Kayd 🌃🌌

Just mostly lovesick or random thoughts, yearning if you will 🎆.

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

*Intro Post*

*Hey, my name’s Kayd (online name), I’m a 16yr old teen, and this is my thoughts and feelings blog.*

*I’m just getting feelings out and hoping I can meet sum cool people or someone I can really talk to.*

=(^-,-^)=

Adults do NOT interact.

Transphobes, Homophobes, racists, and people just looking for trouble do NOT INTERACT. You are not allowed here.

(⚠️YAPPING⚠️) I likeeee:

Musicals! (Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, Alexander Hamilton, Ride The Cyclone, Wicked, SIX, Newsies, Mamma Mia!, etc.)

Anime! (My Hero Academia, Hunter X Hunter, Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun, Ouran High School Host Club, Little Witch Academia, Voltron, Sk8 The Infinity, Black Butler, Assassination Classroom, School Babysitters, The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, Ranma 1/2, Buddy Daddies, etc.)

Dying my hair/Fashion/Diy/Drawing/painting/Art/Colors/Clowns/MUSICCCC!!!

Games! (Minecraft, Roblox, Omori, Fortnight, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Tomodachi Life, Sally Face, Dead Plate, Five Nights at Freddy’s (specifically 1, 2, 4, Sister Location, o and the Vr ones), Danganronpa (specifically 1&3), Cold Front, Date Everything, Tattletail, Little Nightmares (1-3), DDLC, Better Half, etc.)

Movies! and Shows! (IT (specifically IT 2017), Scott Pilgrim VS The World, The Ghost And Molly McGee, TEEN BEACH MOVIE (1 &2!!), Horrid Henry (The series and the movieee!!!!!!!), The Greatest Showmen, Total Drama, Stranger Things, MOXIE!, She-Ra, Victorious, Sam & Cat, Glitch Techs, Kpop Demon-Hunters, All Of Us Are Dead, AJ and The Queen, Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous, The Healing Powers of Dude, Fear Street (All Movies), The PROM, Sweet Tooth, The Black Phone (1&2), Squid Game, White Chicks, Miraculous Ladybug, Inside Job, Venom (all movies), Q-Force, Dog Gone, A Dog’s Way Home, A Dog’s Purpose (and a Dog’s Journey), The Owl House, Gravity Falls, SVTFOE, Child’s Play (All Movies and the series), Carrie, The Hate U Give, etc.)

Books! The Outsiders, The Hate U Give, manga/graphic novels, Fnaf Fazbear Frights books (mainly the earlier ones I love) etc.)

=(^-,-^)= -Thanks for reading <33

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Ugghhhh being forced to go to the movies to see a movie I don’t care about with my homophobic and transphobic grandma I mentioned a few posts back, 🫩🫩😑😑

At least it’s not a graphic human trafficking one like she took me to when I was in elementary school earlyy middle school ig…

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

I dislike drunk people

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

GUYSSSSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSSSSSS I FINALLY FINISHED WATCHING MHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

It.was.so.beautifulllllllll 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and made me cry so many times haha

It gets a bad rep sometimes bcuz some fans BUT LIKE THE SHOW ITSELF IS SOOOO CRAZY GOOD!!!!

‼️‼️‼️‼️

Obviously no spoilers but it has SUCH a satisfying ending and i love the details and how everything gets wrapped up perfectly AAAAHHHHH 💖💖💖💖💖!!!!!

I seriously recommend watching the series (anddd maybe movies, they aren’t exactly required but you’d appreciate knowing more of the story :33!!!!!!!!)

My favorite movie would probably be World Heroes Mission!!! I wanted and liked it so much I bought it a long time ago lol

<3!!!!!

[dragons-teardrops]

Reblog game

reblog with your current obsession

I'll go first: Hazbin Hotel

@fandomsfan1 @appleisoffline @speakofthedebbie @oneofwaytoomanyfandoms and anyone else!

