Honestly, Who Even Knows Anymore

Ceci n’est pas une blog Emma | 25 | Canada | god i've been here too long

[totearup]

One day Ilya learns that a Pike is a kind of fish and it's all over for Hayden after that. "Yes Trout? What did you say?" "Bass is on the phone and would like to know if we can babysit his children." "Hello children, this will be your coach for hockey camp, Mr Tilapia."

[monkeysnplaybills]

If you've been reading "The chips are set to fall" by the incredible @exactphoify then you also probably know that it's grown into a delightful logic puzzle of trying to keep track of who is who, who's out, who knows what, etc.

(if you haven't, hi, you should be reading "The chips are set to fall," Ilya makes it his personal mission to make the MLH gayer and he's using his impeccable powers of gaydar to make it happen by recruiting everyone into a bet. It's insane and delightful Ilya's Army grows by the second but he mostly refers to them by the order they joined the bet in so it can occasionally be hard to keep track of everyone)

Anyway, I've collated a running list from the author's notes helpfully provided at the end of each chapter, and I'm going back now and starting from the beginning with my own list and posting it in the comments of each chapter. I'll link to the chapter comments here, and the current, up-to-date list up to Chapter 29 (with all the spoilers) is under the cut.

Chapter 1 - 1

Chapter 2 - Mafia

Chapter 3 - Lois Shane

Chapter 4 - Council of Straight Elders

Chapter 5 - 5

Chapter 6 - Pike-Shane Problem

Chapter 7 - State of the Gay Union 2018

Chapter 8 - After Party

Chapter 9 - Underground Journalism and the other kind ***

Chapter 10 - Shane's backup

Chapter 11 - Pick 6

Chapter 12 - Shane Hollander, pick-up artist

Chapter 13 - Barrett

Chapter 14 - 14

Chapter 15 - Bianca

Chapter 16 - Dept. of Gay Agriculture

Chapter 17 - Las Vegas Bathroom

Chapter 18 - Powerpoint

Chapter 19 - r/MLHCorruption

Chapter 20 - Bad Meetings

Chapter 21 - Excellence in Noncompliance, Ill-Timing, or Scandal

Chapter 22 - Melnyk

Chapter 23 - And Rivera

Chapter 24 - 24

Chapter 25 - Box Suite

Chapter 26 - Scott Hunter, Politician 2020

Chapter 27 - Democracy, or The MLH Players' Union

Chapter 28 - Wiebe

Chapter 29 - Ilya’s backup

*** the point where I started having to leave multiple comments to include everything

Up to Date List through Chapter 29 (from Author's Notes, will be expanded GREATLY once I've caught up)

ENDLESS SPOILERS BELOW

#1 Scott Hunter - came out for 2017 cup

#2 Retires

#3 was on Carolina, traded bc of the toxic locker room

#4 Kowalski - flirting with their lawyer

#5: Baldwin, goaltender for Vancouver, now retired (minor canon book-gay), came out for 2018 cup

#6 Shane - came out for 2020 cup

#7 Vinny Marcello - New Jersey Alternate Captain, wants the Scott Hunter moment, originator of RASHYCOCK & PENIS, knows about Hollanov, attends Scott & Kip’s wedding, Troy realizes is not at the after party

#8 Ryan Price - Came out (more loudly) in 2019, originator of the PENIS award (not intentionally)

#9 retires

#10 says Kent is assaulting women, wishes Crowell took the allegations seriously

#11 Lundin (minor book-gay) - Swedish player for LA

#12 Eric Bennett - NY, 2020 PENIS winner

#13 Danny Melnyk - Ilya wants to set up with #14, Montreal backup, corrupt, additional 2020 PENIS winner before playoffs

#14 Mateo Rivera - Little-Shane, Ilya wants to set up with #13, Washington player, came out for 2019 cup

#15 Anaheim, likes Ilya being carrier pigeon to chirp at hunter for him, thinks Hollanov would be hot, wants to come out after homophobic Grandpa's death

#16 Houston, hooked up with Adrian Dela Cruz, wants Rozanov to come out

#17 takes issue with Crowell's silence on racist fans

#18 says Kent is assaulting women, wishes he had a chance to hurt Kent, was already in the ally army

#19 New Jersey younger player

#20 Thinks Roz should come out after MLH awards

#21

#22 Anaheim

#23 Jethro Young - Utah captain, now knows about Hollanov, is Mormon?, thinks hockey players are too gross to date (who doesn't?)

