Monster fucker smut book reviewer here to shepard the lost when it comes to monster fucking reads. 18+ only, minors dni. Link for pfp picrew: https://picrew.me/image_maker/41329
Dead Ray's Nightmare Gauntlet: Yeast Infection Edition featuring Helena Woodcock, Nora Noodle, and Vera Valentine
Remember how I said I wasn't doing so well in the last review? Well, I am clearly not helping myself either. Folks, I did it again. I ran the gauntlet, but this time I rated every book based off the yeast infection I imagined the FL's got from their sugary hunks. Okay, not really, I did take more into consideration besides the rather choice selections these authors made when choosing just what their male leads would be candy coating others with.
This gauntlet is brought to you by courtesy of the Instagram reel one of my besties sent me and the subsequent Kindle Unlimited rabbit hole it sent me down before the word 'Squeakquel' made me snap out of it. Just like before this will be a bulleted list addressing general vibes, notable lines, plot points, and, of course, jizz going from worst to best.
Mating with Mallows by Nora Noodle 1/10
Just to get it out of the way... Marshmallow fluff
Cecelia H A T E S sweets, 'kay
Make sure you remember that
It's because she was abandoned by her father as a child
So, on top of no sugar tooth... daddy issues too
It's only 21 pages and only involves two of the peeps from the variety pack
Yes, that's correct, she is trying to overcome her fears? hate? triggers? one of those surely fits whatever is happening by attempting to consume easter themed marshmallows.
They, uh... they turn into humanoid, marshmallow, bunny men if you microwave them... yeah, yeah, huge sugar-dusted cocks too.
(If she had just gotten a bag of regular marshmallows, do you think it would have been the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man instead?)
Spit roasting ensues
"a choreographed Dance of the Sugar Plum Dicks,"
"gelatinous tip"
"enormous sugary schlong"
"letting it linger before fully accepting his fluffernut into me."
And to top it all off, it ends with a life lesson; "I saw the error of my ways. One bad experience in my past didn't have to taint my future. I could be more than the sum of other people's mistakes. I could grow and learn and start anew."
Suck on that dad.
Corn Daddy by Helena Woodcock 1.5/10
I can't believe it's not butter
Just kidding, it is...
I'm not really sure what to say about this one other than it's what led to this whole mess...
The book overview opens with "He's got the juice."
Liz, our faux fall time festive girlie, is stood up by her fuck boy whose name was immediately forgotten
She goes through the corn maze by herself post sour candy apple
Breaks the rules
Boom.
Corn Daddy.
I can't even genuinely try to give you a solid idea of what Corn Daddy even looks like
I screenshotted the description and am still... cornfused.
He's giving jacked as fuck corn stalk and yeah... his dick is a cob of corn
So, he gives Liz the head of a lifetime while demanding she become his corn queen
She declines, heads home, and like within the day I want to say, she is headed to the farmers market and buying herself some corn
Yeah, she fucks herself with a cob of corn to see if she can imagine it
A n y w a y s, she goes back to the cornfield and agrees to become the corn queen when that endeavor doesn't do it for her
There are DDLG vibes here
The words "Go on then. Shuck me." Are spoken, don't worry.
But I grimaced the most when they called their impending offspring "cornlettes"
Squeal: The Squeakquel by Vera Valentine 2/10
This one doesn't actually mention bodily fluids
However, I imagine it's the same as it's predecessor considering it's about the same people for the most part
So, it's funnel cake icing
Which I discussed with my friend because normally funnel cakes are just dusted with powdered sugar, but I have seen them with like strawberry stuff or Bavarian cream.
So, I'm going with this is pry like some powdered sugar frosting
(But would it really be inconceivable for them to putz out a little puff of powdered sugar? Not in my opinion) (arguably it would be funnier even)
This story does actually follow the events of the first book, Squeak
However, it doesn't follow our previous protags a ton. It definitely focuses on this newer character who joins up with them in the end.
It's just another 'escape the evil lady' story for Ronnie as it was for Keane and Sebastian.
There are not actually any super smutty parts
The most is at the end when they are all just starting to get it on
I like Ronnie, the new tulpa the evil lady from book 1 made after the others escaped
But I am a clown girlie, so he was going to have my heart from page 1
It was like, fine, nothing amazing, it was written as a joke as I'm sure all of these are
However, I did actually sort of enjoy Squeak so I was kind of let down by how lackluster this squeakuel felt in comparison
Did not damage my psyche as severely as others
Squeak: A Twisted Tale by Vera Valentine 3/10
As previously stated, funnel cake icing
I had heard about this book for so long so when it came up in the recommended after the others
I knew I had to do it to 'em
And for a nightmare gauntlet book.. I didn't hate it
I did hate some parts of it
But overall, like, it at worst made me sigh very deeply
Also, maybe I'm wrong cause I didn't look too far into it, but it feels like the author really tried to do her research of what she was talking about
So, even for a joke book, props for that if that's the case
It's the balloon animal book that haunted tiktok
These two guys at the zoo happen to actually be balloon animal shape shifters who need a true tulpamancer to keep them from falling under evil ladies control
My one editorial tick was the chapter one page 8 "I shuffled her backpack on my shoulder again..." It's supposed to be 'my shoulder' I'm pretty sure but it stunned me thinking I may have gotten a very weird perspective shift mid paragraph.
I liked the protagonists
I don't care for omegaverse but it is what it is
The surprise angst with Sebastian and Keane was a delicacy, of course
Having to inflate each other's cocks though was...
Also palpated is not a sexy word to use when talking about jorkin' a balloon peanits
I cannot knock how hot the surprise enemies to lover's storeroom sex was with Poppy and Keane though
That was pry the best smut of it all
I did also find it weird though, omegaverse stuff in general aside, that it was like kind of weirdly like brought up after those two showed up to talk with Sebastian
Like there had been no alpha/omega mention at all when talking about relationship stuff until Sebastian was all of a sudden like "You're an alpha, you know what to do"
It felt very out of the blue and could have been worked in better, but again, a short story, I get it
Oh! Lol she Shrek frog ballooned the evil lady in the end and it made me giggle
And in the end, it didn't even matter. I'm still mentally ill, still reading monster smut books, and occasionally sending myself on a spiral to the nightmare zone. This gauntlet wasn't as bad as the last one, still wasn't great, but you gots to see it through, my boy. I think I will now binge read the mafia romance I recently discussed with someone and try to recuperate.