[appleisoffline]

Oooh fun :0

But yeah it’s Supernatural and I’m really normal about it trust me

(Honorable mention to the constants as well: Dr. Who, YuGiOh, Zelda, Green Day, and folklore/mythology lol)

@celestial-wormz @volodam @moonprismpower456 @4ratsinasweater + open tags :D

[4ratsinasweater]

Ty for the tag!

Currently it's Vox Machina- I've watched the animates show and now I'm slowly trudging through the actual campaign lol

@jarpout @captainvoidstar (oo don't know if you can see this if my blog is marked :( ) @scribble-clover

[scribble-clover]

Tysm for the tag @4ratsinasweater

THE OUTSIDERS- obviously but I think everyone can already tell abt that lmao. That book/TV show/Movie/Musical owns my heart and soul and I love it way too much.

tags: @magicgaypersom @happysaly @char-char-f0x @kidbrother2012 @jxhnnycvd3 @jbelistired @sincerelycubes @twizthehumansupernova

[kidbrotherz]

shit im late as hell but thanks for tag twin !! 😋

honestly it's probably the outsiders as well but i'm also starting to fall for the marvel rivals agenda sooo (im cooked....)

oh yeah, and geoff castellucci. duh/aff

npt! -> @char-char-f0x @thatonepointbraincell @h4untednymph @jayartngamingyt @lagatosvoladores @localobbsesdteeen @inkamations @cupcroco @stainedglasswindoom @moonlight-lunna @bellefromhelle @fourquartertoast @joeyyoink @glooberousgoon @seleyaaaa @cloudiivision

[seleyaaaa]

um why would I have any hyperfixations 😒

wind breaker, link click, jujutsu kaisen, gachiakuta, tamon's b side

Tags: @bananawaddledee @kaomikun @mikaoraa @greylilyblue @laterosal @neptunevenusl0v3r780 @sha1mon @littlechaoscryptid @yawshai

[littlechaoscryptid]

The game dream daddy is the main one of all time that I could go on about for DAYS but the album trout mask replica is something more recent

@enbysmuffledthoughts @sesneksheep

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Sighhhhhhhh (DreeEeaAMMmm DaAdDyYy~~, if ppl actually heard like 4 seconds into a playthrough or actually played the game they’d get it 💔💔)

Anyways for me, mainly like FanMade Media like fanfics and people kinda making characters their own and writing more into their story or making a new one that their beloved characters could get a better ending..cough cough like a certain just finished series..(jk…hj..I still like the series but like it could’ve been better and even the fans wrote a mostly better ending..srry)

If you want an actual answerrr like Finn Wolfhard movies (I especially like how he plays Boris in The Goldfinch and the accent I feel really sets his character personality in compared to his other roles Y’know? lol),

Stranger things (lmao also when I said fan-media I saw this funny remake about season one of ST that was hella funny :>>, also just One Wheat Mark../OWM..),

uhhh Mha (Gets lots of trash by ppl because of the fandom but I thinkkk most of the fandom is pretty nice that I mostly seen (and I’ve been in it since the Covid, Zoom call, Fresh kid/teen mostly friendly ‘cringe’ special interest friendly space TikTok era) and it’s ACTUALLY SO FREAKING PEAKKK like I’ve cried to it idek how many times!! Mha is a great show and I’ll sink on the boat, tho I haven’t seen the spinoff which I’m told is also peak),

Uhh Be More Chill (Musicalll and the fandom kindaaa died down but trusttt It’s good..I like the original like musical with the Two River theater crew, I think it’s called and I don’t think I’ve seen the broadway version more than once probably but I really like the song they added called “Loser Geek Whatever” because the vocals and lyrics, basically everything abt it is just 🧑‍🍳💋👌👌),

Smii7y Videos (Funny funny man totally recommend, he posts like gaming videos and he and the group he plays with is hilarious!! pleaseeeee trusttt me on thisss🙏🙏🙏),

O yeah also some Outsiders :>>!!

