Never quite as close as we are led to understand

28 | Yorkshire

[pmamtraveller]

Cat and kitten door knocker, Clun, England

[evilwizard]

wake up people. big bad wolf breath can’t melt straw beams. the first little pig was an inside job

[omnybus]

Swine/11

[miniaturize]

the concept of a site that doesn't even allow porn requiring age verification for mature content. you gotta give us your legal id or else we'll hide random posts that were incorrectly flagged from you

[captain-price-returns]

[coredumpproject]

When I started using BBS and the Internet, we were taught to never use our real names! It was against the rules!

We need to go back to private forums.

Trying to get everyone in the world on one website is stupid.

[kragehund-est]

challenge for tumblr: view a post that says "it's good when women reject societal pressure and forgo shaving + make-up" and accept it at that. maybe even add something productive. anything but tired what-about-isms. please

[kragehund-est]

[undying-princess]

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

top economists are saying today that so long as the coyote doesn't look down he will never fall

[catchymemes]

[gregtom]

[k-simplex-deactivated20241001]

Happy Pride

[moghedien]

I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with

But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy

[moghedien]

Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy

[cosmicanger]

National Fisheries Development Board building in Hyderabad, India

[theodysseyofhomer]

odysseus absolutely does present a threat to penelope if he perceives her as at all unfaithful, and i feel the unfairness of this, and i think people tend to undersell how much tension at least potentially exists between odysseus and penelope. but i'm also like. his reaction, all speculation aside, his actual reaction in the odyssey to her flirting with the suitors is delight, because he immediately ascertains that she is running a con. sorry that they're so in-sync in spite of the forces that try to drive a wedge between them, including their own misgiving hearts. sorry that they invented homophrosyne ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[strinak]

oh, you meant they literally did, ok

[theodysseyofhomer]

would i, tumblr user thee odysseyofhomer, lie to you?

[polyphemusthecylcops]

...

[theodysseyofhomer]

this is the only funny addition to this post

[herheim731]

[mariolanzas]

AVES

Some extinct birds . poster available for prints and other items HERE

__________

Youtube Channel

Instagram (new account)

Prints and more items of my artwork

[upsettingandunfortunateclasshate]

My son's tattoo hurt me deeply

When Tess Morgan's son came home with a tattoo, she was griefstricken. She knew her reaction was OTT (he's 21) but it signalled a change in their relationship

This is gold this, absolute gold, the most over the top melodramatic hysterical ridiculous thing I’ve ever read

[brawlcloud]

This is actually so interesting to read- it’s from 2012 but its full of the same anxieties, even some of the same phrasing that many of the guardian’s later pieces on transness use. really hammers home how much of the terfism that emerged in the late 10s was middle class mothers angry at a loss of control over their adult children- whether that be their bodies or their friends or their opinions- and making that everyone’s problem because they have the power to do so

[monkey-cat-vivi]

He says, “I’m still the same person.”

I look at him, sitting there, my 21-year-old son. I feel I’m being interviewed for a job I don’t even want. I say, “But you’re not. You’re different. I will never look at you in the same way again. It’s a visceral feeling. Maybe because I’m your mother. All those years of looking after your body – taking you to the dentist and making you drink milk and worrying about green leafy vegetables and sunscreen and cancer from mobile phones. And then you let some stranger inject ink under your skin. To me, it seems like self-mutilation. If you’d lost your arm in a car accident, I would have understood. I would have done everything to make you feel better. But this – this is desecration. And I hate it.”

[the-lady-and-the-unicorn]

Medieval dragons across Europe and the Middle East

[10001gecs]

I need to suck you off until you’re groaning like a beached whale 🫣

ok you can give me a blowjob but take the time to think of a more sexy simile please

[10001gecs]

😭

[prokopetz]

A thing that bothers me about wizard schools in popular media – outside of the magic-grade-school stuff, anyway – is that they're typically depicted as being basically magic universities, but their actual curricula and pedagogical approaches look much more like those of a technical institution. Like, buddy, that's not a wizard university, that's a wizard trade school. You can't just slap university student culture on top of trade school pedagogy. It doesn't work like that – the one emerges from the other!

[prokopetz]

"Well ACTUALLY wizards are" wizards are made up. They can be analogous to whatever real-world class or vocation the author wants. Wizard-school-as-university and wizard-school-as-technical-institute are both perfectly fine; what I am grumping about is wizard-school media that doesn't seem to have a clear picture of how different sorts of educational institutions actually operate.

[da-boy-o-kultur]

Okay but now I really want to know what a Wizard technician would look like. Would he wear magical overalls with all kinds of reagents and magic tools sticking out of his numerous pockets?

A guy like that walks into your tower with a toothpick in his mouth, takes one look at your summoning circle and goes

“I see yer problem. You used chalk B12 instead of S3. B12 is only for transmutation circles. Gimme a sec I think I have a piece somewhere here.”

He fixes your circle, test summons an imp and goes.