Would I read again? No. :')
Would I recommend? I think the overall answer is a no, but I don't think I would be able to 100% discourage you from Squeak if you asked me.
The Gargoyle's Captive (A Deal with a Demon #3) by Katee Robert
Honestly, like, what do I even say at this point that ya'll haven't heard from me about how much I freakin' love Katee Robert and this series. I will keep this one brief for real because if I don't it'll just be like "Oh my god, Ray, shut the fuck up we get it - this book came out three months ago you're late to the party!"
Okay, so aside from it being Katee freakin' Robert, this book is full of enemies to lovers, femdom, grief-consumed protags, and - my favorite, of course - angst. Yeah, did I see the plot twist coming from a mile away? One thousand percent. Did I care? Frick no.
Okay, so we're following the same story - deal with a demon, seven years basically married to leader of demon territory, maybe a baby... But this time, it's Grace the monster hunter and Bram the Gargoyle.
Grace is another enjoyable female lead who is a headstrong take-no-shit kinda gal, probably what you would expect from someone who makes a living out of hunting monsters. She's the last of her family and she's really only here for answers because Azazel happens to be the same demon her mother, who disappeared, made a bargain with, and by golly, she is going to get those answers even if it means selling seven years of her life.
Bram is traumatized, grief-stricken, lonely, and at this point has the most sad-boy, giving up on life, fuck it energy I've ever seen in a protagonist - and I am so here for it. I eat that shit up. I love the tragics - stories and characters. He's also the last of his family after his entire family was murdered by an outsider his father brought in. He doesn't actually really want to be there but the opportunity and benefits it brings are too good to pass up, especially when you're in the leadership position he is...
I loved the story clearly, and really liked how handling grief was portrayed, no two people will be able to handle it the same even when they are in the same situation. Grace dug her heels in and became even more stalwart and determined while Bram gave in to the grief of loss and resigned himself to an empty life... and even potentially having it purposely ended at the hands of a scrappy little monster hunter in the bath... They are two people coming to terms with events of the past, the shadow of their parents, and suddenly dealing with someone new who they bought at an auction/got auctioned to for the next seven years that they don't necessarily get along with. That's right, they're totally toxic for each other. Don't worry, we're always promising happy endings here :)
It's fast paced, there's a lot to get through in 186 pages, but I really think it was done to the best of its ability. Do I wish this was 500 pages? Uh, YEAH, but it is what it is and what it is, is really good. I will admit... it took me a hot minute to slug through obviously. I actually feel a little bad about this review because I was kind of forcing myself to read this. I wasn't in the right headspace and so while objectively I knew I was enjoying it I was also aware that I was, like, not locked in. I am very much intending to reread it when I'm not begrudgingly reading while rotting in bed just because nothing sounds enjoyable.
With that, I swear I am not just pulling shit out of my ass with everything I've told you. I really did enjoy the book, I love the way it's written, I liked the characters, the cover art is amazing, and it's just another great addition to the Deal with a Demon series. I think I'll give it a solid.... 7.9/10 with subject to change in the future :)
Would I read again? Yes, I plan to. Once the pesky ole depression and imminent demise anxiety wear off.
Would I recommend? Of cousre, I'm always recommending Katee Robert... I'm not sure what happens on the day I don't...? Does the world end?
Wed to the Lich (Arranged Monster Mates #8) by Layla Fae
Okay, I went into this knowing this was not the first book in the series but it didn't seem that the series may be required to be read in order as it is a collab series between Layla Fae, Eden Ember, and Cara Wylde and it wasn't recommended to be read in order - however, now having finished this I realize I may need to start from book 1 to assuage some issues I had regarding world building info. Also... that lich is just so hot... I needed to know more about him when he was what drew me to this. Which brings me to the covers!! The entire series has amazing cover art, it ranks right up there with SJ Sander's cover art that I love.
This is currently a series of 16 novellas between the above-mentioned authors, Wed to the Lich being dead in the middle at #8. It was a total of 208 pages and I read it within a quick day at work. It was a simple story which does involve triggers involving anorexia nervosa, past abuse, and animal death.
Basically, this is a world in which an event called The Shift has occurred, and from what was explained in this book alone it sounds like that was basically the... dimensional overlap of the human world and monster world where parts of the monster world ended up being transplanted into the world we know? Hopefully that is some semblance of correct as it's how I understood it. In this world, monsters rule over humans in most areas and if a human is wanting to get some cash for their family or, if you're our FL May, trying to get out of a bad situation you can sign up at the Temple and get married off to a monster.
This is exactly what May commits to as she decides to escape the abusive orphanage director who haunts her thoughts when it comes to beauty and its relation to her size and food consumption. How well this goes about depicting the troubles that come with experiencing an eating disorder I could not say, so I will leave that up to your interpretation if you choose to read. May gets married to Virgil, the all fearing Lich who can suck out your life force with just a look.
The following story revolves around May's struggle with food, her inner demons, and being beautiful for Virgil who is also struggling with how May views him and fearing that one day she may come to fear him and try to leave. In the end, they end up working out their troubles with each other's help and are a lovely couple, no matter what those town villagers think. I liked both May and Virgil's characters, he was really checking the marks for me as both loving and caring but strict and forceful when he felt necessary. By the end, May had come into who she was as a person when she wasn't tormented by her past.
