sofia the first

would u rather be them or date them? hi, I'm sofia :)

[fictional-people-better]

Hello!

I am Sofia and this is my blog about literally anything I find interesting that day.

she/her - lesbian - 18 - New Zealand

[justaz]

god. percy and annabeth DO flirt so bad during ctf. being opposing captains and planning and fighting against each other…they find that shit so romantic. okay well actually first and foremost they ARE shit talking each other and are so genuinely competitive that the other campers are worried they’re going to actually kill each other considering how hard they’re fighting against the other. but after everything is said and done, they find that shit so romantic. percy being able to guess annabeth’s plan and outmaneuver her. annabeth being able to prepare for percy’s unpredictable chaos which is a contradictive statement in and of itself but that just goes to show how brilliant annabeth is. they’re both panting and bleeding and roughed up and still shit talking. but they ARE disappearing into cabin three together afterward to make out about it

[justshushu]

[papayafromtv]

how much do you wanna bet that the justice league sees how fucking insane the batkids are and tries to criticise bruce's parenting only to rapidly backpeddle when bruce just deadpan whistle-calls the nearest batkid over and gestures towards them like 'alright, then. you try bringing it up as a healthy adult.'

jason is stood there, gun twirling in-hand, shit eating grin on his face, and innocently he goes 'are you my new daddy?'

oliver's eyes widen in fear and he sputters out a 'o-oh i don't- i don't think-'

'yeah, that's what i thought.' bruce snaps. 'come on, jason.'

oliver watches bruce wrap an arm around jason's shoulders and lead him away, and as they leave he hears jason go 'i shot a guy like- directly through the nose ring, nothing but net style, so i won the competition and i get to pick dinner for tonight.'

bruce's steps falter just barely. 'and the man you shot-?'

'oh, fuckin exploded like an egg out the microwave. ruined damian's new sweater.'

bruce sighs.

'i want italian.'

'you had italian yesterday.'

'i want italian.'

[papayafromtv]

the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

[papayafromtv]

sometimes i will put myself in a mood full of whimsy and light regardless of the scenario/theme and it’s not always useful but let me fucking tell you the whole bruce throwing a batarang at jason’s neck and almost fucking killing him is genuinely the funniest thing i can think of right now. there are tears in my eyes. like its not funny at all but it also is the funniest scene of those two in existence. i dont know how to top how funny bruce doing that was. like thats not supposed to be that funny. I’m completely sober,

[papayafromtv]

yeah i have a problem this is too funny for me

There are a lot of perks of being an adult and still being on good enough terms to hang out with your adoptive dad, Dick thought. Mocking him for his parenting woes to do with the younger siblings, being able to slide a couple fifties out of his wallet when he goes to the bathroom, hearing about all the family lore that up until then you’d been too young to know about; the list went on. Dick’s favourite part of it though, hands down, no competition, was the three of them getting drunk and then watching Jason argue with Bruce about their own lives.

"For the last, time," Bruce ground out, putting his beer bottle back onto the small, round, sticky table in between them in the corner of the -luckily empty- bar they were at in a seedy part of Crime Alley. His other hand was kneading the bridge of his nose tiredly, and Dick gleefully used his tongue to play with the lip of his own bottleneck as he watched the two talk. "I was aiming for your hand."

"No- NO YOU KNOW WHAT- HOLD ON," Jason stood up from his stool, finger and thumb wrapped around his matching drink as he threw both his arms out to gesture incredulously. Alcohol made him louder, and his face contorted through an impressive mix of indignance and disbelief at Bruce's audacity. "HOLD THE FUCK ON, I'M NOT HAVING THAT- I'M NOT HAVING THAT FROM YOU, HOLD ON,"

"Jason," Bruce groaned, as Dick leaned back against the wall behind him and shook his shoulders from a fit of giggles.

