Welcome

... To my blog! I'm still insecure about my gender identity, but hey :) (he/him). My name is Evan Leon, I'm 16 y/o and from Germany. Just to clarify that: I don't want to focus my whole identity on being trans*. I'm a lot more than that. I just don't want to annoy people on my main, so here we are. If you ever need to talk to somebody, you can always message me.

[just-another-transboy]

I am debating, giving up this blog and posting whatever I would have posted here on my main. To be honest, I think I partly started this side-blog out of shame for my identity. This might seem contradictory at first glance, but I kinda tried to separate my trans identity from me, as a person. I wrote that I didn't want to "annoy" people on my main, because I felt like asking people to listen to my experiences and the thoughts of other queer people was to much to ask. (Which ik isn't 100% rational, since nobody has to follow me) I live in an environment where queer identity is something to either completely sweep under the rug or something very far away (the "other side"). This blog allowed me to at least get my thoughts out of the system in some way, which was a huge step up when I started it.

The longer I run this blog the more I realize that being transgender and bisexual is an inherent part of me, it isn't anything bad. My logical side knows this: being LGBTQ does not hurt anybody, but some part of me is still ashamed. In the queer community everybody seems to be out and proud about their identity, which is great, but it makes it even harder to talk about this. In fact, I feel like I struggle more with internalized transphobia and homophobia since I've come out (to my parents), because in my little queer filter bubble I wasn't faced with the amount of ignorance/hate/mean comments that I get irl. So I never knew what people say about us. There was nothing to internalize. Nothing positive, but not much negativity either.

I think I realized that what I struggle with is internal and has very little to do with people who might see this post. I struggle with telling myself that I'm trans. Not because I'm not, but because I feel like I shouldn't/can't be. After two and a half years, it still feels like "the other side".

TL;DR I struggle with internalized transphobia and used this blog as a way to separate myself from my trans identity. I am fairly certain that I'm going to post whatever I would have posted here on my main blog @sounds-of-stormy-nights

Thanks for sticking with me!

[miserysblessing-deactivated2021]

okay guys i have one shot at this so i have to make it count.

what size binder should i get?

[plumgardens]

Measure around your chest and across your shoulders using a measuring tape and they have a sizing chart on their website to help you find your size. Tho it might sound tempting, don’t get a size smaller, you’ll end up hurting yourself. They’re also gonna be at least a little bit tighter and stiffer than you first think/anticipate when you first wear them so definitely take that into consideration. Hope this helps!!

[miserysblessing-deactivated2021]

oh i love you. thank <3

[just-another-transboy]

The sizing chart for an underworks binder, because I once spent a good two hours searching for it

[fawnmother1-deactivated20161019]

@ bi youth: your identity is whole. you are not half anything. you are completely bi. it is a whole identity, in and of itself:  a real, lived actuality that carries its own history, culture, and pride. you do not need to search for any missing pieces, because being bi is complete, and it’s possible, and it’s you.

[becomingteddyboy-deactivated202]

Everyday you get closer to hormones

[andpierres]

killjoys be transgendering!! it’s called the trans am not the cis am babey

[incorrect-osemanverse-quotes]

Biphobe: I think that’s called “desperate,” not “bisexual.” Frances: See, bisexuality is that I would have sex with men or women. Frances: Desperate would be if I had sex with you.

[transmanconfessions]

Re: Self Acceptance

I am posting for my partner who is not a tumblr person -an earlier post sparked a discussion between us about our own experiences with being forced to just accept what we have.

I’ve been asked a question that bears a discussion of depth.

“Is self acceptance all that it’s cracked up to be? Do you have to beat yourself up if you can’t find it?”

This question about body acceptance was an anti dysphoria post, about “all you need is to accept your body” directed at trans persons.

So first, to those of you that are happily saying “I cured my dysphoria with just accepting my body” …. good for you. That’s great, for you. Now go stand in your corner and be silent while I speak.

For some of us, body acceptance is a crock of shit.

It’s complex and layered. For some of us, we may accept our identity, and embrace our spirit, our desires, our heart and feel as if we could certainly accept our wonderful body….but we crash landed in some other body and it does not fit. No matter how much we try to love it. Some of us can learn to love our body for what it gives us, mortal life but can not accept it when it gets in our way.

