KIROKAZE
almost home
Origami Around
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dirt enthusiast
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Janaina Medeiros
styofa doing anything
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Kaledo Art
roma★
hello vonnie
occasionally subtle
Cosimo Galluzzi
NASA
One Nice Bug Per Day
taylor price
Three Goblin Art
d e v o n
Game of Thrones Daily
seen from United States
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@clockworkdreamer
'stupid mental health walk' song but it's about me realizing that i need to gifure out what i'm going to do with my day and my week if i actually want to get anything done and grudgingly pulling out my planner
*muffled wheezing*
'gifure'
Definition: same as 'figure' but with an added sense of "grumble mumble rassafrassa"
IM BEING BULLIED FOR TYPOS. IN MY TIME OF ORGANIZING TROUBLES AND STRIFE. ON TUMBLR DOT COM
Dude has a death wish
Delighted to announce this bird is real and is a corvid.
Truly the family that just keeps giving.
I haven’t seen it in the notes yet, so afaik, here’s the source of that video! So now you can see the funny poison bird much more clearly.
It was taken by a biologist that studies birds so it seems like he knows what he’s doing. For the most part. Here’s his caption:
You all know that he 100% licked his fingers after handling that bird
The parking attendant paused by the double-length bay. Intended for mobile homes and cars with trailers, it was currently occupied by a sleeping dragon.
No parts of it extended beyond the lines, and the paper ticket was clearly displayed, impaled on a horn.
The parking attendant moved on.
I was going to just queue it for later but then it stuck in my brain, and I decided to make it everyone's problem
laughing about the idea of shane just being fucking Over It on round 20349898 of getting asked about if he ever let ilya beat him in a game and his media coaching slipping enough for him to just deadpan, "have you heard how annoying he is when he wins? you think i would ever let that happen on purpose?"
quit your job
join my band of mercenaries
How's the dental?
you can have all the teeth you can carry
The “do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” is genuinely such a fucking cunty comment and all Shane does is throw his underwear at Ilya and then grin like he’s so proud of himself.
What I’m saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.
They learn the hard way that although there seems to be no boundry to what Ilya can chirp Shane with, the same does not apply to anyone else. If anyone makes a comment to Shane that is deemed not appropriately playful, you will be facing the wrath of his husband and you will wish you were dead.
See, the thing is that even though Ilya loves to rage bait Shane and say cunty things like “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?”, he is never cruel or mean. He never says anything that would actually hurt Shane, he never goes for the jugular. And that’s because the chirping is meant almost as a backwards compliment to Shane. He can say “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” BECAUSE he knows (and Shane knows, and Shane knows that Ilya knows) that Shane will likely/definitely hold the cup one day himself. Shane even replies “I’ll know for myself soon enough.”
Imagine if Ilya said that to someone who wasn’t Shane, like maybe someone on an AHL team who has pretty much zero chance of ever winning a Stanley Cup. Then Ilya would be a total asshole who is trying to make the AHL player feel shitty. It’s an asshole move because the power dynamics are different: star MLH player taunting AHL player about something they want but will never get.
But no, Ilya’s saying this to Shane, BECAUSE he knows just how good Shane is and knows that Shane will definitely win at least one cup at some point. It’s almost like an in-joke: I know you’re good, you know you’re good, but I’m a chaos gremlin and a competitive little shit so I’m gonna rub it in your face a little that I got there before you did, just to get a reaction out of you. But the joke hinges on the fact that Ilya thinks Shane is amazing, they are equals, and it wouldn’t work otherwise.
Rinse, lather, repeat for all of his other digs at Shane, i.e. “this slow fucking player” only works because Shane is incredibly fast, “with a weak backhand” only works if Ilya has the best backhand in the league and Shane has the best forehand and the second-best backhand, etc. He wouldn’t say this to Shane if Shane was actually kinda slow or had been frustrated with his backhand. They’re both in on the joke, and it’s one way they can bridge the competitive divide between them. It acknowledges “hey, we’re the two best players in the world, and it’s lonely at the top, except now we have these little jokes that acknowledge our competitive sides and the fact that I really want to beat you, but also tie us together, because no one else can make these jokes except us.”
And this translates to how Ilya chirps on the ice. He’s an absolute menace to everyone, but never uses slurs or something actually hurtful. He’s a menace but he’s not Dallas fucking Kent in any way.
Haven’t cross checked with canon tbh, but it’s firmly in my headcanon and in most of the fanfic i read :P
Stole this from somewhere but i think it’s appropriate
personal hc that one of the hollanov kids loves hockey but it's just not clicking even though they practice all the time and shane and ilya both try different coaching methods with them and it only makes everyone more frustrated and then one day wyatt comes to the rink with them and after 1.5 seconds on-ice he's like "hey i think they're a goalie" and shane and ilya nearly black out because oh. ohhh my god. they're kid is totally, completely, a goalie. and that's why it wasn't fucking working. they have a fucking goalie.
Give me Shane awkwardly trying "queer culture" things that Ilya and Harris try to introduce him to and hating it.
Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).
Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.
Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?
Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.
Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.
