Life is tiresome, no doubt about it. I get so caught up in the “minds perfection” that it becomes hard for me to focus on writing because I’m too worried about this grammatical error, or that specific thought that doesn’t require a period, so on and so forth. Then I met a writer who said, “Write it. Whatever you’re feeling, thinking, let it free flow from your heart and forget what you’ve been taught”. So, I’m going to do just that and see where it leads me. I’m sick of the “rat race”, conventional way of thinking and once again … I’m tired.
I mean, hell isn’t everyone tired?
I’ve spent the last few weeks in deep thought around why so many individuals pride themselves on being disconnected, hard and unwilling to have open ended discussions about … dun dun dun… feelings. Believe me I know just how hard it is to feel so deeply and heavily that it can be overwhelming, thus resulting in a hard shell, or a push off a conversation you don’t really want to have because that would mean you actually have to swim around in those emotions and embrace those pieces of us that are so easily lost in the societal mix. It’s uncomfortable but…it’s necessary for growth. Wouldn’t you agree?
It’s funny because as I grow and open my mind and heart along my spiritual journey I’m finding out a lot about my peers, through reflection of self. I think all too often we can worry entirely too much about what another person is thinking. It’s an automatic trap set by no one other than our own mind. Letting go of those strings will for sure let you fly. You see, when I write I’m not looking for you to “turn the pages” of my life and copy this or that action, no… I share my story because I want you to think. I want to share. I want to engage. I want to help. I want you to see a different pathway that gets your wheels turning to an objective way of thinking. I pride myself on following gut and intuition, some times more so than analytical decision making.
All too often I’m labeled as a “sap”, or overly “emotional”, I wear my heart on my sleeve, etc. Allowing myself permission to embrace my emotions and share them with the world, or specific people, has cloaked me in sheets of vulnerability because I choose to honor those pieces of me…despite how uncomfortable it may make you feel. Despite any label you want to throw my way. Because that core human connection, is everything I crave …
It is a beautiful thing when people can come together and harmonize about anything. Harmonizing doesn’t even necessarily mean agreeing it just means having those stimulating conversations and open ended acknowledgements that say, “hey… I feel you”.
You see, I know how it feels to have the words but to no longer have the physical opportunities with the ones I love. I was blessed with a tight upbringing by my grandparents who taught me forever is sometimes only small blips of time and tomorrow is never promised. I started worrying as far back as I can remember about the days that would come where I would no longer be able to turn to my parents and seek out advice, a hug or even so much as to hear them breathe. So, as I turn the pages of my own life … it’s bittersweet to be 32, to have so much to say, to have so much to be thankful for and humbled by yet … the physical form of my parents is… long gone.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t talk to them daily. I find comfort in the unknown. The vast Universe that surrounds us each day forever leaves me in awe with each sunset to sunrise. How can we not look around in complete amazement and wonder? I think everyone should pay more attention to the sky instead of worrying about where they’re going next. I wish people would…step out and feel the sun rays, put their feet in the water, talk to that stranger and fight for their relationships because at the next of the day, these are the things that matter the most. The monetary systems, the mass production of this product or that chemical, all of puppeteers that make women or men feel they need to fit into a perfect size to catch the attention of another human being all in the name of love … no, it’s not these things that are going to make you feel whole.
All I’m asking, is to have a little faith. Think a little more. Ask questions. Be afraid and do it anyway. Chase that dream and say Rest In Peace to closed-minded avenues. Be emotional. Work your light and don’t you ever let anyone try and put it out.
✌🏻👽❤️ And as always, love a little harder