Peak, Anygays Yerrrr 👍👍🎉🎉🎉🎉

(Also if you’re wondering “why is this so long” my hyper fixations are currently /constantly taking turns like a playground roundabout, constantly getting smushed together, new hyperfixations hopping on, and old or ones I haven’t thought abt in a while hop off and take a rest, becuz they’ll most likely hop on again later lol

Also the (‘smushed together’ could also mean like ‘what if’ crossover thingys or just focusing on like 3 for awhile)

I was obsessed with One Wheat Mark (ST related) for awhile tho lmao.

Ty for listening to my yapping!!!!!!

Tags!: @pyriteromantic @transcommiefromouterspace @findingnewstars @kralbubemuke2 @pickyeater101 @deedeethedevil

<3

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

UHHHHHH hi guysss…..don’ttttt mind I haven’t posted in awhile but yeah!!! Kinda sorta back for a bit hehe

Sooooo 👉👈…kinda a lovey dovey yearn post soo uh yeah!!!! (Ew people being in love? Barf!!! <-satire heheheh)

Do notttt continue reading if you don’t wanna read lovey stuff lmao (also contains MAASSSIIVEEE amounts of rainbow text like you wouldn’t believe…it’s as queer as me bro which is..pretty queer, for the wifey ami’right people Ayyy 👉👉)

AHEM

Soo a lil bit of backstory, remember that one post I made abt the person irl that I said I liked? Course not I’m not that popular 😎👉👉

But fr tho obviously I got over that crush (and never made them that gift becuz…yeah! Which did save me the awkwardness of rejection becuz they came out as aroace and are not interested in dating, YAYYYY 🎉🎉🎉!!!!) I’m still friends with them and think they’re a cool person ofc but strictly platonic feelings of ✨🌈FRIENDSHIP🌈✨

Anygays time skip tooo idk like weeks later or maybee a month (time’s a bitch) I met this oneee hehe special personn <<333, you can already guess what happened, we chatted more and more, and started DATIINGGG!!!!!!

I’m reallyyy lucky to have her and I’m gonna be so embarrassed if she finds this post ughhhhh <<333

She’s like HELLLAAA cool and pretty and just knows how to make me feel loved and I know she feels the same wayyy!!!!!

But way am I making this post you may ask???

BECAUSE THIS IS MYYY BLOG!!! you’ve known what this blog’s about…so yeah these are my mushy thoughts and feelings:

I love my girlfriend.

She loves me (a loserrr).

I’m in a happy actual relationship in the first time in years.

We make sure to say our “I love you’s” everyday and text even if we’re busy sometimes, we always make time for each other.

I wantttt to be close to her and take her on silly dates, even if we just stay home and watch movies and/or shows until we fall asleep and cuddle (life’s tiring sometimes, beds are sanctuary’s)

We were texting earlier, I was tired and she was not, we are done texting, she went to bed sleepy and I’m not anymore!!! I love herrr so muchhh she brightens my day and night up!! I feel like a lovesick puppy bro! I physically cannot sleepppp rn!!!

Sighhhhhhhh but I guess I’m up now.. bounddd to scroll YouTube maybe watching hour long videos, or rewatch/catch up on anime in attempts to fall asleep..

Haha but yeah as always guys cya until next post!!!! (There’s so much rainbow it’s overwhelming me tbh buttt this isss a pretttyyy queer post lmaooo. Btw if you cringed during any of this don’t say I didn’t warn ya >:pp)

[pyriteromantic]

I wonder who this issssss

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Yeah guys this is a total mystery 🧐🤔🤔….

[hoozvki]

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

ME AND MY GF RAHHHH !!!!!!!!

