90s baby from eastern europe | metalhead | here to read, write and yap about it | currently hyperfixating on HR | usually fixating on gothic lit and video games | FUCK AI AND FUCK THE POLICE | ao3: KrisAyya
Ilya shifts beneath Shane and mumbles something under his breath. It’s mid-afternoon. Post practice, post dog walk, post lunch, post sex. They’re tucked under the blankets, the sheet pulled over them to simultaneously block out the sun and create their own little world. Ilya calls it their Escape Pod. The little blanket fort so it feels like it’s only them in the world.
Ilya’s laying on top of Shane. His head is resting on his chest while Shane runs one hand through his curls and the other outlines the lines of the loon on his shoulder.
“Do you ever think about getting anymore?” Shane asks quietly.
Ilya shifts on top of him, snuffling and yawning. Shane stops his trail midway through the loon and waits for Ilya to settle before he resumes.
“Anymore what?” Ilya’s voice is coated in sleep and Shane almost feels bad at bringing him back to earth when he sounds like he is already ready for their nap.
“Tattoos. Do you think about getting another one?”
“Hm, sometimes. I want to get one for us.”
“You already have one for us.”
Ilya shifts up a bit and his hand that’s resting on Shane’s neck moves down to rest over the bruise that’s nearly gone. It’s a lavender now and the teeth marks aren’t visible. The indents are completely gone.
When Shane ran his fingers over it this morning before practice, the way he did every morning, an emptiness as vast and wide as the Pacific Ocean settled over him. It had been growing for awhile. But this morning it was the worst. Like the first morning he woke up after having sex with Ilya and he saw the consequences of what they had done – the puffiness of his hole, the tenderness in his thighs, the loss of that fullness that he’d enjoyed so much. He’d run his hands over the sensitive part of him replaying the slow way Ilya had entered him, how he’d taken his time to open him up. He’d never told Ilya that, not even all these years later but he’d felt a void inside of him the moment he had pulled out. That’s the same way he feels now as the evidence of Ilya’s love bite fades.
“No, not really,” Ilya mumbles.
Shane presses a finger into the loon. “What’s this then?”
Ilya props himself up on his elbow to look at Shane. His curls graze the top of the sheet and Shane smiles at how wrecked he looks.
“I want to get our wedding date here—” Ilya wiggles his finger with the wedding band. “So when we take rings off for games there will still be something.”
Shane smiles softly at his words. “That’s really fucking romantic.”
Ilya beams and brings a hand up to caress Shane’s face. “I want you to get it too. On your finger.”
Shane swallows, “Really?”
“Would you want to? I know you are afraid of needles.”
“How much does it hurt?”
Ilya shrugs, “Does not hurt so much. Like being poked.”
“I know that.”
“Is not bad.”
“Not bad how?”
“Not as bad as playing professional hockey.”
Shane laughs. “When should we get them?”
“Our next anniversary.”
“You’ve thought about this.”
“Maybe. Yes.”
Shane tugs Ilya back down to lay against him and Ilya goes willingly, tucking himself into Shane’s arms, and laying his head on his left shoulder. He noses at the nearly healed bite mark and warmth spread through Shane.
“What do you think?” Ilya asks.
“Alright. For you.”
“For me?”
“For you.”
Ilya laughs quietly against Shane’s chest and his heart skips a beat. The truth is Shane likes the idea of there being permanent evidence on his body that he is with Ilya. He loves their wedding rings, but they have to take them off every game for safety reasons. He loves the necklace he wears his ring on, but it’s not an indication to warn others away.
Ilya fights for Shane, as much as Shane fights for him. Isn’t it about time that people saw that? That the world saw how loved Ilya made Shane feel?
i need people to understand really quickly that ilya did not, in any circumstances, grow up in poverty. by the time ilya was born in 1991, grigori was around fifty. he was a colonel working for the ministry of internal affairs and has had the title for ≈8-10 years by the time ilya was born. that would grant him at least a huge ass three bedroom in central moscow from the government. the 90s barely touched them because he was in a very high governmental position. grigori gave bribes and took bribes. they had food and money, much more than a regular citizen. i understand the appeal of a tragic post-soviet growing-up-in-poverty backstory, but it’s just not the reality for the rozanovs.
I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.
That ‘comment on your a03 work’ email hits like a line of cocaine every time. unmatched dopamine increase. shoutout to everyone who leaves a comment on fics. you deserve the world
sometimes a fic can just be about the age old question 'how emotionally bad for everyone involved can a threesome be when they all did in fact agree to be there'
"children need more safe space online" children have always had more than enough safe space online. what you're seeing is children deliberately coming into online space that is meant specifically for adults. and I am not saying they are not welcome by the way, as long as adult space is what they CHOOSE to be in and as long as they keep themselves safe (however, it is not an adult's job or responsibility to look after a random kid or what content they consume on the internet).
but YOU. you see children deliberately choosing to consume adult contents and say "oh no we need more children's space, and in doing so, we must ban and censor adult contents FROM ADULTS' SPACE that children deliberately choose to be in.”
and you know what else I know? you don't actually care about children by demanding more children's space online, you are just hiding behind the "we are protecting children" claim while actively trying to control people what they can or can't create/consume in their own adult space. you are just trying to push for censorship, the fascist tool that you love so much.
I maintain that one of the reasons Shane is so fast is that, when he was a child, he never wanted to leave the rink after practice ended, to the degree that he regularly had to be literally dragged away or carried off the ice. Unfortunately for him, a four year old is pretty easy to physically overpower. His one advantage was that, before his parents or his coach could get him off the ice, they first had to catch him.
add me to your discord server so I can do the online equivalent of arriving at a party saying hi to the people I know then standing awkwardly in the corner for the rest of the night
in hindsight, growing up as an aromantic person who didn't know aromanticism was a thing...it woulda been really easy for me to assume that something was wrong with me, that I was "broken" or "missing" some piece of humanity.
luckily I was autistic, oblivious, and had a huge ego. it literally never occurred to me to frame it as a "me" problem. i just thought every single person i knew was a dumbass
ur clothes size doesnt say anything. like it doesnt say anything abt u as a person but it also especially doesnt say anything about what size your clothes are
ok so ilya freaking out over a tender lil forehead kiss when he himself delivers dozens of tender lil kisses all over shane's body every time he has that man underneath him is hypocritical but also doesn't it really, really track... he's allowed to show incredible gentleness and care to others... but the second someone indicates that they might see him as also deserving of gentleness and care he flips out. NOT allowed. on account of him being rotten inside & fundamentally undeserving of care & so on and so forth. also what if they act like they care about you and then they abruptly and without warning take it away. and you let yourself think it might be real??? universe loves nothing more than to getcha like that and ilya rozanov will NOT be punk'd
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
Y a des panneaux "école sans tabac" devant toutes les écoles de ma ville et je sais que c'est destiné aux adultes mais mon premier réflexe c'est toujours d'imaginer que c'est à l'attention des gosses et d'imaginer un petit de 5 ans vnr de ouf car "ptn je peux même pas m'en griller une petite dernière avant le début de la classe avec leurs nouvelles lois là"
