I hope you don’t mind me asking — and I apologize if someone else has asked you something similar in your inbox before, I haven’t read through all the past questions.
I was re-reading Clean Slate Protocol 2.0 the other day. The first time it felt like warm soup. The second time, I noticed something underneath — this sense of Tony being in a hurry. Not anxious anymore, but almost like he was getting ready to leave.
There's always this quiet, gentle sadness in your writing that stays with me. It makes me wonder: of all your Stony fics, which one means the most to you? Not the most popular one — just the one you care about the most, the one that still lives in your head. I’d really love to hear about that one.
That's a lovely way to describe Clean Slate Protocol 2.0, thank you! I have a lot of feelings about Steve and Tony's changed dynamic in Endgame, of how softer Steve gets and watchful Tony gets, but also I think most if not all of my fics set in that era are written with the weight of Tony's upcoming canonical death looming over them, even if in the fic themselves that Tony avoids that fate. I cannot stop thinking about it, and I think the characters on that level "know" it as well, in a sense.
You're asking which of my Stony fics mean the most to me, but I really cannot pick just one! There's so many that are meaningful for me in different ways.
There are some that made me emotionally ache in a good way to write the relationship drama and resolution, such as Love's Such an Old-Fashioned Word and Not a Breakup. There are some emotional and angst moments in those fics I still daydream about sometimes, like I am the sort of person who replays certain things in my head just to let the feelings wash over me. And I do love Steve angst, but Tony angst is indulgent in a very specific way, and it's a lot of fun to let Tony stew in his own feelings, especially for certain maybe-relatable opinions he has about what he deserves, and to get him to the moment when he explodes and reveals everything for Steve to know. I love choreographing those moments, and sometimes I think about what they may be doing after the fic is over, though I think most of my coherent thoughts end up here on tumblr anyway.
Then there are fics I feel very satisfied in thinking about how Tony and Steve relate to each other and talk through their issues in coming together emotionally, like Clean Slate Protocol 2.0 and Overhaul. Because it is fun for me to look at canon and see the ways they could have become close friends but didn't. Like, what assumptions did they make about each other that set their canon relationship in brittle stone, and what did they really want from each other when they were teammates and were they capable of giving those things to each other if they'd had the words? Then what would it take for them to figure out those words? Which is an exercise in making myself sad and then writing fic to bump them over those obstacles in what I hope makes sense for both of them, when canonically both of them keep their real feelings close to their chest and only reveal to a select few, so what would it take for them to share with the other? Sometimes when I feel frustrated with these characters I reread bits of these fics and others.
Then there's the front row seats series, which is an alternate universe with a bittersweet feeling and angrier Steve, and it's also me working through my feelings about Endgame and basically both their character arcs as a whole from start to end. In my opinion both their character arcs are mainly coherent, with some hiccups that happen when they're written by different people, but they're coherent in ways that aren't necessarily fair or kind. (In my opinion!) And I work some of my feelings out through this fic. There's also the indulgent angle of thinking about canon!Steve looking in on these AU versions of Steve and Tony that got together, and having complicated but supportive feelings about it.
Then! There are the fics I'm very very happy to look back on the banter that feels just right for me and my sense of humour, because I very much enjoy Tony and Steve's dialogue in canon when they're being clever and witty, and it's just VERY FUN to find that kind of dialogue that feels right for them, like in The Trial Run and Stick with Me Baby, I'm the Fella You Came in With (which is also my first fic for them! I'm so happy I made myself write that! You would not believe how long I resisted.)
I also have to mention Role of a Lifetime which is my longest fic, and I'm SO pleased that I wrote that one because there's plot in it! I usually don't do non-romance plot things, because it's not a skill I really have, so that's accomplishment, and sometimes I reread it and go yay I wrote this for me! Somehow! I did it! And sometimes I think about this Steve and Tony meeting Peggy Carter who comes out of the ice, and how that particular version of the Avengers plays out.
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