"-Your bitch ass could neck a giraffe from a mile away if you had the range," Jason continued to hiss incredulously, thrusting his beer into Bruce's face. "Don't gimmie that shit; 'I was aiming for your hand'," He mocked. "-MOTHERFUCKER, FROM THREE FEET AWAY IF YOU WERE AIMING FOR MY HAND I'D HAVE A FUCKING HOOK RIGHT NOW."

Dick's giggles returned anew, and Bruce shot him a dirty look. Jason slammed back onto his seat, satisfied with his statement, and Bruce huffed out a breath before picking up and swigging back more of his drink, plonking it back down. "Listen- now listen to me, Jaylad," He determined, leaning forward so he could point his figures at the table in demonstration. Jason fluttered his eyes and plastered on an overly attentive face, humming obnoxiously. Alcohol didn't just make Jason loud, it also made him a little prick. "You were here, on the other end of the rooftop, see? And I was all the fucking way over here, see that? See?" He matched his son's dramatics, widening his eyes and motioning with his fingers over-zealously. Dick snorted into his drink and grinned widely, not drunk enough to get involved but tipsy enough to really enjoy the conversation he was witnessing. "I could not get to you before you did shit, Jason, and you had a gun you were waving around, talking shit about how I needed to kill the damn Joker for you,"

"To prove- TO PROVE," Jason drawled, interrupting, tipping his head back so he could argue at the ceiling. "THAT YOU LOVED ME, MY DAD,"

"MOST KID'S ASK FOR FUCKING CARS." Bruce threw his hands in the air. Jason opened his mouth, still staring at the chipped paint above, but before he could get any words out he broke out into a loud wheeze. His head flopped forward and he leant on an elbow, nodding down at the invisible diagram on the table.

"Yu-huh," He prompted lazily, and Bruce continued with an aura of self-importance, hands back in position.

"You were clearly mentally unstable, you were crying,"

"-He was crying?!" Dick perked up, eyes shining with glee as he looked between the two.

"Oh give it a rest," Jason snapped over at him, flipping him off and the using the same hand to throw back another slug of his drink. "You cried watching Shark Tale. And you-" His scrutiny turned to Bruce once more, "-You; what kinda bullshit toxic masculinity is that?! You see me crying and think 'oh I'll give you something to cry about' and try to slice my neck?"

Bruce's hands slammed onto the table, jostling their empty bottles with each word, "I. WAS. AIMING. FOR. YOUR. HAND. YOU- you- you," He jabbed a finger in Jason's direction, who stuck his tongue out and hummed antagonistically. "Don't get to say shit about this, ok? You were crying, I was crying, I was freaking out because I'd only just realised you were even still alive, and when I said I wouldn't kill the Joker you said that I had to pick between having him or you and then you started lifting the fucking hand holding the fucking gun-!"

Sometimes Dick wondered if Jason's usual levels of attitude were just a gift from his time on the streets, or perhaps a lingering effect of being in the league for so long. Then, Bruce would consume approximately one single finger of whiskey and get like this, and Dick would once again be reminded that blood relation be damned; like father like son.

Jason's face morphed back into an expression of incredulity and he scoffed. "Fuck you mean, you were crying? You weren't crying."

"THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW, JASON!?" Bruce yelled indignantly, gesturing with his fingers on the table like a mad man. "LOOK AT THE ROOF- I WAS FAR AWAY!" The man behind the bar looked over at the trio in the corner with a concerned look for about... the fourteenth time that night. Dick gave him a cheery grin and raised his almost-empty bottle in acknowledgement before throwing the rest of it back and gesturing for another round. "I WAS FREAKING OUT- for all I fucking knew, Jaylad, you were raising the gun up to shoot yourself. I thought you were about to commit suicide in front of me! I freaked out and my first instinct was to disarm you," Jason's mouth dropped open wide in offense, leaning away from the table, but Bruce just held up a finger and kept on talking. "-but you-, BUT YOU-"

"HOLD ON," Jason tried to interrupt. "HOLD ON, I SAID- I SAID I WAS GONNA KILL JOKER IF YOU DIDN'T,"

"-YOU LIFTED THE FUCKING GUN UP TOWARDS ONE OF YOUR HEADS, AND I PANICKED-,"

"-IF YOU WEREN'T FUCKING LISTENING TO ME THEN THAT'S ON YOU, BRUCE."

