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i had a dream that time travel was invented and too many people choose to travel back in time to save the titanic from sinking (the question of whether unsinking of the titanic deserved so much attention in the face of human history was the subject of both heavy academic and online discourse), which caused a rift in the space-time-continuum that led to the titanic showing up indiscriminately all over the world’s oceans and sea in various states of sinking.

this caused a lot of issues both in terms of fixing said space-time-continuum and in terms of nautical navigation, and after a long and heavy battle in the international maritime organization it was decided that the bureaucratic burden of dealing with this was to be upon Ireland, much to their dismay. the Irish Government then released an app for all sailors and seafarers so they could report titanic sightings during their journeys, even though they heavily dissuaded you from reporting them given the paperwork it caused.

anyway i woke up with a clear image of the app in my head and needed to recreate it for all of you:

sadclowncentral

no you don't understand. i do international regulation of emerging technologies for a living. this WAS me stress dreaming about work

blue0909

Please stop being nonbinary too. God only created one gender. You must conform to that.

THERES ONLY ONE NOW?????

miketon

teaboot

I was too busy laughing to take a picture but my son answered the door last night ready for an adventure 😭😭😭

teaboot

IT HAPPENED AGAINNN

#guess the cat's out of the bag

warmfigure

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

unlettered-heathen

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

pussyhoundspock

joining the war on kids reading any book they want on the side of kids reading any book they want. simply you will be fine. it's even good to be confronted with things you don't understand and even find upsetting, uncomfortable and difficult. it's a surprise tool that will help you later.

nonevahed

prev tags:

literally ok so not a funny story but kind of funny? when I was nine I encountered rape in a book and I was like hey mom what’s this mean and she explained it and I was like oh. gross. and then like two weeks later a girl on the bus abruptly disclosed her csa and we were all like ????? what ???? but I was like wait hang on there’s a word for that ☝️🤓 and explained what it meant and that it was illegal and that you could talk to a teacher or my mom if it had happened to you and everyone was like ohhhhh I see I see and very somberly comforted the girl (she was safe she was removed from her home and living with my neighbor at the time so it wasn’t Urgent)

zarohk

And this is a perfect illustration of why it is important for kids to read or variety of things, and why abusers don’t want them to.

#tw: csa #tw: abuse

agarthanguide

Link to the article

We regret to inform you that the sunshine and friendship app is actually a children killing app.

jeffgerstmann

I have been telling people for years that the company behind Pokemon Go had no-shit, for-realsies ties to the CIA and people never really took it that seriously. Anyway.

mcsryaoihell

my bonnies

rabbiteclair

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

#I just assume my immune system *also* has ocd and it's just being really thorough #which unfortunately means my joints have hurt since I was like a preteen #and my skin sometimes just like falls off

the-vampire-fish-queen

IF YOU LIVE IN THE UK CONTACT YOUR MPs NOW NOW NOW!!! The UK is about to ban social media for under-16s and force EVERYONE to do a face scans and ID checks!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2026/06/14/face-scans-enforce-social-media-ban-under-16s/

Not just that but Labour is giving 16 and 17 year olds the right to vote while forcing state mandated curfew on social media for them.

This is going to do so much harm to children, adults and lgbtq+! and put everyone data at risk, and why is he rushing all this? because it's driven by the fear of Kier being kicked out as PM and not based on any workable long term policy.

CONTACT THEM HERE!!!

Information on how to contact your local MP

You can support these UK groups who are fighting this!

Open Rights Group is the UK’s largest grassroots digital rights campaigning organisation, working to protect everyone’s rights to privacy an

Big Brother Watch exposes and challenges threats to our privacy, our freedoms and our civil liberties at a time of enormous technological ch

hppjmxrgosg

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

hppjmxrgosg

you shut your mouth.

animentality

catgirlwheels

I'm an adult

You're a dumbass who the fuck says something like that

weaselle

a few months ago my friend called me and told me she was moving back up near me from 7 hours south in the middle of nowhere and asked if i would help her because she couldn’t move the furniture by herself and the town was so small there was no moving company (there were actually only 5 or six businesses in the whole town including both restaurants) and she had no one else down there to ask.

And even though money is pretty tight for her, she told me I could name my price if I would help her, because it was so far away.

I told her she was a dummy for thinking i would take her money but that i would accept the traditional helping-a-friend-move price: a meal (i know she would feel wrong about herself if she didn’t do something for me in return, that’s just how she is) Tradition suggests pizza and beer, we opted for enchiladas and a margarita.

we crashed on the floor of the empty place and left back north in the morning - when we got back to the city three more friends met us at her storage place (the place she was moving into wouldn’t be vacant for a couple months) and we started to move all her stuff up to a storage room on the THIRD FLOOR (because large city storage places be like that)

we had just taken the first box out of the truck when the (only) lady working there walked by and told us they closed in an hour and twenty minutes, and she couldn’t stay even a little late because she had to get to her other job.