My main issue comes from how I felt finishing the book. I had read 208 pages of what essentially felt like it had amounted to nothing. Unfortunately, for all that happened, there wasn't enough deep diving into characters, relationships, or true plot that it felt worthwhile. It was one of those where I was shocked it was so long for how much I got from it. I think it's a really cool story, I love a Lich, and I love a FL battling her inner demons and unafraid to seek help from another in order to do so. The way May was willing to just be blunt about what was going on versus other characters who might hide things that lead to a (beloved but sometimes overdone) miscommunication was rather refreshing.
I think I would have really enjoyed this story had it been more fleshed out. The writing was good, but the content felt unsubstantial. For all of that, I'll give it a 5/10. Mid but enjoyable and full of potential.
Would I read again? No, but not because it was bad. Just because there wouldn't feel like a point.
Would I recommend? Yeah, I am gonna go and try out the series from the first book - Wed to the Ice Giant also by Layla Fae - and then pry check out at least on book by each of the other authors. If I don't like it - you'll hear about it :)
Honeysuckles (Monster Stalker #1) by January Rayne
I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me...
Well, I'm back and holy shit why did I decide to return with this book. I can't even try to open this impartially because this book did a worse number on me than the Nightmare Gauntlet. It's been a week since I finished it and I'm still... grappling with what I read.
I do want to list the content warnings for this because they are of the utmost importance, so please be warned this book contains: stalking, dark themes, sexual assault, rape, somnophilia, forced pregnancy, birth control tampering, blood sharing, a drugged FL, and murder. I will be tagging each of these individual warnings to ensure those who don't wish to view content with them are able to avoid it.
My first issue? The dedication, which reads "To your pussy, with how she will weep for me when you read this." You're seriously going to write the dedication like it's from the ML's perspective whose whole issue throughout the book is that he believes he's too monstrous, hideous, disgusting, plus any other number of synonyms for straight up ucky to be loved? The pee-pee man who thinks such issue will be taken with his appearance/basic existence that he commits heinous crimes throughout the whole book? Ridiculous. Read that shit when I was going back to make sure there was content warnings and immediately got 17 years shaved off my life.
And after that we can just be fuckin real about what this book is. It's a rape fantasy and it's fucking disgusting. There isn't any consensual sex in this book until the very last time they do it and even then, with the circumstances, I hesitate to call it consensual. So, that's just the whole fucking strike against the book aside from the terrible writing and overall pointless story. I will preface the rest of this review by letting you know I will only be referencing the ML as the pee-pee man because I couldn't remember his name for the first half of the book and I don't give enough of a shit to call him by it anyways.
So this story opens on the pee-pee man and a little insight on how he got into these circumstances. He was some rich kid kidnapped off the streets and taken to some facility and tested on. I have no idea if this is supposed to be some super secret government facility or not though because everyone seems to know about it yet they later make a huge deal that the paranormal is still unknown to the general public of the world... so whatever there, I guess.
Anyways, the pee-pee man is just some dude who is also now part dragon, vampire, werewolf, snake, and kraken? Don't ask me why they randomly mixed snake in there... the only trait he got from that DNA is the forked tongue which I would argue could potentially also be a dragon feature, but what the fuck do I know. So, he's getting tortured and then he kills the scientists testing on him and escapes the facility after also releasing everything else there. I cannot remember if that is specified during the beginning or only brought up later because I have a little secret to tell about how I read this book.
I found this book because of an Instagram reel that was trying to sell it based off of these three key points: It's a fated mates story about a DNA experiment monster, he pisses in her perfume, and he cums in her lotion. Deadass. I sent it to my friend and was like "should I do it?" to which she said :/ and I replied "I'm gonna do it." and then I read 30 pages, considered pulling my spine out due to the bad cable management within my brain that convinced me to do this to myself, and deleted the book from my library. Fast forward four months, I'm packing for a trip, I feel bad I've abandoned my blog duties like I think anyone cares what I have to say, and go "Y'know what... I should read the pee-pee man book, I bet it will be a gas and I will get to make a haha funny post about it." I then start reading the book from where I left off... which means I don't remember the first 30 pages of the story as clearly as the last 227... what can ya do... If it helps, I'm not getting my haha funny post because it's just so horrible.
Moving on, this dude sticks around the area because... it smells nice, I guess, and he can sense his mate (or beloved as his vampire calls it). He's very confused (I'm very confused), doesn't really understand all the parts about himself anymore, has like no memory from when he was human, and now he's got these like five different monster instincts, you might call it, raging inside him. So, he sticks around because he is gonna find his mate, which is super easy because he literally just... finds her. Like she dropped a pin on her location he immediately finds her.
So now we get to meet our FL, Demi, who owns a diner in town and seems very lovely. I cannot tell if she is dumb or smart because throughout the book, she really seems to be both on top of things while simultaneously not, I'll talk about that soon enough. She meets the pee-pee man there at the diner and is immediately, like, ready to jump him. She talks about this sense of being drawn to him a lot, to quote, "The closer I get, the more intense the need is to be by his side. It's as if a rope is tied to me and he is the person tugging me closer." and also, "I'm caught in a trance, leaning in his direction, and I have this urge to crawl onto his lap. The longer our eyes are locked, the further away from reality I become." The whole fated mates, meant to be together, made for each other shtick but like blown up by 1000x it feels cause, again, this is the first time they meet on page 38.
Now I kind of have a problem with this but I don't want to make this too long cause this is already a doozy and we're talking page 38 out of 257 info here so I will just put exactly what I put as my little half-ass annotation and if anyone wants me to elaborate perhaps I can in a separate post in the future (cause I'm back, baby). I wrote: I have a problem with the whole fated mates thing but, in this case, I especially have a problem with the fact that he is constantly talking about how the human part of him doesn't understand the connection so I feel like a straight up human wouldn't feel the connection either.
Okay, now, let's just kind of blast through the rest of the book since we can kind of see the insanity it already is not even a quarter of the way through.