As they yelled over each other the slightly scared bartender approached the table, hesitantly placing three more bottles on their table and quickly retreating without a word. Jason and Bruce snatched up their next drinks and continued without blinking.

"I thought you were suiciding!" Bruce repeated hotly, voice slightly high-pitched from frustration. "In front of me! I was freaking out!"

Jason blew a raspberry. "Why would I suicide?! Do you know how long it took me to dig my way out last time?!"

"I WASN'T THINKING STRAIGHT!" Bruce finally took notice of the bottle in his hand and he squinted at it, grunting. "...Did we order these?"

It was at this point that Dick's drunken laughter, which up until that point had been covered by his brother's and father's boisterous yells, was finally audible. They both turned to stare at the way he was hunched over, half falling off his stool and barely holding himself upright against the wall with one hand while he breathlessly gasped through his cackles.

"What the fuck?" Jason barked. Dick moved himself forward to put his arms on the table, skin sticking tot he surface, and he moved to bury his face in them.

"I'm just- I'm just-" He giggled helplessly, trying to catch his breath, and then peeked up at them. "What do you mean- what do you mean he thought you were about to kill yourself?" He squeaked, far too amused. "And his first- his instinctual reaction was to stop you by decapitating you?!"

Bruce's brow furrowed, glancing between Dick and Jason as Jason started fighting down a smile. "No- hold on, no, no-,"

"And I'm just-" Dick wheezed, covering his face again as his shoulder trembled continuously. "Do you think that's like- a Batman thing?" Jason caught the infectious notion of Dick's laughter, Bruce watching them both furiously as they started to break down together. Dick gasped out, "Like for Batman it's like- like 'Batman can't let somebody kill themselves because that's neglect of duty, so what's the only sure-fire way of making people unable to kill themselves?'"

Jason nods his head, catching Dick's joke and cackling madly. He slapped the surface of the table, tilting his head back to shriek at the ceiling, "THE ONLY- THE ONLY LOOPHOLE FOR THE NO-KILL RULE,"

"I can imagine him talking," Dick's voice was starting to sound slightly like a chipmunk from how hard he was trying to fight through his laughter, and he brought a finger up to wipe at the wetness rapidly gathering under his eyes. "I can imagine the conversations with Commissioner Gordon, where- where Gordon's like-" He wheezed abruptly, leaning forward, and Jason copied him, grabbing his arm to keep them upright and going red from effort. "Gordon's like-, 'so Batman, that suicidal person we tipped you off on, how did it go? Are they safe?' And- and B just stares at them for a really long time, just-"

"-'Well they didn't kill themselves,'" Jason continued through giggles, still leaning into Dick's space and clutching at him to keep them both upright.

"So what did you do with them?" Dick mockingly continued his character, attempting to smooth out his face for the roleplay, and Jason choked on his own spit before answering pseudo-seriously.

"Well, I shot them."

They both collapsed again, bottles hastily placed back on the table so they could freely fall over without spilling anything. Bruce watched them with thunder on his face as they both tipped off of their stools, fisting each other's shirts and wheezing in unison. They eventually caught their breath enough that Dick was able to choke some words out, tears freely streaming down his face at this point.

"-Can you- can you imagine if he'd had a gun on the roof?!"

Bruce threw his hands in the air in defeat as they both instantly collapsed back onto the floor like a puddle of Waynes.

"FUCKING- FUCKING-" Jason wept from the floor, shrieks of laugher echoing out from the trembling figure in a state next to him. "HE SEES ME WITH A GUN AND THINKS I'M ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF, AND HE'S JUST LIKE 'NOPE', AND SHOOTS ME IN THE FUCKING FACE-,"

"Please," Dick trembled, "I'm gunna wet myself,"

Jason squeaked and buried his face in Dick's shoulder, chest heaving for breath. Above them, Bruce took a single solitary sip of beer, glaring down at his two eldest petulantly.