Give me Ilya promising Shane that he loves him exactly as he is, jocky and offline and dedicated to hockey, that he never has to change anything about himself to seem more palatable to anyone, and fuck anyone who thinks Shane isn't *anything* enough, because he's always been perfect for Ilya.
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov wedding announcement on socials and the ftop comment under it is "Hollzy up and done it. He married hockey. Truly the most dedicated player."
Ilya in post-game interviews keeps referring to his “wife-in-law” and the media and fans are (naturally) convinced that he’s just confused and doesn’t realise that term makes no sense whatsoever.
This goes on for a while until one reporter is finally brave enough to ask.
“I’m sorry, you keep saying your ‘wife-in-law’, and I feel like someone should tell you that that’s not… a thing? Do you mean your sister-in-law? Mother-in-law?”
Ilya: “No, there is no misunderstanding. My wife-in-law, Jackie. We get drinks every few weeks. She calls me her husband-in-law, I call her my wife-in-law, and our husbands both roll their eyes because that’s just how they are.”
And then he walks off.
Ilya stares at their bedroom ceiling. Laying awake after a stupid dream that made his heart race and his throat close up.
Beside him, Shane is sleeping soundly.
He should just let it be, let him sleep. But, the thing is- Shane made him promise. Promise to wake him up next time.
Which would just be dumb. And unneccesairy. Then we would both be awake, what is the point? But Shane had just repeated his request. Promise.
With a sigh, and quite a bit of shame clinging to him for what he is about to do, he turns and gently strokes over Shane's arm.
"Mh? Wha-?" Shane shifts onto his elbow to look around the dark room instantly. "Is it Anya? Is she throwing up again?"
The concern in Shane's voice over Anya (who had an upset stomach a month ago and they woke up to her retching) makes Ilya smile softly and push closer to him.
"No. Is me."
"You?" Shane's voice is rough from sleep and Ilya noses at his throat before he settles on his shoulder. "Yes."
"...Is your stomach okay?"
"Mhmh, all good. I had a nightmare."
"Oh." Warm arms wrap around him immediatly.
The way Shane squeezes him and presses several kisses against his hairline makes Ilya breathe out. Relieved that Shane's not annoyed with him. He knew he wouldn't be. Of course he wouldn't be. He made him promise to wake him. But, still.
"That sucks. Tell me about it?" The words are sleepily slurred together, which makes Ilya smile again.
"Mh. No." He turns his head slightly to place two pecks on Shane's chest, lingering on the second one. His hand sneaks under Shane's shirt and rubs over his stomach, a soothing back and forth. "Is all good now."
"Mh'okay." There is the slightest voice crack which makes Ilya's smile grow at the memory of Shane high as a kite on pain killers all those years ago.
"Glad you woke me up."
"Me too."
I'm so glad that that truncated fucking ran-into-a-wall-at-speed tadpole-ass looking squirrel only lives in high altitude forests in Borneo bc this means I am extremely unlikely to encounter one in my day to day life. thank god
Hello.
DID YOU MAKE THIS BLOG SIMPLY TO TORMENT ME
I can go upside down.
WHERE IS THE REST OF YOU
while we're talking hollanov under the influence of medication (is the only one talking about it), i'm laughing about the idea of shane half-expecting ilya to just be even MORE flirty when he's high on painkillers or coming out of sedation
and instead man is AGGRESSIVELY faithful
unhand him ✋ he is MARRIED ✋ (they are literally just trying to take his vitals) hands OFF!! his husband is gorgeous and will NOT appreciate this!!! (he says this to *shane* who is trying to help him back into actual clothes)
shane has to leave to let anya out and just gets a picture from svetlana of ilya curled up in the hospital bed smiling at a full screen picture of shane on his phone. literally the only way he would chill out and relax.
i do love and respect the idea of the world at large being stunned at finding out how long ilya and shane have been together, but i truly think that under NO circumstances would shane ever choose to offer ANY personal details about himself or their relationship willingly.
which combined with ilya loving just making things up and saying them (as seen in the "yes, the rumors are true-" scene) offers the very funny idea that ilya actively tries to offer as much privacy as possible by just throwing out stories about them at random so there IS no central story for people to hound shane about.
assorted backstories a la "ilya just started talking and found out with everyone else where he was going with this":
they got snowed in at all stars one year (b-but wasn't that year in florida?) and decided there was nothing better to do
it started as a bit and neither is willing to give up first
they paired off to combine forces like nato
they paired off to limit how many kids they could have in the future to make sure hockey stayed fair
ilya lost a bet six years ago
shane lost a bet three years ago
ilya got tired of remembering phone numbers for his hookups and shane's is easy
ilya got tired of having to look things up in english and french when talking to other people and decide to marry someone who speaks two languages to save time
shane is gifted enough (wink wink wink) that other people are cowards and only ilya was brave enough to rise to the challenge (this one gets him in trouble on the phone later but it also gets him laid that night at home and also confuses the online speculation about who tops and bottoms, so net positive tbh)
yuna hollander is the best manager in the business and a political marriage was the best way to secure her services longterm
with the end result that all shane has to do is shrug and "my husband has already told our story a thousand times by this point. no point in repeating it and boring people." in interviews to get out of people trying to dig into things he doesn't want to tell them.