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Edit!!!: uhhhh didn’t rlly age well lol bcuz me and my gf broke up likeee a teeny bit over a month ago I think sooooooo yeahh, no bad blood btw it was mutual and we were kinda both busy and didn’t agree with want exactly we wanted in our relationship and stuff sooo yeahh single again 😔

UHHHHHH hi guysss…..don’ttttt mind I haven’t posted in awhile but yeah!!! Kinda sorta back for a bit hehe

Sooooo 👉👈…kinda a lovey dovey yearn post soo uh yeah!!!! (Ew people being in love? Barf!!! <-satire heheheh)

Do notttt continue reading if you don’t wanna read lovey stuff lmao (also contains MAASSSIIVEEE amounts of rainbow text like you wouldn’t believe…it’s as queer as me bro which is..pretty queer, for the wifey ami’right people Ayyy 👉👉)

AHEM

Soo a lil bit of backstory, remember that one post I made abt the person irl that I said I liked? Course not I’m not that popular 😎👉👉

But fr tho obviously I got over that crush (and never made them that gift becuz…yeah! Which did save me the awkwardness of rejection becuz they came out as aroace and are not interested in dating, YAYYYY 🎉🎉🎉!!!!) I’m still friends with them and think they’re a cool person ofc but strictly platonic feelings of ✨🌈FRIENDSHIP🌈✨

Anygays time skip tooo idk like weeks later or maybee a month (time’s a bitch) I met this oneee hehe special personn <<333, you can already guess what happened, we chatted more and more, and started DATIINGGG!!!!!!

I’m reallyyy lucky to have her and I’m gonna be so embarrassed if she finds this post ughhhhh <<333

She’s like HELLLAAA cool and pretty and just knows how to make me feel loved and I know she feels the same wayyy!!!!!

But way am I making this post you may ask???

BECAUSE THIS IS MYYY BLOG!!! you’ve known what this blog’s about…so yeah these are my mushy thoughts and feelings:

I love my girlfriend.

She loves me (a loserrr).

I’m in a happy actual relationship in the first time in years.

We make sure to say our “I love you’s” everyday and text even if we’re busy sometimes, we always make time for each other.

I wantttt to be close to her and take her on silly dates, even if we just stay home and watch movies and/or shows until we fall asleep and cuddle (life’s tiring sometimes, beds are sanctuary’s)

We were texting earlier, I was tired and she was not, we are done texting, she went to bed sleepy and I’m not anymore!!! I love herrr so muchhh she brightens my day and night up!! I feel like a lovesick puppy bro! I physically cannot sleepppp rn!!!

Sighhhhhhhh but I guess I’m up now.. bounddd to scroll YouTube maybe watching hour long videos, or rewatch/catch up on anime in attempts to fall asleep..

Haha but yeah as always guys cya until next post!!!! (There’s so much rainbow it’s overwhelming me tbh buttt this isss a pretttyyy queer post lmaooo. Btw if you cringed during any of this don’t say I didn’t warn ya >:pp)

[fuwaprince]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: [phone]

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[uie-deactivated20230402]

ALWAYS REBLOG WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE; ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE. IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO SOMEBODY AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THIS IN THE SAME LIGHT, SOMEONE MIGHT. INFACT YOU REBLOGGING THIS COULD STOP SOMEONE TAKING THEIR LIFE TONIGHT.

[kitten--aesthetics-blog]

I noticed there isn’t one here for Ireland, so

Irish free suicide helpline: 01-116 123

[thescientificviolist]

last time i reblogged this, i got this ask:

so please, please reblog. this could actually save a life.

[scum-vullage]

keep yourselves safe!

[simplestoryteller]

[daysleftofsecondterm]

1,283 days left

[will-soos]

Take this anyone who needs it!

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Okay a sad post (which is why there won’t be any colorful fonts..)

So Christmas time right? I know lots of people that felt like Christmas was a bit disappointing or off in goodness/vibes in general but for my situation I had to spend the time with my dad’s parents.

For the backstory, I never really had a good relationship with my dad’s mother (his stepdad/my grandfather I’m okay with since other than being strict he’s never really mistreated me), when I was little she would have me and my siblings dress up, practically everytime we went over to her house to take photos with my grandpa’s camera, and maybe I liked it or at the very least tolerated it for years, but when I became like 8-10 I remember breaking down CRYING trying to tell this woman to stop this, putting me in dresses when I was clearly uncomfortable in them, I can’t remember if she listened to me or not (I’m honestly not sure where my parents were at the time).