“There ya go. Fit as a fiddle.”

[ruckuscauser]

“It’s the chalk.”

“The chalk? I always use that chalk, it’s never been a problem.”

“Ah - yes. This stuff will work just fine for most circles, but, uh - here, take a look with my loupe. You see the off-color flecks? Can’t hardly see them with the naked eye, but those are impurities. Silicates, might even be some iron in here, to be honest. Usually won’t cause a problem, but - you said you hadn’t tried this particular summons before?”

“First time trying a 5th level, yeah.”

“Those silicates will make your scribing a little fuzzy when viewed from the astral plane. You see, for example, these three fine lines here? With this chalk, on the astral that looks like one thick line with fuzzy edges. They can’t tell exactly what you want, and they’re picky lil’ critters so they just won’t do anything in response.”

“Really? Oh. I always thought the expensive chalk was just fancy to be fancy.”

“Making pure chalk is difficult, you need a dedicated production line or dust gets in the finished product. To be honest, you don’t need to bother with it for most things, but 5th and up, 5th level and up, it actually is necessary. Anything with lines within about two millimeters of each other.”

“So I need to start over?”

“Unfortunately yes. You’ll have to erase all this, but with some good chalk it should work just fine. Next new moon your summons should go off without a hitch.”

“Dang. At least it’s not my sigils, I was worried it was my sigils.”

“Nah Your sigils look good. Even and balanced. You know what you’re doing, it’s just an equipment problem.”

“Thanks for the help, sorry to make you come all the way out here.”

“No problem! It’s my job.”

[limnaia]

Wizard in heavily embroidered overalls, leaning on his staff as he looks around the ritual room: "It's a nice setup ya got here, ma'am. Real good vibes. So, you were trying to summon your inner demons, you said? And accidentally got one of the big fellas downstairs instead?"

Anxious looking client, poring over her personal grimoire in the hopes of finding answers: "Yes, and I was so careful with my invocations, and I spent hours on the sigils and I busted out the fancy incense and everything and I just don't know what got muddled. It's not my chalk, is it? It says it's certified on the package.."

Wizard: "Nope, your chalk's good quality, you didn't get stiffed there. Your sigils all look good too, and I read the invocations while Gary was driving us over, and they seemed perfectly appropriate. Say hello, Gary."

Gary: "Hi, I'm on a work placement, so I'm shadowing him."

Wizard: "Alright, kid, what's rule number one?"

Gary: "Double check everything. You've gone over the invocations, we've both seen the circle and the materials, there was nothing in the stars last night that ought to have interfered... I'm not sure, honestly. This ritual should have worked."

Wizard: "Uh huh, it's a competently put together rite. So why didn't it work?"

Gary: "Uhhhhhhh... ma'am? Are you currently or have you ever been haunted, or perhaps impugned the Good Neighbours?"

Client: "Not to my knowledge, no."

Wizard: "Good instinct, but here's rule number two for ya, kid. Never assume an otherworldly vendetta when slapdash maintenance is still on the table. Ma'am, do you rent this ritual space?"

Client: "Yes, I don't have the space for a full sanctum at home."

Wizard: "The guy you rented it from hasn't maintained the wards correctly - I assume that was part of the rental agreement?"

Client, outraged: "Yes! It was!"

Wizard, nodding sadly: "Take a look at the threshold, Gary. You see the runes on the doorjamb?"

Gary, squinting: "Uh, barely."

Wizard: "Exactly, they oughta be hummin' away in the back of your mind. But they aren't, because?"

Gary, spinning around in shock: "Oh damn! The door sticks in cold weather, right?"

Client: "Yeah.."

Gary: "The force of shoving it open has scuffed the carving of some of the runes, brought down the entire ward around the door."

Client: "Bloody fool. Why wouldn't he just carve them deeper?"

Wizard: "Easier to sand down and rent for non ritual purposes, if it comes to that. Doesn't have to replace the whole doorjamb. It can work, but you need to reinforce them with oil and blessed pigment more frequently than you would runes that were carved deep. Every two weeks instead of once a lunar month. Guy's done the bare minimum and is hoping you won't know enough to blame him when things go wrong."

Client: "That incompetent arsehole! I'll haul him in front of the Wizard's Council for this!"

Wizard: "You really should, ma'am. This could have been a lot worse than one of the fellas downstairs popping in. Unwarded portals are a magnet for unspeakable monstrosities from the Dungeon Dimensions. Trust me, once you get those guys infesting your space, you lose all your tools, the space itself and sometimes even your magical name to the purification process. Along with every other ritualist in the building, and the schmuck who caused the problem. What have we learned, Gary?"

Gary: "Double check every ward, every time you invoke?"

Wizard: "Because it only takes forgetting once for something to turn into an eldritch emergency. See, ma'am, he's a bright kid. He's gonna go far in this trade, I'm telling you. Now, let's get you sorted with the grievance forms for the Council."