So, Demi is inexplicably drawn to the pee-pee man, who thinks horribly of himself but knows that Demi is his fated mate and so, despite her showing interest in him when she see's him at the diner, WHICH ONLY HAPPENS THREE TIMES, he decides he will not be able to court her as mates normally would and instead stalks her, pisses in her perfume, cums on her bed and then hoovers it up with his mouth and spits it in her lotion bottle, drugs her tea, and rapes her - multiple times. By the way, this is all happening in like... a few days. I think shit hits the fan within a week, and again, they have only met face to face three times. He is also murdering people in between this, and I am all for murdering the bad guys who threaten her or are planning bad shit... but he kills her doctor after he finds her birth control because he is immediately trying to get her pregnant and that is a big no-no.
So, this is all happening, Demi doesn't know it because she's been drugged, and for some reason just thinks she's going really ham on the unconscious masturbation seshes. The police are questioning her, she's suddenly getting these strange texts from a stalker, and while she is like hopeful that these murders are being committed for her sake in some sick way by the pee-pee man she like cannot connect that the person stalking and texting her is the same person... It's a whole load of shit, basically, and then, more shit gets piled on because who shows up? Oh yeah, the four horsemen of the apocalypse and Abaddon. Except for some reason Pestilence got booted and replaced by the lesser known fifth horseman, Conquest. I found that little bit weird cause aren't War and Conquest just like... the same thing or, at least super, super similar.
So, these dudes roll up and honestly, I was there for them, out of anyone in this story I was most interest in them and her friend who works for her at the diner, Caden, who, spoilers, ends up being a storm Kitsune???? Which is feeling very 'spun a wheel and just slapped some bullshit in' when that gets brought up. Anway's, these guys are like the paranormal police and they have arrived because the pee-pee man is murdering a lot of people and then they end up dropping the prego news on Demi who is like "what" and then it all blows up in the pee-pee man's face because she finds out what he's been doing to her and they end up capturing him and then he goes to purgatory to learn to be a better dude because while she is pissed about all the, y'know, rape and forced pregnancy, he's still her mate boo hoo hoo. Then after a week apart she can't handle being separated from him for whatever bullshit fated mates reason and he comes back.... and then.... drumroll, please....
THEY FUCKING FIND OUT THEY WERE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS?
Yeah, so the end is them finally having "consensual" sex during the waking hours, though she only seems to want it so badly because it's like a pregnancy/mates thing so it's not feeling super her choice, and he finally gains the full memory of why the smell of honeysuckles that Demi has reminds him of his childhood and only happy memory... it's them playing tag in a field of honeysuckles... And, y'know what, speaking of honeysuckles, that is just such a bad pet name. He literally calls her the plural "Honeysuckles." Maybe it's petty or picky or whatever but that sounds so fucking stupid to me.
Okay, whether you actually read all that bullshit or skipped down to this (I don't blame you) let me give my final thoughts. This was a bad book. It was poorly written with a certain middle school style je nais se qouis to it in which I mean there as absolutely nothing appealing about this book. The characters were bad and I hated them except for the ones who were written about the least. The story is pure garbage with literally no point at all, it's not even a good dark romance. The content is appalling and made me angry and sick to read. I cannot tell you the length of the snapchat videos I have sent venting about this to my poor, sweet pals - shoutout to them for putting up with me committing to reading this book, it is, in fact, the worst decision I have ever made in my life. -1,000,000/10
Would I read again? No! In fact, I am taking drastic measures to try and make sure I forget I read it ever to begin with. I am considering a cinderblock to the skull, removing the marrow from my bones, and potentially, a reiki massage.
Would I recommend? No! I actually encourage you not to. I recommend forgetting you even read this post if it will remove the existence of this book from your mind. I wish I could attach the sound clip of me screaming for my friend to stay away from this book. Please, do yourself a favor and if you happen upon this post let it be the only interaction you ever get with this book.
I also thought it might be fun, since I was reading this on a plane and using the annotation feature in Kindle Unlimited, to post some screenshots of some of my notes to parts of the book. So, here's those for some maybe laughs but a look at the writing also.
I've been excited to review a Beatrix Hollow book since I started doing this. I found myself a quick fan of hers and the absolute insanity of each world her books bring you in to when I read my first and favorite book of hers Cute but Psycho. I didn't feel like rereading a 500ish page book though, so I come with my latest read from her.
Reading a Beatrix Hollow book is akin to standing outside in the middle of a hurricane; high speed winds, torrential downpour, adrenaline pumping through your blood, life or death on the line... okay, maybe they aren't a life or death situation to read but they are fast-paced, wet, and thrilling.
Flawed Creatures has us following our greedy, thrill-seeking, and sinful main character; Lacey Flanagan, and her subsequent kidnapping by the supernatural worlds three most wanted creatures. Dullahan, the headless horseman, Puca, an ancient Irish god, and Lorcan, who seems to be the most powerful Incubus in existence to date. These three are being hunted down by a seemingly immortal and practically unstoppable hitman and they need a little luck on their side. Who better to offer that than the world's luckiest leprechaun.
Each facing their own issues with the situation; Lacey, not wanting to be held captive for her powers, Puca, who can't decide if he wants to be Lacey or be inside Lacey, Lorcan, hellbent on keeping his demon at bay but finding his loss of control harder to cope with each time, and Dullahan... who's hands are full with a couple of brats unwilling to face their true natures.
The story quickly escalates as the supernatural Council determines to wipe all four main characters off the map, Lacey learns she actually is more like a god with all the luck she has and discovers what it's like to lose it, Lorcan begins to accept his true nature, Puca's sinister intentions are revealed, and Dullahan is desperately trying to keep everyone he loves alive.
This read is not for the faint of heart. Beatrix Hollow is a monster smut writer whose stories include dark themes, complicated characters, a whirlwind story, batshit insane plot, and most importantly, lots of love between everyone. The smut is plentiful, characters hidden intentions lurk around every corner, and despite feeling nonsensical at times it's a fun story with jaw-dropping shocks for characters and readers alike. 7/10
Would I read again? Maybe, but once felt like enough.
Would I recommend? Yes! I do enjoy Beatrix Hollow's books, if you're okay with some wackiness and enjoy some insanity this is right up your alley!