"You two are my least favourite children."

[papayafromtv]

ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.

ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.

thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.

thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.

Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’

Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.

Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’

eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’

Bruce Wayne who genuinely is starting to lose it.

[papayafromtv]

i forgot to do this before but since i just posted chapter 2 i should say this was turned into a oneshot which then rapidly turned into a way-too-long three-parter. so here :D

The Robincave (DCU) (18372 words) by papayafromtv Chapters: 2/3 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne Additional Tags: Tim Drake and Jason Todd are Siblings, Kid Tim Drake (DCU), Tim Drake is Robin (DCU), Jason Todd is Robin, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Jason Todd and Damian Wayne Meet in the League of Assassins, Bruce Wayne is So Done, Dick Grayson is So Done, Batcave (DCU), and now introducing: Robincave, because tim and jason wanted a fucking clubhouse, Comedy, Underage Drinking, Jason Todd-centric Summary: "That's all?" Jason snorted. "Jesus, how are you still alive, kid?" "Because I'm mature and know how to take care of myself!" He demanded stubbornly. "Yeah, sure. Because mature children who know how to take care of themselves end up spelunking over an acre deep into an undocumented cave with absolutely no supervision or safety measures." ~ Exploring the expansive cave system that stretched out from the Batcave, Jason comes to three important realisations. 1: the same caves that connect to the Batcave, also connect to Drake Manor. 2: Timothy Drake has also figured this out, and is just as interested in the caves as Jason is. 3: secret clubhouses inside caves are fucking awesome. These realisations change things, once he crawls out of his own grave.

[papayafromtv]

there was a point in Gotham where the nightlife dynamics got really weird because one of the batkid’s came up with the game ‘rogue Pokémon’ where whenever there was a multiple-rogue outbreak they would all split up and find a rogue to choose as their own, and then while fighting them they’d subtly heard them towards one of the other batkids and their chosen rogue, and then they’d manipulate the rogues into fighting each other while they stood to the side and yelled fighting techniques like Pokémon trainers, and eventually the rogues started teaming up with Batman to make them stop playing it because it was making them feel objectified and demeaned.

the game came to a natural conclusion when the Joker broke out specifically because he thought it would be fun to be one of the Pokémon used by the batkids, except when he made himself known to Red Hood Jason just shot him point blank in the skull and said it was the rogue Pokémon equivalent of using a masterball on him.

the batkids are banned from creating their own games.

[miffy84]

You must think ALL THE TIME

[papayafromtv]

this is the hardest i've ever been clocked by the way

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 73 (masterpost here)

Damian: was he not- i mean i know he wasn't fatherly, but was he not strict when you two were younger?

Dick: *loud laughing* oh, man, not even close-!

Jason: yeah, he really wasn't- i mean, he tried to be on occasion i guess; but it wasn't really parental strictness more than it was just being harsh and bitter.

Tim: so B really didn't try at all at first, huh?

Jason: he didn't- ok, honestly? my personal theory is that he didn't know he had kids until after i died.

Dick: *laughter turns to wheezes* wHAT?

Jason: no- *wheeze* shut up, hear me out, *cackles*

Tim, audibly amused: what the fuck does that even mean--like you think he forgot he adopted you both?

Jason: no, no- i just think he didn't understand the correlation between adoption and actually being in charge.

Damian: you think that in his mind it was a one time thing? like 'oh, adopting kids? yeah i did that in the past, fun night'.

Tim: *wheeze*

Jason: y-*snort*-yeah, you get it.