Also her husband/my stepfather’s kid they haven’t seen in so long because she makes her kids uncomfortable because one or two of them that are boys like ‘feminine/girl things’ like painting their nails or are trans (I haven’t seen them in so long either) but her kids (she has like 5 of them) also took place in these forced photoshoots, they looked as uncomfortable as me and my siblings did (also my older brother trans so I’m pretty sure he was as dysphoric as me or even more dysphoric as me, cause at that time I didn’t even know I was trans/non-binary.).

But yeah eventually the forced photoshoots stopped, that’s great news right?!? WRONGG!! because for YEARS she sent me presents, basically kidnapped me on random ‘hangouts’ my parents only had knowledge of beforehand (I’m not even joking the woman would take me out ‘for stuff for me to choose’ but I I chose anything REMOTELY LGBTQ+ she would say a flat out no, also she fucking had me see a CHILD HUMAN TRAFFICKING MOVIE when I was like 12-13 that showed me uncomfortable imagery because of course it’s a heavy fucking topic that yeah a minor should be warned about BUT NOT IN THAT WAY. NEVER IN THAT MUCH DETAIL.), and she also wrote me letters (AND ONLY ME, not my older brother, not my younger brother, NOT.even.my.parents. Me.) so yeah that was hella uncomfortable, I tried to make peace and be comfortable but she made it SO hard. The reason she even wrote me so many letters was because she’s pushing her ‘guilt’ onto me because she wasn’t there for my dad when his dad died, she had sent/drove him away to spend time with other family members for awhile. Other than that I’m dad’s first-born, and because my older brother isn’t his, she excludes him so much, I legit have letters that she’ll say she ‘loves’ me and my little brother, and purposely excludes my older brother. Also yeah my DEADNAME is basically a female version of my DEAD grandfather’s name. I know he was a nice man and all but I’m NOT him, or something of his to remember.

I’ve TRIED to reason with her, I’ve ghosted her until my parents convinced me to contact her, which I did and told her EXACTLY EVERYTHING I’ve rehearsed in my head every.single.time.she’d.hurt.me (emotionally and mentally), how she treats me like shit. How she doesn’t respect me. How she doesn’t respect my pronouns. How she doesn’t respect my chosen name. How she doesn’t fucking care about MY choices and how shitty it makes me feel every fucking time I’ve had to hear her refer to me as a female for the 1000th time in my fucking life along with one of her sisters and some family. That calling me [DEADNAME]-girl is FUCKING TRIGGERING. That if she dares feel sad reading what I wrote, that she causes me that pain TENFOLD.

And you know what she said after that. “That makes me sad.”…

I couldn’t even go to my bed-ridden dying great grandma’s house. I couldn’t go inside without crying not only from that but her and some of the other family members calling me that name. ALWAYS using female pronouns, and repeating them PURPOSELY, everytime I went there I could only have the stomach to wait outside back of the house, no matter how cold it was or how I felt, NOTHING was as bad as that shitty feeling.

I regret not telling my great grandmother how thankful I was to her though, thankful for letting my family in her house, thankful for letting me and my siblings grow up in her house and along with our cousins, thankful for her always taking care of her grandkids and great grandchildren, thankful for always being there for my little brother who'd always chatted and took care of her, and thankful for all the memories she had made and let us make while in her care.

So, yeah, first Christmas without her, pretty shitty already. I had to spend time at my dads moms house, for two whole days along with that one sister of hers that makes me uncomfortable with her, I couldn’t even spend time with my moms parents (my favorite grandparents that may not use the right pronouns or name but still love me as a person and sparingly uses them both), we couldn’t see them because my dads mothers house was already closer and she’d asked my parents first to begin with, also my parents has to work the next few days and shit that honestly we could’ve worked around, if we had time to spend a whole other day there we should’ve had time to go see my mothers parents, that actually have a nice family that were beyond bummed by my family not being there. It just sucks.