A Lady of Rooksgrave Manor (Tempting Monsters #1) by Kathryn Moon
I'm back, I'm writhing with rage due to my day life, and I'm here to tell you about this spectacular book. I ate this book up like its main character eats men for breakfast I loved it so much. My first major note for it was, "Even if it's just porn with no plot I don't think I'd care," because it was just so goddamn fun to read. It had amazing characters, an underlying plot that fed into the development and expansion of those characters relationships, and an ending that told you there could be more (there is, two more books in the series but from different characters) but even if this wasn't where Esther's story ended it would be okay.
First off, Esther, I love her so. She's inclined toward that which does not make a lady in her day and age of London, that is to say she loves sex and she's not shy about it. Wanton is the best way to describe her and she's wonderful for it. I love having a sexually liberated main character, one who isn't afraid of what they want and is more likely to dive right into it rather than shy away and play coy for a majority of the book. Don't get me wrong, those characters are fine too but it just wouldn't have worked for this story. Thanks to Esther we get more smut in one book than I think I've read in entire series before. Esther is more than a sex fiend though, she's a girl who, with the help of her men, is realizing she's worth more than her provocative nature and seducing abilities. She has feelings that run further than skin deep and while her path to the discovery of them is not a major player in the story it is a beautiful little side dish we get to enjoy over the course of 376 pages.
Esther starts off as a maid losing her job due to her employers losing their fortune, she is offered a tantalizing proposition by the attractive Dr. Underwood and her story truly begins when she begins her nightly activities with him and ends them with Mr. Tanner. Oh, how I squealed with excitement when I learned I was getting a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde smut treatment, and that's just the beginning of it. From her first night with them Esther goes on to become a lady of Rooksgrave Manor, a monster brothel with the added benefit that the Madame is a witch ensuring that all matches made will potentially be perfect ones and if not, they will at least be beneficial ones to those involved.
From there Esther is paired with Auguste, a beautiful French vampire who was once a pâtissier and loves to drive Esther to the brink with his lessons in patience just as much as he loves her to take the reins and be bossed around. He's a personal favorite of mine, but really, it's hard to pick favorites out of the bunch.
Dr. Underwood/Mr. Tanner are still around too. Dr. Underwood is kind and compassionate, he's extremely smart and curious about the world - constantly switching to his scientist mode when something new is introduced to him. He also has a thing with Auguste and the relationship between them and Esther is really just, ugh, it makes my heart happy. Mr. Tanner is the big, intimidating protector. He's pointed out as one of the key reasons the main antagonist will have a hard time getting to Esther as he is not one to be trifled with. He's also a little shy, originally not wanting Esther to see him (spoiler: she does, and she loves him all the same)
Making his way into the group is Ezra, who's... just a man... He's a key feature to the group due to the fact that he's really nothing special other than being a rapscallion Irish thief who once asked a witch to make him less noticeable... and ended up being turned entirely invisible. His inclusion in the group is extremely important to Esther, as he is the only one who she feels she can really relate to and see herself in, after all, he's the only other human - invisible or not - and one with inclinations against common society as well. As she told Amon, "He's just like me" (or something along those lines). He also helps bring the group down to earth a little by only adding in a curse rather than a whole new supernatural creature.
This brings us to Amon, the Sphinx from Egypt! Well, not the Sphinx, but a Sphinx, but still, how cool! I've never had a Sphinx as a monster in a book before. I love Amon, I thought we were going to lose Amon due to his personality, but I love Amon. He's possessive... like, really possessive however he's also willing to adapt. My favorite scene in the entire book, outside of the smut, was with him and Esther at breakfast while she discussed with him needing to learn to get along with the others because she didn't want to lose him, she wanted to fall in love with him, but she also didn't want to lose any of the other men she was falling in love with. So honestly, if you read this book for anything read it for that scene because that's the scene. Out of anything I've read, that's the scene.
Okay, you're wondering at this point "Ray, that's it right? It was already busy with two men, but we are at four, surely... surely there's no more?" Wrong, but we are at our final suitor for our lovely Esther. Booker, the golem butler who first greets Esther on her arrival at Rooksgrave. Hang on, let me just *screams.* Editor, insert puppy dog eyes here. Booker is just... how do I even... (I'm clenching my hands like that one weird cat like taxidermy meme) I was on the edge of my seat waiting for Booker to make his grand appearance as a suitor and no longer a butler, it was a lip-gnawing slow burn and so worth it once it finally happens. Booker is a golem made from marble by the Madame of Rooksgrave. Esther is into him right off the bat and through them getting to know each other Booker ends up severing the tether of will to his creator and falls in love with Esther. He is so sweet on her, and you get to slowly watch his own free will and thought form through their story together it's really wonderful.
The plot, in between the porn, revolves around this yucky dude names Birsha (I'm not sorry if I remember that wrong cause boo to that dude) who is a huge immortal king douche and is trying to ruin everything happy. At least, that's basically the gist of it without getting too contextual. Really, he runs his own set of houses like Rooksgrave except bad because they aren't safe. He sets his sights on Rooksgrave and, specifically, Esther because he hates that she is so free with what she enjoys. From his little appearance he basically seems hellbent on wanting to ruin everything she enjoys (sex mostly, I think) and breaking her before he kills her. Or at least killing her... definitely wants to kill her.
The writing - amazing, easy to read, and well-paced. The characters - evocative, strong, sexy, funny, demanding, protective, possessive, kind, loving, capable of good teamwork... I could list more resume worthy adjectives, but they are really just some great characters, they are the best part of the story. The plot is like a good sauce but not the central point of the story, which seems odd because isn't the plot the whole point of the story, but in this books case the characters and their relationships and the growth they face are the driving point of what makes this story so good. The smut - some of the best you will ever read, I guarantee it. As I finish this up, I am already getting ready to start book 2 of the Tempting Monsters series. 10/10.