Dick: SO WAIT- *deep breath* so you- so you think that for Bruce it was like he had no idea until after you died, at which point he was panicking looking around like 'FUCK A CHILD IS DEAD, SOMEBODY CALL HIS PARENT- ooooh, i get it now,'

Tim: *loud uncontrollable cackling*

Jason, also fighting through wheezes: no i- *choke* no, i mean like- i think he didn't really understand that he was supposed to be a parent in all the senses rather than just the legal. i think you were too happy with every non-parent-like decision he made, and i was too independent, so he thought we were all just chill living in each other's spaces.

Dick: *wheeze* he thought- he thought that Dad was just a title, like Mr or Mrs,

Damian: -like when you buy a two foot square of land online so you can legally be called a lord.

Dick: *cackling* tHAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS-

Jason: yeah, yeah- and then i died and Tim fuckin' showed up, and i have to imagine he was just white-knuckling it in the Batcave looking at him like 'god, i really need to lock the fuck in with this guy',

Tim and Dick: *start crying*

Damian: you think- *snort* so finding Drake was Father internally sighing and going 'ok, time to grind i guess'?

Jason: exac- *wheeze*

*connecting ping*

Bruce: boys, it's-

*a pause* *breathless laughter*

Bruce: i don't even want to know what's so funny this time. i'm just here to call Robin home; it's almost three, i want you to come back to the cave with me so you can get some sleep before your exam at school tomorrow.

Damian, disgruntled: *sigh* yeah yeah, on my way.

Dick, weeping, tone high-pitched: he's locking in-

Tim and Jason: *fucking lose it again*

[papayafromtv]

during an argument with Ra's about whether or not the Al Ghul family could even be considered legal royalty, Jason convinces him to spend a ridiculous amount of time and resources declaring Nanda Parbat and by consequence the League of Assassins to be a part of their own independent nation/country, of which the Al Ghuls are the royal family. an unintended consequence of this is that they are then somehow invited to participate in the Olympic games, whereupon Jason thinks it would be funny to compete in the precision shooting division. it becomes rapidly less funny when he runs into Dick Grayson in the Olympic Village, because Dick lost a bet and had to compete in America's gymnastics division for that year.

a leaked series of press shots shows a photo of the two recreating the spiderman pointing meme in the middle of the street and then a photo of Jason booking it while Dick gives chase, and the footage of Jason winning the gold will forever be immortalised in Gotham meme culture simply because Dick is seen in the background of the entire livestream, standing in the front of the viewing area with his arms crossed and fucking glaring into the side of Jason's skull without blinking or looking away for a second.

Ra's has to give a statement about how he agreed to house Bruce Wayne's second ward as part of a witness protection program, and when he comes back from the press conference he solemnly declares to Jason that 'being royalty wasn't fucking worth it.'

[papayafromtv]

scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 18 (masterpost here)

*Alfred coming into the garden with some potted flowers to plant under the sun, all of the boys lounging by the pool nearby*

Damian, sitting on the edge of the pool and dipping his feet in the water: you do do it a lot,

Jason, sunbathing on a sun lounger, sunglasses on: because it’s kinda easy for Tim, B, Dick and I. we’re like basic barbies with interchangeable outfits.

Duke, sat on an inflatable donut in the pool: s’ cause you all have the same kinda build—that brick shithouse energy.

Tim, working on a laptop at the garden table, underneath a parasol: apart from-

Duke: -well yeah, apart from you, but i feel like when you’re smaller than the person you’re trying to imitate then it’s easy because you just pad the suit.

Tim: yeah, that’s fair. i’ve passed myself off as Jay during JL stuff on multiple occasions, it’s not hard.

Jason: *humming in agreement* and the rest of us don’t have to pad at all—unless i’m being Nightwing. then-

Dick, on a lounger next to him, already holding up a hand: -shut up-

Jason, grinning: -then i have to pad my ass a little,

Dick: *smacks him*

Tim: *snickers*

Dick: to be fair, Damian is also a part of this. Tim is easily small enough to still pass as Robin, so he could take Damian's place if we needed.

Duke: *snort of disbelief* are you joking?

Jason, also laughing: yeah- yeah Dick? Tim is the palest motherfucker we have. he ain't passing as shit. he can't even pass as you, that's why i always do it and have him pretend to be me instead.

