Here I Begin

A new tumblr for someone too old for this site.

[partywithponies]

Women can write m/m. Men can write f/f. Asexuals can write filthy smut. Lesbians and gay men can write m/f. It's all arbitrary anyway. Who give a shit.

[partywithponies]

"Oh but they don't have an experience of-" I don't have any experience committing or solving murders either but that's still mostly what I read and write about.

[lovebirdstiel]

why do we have butt cheeks i dont understand why did we evolve this way

what use do butt cheeks have 

[cuddlebabies]

oh my god I HAVE THIS KNOWLEDGE

fun fact: butt-cheeks are one of the things that make us superior to other animals okay note that other apes do not have butt-cheeks

okay don’t quote me on this because I only did sixthform-bio and I’m sure of forgotten loads of stuff but here’s the down-low

back when we were evolving from ape to human, one of the most important things that happened was when our spine started meeting our brains at a sort of 90 degree angle instead of like 45 degrees, which meant that we could straighten up and walk on two legs which was a pretty rad development

except alas oh no our muscles weren’t built to allow us to walk around on two legs because that requires a sort of twisty motion of your hips as opposed to whatever the fuck it is everything else does AND SO ape-people started evolving with longer, narrower waists so that our bodies could twist with every footstep and we could strut along the fashionable catwalk that is neanderthal evolution

but then once this had happened, people realised that we had an advantage over other animals and we would be better at chasing and killing them but we weren’t very good at running

so that’s when we developed the glutenus maximus which is a really badass-sounding name for the muscle in your derriere which helps us to support our spine in an upright position so we don’t get tired, and helps the legs to rotate nicely so that we can run, and has a nice big fat storage around it to help us get energy so that we can run

and that, basically, is the butt-cheek

tl;dr - butt-cheeks were the result of thousands of years of natural selection so that we could run fast and slaughter things

[lovebirdstiel]

thank you so much for such a fabulous, informative and detailed explanation on the evolution of the butt

i feel enlightened and empowered to know my butt is for such a worthwhile purpose, so thank you 

[markdoesstuff-deactivated202210]

i love this butt science post so much

[speciesofleastconcern]

Also for squeezing

[grison-in-space]

fun fact: that fat on the cheeks? Incredibly useful source of energy to that muscle during endurance exertion, when glycogen is more or less depleted; carries the advantage of being right there and also serving to pad the important muscles in case of injury and provide a comfortable cushion on which to sit. Fat pads do things, and while we’re most used to thinking of individual fat pads in terms of their structural uses, often they function by providing easy sources of local power for sustained use.

Humans actually have quite a lot of intramuscular fat relative to some other species–I’m used to mice, which don’t bother, for example; neither do rabbits, which are so infamously lean that dining too heavily on them can be bad for human health. Of course, neither species relies much on endurance. Fast twitch muscles, which are good for sprinting and darting, tend to be powered by glycogen availability even within species; by contrast, slow twitch and highly oxidative muscles that are used over sustained exercise are generally powered by intramuscular fat.

(I am reading an interesting thesis tonight that also notes that relative to horses, dogs have more intramuscular fat in hindquarter muscles–exactly what you would expect to see in the context of intramuscular fat as a local fuel for endurance running, since dogs are–like humans–adapted for long distance persistence hunting.)

Next time you slap that jiggly ass, stop and reflect on how important and useful ALL its components are! In a very real sense, humanity’s ass defines us nearly as strongly as our heads.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

So what I’m hearing is that having a dump truck ass is literally Evolutionarily Advantageous. Even great-great-great-grandma Ungalug back in the Pleistocene woulda been hunting for a slice of that Cake. Help I’m a Miocene megafauna trying to escape predation but these Hominid ass-cheeks are dummy thick and the resonant clapping of their fatty pads keep driving them onwards beyond the limits of my exhaustion

[czgoldedition]

This is the ass of a killer, Bella.

[lost-adrift-and-gone]

To add, when women or other formerly gestating people, are breast-feeding children you literally melt the fat in your ass to augment your milk supply. You literally melt it, which is why your butt can get a bit flat and it takes a while for it to come back.

[lost-adrift-and-gone]

From lost girl to 35 year old poet

[enki2]

[whetstonefires]

We still see this language in the modern world where it's full-scale bullshit. In a period or pseudo-period context it's doing some of that but typically reflects the (deliberately disenfranchising) legal norm that he owns the farm or the inn or whatever it is, and she doesn't and can't because property rights are gendered; maybe as a widow she could own it or maybe she couldn't, but she's a wife, and that's her actual legal status.

if you avoid that language without altering that underlying structure of the scenario, you aren't necessarily doing anything but sanitizing and erasing it. applied carelessly, labeling this kind of language as 'bad' and solving it by 'getting rid of it' is worse than useless; you just get worse art and vaguer history.

so ideally we check in with ourselves like, in this specific sentence, is it useful or desirable to perpetuate and/or invoke that paradigm by using this language, or not?