Other than ranting because I’ve never ever had a chance to VENTT about this woman, the reason why I made this post is because they (her and some family including her sister) showed up at my house (with a heads up but still) I felt so uncomfortable having them here, I hate how after everything I said to her, she STILL talks to me the same (granted she doesn’t send me letters or random presents that aren’t even of my interests).

I still can’t just let it go. My parents let her here, they let her talk to me that way, I’ve come out to them (kinda) and they know she makes me uncomfortable for what she says. She showed them the texts I sent her, her trying to rat me out, they even had a meeting and my parents took my side. And they still let her make me feel like shit because “she’s not used to this stuff”. No. Her attitude and disrespect doesn’t come from a misunderstanding. A CHILD could tell that what she’s doing is mean and bully behavior. She deliberately doesn’t try to understand. She HATES me as a person and only ever saw me as someone to control, spend forced time with, and waste money on things I didn’t even like or need JUST because she felt bad for herself, felt like she needed someone to replace whatever time she lost with my dad, felt me (a person born female, my dads first child, named after her DEAD HUSBAND..) felt like the perrrffect target.

But yeah she’s here or was here by the end of writing this, her and her alike thinking sister are already gone from my house. I hope so at least.

I’ve definitely ignored some responsibilities but seeing as my parents didn’t care for this I’m sure they’ll take the blame this time.

But yes, I just wanted to scream and cry and ugly cry into a ball on a couch or bed this whole time. I even wondered if drastically changing my appearance to be more ‘masculine like’, change my hair, or even try going on testosterone would help her, for people and my family for me to stop thinking that way about me- to pass more ‘Manley’ to stop the pain of being repressed and SHOVED back into the closet just for FINALLY being comfortable being more feminine, from trying to heal the ‘trauma’ of her forcing me into dresses and skirts and constantly being miserable and misgendered.

It felt like I was being erased. Being forced under a weight that feels like no matter how I present myself, people will always see my birth gender as me. That I’ll have to change myself completely to the standard stereotype of ‘dressing trans’ and go on testosterone JUST to make people question my gender, my existence, and hope they get the context clues or not be a bitch to get the hint that I’m not a female.

[littlechaoscryptid]

PLEASE READ

Idk if anybody needs this but your intrusive thoughts are valid! Even if it's something sex related or something else that isn't the more socially accepted version of intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts are not you! And you aren't an awful person!!! In fact, if you stop thinking you are, you will think of the bad things less!

We all deserve a hug for our mental issues. And that includes ppl with really bad mental issues!

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

:] agreed!!!

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

^^^NEON COLORS AND LIGHTS AND PARTY VIBESSS 💖💖💖💖💖💖

❤️🌹🎈🥀🍓🍒💄🍎🐞🎸🍄🖍️🐦‍🔥🧡🍑🍊🎃🐅🐹🥕🏵️🥭🧶🩳🦺🔶🔸💛⭐️🌻💐🌙🌼🐝🐥🍌🧀🍋⚠️🍯🌕📒🎗️💚🎄🍀🌴🐍🐸☘️🌿🍃🥑🌱🐢🦖🐛🌳🧤🥎⛳️🥝🦎🥗🎾🥦🥒🍏🦜🥬🧩🛶📗🪀🩲🪲🫑👒🦚🐊🗽🪣💙🦋🧢🐟🐬🐳🚙🥏🦕👖👕🥣🔹🌀🧵🔷📘🩵🛋️🫐🖌️🐋🗣️🚎🫂🛼🛝🎣🎽🩱🥿💜😈🦄👾🍇☂️🪻🪁🍠🟪🟣🍆🧕👩‍🎤🧞🧞‍♀️🕺🌂☔️🫜🍬🍭🫟🎆🔮🧬💖💕💞💓🌸💗🌺💘💝🌷🐷🎀💐👙🐽🐖🧞‍♀️👚🩷👛🦩🩰🎟️🏳️‍⚧️🌈🏳️‍🌈🦄

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

ARGHHHHH okay… it’s how moment you’ve all been wanting for…MY LOVESICK THOUGHTS🥸🎉🎉!!