Would I read again? Hell yes, specifically for that one scene, did I mention the Amon breakfast scene (not the first one, the one with the serious discussion later on)
Would I recommend? I will get on my soap box for this book, I will die on this hill - IDC if it was mostly porn no plot, I adored this book and I think anyone needing a high smut, awesome characters type of book will need to pick this up.
Um, I guess that's just how the image is going to show up then... sorry it kind of kills the normal format... anyways... I read this; it was another recommendation. This is one of those books where the review is no fun to read cause it's just "eh" and that's all there is to it.
This follows Iris who right off the bat is getting thrown into a deep cave accused of prostitution, thievery, and witchcraft - only two of which, she declares, are true. There she meets Selvyn, the Demon of Dalwick Cave. He is (what I'm sure is supposed to be impressive but leans more towards terribly ordinary) 6', with red skin, horns, and - for the first time in my monster fucker career, a beard. As Iris puts it, he's a perfect rendition of the devil, in looks that is.
Selvyn is very kind... I'm going to stop before I try and scrape the bottom of the barrel to try and enlighten these characters to you. This book is so fast paced that there really isn't a thing that sticks out from the plot, the characters, or anything other than how it's constantly moving forward and forward, and soon enough you're tripping over yourself trying to keep up with how fast this book is moving through this whole entire emotional escapade in 110 pages.
I like the premise and where it could go, I think the characters could be really good - the issue is that neither them nor you are given enough time with any of the elements to actually feel like something worthwhile was made of the very brief time you spend in each instance. To quote my trusted colleague, a best friend who got the short end of the stick and has to hear me ramble about every book I read, MIZZ TANKZ: "You're trying to build a story with great emotional prose, but you're not allowing any time to do it so it's like okay ?" Which is the best way to put it. Iris and Selvyn have issues, amazing, glorious, eat your heart out issues that I would love to see delved into and unpacked... instead they get a quick little blurb and there's no real payoff to it actually getting mentioned. It quite literally feels like "I deserve to be here as punishment for my mother's death.... (insert like one thing that someone says) ah yes, easy peasy I am healed and can move on" WHAT????
Anyways, it's a quick read if you need to kill some time but it's nothing that I would suggest putting in front of other books. It does have smut and that was pry the best part. 4/10
Would I read again? Maybe if it ever got reworked and fleshed out... otherwise no.
Would I recommend? If you need something to read quick and aren't too worried about being wowed, sure.
Dead Ray's Comfort Series: The Monstrous Series by Lily Mayne
My goal is to be coherent in this review but I've yet to string together a solid readable sentence yet in all the attempts I've made to recommend it to all my pals because I am simply so fucking in love with this series. I love it so much I cannot think straight (pun intended). I'm not going to go over the plot as this is a seven book series with one novella and one short story anthology so far but I am going to rave about it, I'll give my general feelings on it, and I'll rank the books based on how much I liked each.
First of all, this is one of those series where I got to the end of the first book and just kept reading and rereading the last few paragraphs because I did not want it to end, and then, once I did, I sat there lost and feeling as though I had gone through an experience that I will never get to relive for the first time again. I even knew I had more books in the series to read and my first thought was still "What do I do now? Where do I go from here? How do I move on?"
I read one book of the series per day until I got to the final one, Lor, where I tried to pace myself to keep the high running for as long as possible. That's why it's taken me so long to get this out is because I refused to do so until I had consumed it entirely.
The world of this series is insane and amazing and fantastically horrifying and lovely all at the same time. A world where interdimensional rifts opened up and terrifying monsters streamed through and started slaughtering the world's population. Now humans are stuck living in military controlled cities where they can work for almost nothing, join the military or are left to fight for themselves out in The Wastes should they chose to leave.
Then there's the monsters, both the absolute nightmare fuel animalistic ones and the more human ones. Wyn is my favorite, from the very beginning and through the very end. Wyn is the best monster and his and Danny's story have my entire heart.
Lily Mayne is a phenomenal writer; she has snuck up on me and planted herself at #1 when it comes to authors (across all genres) I adore. Her perfectly balanced plots with just the right amounts of drama, comedy, and angst come with characters who are loveable and fall across a wide range of personalities. The plot never feels bogged down by too much happening at once and I love that it doesn't feel like the problems that arise have to have life-altering batshit insane solutions... Sometimes when you get kidnapped by a cult you just happen to be able to escape thanks to a disgruntled cult member and then sometimes your half-monster boyfriend sees the perfect chance to thrash your kidnapper in order to free you. As I sit here typing, I'm realizing what I like so much is they are big problems, complicated ones too, but they come with fairly uncomplicated and easy to accomplish fixes which means the story really can focus on the romance and these parts just add to the building of the relationships between the characters.
Okay, I'm starting to lose focus the more I think about them so my closing thoughts are: Holy shit I love this series so much, I immediately bought the physical copies of everything and I plan to spend my time between other books and the release of Lyri (hopefully in December) annotating them, perhaps I will share highlights of my favorite bits on here as I go through them again. Please Please Please Please Please, I will get on my knees, I will do anything if you read this series, I promise more than anything that these books are worth it. 10/10
And as promised, here is my ranking: note, the lower on the ranking doesn't mean I don't recommend it, it just means that these first four were ones I literally almost could not move on from, I will never get over them - but all of these books are stellar and the entire series should be read...
#1. Soul Eater (Wyn and Danny forever and ever, perhaps it's because they were the first ones but goddamn I can't move on from how much I love them and am so grateful they show up so frequently)
#2. Wyn (the novella between books three and four; it's Wyn and Danny so of course it's ranked second)
#3. Moth (Charlie and Moth giving some enemies to lovers vibesss)
#4. The Rycke (hjrfjkdwjkdjklew I am so fucking soft for Aury and Ghost ahhhhhhhhhh they are two precious beanssss)
#5. Lor (It strayed from the main group I had grown accustomed to but god Jugs and Lor are just so good, and it hurt my heart so much, and then it healed it, and it was just ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡)
#6. Seraph (Seraph has got to be the most monstrous love interest I've read about in any series and I adore him and his grumpy little Lilac fighting the odds and everyone around them to be together)
#7. Gloam (RIIIIGGGGG he's such a sweet little puppy and he will literally do anything, anything for Gloam who would do the same)
#8. Edin (Talk about a black cat and golden retriever pairing with Hunter and Edin, these two really make it work, and I hope Charlie did teach Edin the term size queen)
Would I read again? I plan to, I will be annotating these books and they are my treasured possessions now.