#24

#25 Ray Henderson - Buffalo rookie who Ilya turned gay, 2020 DICK COMA winner

#26 Nashville - is in touch with Hunter

#27 Silas Wagner - Washington, Playoff MVP 2019

#28 Lavelle - retired Spring 2019, came out at the end of the summer

#29 Fredericks - original DICKCOMA, transferred from Carolina to Ottawa after coming out

#30 Beltran - Utah

#31 Richards is about to move to Anaheim (making three players on one team)

#32 thinks Wagner & Fredericks should choose DICK COMA

#35 Innocent little baby who doesn't know the moral questionability of the group

#37 Tampa, Doesn't know DICK COMA

#38 At 2019 MHL afterparty arguing about cupcakes

#45 Troy Barrett - not in the Cup Bet, elected to union through combined powers of the armies

#46 Luca Haas - Ottawa, secretly on r/MLHcorruption

#47 Lowery - Tampa Bay Homosexual/Aromantic/Genderqueer Rookie that Crowell had booted

Honorable Mentions (And not numbered):

Unknown Boston Player

Troy realizes not at the after-party, but we don't know numbers (Marcello is #7):

Helthon

Kakogiannis

[mercyandmountainwater]

I really think we as a fandom are overlooking “canonically has a lesbian sister” “proud ally” “wife guy to a doctor” “managed to befriend clinically anxious Ryan Price” Wyatt Hayes as a character and a potential close friend for Shane.

[monkeysnplaybills]

Reblogging with @gurlsrool's tags because "a golden retriever who wished really hard to be a goalie" is sending me

[existencebringsonlypain]

i need data for a statistics project for school, so be my sample data, worms. i need thirty people minimum so if there aren't enough voters yet i'd love if you could help. thank you very much. worms.

take this test (https://www.keithcirkel.co.uk/whats-my-jnd/), then come back here:

what's your JND?

.00030-.00099

.0010-.0017

.0017-.0024

.0024-.0031

.0031-.0038

.0038-.0045

.0045-.0052

.0052-.0059

.0059-.0066

.0066-.0073

.0073-.0080

.0080 or greater

Voting ended onMay 13

it doesnt have to be a good score, you dont have to take it multiple times, you dont have to get on a good screen, etcetera. just gimme your score please this is my final project grade :)

i'd love if you could reblog for reach

[drawballa]

Sleepy boys 💤

[exactphoify]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Ilya takes fate into his own hands to normalize gay hockey. Thus begins his part-time side hustle as community organizer, mastermind, and Commander-in-Chief of the Gay Hockey Army.

If you’ve ever read a crack fic and thought “needs more discussion of logistics,” or “there aren’t enough people for me to keep track of,” or “I wish someone would form a violent rebel militia right now,” this is probably for you.

(Chapter 27 up now, updating every third day)

[mintsunshine105]

Cover for Change Your Win Conditions by @dragonmuse, aka the story that has consumed my soul and rewired my brain in the last 48 hours so I made my first-ever fic cover about it.

Inspired by the Penguin Classics cover generator with a hat-tip to AO3 user fabulae who made the first Penguin Classics-inspired cover for this (and many other) fics.

(Photo by Parker Burr for Vanity Fair)

[slobonmynov]

Places Shane initiates sexting

At night, in the dark, under his covers, behind a locked bedroom door and a double dead-bolted front door, after checking FindMy three times to triple check that his parents are still in a different city and not somehow on their way to his apartment. His dildo is also there.