Seriously though there’s this person I’ve lowkey been crushing on but I know they’re not interested in me like at all (have I confessed?- you might be asking and the answer is no- not ever in my damn LIFEEE because in a dammnnn wimp when it comes to confessing and never had the guts to confess to any of my crushes before-) anyways I know that because although I consider us friends we aren’t that close and I don’t know how to because they kinda intimidate me like they’re so much smarter and serious and cool and when they make eye contact with me I get nervous but they also said they don’t get crushes on friends so I’m majority cooked (not that I had a chance anyway) and they’re also MOVING away by like the end of the year/beginning of the year and I’m sad to lose them, more than a crush, they’re still a friend :[[

And I’m planning to make them a gift!! Well all my friend a gift- but I wanna make this one even more special! I’m just worried they won’t like or it has the wrong like fabric/s because I wanna make them a stuffy/plushie but urghhhhh idk I’m worried about it.

But yeah a bit more along the lines of dating I just want a person to loveee, someone to hug and cuddle with even if it’s a train ride or an hour drive away Y’know? Someone to share my interests with, sleep over with, game with, and just have real conversations with, just be idiots in love. It’s always what I wanted out of a relationship, just love.

I know my crush will disappear they always kinda do, they have to, I’ve never let myself do anything with these feelings of love because I know what’ll play out. Rejection, I can’t do that to myself so I’d rather sit there beside them until they move on with other people and push the feelings down. Being a queer teenager is hard, especially in a little-ish town with social anxiety and my need to please others, confession issues, and little to desire looks, granted I don’t look bad I think I just don’t like my face sometimes and chubbyness at times, but I do think I mostly care about my face looks haha 😅😅

But yeah the lovesick thoughts debut is finally here, and they are a lot of thoughts.

=(^~•~^)=

^extra pic don’t mind the lesbian flag that was b4 I found out I was Omni ~_~

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

HOLYYYY SHITTTTT THE NEW STRANGER THINGS SEASON DID NOT DISAPPOINTT!!!!!

I seriously won’t spoil anything but omfg yesssssss it’s so good and answered quite a bit of questions/small-ish theories and more characters interactinggg omggg (it made me cry like 3 times fr)

I would seriously recommend watching it if you haven’t already!! I CAN’TTT WAIT TO SEE THE REST OF THE SEASSOOONNNN 💖💖💞💞💞!!

=(^⭐️v⭐️^)=

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Sooooooo….I’ve figured out that I’m Omnisexual. I think that’s the closest label that describes me 💗🩷🖤💙🩵!!

[you can imagine that that’s the Omni flag there’s unfortunately no tumblr gifs with it that I saw…=(^•~•^)=. ]

Btw those that don’t know Omnisexual means being attracted to people of all genders, but unlike Pansexual people who don’t care much at all of/for gender, omnisexuals do notice/can prefer a certain gender or genders.

(I pretty much love all genders except men becauseee yeah men aren’t rlly my strong suit and intimidate me a bit buttt cool happy guys personality wise or lmao twinks/j, but really just cool people in general that show me love 🫶🤟🤟).

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Mmmmm I’m sooo not excited for school tomorrowww!! Thank goodness I only have to for like 3 days for the week tho since we had a small break 🥳🥳!!

Always I’ll hopefully have some time to do unfinished schoolwork and clean my room and get rid of some clothes (cause bro I have way too manyyy-😭😭)

But yeah hope ya’ll enjoy your November so far 🎉🎉

(Side Note: I’m SO HYPED for the 5th season of stranger things!!!

(and I guess other things coming in later Nov since I think there’s sum more stuff coming out that I can’t remember rn!!))

^kinda unrelated but I found these funny 😂😙😙

=(^•w•^)=

(Also we ignore the fact I incidentally didn’t post for like the last 1-2 days..I’ll get better I promise ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹)

[landsccape]

[enbysmuffledthoughts]

Otters 🦦

They look soo cute <33

=(^~w~^)=