When we want to fuck and want to tear off our clothes and tear into our playmate with abandon, but we stop because that abandon is hampered by needing to gear up, or stripping away clothes that leave us unsafe before the eyes of self and other.

When we walk in the world and know that our skin, our movement, our voice make us unsafe, targeted by those who insist we be whomever they expect us to be by virtue of their own blindness and prejudice.

When we can not go home, because our bodies are both incongruent with our inner perception, and our outside skin has become incongruent with out families value judgements.

When we layer age, disability, weight, social perceptions of attractive which determine if we are spoken to with kindness and respect on top of the physical sensation of dysphoria.

When we stare in the mirror horrified at the skin we were given, which clashes so much with the image of our spirit.

These things, and many other subtle things slap “body  acceptance” across its face, call it out as being a diluted version of conversion therapy, stand and insist we feel what we feel, and our feelings are powerful, loud and appropriate for who we are.

We fought hard against conversion therapy, screamed about its suicide rate, insisted it was harmful, recognized we had the power to change the rules that non consensually bound and gate kept us to death. Body acceptance? Enjoy it if you have it. Do not push it on others. It is shameful, distasteful and speaks to a great ignorance about how individual perceptual diversity is vast and wide.

Who am I?

I’m one of your elders. I’m a gender therapist. I’m an artist, a musician, a wandering philosopher, a trans person, an advocate and a voice in the darkness.

I’ve been there, done that. I am proud.

Good for you if you have found happiness in body acceptance.

Support those who need and desire a different path.

BDS

[radiantretriever]

Just something I've noticed

[spacingout]

I hope you dont mind but-

[turing-tested]

happy pride to trans people who are out and are still misgendered. happy pride to trans people who are 'out' but don't correct people when they're misgendered. happy pride to every trans person who is technically out but everyone around them pretends that they never came out of the closet in the first place.

[gendersmear-deactivated20220227]

I need people to understand a few things about MOGAI identities and how this site approaches them. First off, I, personally, Do Not Give A Fuck how someone defines themselves because I have real problems. But I’ve noticed posts who mock the identities have some really bizarre shit going on with them.

1) MOGAI technically stands for Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignment, and Intersex. This means that literally everything LGBTQ+ falls under it. So, when I see people being like “lmao look at THIS MOGAI identity” I’m always half tempted to sarcastically respond, “Yeah what the fuck is a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender?” because turns out those are, also, identities that fall under the MOGAI category.

2) I’ve seen two main responses to a more obscure identity. One is the assumption the person is cis straight, which is always ridiculous to me, and it happens even if the person in question has an additional more typical marginalized identity in regards to sexuality/gender/etc. The OTHER is “Just say you’re gay”. Now, it’s never “Maybe you’re bisexual or trans” it’s nearly always “just say you’re gay”. As a trans person, my confused feelings and expression was always met with “Admit you’re a lesbian”. This happens to other trans people as well, and you all of course know transphobes love calling us trans mascs “confused lesbians”. So this kind of argumentation really doesn’t leave a good impression.

3) If you’re worried that someone is identifying incorrectly, mocking them is not going to help a fucking thing and I cannot believe how many are dedicated to bullying youngsters trying to figure themselves out. Look, fucking talk to and discuss shit with people if you believe they’re making a misstep along these lines, shame changes nothing. Anything that is, basically, a repackaged “lmao LOOK AT THESE FREAKS” is not only useless for your concerns, but going to fucking harm someone and they WILL dig in deeper into themselves.

4) Judging by those who get off to online harassment of “MOGAI IDENTITIES”, it’s really just cringe culture and “those people make US look BAD” and any true insight or sincerity has been crushed under a spectacle. And, look, people made fun of LGBT when it formed as an acronym and as it expanded it only received more mockery. When facebook added gender options, I remember fox news being like “lmao what the FUCK is intersex?” Nobody is going to respect dick about us all until we change the culture itself. Sorry that ruining the day of a demisexual doesn’t give you liberation or rights, maybe reflection is in order.

[sandersstudies]

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

[rebelminds]

I heard grunting outside my window the other night and there were four boys struggling to push this giant snowball (like 7 foot diameter) down the sidewalk.

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

I once lost my keys at a frat house.

My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully-disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch.  Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out.  I do not remember this part.

