Origami Around
#extradirty
pixel skylines
Monterey Bay Aquarium
JVL
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No title available
Love Begins
Xuebing Du
occasionally subtle
gracie abrams
Cosmic Funnies
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
noise dept.
blake kathryn
Mike Driver
Kiana Khansmith
š
ā
will byers stan first human second
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from India
seen from Poland
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Belgium
seen from United States
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seen from United States
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seen from Canada
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@hunkydoryaphrodite
REBLOG IF YOU HAVE STRETCHMARKS
This way people can see theyāre not alone. I have them and this would help me see that.
I have a ton on my back from growing too fast
I was living in blissful oblivion until I turned in front of the mirror one day and realized my butt is covered with them :')
my favorite thing to say as a reaction to stuff isĀ ādear lordā i say it at least 10 times a day
mine isĀ āoh jeezā . everyone reblog with your variation
you know I've struck gold as a writer struggling with character voices
Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao
Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building...
Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.
Here are some highlights from this morningās lesson:
Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*
Students collectively: o_O
That one student: nice
ā
Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*
Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Letās try that again
ā
Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?
Student: *raises hand* yeah, Iām wondering how youāre feeling about your life choices up until this point?
Me: o-o
ā
Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?
Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.
Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?
Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*
ā
*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*
Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom
Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* hereās why thatās not true
Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dudeās got a watermelon shlong, thatās cap.
Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but letās refrain from using the word āshlongā in class, please.
ā
Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?
Student 1: tell them you donāt want their penis cooties!!
Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure thatās just herpes
Me, internally: like... youāre not wrong
ā
Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Donāt forget to throw it away please!
Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT
Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. Iāve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)
Student 3: yeah, most men are
Me: *trying to keep a straight face*
ā
Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off
Me: oh, thatās just the lubricant from the condom.
Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?
Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, youāre doing it right
Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah thatās not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.
Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?
Me: *internally self destructs*
ā
Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?
Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?
if your dick is āØshinyāØ you're doing it right y'all
Thereās become quite a few of these and the blue hellsiteās tag search functionality is garbage, so here: all the #Storytime with Hell posts I can think of:
Bob the Firewizardās Unwise Pyromaniac Adventures
Revenge Is Best Served Cold
Kitten Little and the Kitchen Murdercat
My Elementary School Nemesis
I Am Not A Lawful Good Character
ā¦and other high school shenanigans
The Stupidest Injury I Can Think Of
The Healing Powers of Throatpunching
Tiny Hellenās Revenge (and an example of the Scary Voice)
The Shark Story
An Extremely Safe Adventure In Liverpool Cathedral
Mr. Taylorās Historical History
If thereās any particular topic you would like to hear a story on, let me know, and maybe Iāll have something fitting. No promises, of course, but maybeā¦.
I am a moron. I made this post because of the bullwhip story and then immediately forgot to include the bullwhip story.Ā
Recent-ish additions:
Senior Survival, Redux
My very church-appropriate nephew
Learn to sheepdog for fun and revenge!
Someone remind me to update this in like six hours when Iām off mobile, thereās been quite a few new ones!
Thank you for reminding me, anons! Feel free to tell me if Iāve missed any.
The Eldritch Horror in the Taco Bell
Sometimes you just have to destroy an ENTIRE HOUSE
Beware the dickorations
Hellās Suitors
That time I cut my toe in half, but not ā¦toe-tally off (obvious warnings apply)
Aircraft-carrier parents
Nothing like a barefoot ice race to warm the spirit
(And how I learned how to walk in heels, which ā¦kind fits?)
this is the content I signed up on this hellsite for
SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSEĀ + letterboxd reviews (x, x, x) insp.
and those assignments I've been pushing back for a year now
when she says she doesnāt send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
#what the fuck happened here
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia canĀ“t
Thanks ObamaĀ
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash
look at this perfection
Pick SomeoneWhoāsĀ Supportive
Ok something very exciting happened to me last night. I have been on another planet literally since and just canāt keep it to myself anymore. I ran it by some friends on here I trust a ton (sslarrysettingsail, bromanceshmomance, and pianolouis) and decided to go ahead and share. Itās super long though, so you may want to grab a beverage and get comfy.
Keep reading
isn't this the real life
thatfunnyblog:
We found you
potterheads, grab your wands
whovians, hop in your TARDISes
supernatural fans, get the shotguns
sherlockians, hire your consulting criminals
tributes, knock an arrow
avengers fans, assemble
lotr fans, unsheath Sting
weāve got a few people to track down
Les Mis fans, build a barricade? Yes?