Would I recommend? What do I need to do to get this book in your hands right now? I'll do it. I think these are nothing short of a must read!
How Not to Date a Demon (Cautionary Tales #1) by Lana Kole
This was a book rec from a fellow monster fucker friend and I'm so glad I moved it to the top of my TBR list cause holy shit I loved it. This was a fun read about a typical girl having typical problems with her supposedly typical boyfriend... If typical means living in a world where the bumps in the night are real, your relationship problems involve an abundance of shirts ending up trashed thanks to the matching holes ripped in the back of them, and your boyfriend actually being a demon; wings, horns, tail, and all.
Much to Maeve's dismay, something is going on with her perfect boyfriend, Galen, and she's pretty sure it might involve the supernatural... First, he brought home these three puppies who guard the bedroom door with their red, glowing eyes. Then, she keeps finding shredded shirts of his in the trash with eerily matching holes in the back. Finally, she can't get a full nights sleep because every night around three she's woken either by creepy chanting in the living room or Galen coming back from his midnight stroll in the rain. The issue? Maeve isn't exactly sure which kind of supernatural identity her boyfriend might be hiding from her... Que the almighty Google putting a couple thoughts in her head...
The story is fun, it's giving fictional realness. It's a lighthearted read about real-life issues (relationship problems, work stress, etc) involving some not so real-life points (the supernatural). It's a quick read, 163 pages, with two enjoyable characters and some really great smut. This book certainly delivered on the femdom action and I was eating it up. It also dishes out heavy with the smut, so you won't want for anything, I promise. Good plot, fun characters, amazing sex, 9/10!
Would I read again? 100% I really enjoyed this book
Would I recommend? Yessssss, it's seriously so good, it's not super long, and I'm so dead serious about the amazing smut - read! read! read!
A Soul to Touch (Duskwalker Brides #3) by Opal Reyne
This is it, this one is my favorite. I adored this read, gobbled up all 589 pages as fast as I could. I lost sleep reading this book, staying up late and getting up early just so I could consume more of Mayumi and Faunus' story. Eat, sleep, breathe Mayumi and Faunus.
Mayumi is a former demonslayer, with her eyes set on keeping the gig up as long as possible whether she's part of the guild or not. She is small, strong, stubborn, and kinky. She also lacks some emotional intelligence and doesn't exactly speak with all the elegance we can get from some others. Basically? She's a normal fucking girl living in a demon-infested world and making the best of what she's got going on. And I love her so much. She is one of my all-time favorite characters. She's not always sure what to say, she can't always express herself perfectly, and sometimes she doesn't know how to handle a situation, but gosh she sure is doing her best and that's all we can expect. Some other highlights include being a fellow monsterfucker and bisexual!
Faunus is our big, monstrous male lead. He is funny, sarcastic, kind of a goofball but with a serious and introspective side to himself. He's the duskwalker with the most humanity so far in the series, and also the most well-versed in bedroom play. This one can crank out some serious dirty talk and he loves watching in the mirror; see also: breeding kink and size kink. He's going through it from what we saw of him in the previous book, and he continues to go through it in this book so buckle up for some heart wrenching moments.
This book has it all; great writing, great characters, gut-punching angst, heart attack inducing smut, and butterflies-in-the-tummy slow burn romance. I'm saying I pulled that one stunt and stopped reading for a couple days about 30 pages from the end - not for bad reasons, but because I simply couldn't bear for this story to come to an end. That's how much I loved this story. 10/10
Would I read again? Yes, 100 times over, I adore this book!
Would I recommend? Absolutely, I encourage it, please read this book it's so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Pixie's Queen (Monsterly Yours #4) by S.J. Sanders
Of course, I always have to immediately go off about how much I love a cover for S.J. Sanders. Absolutely banger cover art 24/7. I will say though, this was not my favorite book of one of my favorite authors. I liked the characters for the most part, and maybe it was just a me thing, but there was a point about 20-30 pages from the end where I sighed and thought, "Really? We're gonna go through it some more right now?" That's when I closed the book and took a seriously long break from reading it. Unfortunately, this wasn't like Punished where I got to sit on it for a second and decide that my initial dislike was simply due to a bad mood.
The basis of the story is this black-sheep-of-the-family witch comes across this ancient talisman that warps her into the fae world, where she is suddenly four inches tall and caught in a downpour. Along comes a hive of four pixies, who conditions unbeknownst to Orenda, perform a delightful mating dance that she graciously accepts. Que bedroom shenanigans and then a wild denial of any mating taking place and some seriously broken hearts for the pixies. The rest of it is the pixies both trying to cope with their emotions, convince Orenda to stay, and conceive ways to get her back to her normal life and maybe follow her into that giant lifestyle as well if they can't accomplish the second task.
Prior to Orenda's appearance we have Shavish, the hive leader, who is headstrong, stubborn, and a little volatile. Orel and Gwin are hopeless and resigned to their fate of being mateless guardians, and Dazi has accepted his fate and hidden himself away in his research and scholarly works to keep busy. They are all good characters, there just felt like a lack of depth to the interactions between them and Orenda.
When it comes to Orenda, in my opinion, she felt like a very skin-deep character at times. I did not care for her attitude and also the way she handled some stuff. Obviously, when consuming media, you're not going to fall in love with every main character you're presented with, so this was going to happen at some point, even with one of my favorite authors.
Overall, it's a 224-page read with the most love interests involved that I've read so far. My humble opinion is; it's mid. It has all the fine writing of S.J. Sanders, but the smut felt lacking and the characters and story didn't keep me chomping at the bit to read more like most of her other works do.