Tim: yeah- he's right, D. you gotta admit; i'm pasty as shit.

Duke: i honestly only think he could even pass as Jason because of his mask and helmet. like- you look enough like Lady Shiva that you and B genuinely thought she was a potential match for birth mom.

Jason: that's fair. *wistful* man, i wish it had been her and not Sheila. could you fuckin' imagine if me and Cass were bio-related?

Dick, amused: the murder-twins of the Wayne family.

Jason, gesturing with his hands as if to present: the murder-twins of the Wayne family!

Tim: *snorting* regardless, i might be able to bullshit myself as Jason, but i reflect the sun off my skin enough that anybody who's ever seen Damian before would clock me as an impersonator from a mile away.

Damian: we would have to put so much fake tan on you that i think it would become problematic.

Duke: *cackles*

Dick, grinning: what if it was for a case? what if it was really important to a case, would it be problematic then?

Duke, pointing at Dick: good question. what if it was to save Damian's life?

Damian and Jason: *snickering*

Tim, incredulous: in what fucking universe is there a scenario that me dressing up in brownface would save Damian's life?!

Duke, composure cracking: i- *pause* ... ok i can't think of one off the top of my head-

Tim, indignant: RIGHT, SO-

Dick, visibly holding back laughter: no no no, we're just saying, in a hypothetical world where a scenario has occurred that means Damian's life is in danger, and the only way to save him is to dress up as Robin and pass as Damian, is it ethical?

Damian, completely solemn: *to Tim* would you do it to save me?

Tim: w- i don't- i don't know?!

Duke and Jason: *laughing*

Tim: i mean i guess i'd ask Damian. i'd be trying to pass as him so it's his opinion that matters, right?

Jason: *high-pitched weeping, covering his face with his hands* *muffled* so it's- so Damian has a gun to his head and you're just- on the phone or something with him like 'do you think it's racist if i save your life right now?'

Damian, also grinning: i'm dying and he's texting me just 'is this chill or nah?'

Duke: *wheezes*

Tim: well I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW?!

Dick, trying to keep composure: i think it's- at least part of it has to come down to the intent and motivation behind it, right? like... nobody got mad at Robert Downey Jr.

Tim, pointing: that's a fair point. in this hypothetical scenario can i call up RDJ and make him save Damian's life?

Jason: *breathless wheezing*

Damian: *cackles*

Duke, also laughing: no- *wheeze* no, it has to be you.

Tim: well i don't- what am i even doing as Robin? do i just have to walk through a room of people that know Damian as Robin without getting clocked?

Damian: maybe you just have to sit through a JLA meeting without getting caught as not me.

Tim: in what universe-

Damian: -just answer, would you save me or not?

Tim, genuinely distressed: i don't feel like there's a good answer here for me?! like- ok, i feel like this would only involve Damian, so if Damian's ok with me putting on a shitton of fake tan to save his life, then i feel like that's the thing i should care about the most, right?

Duke: so you'd save him?

Tim, still distressed: i- probably?!?!? i don't know?!

Jason: *wheezes, leaning towards Dick* he's so scared,

Dick: *silently weeping*

Damian: we're making it too easy by making it only about me,

Tim, incredulous: HELLO?

Damian: i- *wheeze* *cough* no, ok; same scenario, but you don't need to pass yourself off as me to save my life, you have to pass yourself off as Signal.

Duke: ooooooh,

Dick: *falls off his chair* *starts slapping the ground*

Tim, distraught: i don't have an answer to this?!?! why would i have an answer to this?!

Duke, instantly: *eager* no you have to. you have to answer. would you or would you not try and pass yourself off as me in order to save Damian's life.

Damian, stern: now keep in mind, Drake. if you say yes, Thomas will never forgive you. if you say no, then your baby brother will die forever, and it will be all your fault because you a hundred percent could have saved me.

Tim: *face of intense despair* WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Duke, genuinely starting to lose it: you have to- you have to- *wheeze*

Damian, grinning at Duke: *turning to Tim* he's right, you have to answer.

Tim: i'd probably fucking kill myself to be honest.

Jason, cupping his hands around his mouth: COP OUT, BOOOOOOO

Tim: oh fuck off- what the hell am i supposed to say? it's the most unethical would you rather of the twenty-first century, there is no good outcome. like- *spots Alfred, peacefully gardening nearby* like- hey, Alfred, what would you do? what do you think?

Alfred:

Alfred:

Alfred: i think these conversations are exactly why Master Bruce won't let any of you start a podcast.

The boys:

Dick: *still weeping on the patio floor*

Damian: that's fair.

[theophobick]

always a fan of percy reflexively using christian exclamations because. he goes to american public school. so like he gets a little exasperated and mutters “jesus christ…” before shaking his head and going “wrong pantheon. i don’t want their attention.”

[sunderwight]

Why do characters in stories where there's some time travel or interdimensional situation always go like "that's not funny" when the traveler character is like "where's dad/mom/friend/etc?" and it turns out that the person in question has died in this timeline/universe?

If someone I cared about was acting disoriented and strange, not recognizing stuff, obviously having troubles placing where they are and/or what the date is, and then asked for someone we both loved who died like a year ago or ten years or whatever, my first reaction would not be "they are playing an incredibly crass and tasteless joke of some sort on me"? My first reaction would probably be, oh shit that's a major sign of dementia and some other serious conditions.

[were--ralph]

i need people do do me a favor and be absolutely normal about it

[were--ralph]

i have a completely normal coworker who does music and stuff and its good music and i want to send my army of followers to his video on yt and just +like it or something. something to boost him in the algorithm

the issue is no one can let him know this second life i live on the internet because if he finds out i have 25k followers on tumblr or 10k on twitter etc then the questions will flow and i will not be prepared for the conversation about werewolves that follows

[were--ralph]

Ok heres the video, just +like it and if you want to comment just say you're from reddit or facebook or somewhere

If someone DOES want to share it to reddit that'd be awesome and I'd love you but I dont have an active account there

[faithful-discord]

Just enjoy the music yall. Its honestly really good if you like some classic sounding R&B. The man's voice reminds me of usher to some extent with a little more gravel. Its honestly just sex. Its really really good and he only have 114 subs and the video only has like 90ish likes or something. Honestly its sad. He sounds amazing.

[were--ralph]

Yes!! Hes REALLY good and his music is giving 90's RnB. It's fantastic and his voice is great and I really want him to blow up

[questbedhead]

[cruciatusforeplay]

Also here's his Spotify for those of you wanting to add it to your likes and your playlists

[vaspider]

Me: aww man this is so sweet

Two comments down:

Fucking howled with laughter.

Like a w

A we

Like a werew

[justaz]

unclaimed percy circa tlt after watching two campers make out: i have a question. about that. aren’t we all…related?

annabeth: you’re only related to your siblings since you share the same godly parent. but other cabins are free game.

percy: how does that make any sense? all the gods are related to each other so we would be too.

annabeth: godly dna just…doesn’t count.

percy: and who decided that? did someone just make that up along the way so they’d feel better about making out with their cousin?

annabeth:

[gonnachangethiseventually]

Percy Jackson Comes Home Fics

Percy Comes Home

if atlas falls (I’ll rise and carry us anyway)

the way he thinks its a curtesy for them

a trident tattoo

people noticing his tattoo and their relationship with his tattoo

This Quest Was Different

the way he doesn’t want to scare his mom by telling her what happened

A Celestial Bronze Box Cutter

the way he doesn’t trust himself, the way he still has trauma from Gabe

the way Paul can’t see through the mist so he’s rationalizing everything

(i’m only honest when it rains.)

after having a nightmare about tartarus Percy explodes all the plumbing, Sally and Paul comfort him

only one place left I want to go

[menacingangel]

He’s still a cat.