The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house.  I stood there, right in front of the front door.  This was a novel experience for me.  I’d never been at a frat house in broad daylight before.

A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. 

“I lost my keys in here last night,” I called back.  “I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?”

He opened the door and gestured for me to come in.

“Go wherever you want.”

I’d never seen a frat house post-party before.  Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light.  A few of them threw puzzled glances my way.  I’m sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination.

I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed.

“Do you like dog movies?” he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket.

I told him I did.

He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking for my keys.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen any keys around here.”

I didn’t doubt him.

Twenty minutes had passed.  I’d searched just about every bedroom and nuclear-waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house.  I’d given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates’ forgiveness and get a new set copied.

As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly-burly frat boy approached me.

“You need help with something?”

“I lost my keys here last night and I can’t find them, I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do they look like?  I’ll put it into the group chat.”  He was already pulling out his phone.

No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell.  It was worth a shot.  “Um, it’s just a ring of keys.  The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big.  Like bright pink, you can’t miss it.”

He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat.

“Alright, I sent the message out.  Good luck.”

And with that, he turned and left.

A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering.  It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder.  One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me.

“Someone tell the girl!” One of them shouted, faceless in the mob.  “Girl!  Hey, GIRL!!!  We found your keys, girl!!!”

They circled around me.  I hadn’t felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old.  One of them split himself off from the crowd.

“Are these -” he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, “your keys?”

And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

“Yes,” I whispered.  “Oh my god, yes.”

“EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The cheer went up.

Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs.  I thanked them again profusely.  There was a scattered round of “no problems” and then, just as suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night.

[gatorfisch]

THIS is boys will be boys

[suddenlysteven]

on a camp with teenage boys recently and as i was one of the camp leaders, it was part of my duties to help wake said boys in the morning (at 6am or a similar ungodly hour).

we (the camp leaders) found the most efficient way to do so was to blast music from a tinny little speaker one of us owned.

so before the sun itself has risen, we’re walking down a corridor with 8+ rooms filled with 6 or more boys in each, blasting the one and only Let It Go from Frozen, hoping to wake a few students, preparing for hateful commentary.

instead, what we got was the thumps and shouts of boys excitedly leaping from bunk beds, stuffing on shirts and bursting into the corridor to scream the lyrics to Let It Go.

every.single.boy.did this.

as soon as the song finished, they acted like it never happened and went back to their rooms to get dressed.

[aqua-cultured]

you will all be pleased to learn that provided with the zero-gravity environment of scuba diving, it is not uncommon to turn around to see 3 or 4 teenage boys t-posing mid water column

[lotrlocked]

Young men and boys! Please reclaim ‘boys will be boys’ by doing chaotic good things, having good clean fun, and engaging in benevolent bro culture.

[knight-unknown]

Newwwwwww pride flags!!!!!!!! Happy to do more flags!

[phoenixcollective]

Reblog if you would be comfortable living in a dormitory with an openly transgender or intersex individual. We’re working on a campaign for gender neutral housing and we could use your support.

[ceaselesswatcherdoyouseethisshit]

100%, if they dont steal my damn food

[xoxolosergirl]

Your food would be stolen no matter what

[crossdreamers]

When Heavy Metal Saves  Transgender Women’s Lives

Loudwire tells the story about Melissa, a 16-year-old trans woman, who found support in heavy metal music. 

Melissa attempted to take her life after coming out as trans to a friend. After the news spread around her middle school, she was beaten up and left to come out to her parents. Once she was released from the hospital, it was Lamb of God’s “Walk With Me in Hell” that spoke to her.

“I was like, ‘This is the song I need right now.’ That was my introduction to heavy metal,” she shares. “When it got to the part when he says, ‘Take hold of my hand, for you are no longer alone, walk with me in hell,’ something about that always makes me feel good. I’m not alone, I’ve got music.”

It is all about finding light at the end of the tunnel. 

By the way, this is not the first transgender woman who has found inspiration in heavy metal. The lead singer of Cab Ride Home is a transgender woman. Danica Roem (picture below) became  the first openly transgender US state official in 2017, and was reelected in Virginia last year.

Another interesting transgender heavy metal vocalist is Marissa Martinez of Cretins.

Here she is talking about her life:

There is also Mina Caputo, the front singer of Life of Agony. 