[kawuli]

my grandma listed her vocation as "pastor's wife" because that was/is a goddamn full time job. and also distinct from the job of pastor. shit's complicated.

[gamebird]

All three of these takes are subtly different and true.

[dagny-hashtaggart-deactivated20]

Yeah, the thesis has merit in a more general sense, but in this particular case the profession of a farmer’s wife by hours worked for most of history was probably tailor.

[chocolatepot]

Hmm, I'm not sure that's true, for a few reasons.

Prior to the tailoring revolution, clothes would take less time to make. A tunic is quicker than a doublet; you spend more time sewing on doing fiddly weird things than just running a seam, even by hand, and the fewer fiddly weird things in a garment the faster it is. So even assuming that all clothes production is on the farmer's wife's hands, before about 1500 she wouldn't necessarily have to spend the majority of her time on that.

But for most of human history, tbh, clothes were more frequently based on cloths woven to specific sizes and shapes than on pieces that were cut and sewn. Weaving would be a more likely profession than "tailor", although I don't think we can know how much weaving in antiquity was done by the woman of the house rather than younger women in the household.

There's also a host of activities associated with farming, like administration, preserving meat/other food, making wine/beer/olive oil/dairy products ... and there's no reason to think that men did most of that while women largely produced clothing. The Oxford Handbook of Women and Gender in Medieval Europe says:

This type of argument is undermined by the clear evidence that women did agricultural work in the fields. Late medieval sources such as Fitzherbert’s Book of Husbandry (1523) describe women’s responsibility for marketing butter, cheese, poultry, ale, and other items they produced, as well as taking grain to the mill, activities that also took them well away from the house. [...] Where evidence exists, women do seem to have been responsible for “housework,” but this routine work consisted of sweeping the floor, cleaning the few cooking and eating utensils, and preparing meals, often cooked in a single pot over the fire. The really laborious work done by women around the home involved processing raw materials into useful products: grain into flour, flour into bread, barley into malt, malt into ale, milk into butter and cheese, pigs into salted meat, wool and flax into yarn and cloth. In the late medieval period, many of these products, particularly yarn, ale, and cheese, were sold for cash. Both men and women worked to provide the family’s direct subsistence, and both produced goods for sale.

I definitely get the point of saying she'd be a tailor, but this goes right back to the original one, which is that a man who focused on these things gets called a farmer and the woman married to him who does the same things gets called a farmer's wife and/or is seen as doing "women's work".

[claypigeonpottery]

a kinetic sculpture by Tim Lewis

I know it’s not pottery but it is sculptural and holy shit

it’s beautiful and disturbing and I feel like I could stumble across this creature in a forest and never be seen again???

[kermitlesbian]

have fun engaging with sapphic discourse identity fandom gender headcanon pride flag wars whatever the fuck as a replacement for actually just having gay sex

[kermitlesbian]

i went on a date with a girl who proclaimed in nauseating detail that it was only possible for her as a femme to date mascs. our pasta and wine was too expensive for that conversation.

[paintingsforants]

Day 135 : You will meet extraordinary people in the most ordinary places. 13 x 20 mm. #365paintingsforants #watercolour #miniature #hotairballoon (at Vredehoek)

[lost-adrift-and-gone]

I really must have fucked up in my last life

[elainiisms]

at this point just admit what your problem is

[lesbianherstorian]

from an article about lesbian comic robin tyler performing at the san francisco international women’s day celebration, published in the berkeley barb vol. 30 no. 14, march 1980

[murderonthedullexpress]

Sappho, fragment 147

“someone will remember us,

i say,

even in another time”

(Image ID in alt text)

{Art by me, design available as a shirt here.}

[victusinveritas]

From Wild at Heart animal rescue:

"This is how we hold the possums as we clean their enclosures.

They just a swinging’.

https://www.PayPal.me/wildatheartrescueinc

https://cash.app/$WildatHeartRescue1

[lost-adrift-and-gone]

I fucked up my whole life trying to make other people happy. Never again.

[amityscatra]

i love tragic gays so much it physically hurts me like wdym you would literally die for each other wdym you would literally cut off the whole world just to be with ur lover WDYM

[barbucomedie]

Serrated Great Sword from Belluno, Italy dated to 1620 on display at the Doge’s Palace in Venice

Photographs taken by myself 2018

[lost-adrift-and-gone]

I love homoeroticism.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

[what-even-is-thiss]

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

[what-even-is-thiss]

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No, enemies to enemies. And then still enemies.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Cannot stress enough how lovers will never be part of this equation even a little bit

[yellowhollyhock]

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

[what-even-is-thiss]

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

[xxshadowcasterxx]

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

[what-even-is-thiss]

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator