Something Clever

[rotzaprachim]

“hallelujah” by leonard cohen being played as an easter and christmas song, “zombie” by the cranberries” being played as a halloween song, and “born in the U.S.A.” by bruce springsteen being played as a Fourth of July/generic us patriotism song have got to be a special trifecta of the most no-listening-comprehension musical moments that happen on seasonal playlists every single year 

[partasah]

So apparently someone found the lost episode of KTMA, K03, Star Force. It was found at a garage sale around Minneapolis and has been fully digitized. :)

you can read more about all this here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MST3K/s/WBQQPowmms

[blackbirdblueheart]

TAPES CIRCULATED

[sweaterkittensahoy]

WHAT

[stealingpotatoes]

how do you feel about the phm headcanon that adrian is much bigger than rocky and also theyre bad as hell. Bad bitch rocky pulled by being autistic

YES i love it when adrian is way bigger than rocky uh here's my take on rocky and adrian

(links // tip jar!)

[prokopetz]

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

[abalidoth]

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

[probabilitydirigible]

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

[prokopetz]

#Sorry what do you mean “rasputin disclaimer” (via @big-condiments-official)

For once I'm not actually doing a bit; those "any resemblance to real persons living or dead" disclaimers genuinely exist because of Rasputin.

(In brief, the 1932 MGM Studios film Rasputin and the Empress is a dramatisation of the life and times of Grigori Rasputin which is partially adapted from the personal memoirs of Felix Yusupov, one of the principal conspirators responsible for Rasputin's assassination. The film, which was heavily marketed as being based on real events, falsely claims that Rasputin fucked Yusupov's wife, Princess Irina Alexandrovna. As both Yusupov and Princess Irina were still alive at the time, they jointly sued MGM for libel – and won. This is actually, literally the reason the practice of including those disclaimers was taken up.)

[gmbencompetence]

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

[jupiterjunebug]

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

[gmbencompetence]

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

[gmbencompetence]

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

[turtle-powered]

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

[gmbencompetence]

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

[analienorsutin]

Rare blue watermelon

[sickofimmortality]

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

[akiraita]

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

[unicornfan]

soap makes water molecules smaller

[elphabaoftheopera]

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

[brucebocchi]

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

[adataraxia]

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

[softurl]

[sasukehateblog]

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

[painisthecleanser]

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

[stankyleg-deactivated2918973]

The two way mirror

[rinlockhart]

“listen here, cumslut.”

[tenaflyviper]

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

[nyokoko]

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

[chromaticabrasions]

all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)

infinite chocolate hack

berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)

mri scan walking dead gif

train gif brain thinks you died

tubby custard machine

horse dildo

moonmelon (and variations)

alexandria’s genisis

bird chocolate fountain og post

soap shrinks water molecules

we are killing the earth

ham on dog

tequila isnt a depressant

earth is lumpy

joker without makeup

voldemort fetus

two way mirror og post

fig vagina

[carillonghorn]

[hellenhighwater]

Eleanor update! You can't get her! No one can get her! She's ungettable!

[babyanimalgifs]

This cute platypus 

(via)

[big-ass-magnet]

I fully understand why westerners thought the platypus was a hoax at first. I’m looking at a real live one moving around and it STILL looks fake.

[bogleech]

The one thing that could have made them sound any more made up would have been if you said the boys have secret viper fangs that can absolutely fuck you up with venom, and they do, on their goddamn feet.

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

cursed platypus facts: * five (5) X chromosomes * only the left ovary works * produces milk but has no nipples. the mother just kind of sweats milk out their chest. nature is beautiful * was nearly called the “duckmole” * swims with its weird fish eyes and ears closed, hunting entirely by electroreception * born with teeth, but then they fall out

[mariaalenkoshepard]

That beak looks fucking glued on

[jackironsides]

That’s literally what the Royal Society said

[questfortori]

Nintendo Power issue 113 (October 1998)

[questfortori]

To everyone saying it’s not real:

[bogleech]

This post is how I've learned that the sexual meaning of "spit roast" has now become more well known than the literal meaning of roasting something on a spit, and the slangy way of using it to describe an ass kicking or a humiliating defeat is completely forgotten

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[therustyskull]

@ralfmaximus Showers that will kill you

[ralfmaximus]

Holy shit I thought this was a Sims bit or someone playing with CAD software, but the last few seconds knocked me out

[batbetbitbotbut]

@thebibliosphere I'm pretty sure you are the appropriate recipient for other people's terrifying home renovation choices

[hiveswap]

Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space

[hiveswap]

Don't forget to play it loud as fuck

[kowai-kabuki-tanuki]

please….listen to the whole thing. And imagine that you are IN SPACE in 1973 and you JUST woke up. Every time you adjust…it escalates somehow.

This song had to be designed in a lab for the sole purpose of fucking with astronauts. whoever added it to the NASA playlist was a genius.

[hiveswap]

It took them two tries to ban it?

[kvotheunkvothe]

[viralfrog]

[transarsonist]

Fully supported by the fact that gollum is what happens when the ring maximally corrupts a hobbit for 500+ years or whatever

[omtai]

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

[drdaanvondutch]

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

[batsandbutch]

[thegaymertrainer]

[thegaymertrainer]

“Do you see me as cattle to milk whenever you grow thirsty” was really something

[yujateaandpi]

mother please how will we survive the winter

[saathiray]

I think when anyone is trying to write a child, start from here because this is EXACTLY how I remember feeling as a child.

[antique-scarecrow]

I have raised SEAGULLS

[feralfennecfox]

I love taking care of garter snakes so much

[lionesshathor]

Baby hydras are quite shy until they grow large enough to deter predators.

[catasters]

[dilfhamlet]

[dilfhamlet]

the literal only funny tags on this entire post