kama-aina-killmyself]

Theres discorse here but im not sure what kind

[showerthoughtsofficial]

If you press the clitoris and the g-spot at the same time the vagina takes a screenshot

[aspicyavocado]

why am i laughing so hard

[downwithneocolonialism]

[mckitterick]

Updates:

“Where Are They Now? A Year Later, Mixed Fortunes For Panama Papers Line-Up.”

“Daphne Caruana Galizia, the journalist who led the Panama Papers investigation into corruption, was killed in a car bomb.”

[tiddiebaby-deactivated20210816]

i will never be over this

[theotheryongbok]

[theotheryongbok]

I was gonna take a nap but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

Happy Halloween

[feministism]

[kiwianaroha]

She took up acting because the malnutrition she suffered under the nazis permanently damaged her health and prevented her from pursuing her dream to be a ballerina. During the war, she danced to raise money for the resistance - even though she was literally starving, she used what strength she had to make sure more nazis got shot. 

[neveria]

She and her mom also denounced their royal heritage because of the Nazis in their family

[antiracistfeministanarchy]

Also Audrey was a humanitarian until her death, though ill with cancer, she continued her work for UNICEF, travelling to Somalia, Kenya, the United Kingdom, Switzerland, France and the United States.

[abbeydoesthings]

These are things I literally never would have known about. I’m tired of women being painted as just being pretty.

[belleandwhistle]

I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE HER AT AN OLDER AGE I SWEAR!

[kittiesatemypronouns]

Here’s another nice one.

[witchaj]

For the longest time I assumed she had died really young because I never saw any pictures of her at an older age. She was an amazing woman.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[justsimplyobsessed]

if you watch young justice season 1 episode 26 at exactly 11:40:56 PM tonight the watchtower announces “Happy New Year” at exactly midnight. Start your new year off right

[prokopetz]

If you’re trying to catch a housecat that’s gotten outside, don’t forget: they’re an ambush predator and you’re a persistence predator. You have several times more endurance than they do - use that to your advantage! Don’t run after them; that’s playing to the cat’s strengths, and vigorous pursuit may cause them to hide. Instead, follow them at a brisk walking pace until they get tired and need to have a lie-down, at which point you can simply pick them up and take them home.

[fsthhdwefg-deactivated20180515]

Ok but no shit this tactic is what allowed humans to survive pre-civilisation

[lowkey-revolutionary-raccoon]

Some mammoth: *chilling, eating grass, mammothing*

Cavedude: *power walks towards them*

Mammoth: oh sIHT

[krwzprtt]

cat : haha you can’t outrun me

human:

[jaunes-hoodie]

That’s the best possible use of a gif I’ve ever seen

[slimegargoyle]

the knowing eye contact women make when men are talking is the purest human connection possible

[sggxv]

What the fuck does that even mean?

[slimegargoyle]

30 thousand women seem to get it

[d1av]

source: [x]

[revealmyselfinvincible]

[ofwelshkings]

are you an oversized sweater bisexual or an oversized flannel shirt bisexual

[zyco-zyco]

stop trying to make bisexuals choose things

[teathattast]

[thevioletsunflower]

Oh! I actually know the answer to this one! American newspaper ads charged by the letter, so a lot of people would eliminate unnecessary letters like the second L in “cancelled” or the U in “colour”. Some of these spelling changes were used so often that they stuck, and now Americans just spell some words differently. In summary: Americans spell things weird because capitalism

[bethofaus]

Thanks so much for explaining that. I’m Australian and learned English and never understood why Americans spell so many words ‘wrong’! ‘Honour’ and ‘colour’ and ‘flavour’ are the usual ones I notice, but that option of one or two l’s has definitely been noticed.

[stimman3000]

.

[bears-official]

i literally felt my blood pressure drop like 20 points when the camera went under

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]