i can't imagine why
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@hijinksace
i can't imagine why
The strongest guy in the Magnus Archives is that one guy who was so obsessed with his dog that he just walked right out of the Spiral because it was her dinnertime
This is one of my favorite episodes. Fears can't hurt you if you're chill enough. The guy who walked in a spiral for four hours and then just left because he remembered he had somewhere to be is, to me, the avatar of the entities' fear
strongest people in the magnus archives:
guy who kept the coffin of the buried in his living room and used it as a coffee table
walked out of the spiral because his dog needed dinner
the plumber who was so inattentive that the stranger put on a whole spectacle for him and he straight-up missed it all
the guy whose primary concern with the evil taxidermists was whether or not they were money laundering (they weren't)
AND he didn’t even realize evil taxidermy was at play for the longest time because he came in like “I love and respect autistic people, of course I’m not judging eye contact”
we CANNOT forget the woman that was actively being swallowed by the buried and when there was nothing she could possibly do she lied down on the ground and accepted her fate so thoroughly and with such calm that it had to barf her back up.
And if my memory is correct she KEPT TAKING THE UNDERGROUND TO WORK
This is kinda ominous ngl
Gotta compliment him on his reflexes. No hesitation. Just described exactly what he was seeing, regardless of what it was.
[VD: A weatherman is giving a report and pointing to a map, saying "feel like temperatures really take a tumble too, because after the storm-" before he is interrupted by the screen going black and then displaying a picture of some baby spinach. He says, "um," then immediately points to the screen and confidently announces, "this is baby spinach." /End VD]
[ID: a very simply drawn three panel comic. the first panel shows a person approaching a cat that's laying on the floor and reaching down to hug her, saying "gertie." the second panel shows two coins falling from the person's shirt pocket. the third panel shows the coins bouncing off the cat, who doesn't care.]
gertrude
[ID: a picture of an old, grumpy-looking brown tabby cat gazing dead-eyed into the camera.]
I really wasn't prepared to see just how accurate the depiction of this cat was in that other post. :')
The time of his life.
cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at
i miss my beautiful wife joann fabrics it feels as if eons have passed since i last saw her. this guy michael keeps waving her visage in front of me and saying she’s living in his house but he is lying to me. i know this because i went into his house and found only fragments and memories of my beautiful wife joann and pictures of her shadowed face labeled “online only”. michael won’t even let me order swatches from him
they hate each other.
hey bestie you forgot the poll
oh sorry
would you kill and eat these animals?
yes
no
I was talking to prev, asshole. The fucking critter-creature-beast poll blog? That person? Don't be a fucking dickhead.
sorry for being silly on my post it wont happen again
would you kill and eat @barin-mclegg?
yes
no
gonna start making snopes-style responses to urban legends about tumblr
"this how we lost post editing and it was still worth it"
❌ False
The John Green Cock Monologue, while one of the most egregious examples of post editing, was not why the ability to edit posts was taken away. This feature was removed because scammers would edit posts with huge note counts to try to make their scams look legit.
"those are his hooves, bitch."
✅ True
Those are his hooves, bitch.
Starting a collection
she rabbit kicked him off the ledge, then smacked him till he fell
Pangur after pushing a baby into the abyss
what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk
about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you
I really need to start reading the blog name because I thought I was having some sort of moment right there.
iron lung where everything is the same but the convict has to wear this hat
“So... We got the exploding diarrhea. Here's my advice for anyone who doesn't have it yet:
It's going to take a minute for the government to pin down where this is coming from, and then issue a recall, because the FDA has been gutted. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt : this is coming from Taylor Farms produce, and you will see them recalled.
You'll want to avoid all Taylor Farms produce in the grocery store. They supply McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, about any fast food place you can think of.
Raspberries, watermelons, cilantro, and the veggies you're hearing about are not causing this many people to get sick. It's the shredded lettuce, specifically, that's the problem. But, you'll want to stay away from every type of produce this company puts out, because one strand of shredded lettuce is all it takes to contaminate bushels.
Taylor Farms is the source. Taco Bell proactively pulled their produce from their restaurants. You're going to see other fast food places doing this, and probably will see that before the government names a source. The FDA knows this, but they can't come out and tell us all until there's proof, which takes resources and research, which takes manpower, but the FDA has been cut by about 20-30%
During the Biden term, onions at McDonald's had ecoli. We knew this because DNA testing was done quickly and they were able to narrow it down to one place that caused the outbreak. And, it was traced back to Taylor Farms. This isn't going to be solved as quickly though.
When you get this, make a virtual appointment to your PCP - a "same day sick" appointment. Tell them someone in your family just tested for this and was positive and was prescribed Bactrim. If you go in person, they're probably going to make you poop in a cup and wait until results come back to prescribe.
You'll know when you get this. Trust me on all of this.
You'll want to stay hydrated because this parasite damages the lining of the small intestine. Your small intestine, in turn, secretes more water into the gut, and less nutrients and liquid are able to remain in the body. So no matter how much you shit, you're going to want to drink. A day of this leads to dehydration if you don't increase your fluid intake, and a few days will land you in the hospital.
If you have headaches, weakness, muscle cramps, dizziness, or an increase heart rate - hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Go to the ER for fluids if you can't drink enough.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Brought to you by America's 250 birthday celebrations, workforce reduction in the FDA and CDC, and viewers like you.
Please feel free to share this.
And, MAGA - don't blow up the comment section. I argued with y'all on COVID bc I was afraid y'all would die, but I really don't care if you get explosive diarrhea.
And no, ivermectin will not help this at all.”
concept: instead of “time traveller from the past is unimpressed by the present” it’s “time traveller from the past loves things we don’t like about modern society” like they think pollution is badass or something
medieval peasant upon hearing the number of species that go extinct every day: fuck yeah, damn those beafts to hell