One hour twenty minutes. To completely un-jenga a large uhaul and re-tetris it back into a similar sized room on the third floor.

We all just, shared a look, took off hoodies, and got the fuck down to business.

It was actually.. I still cherish look we passed around. The tiny eyebrow quirks and chin nods. The eye glints. The bigger breath we each took as we prepared to kick it up several gears. That moment of wordless connection, when we all just silently agreed that we were damn well going to do the impossible and didn’t even waste the time it would take to say anything, just got to it.

And we did it too. Finished with exactly two full minutes to spare. And then we all went for dinner and drinks to celebrate. And my friend’s friends that came to help? Two of them were acquaintances/friends of mine already. Like I lived with one for a year a decade ago sort of thing. But this experience? Brought us all closer. Made myself a new friend too.

And the friend i helped move? She and I are closer than ever because of it.

When i left our storage success diner to go home, she asked me again if I was sure i wouldn’t take any money.

I said “I ever tell you when I was 22 I went down to Hollywood to try that scene out? Anyway ten months later, when I just couldn’t do it anymore, and needed to come back, I called one of my best friends and said i can’t do this anymore i need to come back. You know what he said? He said: I’ll be there tomorrow. Not how much will you pay me, not what do i get out of it, not will you be able to cover my gas, just: I’ll be there tomorrow. Okay? You’re my friend. If you need help, I’m going to be there”

If helping someone move ruins your friendship, you’re doing at least one of those two things very wrong.

lawbreaker13

Reblogging for the last line

horselovrrr

emoji kitchen is lowkey beautiful guys…

venndaai

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

venndaai

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

fluorescentbrains

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

muffinlance

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

timemachineyeah

Spirit Animal is racist.

Patronus was invented by a transphobe.

I think it’s time we all suck it up and say what we mean: fursona.

xxlovelynovaxx-deactivated20241

I know this is a jokey post (rip OPs notes) but a fursona is typically an animal REPRESENTATION of YOURSELF, not an external animal that is strongly meaningful to you and your life/journey.

I've seen daemon and familiar proposed, but to keep in line with the cursedness of the original post, may I suggest: spiritual tamagotchi

timemachineyeah

do you have any idea how refreshing it is to see a correction/suggestion to this post that actually understands the assignment

3liza

the counterpoint to the millennial experience of thinking adult life would involve a lot more quicksand is that it turns out evil doomsday cults really are behind a lot of stuff irl. kind of a neat consolation prize

former-portland-mando

@portraitoftheoddity my dear friend... What?

Please explain and tell us your tale. You've apparently lived what so many of us feared to dream.

portraitoftheoddity

So, seven years or so ago, when I had been broken up with my fiancé for like, 4 years and was in the middle of my slut phase, my parents decided that the money they had set aside for 'wedding budget' was better used on a family vacation to Iceland, which was honestly 100% the right decision.

While we were there, we ended up hiking on a glacier with a guide, which was pretty fucking cool.

Now a thing about Iceland is it's volcanic af, so the glaciers all kinda look like cookies & cream, with a whole lot of very dark, very fine volcanic ash mixed in and striated with the ice. Ice which is also full of deep moulins and crevasses and other holes, and which forms a lot of runoff water when you're there in the middle of summer.

Turns out, ash is a very fine granular material!

Our guide, Víðarr, was very particular about us only stepping where he stepped, since he was very good at determining what was safe, solid ice, and what wasn't. The day was going pretty well with a gorgeous hike across this glacier, until I took a step about 8 inches to the left of where Víðarr stepped.

Quicksand is: "a colloid consisting of fine granular material (such as sand, silt or clay) and water."

Ash is a very fine granular material!

What looked like ground was in fact quicksand, which I learned very quickly as I was schloped into freezing glacial quicksand up to my thigh and made a very undignified sound.

Víðarr, being a professional, immediately leapt into action, holding out his ice axe for me to grab on to so he could yank me out to safety (with a lot more schlorping noises).

My parents, being jerks (affectionate), told him "no no no, put her back in, we need a picture!!!" because they were laughing their asses off at my predicament.

I, being surprised, wet, cold, and very startled that quicksand was an actual problem in my life, mostly continued to make undignified and distressed sounds.

So anyway, that's how my non-wedding lead to me falling in quicksand on top of a glacier downwind of a volcano, and summarily hiking several miles in one frozen and ash-black pantleg and boot across the Icelandic countryside to the immense entertainment of my family. And if a dude named Víðarr tells you to only step where he steps, ONLY STEP WHERE HE STEPS.