Henriemar1ette

[suspected-spinozist]

My favorite ever pronoun story has to be one of my German professor’s. He fondly remembers being mugged by a gang of teenagers in Dresden, who used Sie (formal you) the entire time.  

[ask-sparkling-awesomeness]

HAND OVER THE WALLET MY GOOD SIR

[papasmoke]

Girldick this, boydick that, I’m hunting MOBY Dick

[papasmoke]

[byjove]

I sent this post of yours to my group chat and we discovered that 1) our friend Pete is literally this (5'4, drives a Subaru, and knows too much about kombucha) and that 2) multiple of my friends would like to ask for your hand in marriage

…..is Pete one of the ones requesting my hand in marriage because I want him.

(I do not know very much about kombucha I just spend a lot of time in the kombucha section because I’m indecisive about my kombucha choice.)

[pirategf]

starting to think the amount of sleep you get has an impact on how much energy you have the next day. i’ll investigate more and get back to you

[cinammon-milk]

any updates?

[pirategf]

[fleurdemeth]

Portrait of a Young Woman, Jean-Etienne Liotard 

Girl with a Pearl Earring, Johannes Vermeer 

[heartfeltdelight]

#they look like theyve been having a chat about u and u just walked in

[antimony-ore]

I’m on mobile, somebody edit them into this please

[antimony-ore]

Y'all take too long

[tyrelll28-deactivated20201029]

Same energy

[antimony-ore]

No worries guys, they’re there too

[maisonderriere]

[allisonpregler]

Honestly it didn’t make me truly laugh until Darth Vader came tootling tooting out and then I lost it.

[vmae]

WHAT IS THIS OH MY GOD

[silentsaebyeok-deactivated20200]

I’m just gonna add this:

[malte-laurids]

Happy Star Wars Day!

[aj-lenoire]

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

[1989nihil]

Re: “WHAT IS THIS OH MY GOD”

Mark Hamill was a guest at the german television show Disco on ZDF (second largest public-service proadcaster) in the ‘80s. And… yeah… he was apparently made to do this…

[deewithani]

I was like, “Ok, Ok, I don’t understand the language, but whatever.”

THEN VADER SHOWED UP WITH THE WORSE TRUMPET EVER AND SAVED US ALL.

[guerrillatech]

[thememedaddy]

me irl

[snarkysparkyv2]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[cosmicgallant]

[cryptidunknown]

3500 years ago a bunch of people decided to build a tower to the sky and now I have to worry about keeping up my Duolingo streak

[hell-propaganda]

why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them

[bunjywunjy]

add that one to the list, boys

[applejuicewerewolf]

You're right and you should say it

[prole-log]

[clowreedsforfilth-deactivated20]

Thank u comrade tyranitar

[transmechanicus]

that is godzilla

[reuniclus]

[chillgamesh-the-swing]

nothing but respect for comrade godzilla but that's fucking tyranitar

[pipistrellus]

I love that phenomenon where ur talking to another neurodivergent person for the first time and u haven’t quite grocked their flavor of brain yet and they haven’t grocked yours and you’re both using your Acceptable Friendly Person Getting To Know You Script on each other but of course those scripts have been calibrated mainly for use with, like, normal people, so you just end up being like two conversational roombas bonking gently off one another like “hello fellow human” “hello fellow ‘hello fellow human’” until you both at some point manage to adjust your programming and actually like, communicate

It’s like when I was a kid I had two furbies and when you put them next to each other they’d just natter nonsensically past one another for a bit and then at some point one would abruptly recognize the other with its furby sensor or w/e and it would shout “DANCE!” and the other one would flap its ears and reply “HEY, DANCE” and then, in perfect unison, they would begin to rock back and forth while chanting “doot doot doo doot doot doo”

It’s exactly like that. I love it. Crazy people are the best, we are super excellent, i love us, i love crazy ppl

[pipistrellus]

I wrote this post in my head while having a major dissociative episode in the bathroom and its the best and truest thing Ive ever said

[thebibliosphere]

@executeness

[only-tiktoks]

[big-pluto]

legend still has it that the man continues catching things for his wife for all eternity.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

oh, he is so tired of her shit lmfao

[cipheramnesia]

Spaghetti?!

[exitwound]

electric stoves aren’t real btw they’re placebo stoves. your food cooks because of the placebo effect

[transarsonist]

yeah no its just a bunch of LEDs that turn red, it only boils water because you expect the water to boil

[citrono-kirbo]

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[30-minute-memes]

25 and it got me excited

[pajy-moved-deactivated20240311]

bitches dont know about my astiankuivauskaappi

[itsensakaljastaja]

that thing looks ridiculous. Why not just put it in the cabinet above the sink??

[cursologist]

Every single finnish person is laughing at you peasants

[infernalfae]

its a dish drying set up?? im not about to put wet dishes in the cupboard? who does that?

[sukkanen]

hi

welcome to finland, this exists in every single household in finland

[invaderxan]

I’m convinced that every country in the world has exactly one (1) household thing that it does better than anyone else. And if we could somehow combine them…

[anexperimentallife]

We could have the Avatar of households

[pitbolshevik]

My German fucking hated his crate when he was a baby (to the point where he would cry his eyes out with a treat + a bone while I took a 20 minute shower) but out of no where a couple months ago he just started sleeping in his crate all the time during the day so I wish you the best luck

i know you probably just forgot to type "shepherd" but im in tears picturing you desperately trying to put a small german boy in a crate

[pitbolshevik]