Gleeks, grab your slushies
Rizzles fans, grab your guns and scalpels
Wizards and Witches, time to kick muggle ass.
NCIS fans, grab your gear.
Castle fans, alakazam that jackass
The Last Airbender fans master your bending
Assassinās Creed fans, ready your hidden blades.
Falling In Reverse fans, get Charlie.
BVB Army, get on your warpaint.
Slash gash Terror Crew, grab your chainsaws.
VE! Coven, show your fangs.
Directioners, get the fucking glitter
beliebers,get the supras.
Of Mice and Men fans, get squidgy.
Motionless In White fans, get Officer Peppercorn and some PCP.
Pierce The Veil fans, get the Sheepcat.
Sleeping With Sirens fans, get Sam Link..
Naruto fans, grab your kunai
Bleach fans, ready your zampakuto
Homestucks get your Strife Specibus
no fucking way its the actual post
Iām shaking this post was never meant to be seen outside of screenshots and jokes
this is one of the worst posts on tumblr
this is one of the best posts on tumblrĀ
Holy shit I never thought I would ever see this
A relic from the dark times
This is like watching how people want to attack area 51
this is hands down the one post on the internet that sums up why fandoms, all of them, are trash and should burn
World Heritage Post
GET YOUR BUCKETS ON AND GRAB YOUR BLASTERS, BROTHERS!
apparently this post is real. well, in any case, the worst seems to be behind us
Amy Winehouse photographed in a London cafƩ in 2004.
why i identify as bisexual, you ask?
if you want the rewards of finding a new favorite song then you have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of listening to unfamiliar music
such a shame
Three months ago I pitched an idea for a party game. Today, āWHAT THE PLOT?!ā¢ā is a real game and available for pre-order! I am so excited. Thank you everyone for your support!
Click on a picture for higher quality! Tumblr compresses pictures so they might look a bit blurry!
What The Plot?!ā¢ is now available for pre-order on planet Earth until January 1st! Definitely check it out; itās pretty-ducking-epic thanks to your feedback and input!
https://creators.teespring.com/what-the-plot
omg they actually did it!!
guys ive been waiting for this. If I get it will you guys play? @folklorefairyqueen @moonxchaos
YES OMG I WANNA PLAY THIS RIGHT NOW @cyhyryth
this by itself already makes me wanna play this game ššš
UPDATE: Friday 27, March, 2020
Itās a real game now! The manufacturer sent us 5 copies! The quality is amazing! Thank you all for making this game a reality! The games are currently being shipped from Poland to a fulfillment center in the US and the Czech Republic. If you preordered the game, you can expect to have it in your hands at the end of April (so far, the pandemic has not been impeding our schedule).
The print quality of the cards is superb. The photos donāt do it justice! The text is a bit blurry in the pictures, but itās crystal clear!
If you want to get notified when the next pre-order round drops -Ā click here!
This actually looks so good! I will definitely be getting this!
@whattheplot are you ever gunna bring this back?
What The Plot?!ā¢ is now available in our online store!
Get it here
finally ordered mine!! canāt wait to get my hands on it :>
i want this so bad.
I have it - itās fun! 10/10 would recommend.
will probably end up gifting it to myself and playing it by myself, but whatevs
the problem with horror now is there is no men in little tank tops and booty shorts
hear me out... klaus hargreeves in this outfit...
i'd watch the heck outta that
Hey students, hereās a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while youāre seriously sick.
Signed, a person who somehow came up withĀ ādear hello, I am sick and not sure if Iāll be alive to come tomorrow and Iām sorry, best slutantions, [name]ā.
I mean, if someone wrote that to me, Iād probably believe they were sick.
āSlutantionsā has me crying laughing
i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.
āI amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry
love,
blueā
the subject line was āOWā
THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN āOWā
As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.
On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class Iād passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line āyou good?ā
Reblogging for the last addition
Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so thereās about a month and a half block of time where Iām taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.
Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldnāt come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like āNot sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.ā I didnāt think until the next day that it probably wasnāt socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you werenāt coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that sheād printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.
Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.
IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.
Itās even worse than i remember it
i've only ever seen this legendary post in screenshots
me: live! laugh! eat whatever you want! don't yuck other people's yums
me:
me: ...but also never trust someone who uses pre-sliced cheese in their sandwiches. the audacity
so whats your top song for 2021 so far and what does it say about your mental state
my top songs for 2021 are a horrible mess and we need to be more organized STAT
but oh well
p.s. how can my top 5 not have louis at any given point