She  made a non-metal music video about being transgender:

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[just-another-transboy]

Let me introduce you to LAYERS

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

Oh look, it’s time to be angry about Germany again.

Okay, to start with, let me explain a few things to you. When you’re trans in Germany, you can’t just change your legal name and gender like anyone else. There’s an extra law called the “Transsexuellengesetz” or TSG for short. And it’s horrible:

It costs a lot because you have to go to a court

You need two expert assessments to change your legal name and gender. Which basically means telling a stranger a lot of intimate things, including but not limited to questions about masturbation, your sexual life, etc. Some people also report having to undress or being tested for pedophilia, which is why every trans person in Germany is told not to go to the Charité.

A lot of stuff in it has actually been declared unconstitutional

Every few years the government remembers it’s supposed to reform it but nothing happens.

But recently (I think like two years ago) a loophole in the Personenstandsgesetz (PStG for short) appeared. It was actually only inteded for intersex people but a lot of trans people also used it because it was much easier cause you only needed a medicial certificate. A lot cheaper, no court, no two expert assesments.

But now the Federal Court ruled that the PStG cannot be used by trans and non-binary people and they have to use the TSG. Also they called non-binary “perceived intersexuality”.

[bone-cement-huffer]

memeception

[hashtagloveloses]

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

[bl00dlikeice]

@caesarianconfection

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

[mommacomms]

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

[pagesofkenna]

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

[animatedamerican]

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

[captainlordauditor]

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

[japhers]

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

[maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit]

I was getting a political compass vibe too

[your-uncle-dave]

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun

[politicalcompassmemes]

This works better than I thought it would.

[chiribomb-deactivated20220820]

This was in my senior project

[kait-the-kitty]

I’m not sorry.

[panickedmartian]

EIGHT MEME COMBO

[smooththegoofyshark]

FATALITY

[soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005]

We have officially created a new language 

[soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005]

I just had to do it to em

[phoneykin]

THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY

I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING

[soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005]

M E M E T E N

[soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005]

OwO?

[garecc]

[your-one-true-prince]

W o w

[screamingveryslowly]

You know I had to

[bone-cement-huffer]

I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it

[joyriding-in-the-fandoms]

THIRTEEN!?

[junepop45]

SOMEONE EDIT THIS FROM THE ORIGINAL PHOTO SAYING “this one does not spark joy” TO THIS VERSION SAYING “this one sparks joy”

[astral-ghoul-deactivated2025100]

[moved-to-ancient-gaylienz]

well i added my contribution : )

why—

[fandersunite]

IM SCREAMING

[robynspreciousnest]

This is the most elaborate meme I have ever seen and damn am I concerned by how it makes sense.

[operahousebookworm]

“You’re in your 30s, but you still understand all this meme stuff?” “Oh yeah, sure.” “Can you explain it to me?” “I absolutely fucking cannot.”

[sword-and-nightingale]

One does not simply explain this

[sword-and-nightingale]

Edit:

Another freaking layer!!!

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

16 motherfucking layers

[catbxy]

In the future someone’s going to ask me to explain this and I’m going to be at a loss.jpg for words

[three-cheers-for-pretty-odd]

(my response to @biggest-goldiest-spoon & @shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey )

[sword-and-nightingale]

Yo, I added more layers.

24 layers!

[theman-themyth-themoth]

Oh my fucking god-

[sword-and-nightingale]

It took longer to do this than I’m willing to admit.

[blaizeofglory]

I’m sorry-

[ilovetomotoes3000]

What the fuck? It got longer?

[ricecakeandhoney]

My terrible contribution

[the-real-nekoma-kenma]

Numbers dont exist anymore, only an unnatural amount of memes jam packed into a single tumblr post

[glmtwnbrtz]

I feel so bad for people in the future trying to figure out what our culture was like and shit and then they come across this

[minshinxx]

My thoughts while reading this

[isopodbug]

Oh my god

[moosian-sword-deactivated202103]

Why is this continuing

[vix-the-fruity-bi]

Why not?

[dragonindigo245]

I don’t get the original meme but as this keeps going it gets funnier

[cheese-greater-official]

Ot got even better

[bigboyalfie]

wOt.

[awkward-finger-guns]

27 I counted 27 layers