Would I read again? No, I could hardly get through it the first time.
Would I recommend? I wanna say yes because of love and loyalty to the author, but I'm going to say no so I can recommend you her better works
The Centipede's Mate (The Insectoid Mates: Book 1) by A.I. Lustre
I'm back on my shit and didn't think I would open up pandora's box with an insect man but here we are... and I'm not mad about it. I really enjoyed this quick little 128 page read, it got me through the boring parts of my workday and reminded me that fictional men do be more emotionally available and competent than any man in my life.
The story revolves around Eden who has crash landed on a restricted planet after escaping the prisoner transport ship she was on prior to it's space pirate hijacking. Eden is saved by Vedhral, our knight in shining chitin, from a giant alien worm that was gonna eat her for dinner and finds herself cozied up in his underground den with all unspecified number of his legs (que me googling how many legs a centipede has and running into some other unfortunate bug photos)
Vedhral is wonderful, if I wasn't so afraid that his planet may contain giant alien spiders, I'd want one for myself (the odds of there not being giant alien spiders is really stacked against me). He's very sweet, extremely smart (I wish I learned other languages that fast), and Eden's own personal body pillow for how much body he's got. He also doesn't believe Eden has a bad bone in her body and very, very much wants to be her mate.
Que them slowly falling in love, a little turmoil here and there that really got the sad chest pangs going for me, and after some mission impossible like stunts - a happy ending :)
I think A.I. Lustre is a good author. The writing was easy to digest, and the characters were good. I enjoyed the storyline and only had super tiny nitpicky things to say in regard to a singular continuity error. All in all, it was an easy and enjoyable read so if you're looking to be cradled by an innumerable number of legs, The Centipede's Mate is the story for you. 7/10
Would I read again? Sure! I think it would be a good pick me up story
Would I recommend? Yes! If the bug thing doesn't ick you out give it a shot!
Dead Ray's Comfort Series: Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon
I promised a comfort series and here it is! I accidentally deleted what I first had typed out to post so here is my shot at a second try. I won't be going into too much detail about all the stories but I wanted to give a general overview and highlight some of my favorites.
I started out as an ironic Ruby Dixon fan, I had found her on Tiktok and jumped on the big blue alien bandwagon - the sole reason I got Kindle Unlimited. Now, after finishing the series I am firmly and unironically a Ruby Dixon fan and will happily claim Ice Planet Barbarians as my comfort series.
Each story contains a giant, horned, bone-plated, and ribbed blue alien who is the perfect counterpart to her strong-in-their-own-way female leads. Of course, you can absolutely plan to fall in love with each and every person on Not Hoth - the alien planet that our heroines find themselves stranded on after being kidnapped by some not-so-hot aliens.
Everyone has their own story, some couples get revisits, and then there's the spin-off series that I am trying to hold myself back from jumping into immediately because I'd like to keep my content varied for ya'll. (unless you're cool with a sudden barrage of Ruby Dixon content cause I'll do it) Some stories are relatively light-hearted while others touch on some more serious topics including; r*pe, SA, mental illness, and child loss.
Over-arching is always the plot of coming to terms with one day being kidnapped and landing on a hellish ice planet where your only hope for survival is to get cooties (inside joke? maybe) and the freakishly large blue alien who looks like he'd have to be summoned via witchcraft if it wasn't for the fact that aliens are real. Oh... and suddenly ya'll are vibrating like a lonely person's bedside table at each other - cooties sure are something.
If it wasn't for the snow, I wouldn't mind my own big blue alien to be obsessed with me... (this is consent to any hot alien who may be reading this - I like my climate in the 50-60's Fahrenheit range)
My favorites? I'm so glad you asked! While I recommend reading the entire series, I understand the daunting task that is asking you to undertake. The books I am highlighting as my favorites won't necessarily do you any favors when it comes to story continuity but just the fact that they are my favorite couples.
Barbarian Lover (book #3) with Kira and Aehako, Barbarian's Prize (book #5) with Tiffany and Salukh, Barbarian's Touch (book #7) with Lila and Rokan, Barbarian's Heart (book #9) with Stacy and Pashov, and Barbarian's Bride (book #19) with Nora and Dagesh.
So, if you're looking for a series filled with happy endings and happy endings, I really suggest Ice Planet Barbarians. Good writing, characters you'll love, interesting stories that never get boring because we always get something new with the different couples, recalls to some couples if you didn't get enough of them, and an interesting plot. On top of it all, the series spans several years on the ice planet and the trials and tribulations that come with long term relationships and other outside forces.
10/10 and a huge thank you to Ruby Dixon for giving me a whole world to escape to and be happy the entire time I'm there within the words of the Ice Planet Barbarians.
Punished (Mate for the Alien Master #1) by L.V. Lane
Edit: Same post just finally got on my computer and fixed it from my bad mobile posting.
Oh my gosh I am so sorry if this looks bad I am doing it on my phone really quick to try and get something out. I’m really sorry for not being good at getting anything out recently I know I said I was working on a post. Recently had a lot of unfortunate things happen but I will try to be better now.
Anyways, enough of my rambling, let’s get to this book. It was honestly a really cool concept. It was a quick little read about an author finding out that what she believed was her own creation was actually a real being who’s life she was somehow controlling like a god. They connect through their dreams and right at the beginning we get a serious hate fuck. (Potentially triggering part as it’s a bit intense and verges on non-con imo)
Then through a strand of hair he tracks her across the universe and shows up at her house. He then makes her write the story he wants to have that includes her becoming his. There’s some more fucking, minus the hate, and then we fast forward to them getting married.
It was a nice little read that initially I did not have any particular feelings toward but now that I’m thinking back on it after a while from finishing it I actually quite enjoyed it. LV Lane seems to be a pretty solid author with some creative and interesting plots that are like nothing I’ve seen before. 5/10.
P.s. I’m so sorry if this feels lack luster, I promise to do better in the future