Places Ilya initiates sexting

The locker room

On a run

His home shower

The club

Brunch with Svetlana

The Porsche dealership

Lifting weights with cliff

While taking a shit

In the back of an uber

On the other side of the room

The MLH awards

During a live interview

While watching men’s gymnastics

In the refrigerated aisle while trying to decide between brands of yogurt

Etc.

[likematingcall]

@lavenderprose prev wasn’t enough

[triassictriserratops]

so we kid about Shane and baby's first chirp, but Shane IS a good chirper! He IS.

"So what, just a bunch of Finnish guys talking about the cousins they're in love with?" - Sideswipe at Finland for no reason! Presenting this grade a chirp to his crush like a penguin with a pebble! 1221/10 blowjob worthy chirp

"You'll look great in silver, Vaughny, don't even stress." The bro-yness! The swagger! 12/10 - excellent chirp!

"Jeez, Hayden, you wanna get me pregnant too? I don't think I'm ready. I think I've still got some good hockey left in me." The chirp that launched 1000 mpreg fics. 81/10

The point here is that Shane is:

☝🏽funny

and

✌🏽bitchy

and I think it's important that we remember that!

[larkral]

Let us not forget:

(Buffalo is terrible) "Yeah, and their team sucks too." - 67/10, inspired a very bad dtr/frottage/first name drops/tuna meltdown.

[triassictriserratops]

EXACTLY

Shane is a bitchy jock and i LOVE him for it.

Like, sure, Ilya is going to bounce on the balls of his feet and tell Scott that the sound coming from his knees keeps making Ilya think the ice is cracking

But Shane???

Shane is going to lean in and say "my dad uses H-45 Just For Men and the shade looks really natural. I can get you the link if you want."

Ilya says the shit that makes Scott want to punch him in the face.

Shane says the shit that makes Scott wake up at 3:16 am, shaking Kip awake "baby, kip, wake up, kip - are my grays really noticable? no, Kip, this can't wait. Turn on the light, Kip are my gr-"

[rozanovs]

heated rivalry gif meme: ↳ [2/7] kisses

[actuallysara]

HUDSON WILLIAMS | Peloton

[emziess]

Connor Storrie for Tiffany & Co. in Blue Book 2026: Hidden Garden.

[fractally]

I am a fan of the dynamic where there's no leak and Shane moves to the Cens of his own accord and then Shane and Ilya never come out exactly but they just live openly and all these dumbass hockey players are just like

"Oh yeah they're just like that. They live together and room together and vacation together and get mad if they're separated on the bench. And they kiss in the locker room sometimes but it's you know. They're joking around. Good guys. Gay? Well---no I don't think so. I mean that's weird. Roz is a pussy hound. I mean I've never seen him with a woman but you know he is. Anyway Hollander had that whole thing with Rose Landry and he still talks about her, I think he's still hung up on her. Poor guy. I did walk in on Hollander sleeping on Roz's lap the other day but they were just getting in sync for power play you know? You reporters always want to make everything gay it's so weird. What do you mean 'why do they kiss so much' they're the top goal scoring duo in the league"

[theriverbeyond]

Ideal work schedule:

I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks

I complete the list

I leave immedietly

[only-cat-memes]

[betweentheheavesofstorm]

the year is 2024. I am watching The X Files 1x08 with my blissfully offline boyfriend. We reach the scene where, in confinement, Mulder and Scully examine each other's backs for alien marks. My boyfriend, who has never seen the show before, makes an amused noise and utters a strong contender for understatement of the year:

"I'm guessing there's fanfiction about these two"

[psychologicalwhorefare]

tshirt that says MY COCK IS HUGE AND MY GRIP ON REALITY IS TENUOUS AND MY COCK IS AVERAGE